Writing Feedback / Have children or not - Decision; 'Fatherhood should not be ignored' [5]

Generally it is considered that women should decide whether she want to have kid or not. Fatherhood is completely ignored due to such mentality of the society. There is a school of though which agrees with it but others do not.

In modern world, it is very important for women to work to make the two end meet. Woman need to take a break in her career if she wants to have kid. This can be disastour for her professional life. Also, she has to go through a lof of pain to deliver a baby. Thus, it should be her decision if she wants to have baby or not.

On the other hand, this leads to a scenario where the value of fatherhood is neglacted. In real life, husband is the main person in the family who earns the money. In addition, father can be a friend and a guide as well. Furthermore, father also takes care of the child if mother is out for her job. So, father is person who not only helps financially but also emotionally.

In my opinion, fatherhood is as valueable as motherhood. Thus, it has to be couple's joint decision if they want to have a kid or not.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2; Technology vs Traditional Skills [4]

I am writing for IELTS essay.

Subject: WHEN A COUNTRY DEVELOPS ITS TECHNOLOGY, THE TRADITIONAL SKILLS AND WAYS OF LIFE DIE OUT. IT IS POINTLESS TO TRY AND KEEP
THEM ALIVE. AGREE OR DISAGREE.

Technology has evolved exponentially in the past few decades. Most of the countries are more technology dependent than ever before. Due to which traditional skills are disappearing very rapidly. Government is trying hard to keep them alive. Some people agree with it and some do not.

People who support modern technology thinks that it is invalid to keep old traditional skills alive. First, new technology are fast and time saving. For example, show maker takes one complete day to make a pair of shoes while same can be done in few minutes at a shoe factory. In addition, technology saves money and delivers accurately. For instance, fabric made by cotton weaver is costly and may not be as good as fabric made in cloth mill.

On the other hand, there are many people disagree with this approach. Traditional skills are not just tools to make things but it is an art. Let us consider pottery. It is not just a skill to make vessels but it is also and art. Furthermore, people living in small village depend on these traditional skills. With the advent of technology, they have lost their bread and butter.

In a nutshell, advancement in the technology has certain pros and cons. If we want to reap the benifits of this progress, we have to make sure that no one is left behind. I think, it is good to move on and forget about traditional skills. It is difficult to meet today's large demand with old and slow tools. We can teach everyone to use new technology and we

can have inclusive growth.

WORD COUNT: 266 (Required: 250)
TIME: 35 minutes (Given: 40 minutes)
TARGET BAND: 6.5 (Out of 9)

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task -2: CHILDREN DOING PAID JOB. SHARE YOUR OPINION. [3]

IN MANY COUNTRIES CHILDREN ARE ENGAGED IN SOME KIND OF PAID WORK. SOME PEOPLE REGARD THIS AS COMPLETELY WRONG, WHILE OTHERS CONSIDER IT AS VALUABLE WORK EXPERIENCE, IMPORTANT FOR LEARNING AND TAKING RESPONSIBILITY. WHAT ARE YOUR OPINIONS ON THIS?

Part time job is becoming a new trend among the children in many countries. They work to get more pocket money, to help their parents to earn more money, for learning or any other reason. Some people int he society do not agree with this trend while here is a school of thought which thinks otherwise.

People who supports the idea of children doing the paid job argue that such jobs give children a valuable work experience. Also, they understand the value of money and start taking the responsibilities. Furthermore, such jobs stop kids from being couch potatoes and instead make them active. In some circumstances where parents are not earning enough, such paid job can be a great relief. Apart from money, these jobs are a way to develop the interest in various hobbies. For instance, if a boy likes to play cricket and he is working at a sports shop. In such case, he can learn a lot about cricket from customers and other people.

On the other hand, there is a group of people which does no believe in part time jobs. They argue that most of the children get cheap jobs like food delivery or waiter. They do not learn anything from such responsibilities. Instead they are man handled by shop owners. In addition, customers do not behave properly and they abuse the children. It can impact child's mind in a negative way.

In conclusion, paid job at early age has its pros and cons. In my opinion, it is good to do paid job but there has to be some restrictions. Children should be allowed to do only certain types of job and each job should have age criteria.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: RICH NATION HELP POOR TO ESTABLISH HEALTH, EDUCATION AND TRADE AREAS [5]

IMPROVEMENT IN HEALTH, EDUCATION AND TRADE ARE ESSENTIAL FOR THE DEVELOPMENT OF POOR NATIONS. THEREFORE, THE GOVERNMENT OF THE RICH NATIONS SHOULD TAKE MORE RESPONSIBILITY FOR HELPING THE POORER NATIONS IN SUCH AREAS.

Health, education and trade are 3 pillars of development for any country. It is the primary requirement for any country to develop such areas and generally rich countries help poor countries int his process. Some people support such aid from rich countries while others do not. I agree with the opinion that developed countries should help under developed countries to build their future.

First, monetary help is good but it should be in certain limit. Otherwise, poor countries might become dependent on the rich. Such condition can hamper the growth of the poor nations. For example, Afghanistan is financially supported by US and UN. Due to which it always ask for more money instead of developing its own economy.

Second, health, education and trade are crucial sectors for any country. It is vital for any nation to develop these sectors to get rich. Thus, if rich countries help poor ones with trade and education, it will indirectly develop poor nations' economy. Furthermore, this growth will be inclusive and not just limited to some portion of the society.

In addition, creating more trade and education in poor countries will help rich countries in long run. Rich countries will get more business deals and more skilled people from poor nations which is helpful to improve their own economy.

In conclusion, health, education and trade are building blocks for the country. If poor nations can develop such areas with the help of rich countries, it will help establish financial equality and thus global harmony and peace. And I agree with this approach.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: Joint family versus Independent family [5]

IT IS GENERALLY ACCEPTED THAT FAMILIES ARE NOT AS CLOSE AS THEY USED TO BE. GIVE SOME REASONS WHY THIS CHANGE HAS HAPPENED AND SUGGEST HOW FAMILIES COULD BE BROUGHT CLOSER TOGETHER. INCLUDE ANY RELAVENT EXAMPLES FROM YOUR EXPERIENCE.

Society has changed drastically in past few decades. One of the biggest and most noticeable changes is family relationship and the rise of small family system instead of traditional joint family system. There are many reasons behind the change and we will discuss these reasons in subsequent paragraphs.

Main reason for small families is jobs. Most of the jobs are created in certain metro cities and people are forced to migrate there. In such case, family is scarred in different cities and it is difficult to be in touch with everyone in the family. For instance, I had to move from Pune to Mumbai for my job, Now it is very hard for me to live with my parents and family members.

Another reason is generation gap. In case of business family, person needs not to migrate anywhere. But people within family are not like minded and it creates traction within the family. Thus, joint family gets divided into small family and eventually their relationship vanishes apart.

There are many ways to revert the trend of isolated families. One method is to use technology. People staying apart can meet each other using internet. For example, all family members can decide to meet on skype once in a week. This way it will create the feel of togetherness. Furthermore, in current modern era, transportation has become very fast. It is easy to fly once in a month and meet all relatives. In addition, government can develop job opportunities in all cities so that less people will migrate. Last, people need to be more mature about the relationship management and try to adopt with each other.

In a nutshell, we have to accept the change in the society and lifestyle. Instead of trying to oppose the change, we can respect it and try to adapt to it. Attitude to adjust will lead to close and loving family.