Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Classmates' impacts on children's performance at school [11]

Experts :) Would you mind reviewing my essay :) thanks a lot :)

Topic: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Classmates are a more important influence than parents on a child's success in school. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

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It goes without saying that no pupil can succeed at school unassisted. Their success should be attributed to many different external factors. It is argued that parents who are the closet to children mainly contribute to their accomplishments. However, in my opinion, the classmates should be regarded as the most important influence on individual achievements.

To begin with, the classmates themselves creat a competitive atmoshphere which incent the children. In high school, for instance, an individual cannot resist studying painstakingly through day and night when the others who are astoundingly ambitious and set sights on prestigious universities around the globe are doing the same. From a psychological perspective, the feeling of being subordinate to their peers exert enormous pressure on the children, which subsequently transforms into some sort of stimulants and boosts the children's academic performances.

To add up, when it comes to knowledge and the acquisition of such, classmates are second to none. It is a matter of fact that students share even more time together than with their parents, explaining a great deal of wisdom they absorb from each others; it can be, for example, lessons on the class, social skills or general etiquettes that are sometimes overlooked by parents. Sharing the same age, children are at their most comfort to exchange ideas, to query and interpret abstract concepts without fear of parental punishments, resulting in deeper comprehension.

All advantages considered, classmates are unrivalled by the children's parents as they provide tremendous incentive and horizon expansion, two crucial commodities leading to a successful presentation at school.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Keeping pets is good or not? Discuss both views? Personal opinion? [8]

Experts :) Please help me correct and rate (if possible) my essay :) Thanks beforehand :)

Topic: Too much attention is paid to and too much money is spent on keeping pets, while people throughout the world are starving.
Discuss the arguments for and against keeping pets.
To what extent do you agree?
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Since the dawn of history, humans have adopted animals for many purposes, one of which is to befriend them. As the world develops, the relationship between humans and pets become stronger. This has embarked contradictory opinions whether keeping pets are burning our time and money or not. This essay will make the case for both sides before a personal viewpoint is reached.

There is no doubt that pets deserve attention for the benefits they bring. Many people regard pets as their second best friends who enrich their spiritual life and help them when needed. The elderly, for example, love pets as they enlighten the lonely atmosphere, and more importantly, assist them to cross the street, collect newspaper or even warn the upcoming dangers. Educationally speaking, raising a pet may teach us to be responsible and attentive with which virtue we are going to become a good citizen and parent.

On the flip side of the coin, there are certain disadvantages that may crop up during the up-bringing of a household animal. Apparently, pets cost us quite a fortune in general, form food, drinks to medical treatment, let alone some rare species which demand more than that. For instance, in New York, there is a service which, besides from caring their nails or fur, beautify them with gorgeous costumes to resemble their owners. Of course this kind of service costs no less than thousands of dollars; the sum that should have been donated to feed hungry and painful humans' mouths, not animals'. Similarly, pets like dogs or cats may get us sidetracked from our work or study as long as they keep moaning for a park jogging or food.

To conclude, everyone should own a pet for all the undeniable positivities. Nevertheless, it seems unfair and inhumane to treat animals better than human. From my point of view, we should spend a small proportion to raise a pet, the rest of our budget should be for people with unlucky lives.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Problems and solutions for regional unbalance? [14]

Experts :) Here is my essay :) Could you review and rate (if possible) for me? Thanks a lot :)

Topic: In recent years, some countries have experienced very rapid economic development. This has resulted in much higher standards of living in urban areas but not in the countryside.

This situation may bring some problems for the country as a whole.
What are these problems?
How might they be reduced?
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For the last decade, some nations have grown out of crisis and thrived to be prosperous. This is significantly reflected in higher living standard in some cities while the miserable conditions in rural areas still remain unchanged. As a country in which this issue is still dominant, it may suffer from some problematic aftereffects which call for some viable solutions.

Economically speaking, a country may be susceptible to an unstable economic growth as long as the regional unbalance exists. While the commercial dynamism in urban areas contribute largely to the domestic budget, the countryside is weighing it down. More precisely, the government still has to allot quite a fortune to resolve sub-human conditions in such area, which include poverty, famine, epidemics and illiteracy. In other word, the national money flows in a vicious circle, which neither helps it grow nor brings it down.

From the political perspective, the country may also suffer chaotic situations, when citizens in the countryside launch campaigns to demand equality. Unsatisfactory with the disparities between people who share the same nation, the residents may overthrow the authority, vandalize or worse, stop working to provide profits. Therefore, the nation will lose its credibility on the global scale, followed by the demolished partnerships with some neighbors.

To solve this problem, initially, the government should pay more attention to the suburb. By diverting inward investment to this area, or phasing in high-technology industry, the power-holder may help the countryside be on par with modern cities. So long as living standard gap is minimized, the issue is somehow tackled.

To sum up, differences in regional standard of living are the main cause of slow economic rise and political turmoil. It is the responsibility of the government to assure money-making centres are distributed equally everywhere, if they want to reduce these problems.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] The two approaches to life: change or unchange? Personal preference? [5]

Topic: Some people enjoy change and they look forward to new experiences. Others like their lives to stay the same, and they do not change their usual habits. Compare these two approaches to life. Which approach do you prefer? Why?

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Human's greatest fear lies in anonymity. While many people, due to this fear, refuse to change their daily routines, a variety of the others enjoy new experiences in their life. Both of the two atttitudes towards life need comparison regarding experience and progress before a personal opinion is announced.

As long as knowledge is concerned, people who want to change are at a distinct advantage. To be precise, acclimatizing the new environment means that you have to use up different unfamiliar skills or learn to absorb them, which conduce to your comprehension. For example, a man who quit his current job as a teacher and turn to an actor may later on exploit his hidden talent and succeed. Meanwhile, people who remain their life unchanged can never get access to self-discovery or new skills which are less all-rounded than someone who changes his jobs so often.

In addition, progress should be regarded as a criteria to assess the two approaches to life. Clearly seen, unless someone is broad-minded enough to adapt to social changes, he may fall behind or gradually set himself aside from the world. The elderly, for instance, have proven to be incompetent at work compared to younger generation, as they turn down to take in high-tech skills or using modern equipment. Therefore, getting on well with changes may provide us with golden opportunities of promotion and intergration.

Everything considered, a changeable lifestyle is preferably good for everyone as it drives us beyond horizon and temporary position. From my personal viewpoint, I would lvoe to change my life for the aforementioned benefits.

Expert :) Please review this essay for me :) I find this one quite problematic and hope you can point out for me :)

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Technology helps student learn more information and learn more quickly? [7]

Topic: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? With the help of technology, students nowadays can learn more information and learn it more quickly. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

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Nowadays, technology plays an indispensable role in almost all spheres of life. In education, it is believed that technology help the students improve their scholastic performances. From my viewpoint, the richness as well as convenience of technology are two main factors that contribute to the students' progress.

To start with, since technology was introduced, student have been exposed to a wide range of information, which neccessarily broaden their minds. The internet, for example, provide knowledge in the form of news, radio talks, tapes or reseachs on any particular fields. There, the students can not only ascertain concerned subjects but they can also get access to relevant issues and discuss with people worldwide.

Another point that students may benefit from technology is the shortened time for learning. The modern world provides learners with the mp3, the mobile phone or the laptop that help them, especially language learners, listen to recordings everywhre or read documents anytime. Therefore, students will develop their skills at a greater pace. Moreover, the internet again, is an inexhaustible resource of visual aids, such as educational games, sounds or images with which students may absorb abstract concepts taught at school more briskly and thoroughly.

On balance, I have to consent to the use of technology in education, as it expedites data availability and accelarates students' learning process. It is highly recommended that apart from education, technology should be applied in every aspect of life which assures of a better future.

Hello everyone :) Can you review my essays and rate (if possible)? Welcome every comment or suggestion :) Thanks a lot :)

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] A large factory built near community. Pros and cons? Your position? [6]

Topic: A company has announced, that it wishes to build a large factory, near your community. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this new influence on your community. Do you support or oppose the factory? Explain your position?

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There is no doubt constructing a large firm has certain impacts on the adjacent residential areas. This essay will discuss both sides of the coin before a personal opinion is announced.

To begin with, the community may benefit from improved living standard once the factory is built. People are provided with paid jobs, which reduce the unemployment rate and contribute to the regional economy. Moreover, there might be a significant decline in social vices, caused by poverty and famine, which liberate the society from being weighed down.

However, it is believed that the appearance of a factory may pose a threat to the surrounding environment. There has been reported many cases when the factories dispose of untreated affluent onto nearby rivers, which subsequently lead to massive ecological destructions, especially in marine life. Not to mention that a tremendous area of land, consisting of a diversity of fauna and flora, might later on be turned into a clearing for the firm's foundation.

Another disadvantage worth discussion is the direct effects our life is likely to undergo if a firm is built up. Undoubtedly, the construction will leave its footprint in the form of dust, smoke and ashes; three detrimental factors to our respiratiory systems. Also, the residents are prone to be at the receiving end of agitating noise, released by operating machines and human's orders.

Everything considered, a factory is of considerable materialistic value to the regional commerce. But, it may not lend itself near a community so long as environmental and health issues are to be concerned. Therefore, from my personal view, such industry should not be located next to communal areas.

Hi everyone! Can you guys review this essay for me? I would really appreciate if you point out my mistakes and rate my writing :) Thanks a lot!

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Increased taxation on petrol and diesel fuel to discourage private cars? [12]

higher fuel and petrol cost

Topic: The burning of oil for transportation, especially in private cars, is wasteful and environmentally irresponsible. Taxation on petrol and diesel fuel should be increased to very high levels to discourage the use of private cars.

To what extent would you support or reject this idea?
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There is no doubt our life has had a change for the better since cars were introduced. However, cars themselves, especially private ones, have exerted severe pressure on the environment and economy for wasteful oil consumption. While many believe that petrol and diesel fuel should be charged with the highest taxation, I strongly disagree with this notion.

One can not deny the fact that if petrol and fuel taxation are raised, people might hesitate choosing a personal automobile. Taxation may have tackled the environmental issue simply by diverting people to public transportations such as trains, buses or ferries. Additionally, for those who have already afforded a car, there is a likelihood it is restraint from usage on long journeys or to crowded cities.

However, taxation on flamable resources might backfire by conducing to inflation. To be precise, the more costly petrol is, the higher the price of necessary product: rice, meat or even vegetable. Consequently, people have to turn to cheaper alternatives, which might cause the abundance in goods and later on, economic crisis.

Another point that should be taken into account is countries that import oil will be more dependent on the exporters, both politically and financially. Suppose that the those countries cut down on its oil support, other nations will have to pay more as well as release beneficial policies for them. America, for example, has recently drawn its intervention in Russian crisis only due to the influx of oil.

To summarize, higher fuel and petrol cost has its own pros and cons. However, it disadvantages may outweigh its advantages with regard to economic and politic issues, making it advisable to seek another options to reduce the use of personal cars.

Experts :) Could you guys review this essay for me :) Thanks a lot :)