Posts by boo2601

boo2601

Sep 14, 2014

Writing Feedback / School curriculum - It should be optional for students to choose their favorite subjects to follow [3]

Subjects such as Art, Sport and Music are being dropped from the school curriculum for subjects such as IT. Many children suffer as a result of these changes. To what extent would you support or reject the idea of moving these subjects from school curriculum.

People have different views about whether or not subjects suck as Art, Sport, Music and IT should be included in the curriculum. Personally, while I accept that it is necessary to teach IT in school, I contend that subjects such as Art, Sport and Music should not be eliminated from school curriculum.

On the one hand, subjects such as IT provides essential skills for students' future jobs. The purpose of school is to prepare children for their working life after school so the subjects on curriculum should be relevant to their potential careers. For example, you can not produce a text without basic knowledge about Word, Excel and so on. If students have a chance to study these useful subjects in school, they will have more time to practice and master these skills to survive in workplace. Therefore, I believe that IT should be introduced in school curriculum.

On the other hand, knowledge of Art, Sport and Music help develop aspects of young people's personalities.
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boo2601

Sep 15, 2014

Writing Feedback / School curriculum - It should be optional for students to choose their favorite subjects to follow [3]

Related: Essay ideas - students should have more input into the school curriculum

I am doing an essay "students should have more input into the school curriculum" and I am running out of things to say. any ideas would be greatly appreciated.

Greetings!
It depends in part on what age-level students you are talking about. High school? University? Grade school?
Just in general, these are things that come to mind for me:

--students will apply themselves more if they feel they are involved in the process of choosing a curriculum
--students will benefit in the long run from a curriculum which is tailored more to their interests, as they can take courses which propel them along their chosen career path

--students' ideas can bring a fresh perspective to the relevance of courses in the curriculum

I hope this helps!

boo2601

Oct 20, 2014

Undergraduate / Include an image, share its story with us. [2]

I think you should change the "attitude" of your essay. After reading it, what impresses me is only that a young boy do not like the life of "restaurant kid" but he still accept it because of his parents.

The experience of growing up as a "restaurant kid" encouraged me to work harder so I can be the first member of my family to graduate high school and go into college.

Your summary is a bit not relevant with what u have said above. Although u tell a long story about your life, I do not see any relationship between it and what it encourage you work harder but a boy trying to escape from family business.

I'm not good at writing but I hope that my advice is somewhat helpful. I think it should be better if u write something that make you proud of and what truly exciting experience to make your essay better :)

boo2601

Oct 20, 2014

Scholarship / "DESCRIBE YOUR FINANCIAL CHALLENGE" applying for scholarships [3]

~~I need as much help as I can in order to stay ahead and continue on a good path and get off of state assistance. I do not want to be another number, depending on welfare.~~

I think you should cut this part and try to write about your passion and your hard-working through difficulties. Do not just only tell them about your bad situation, convince them with your effort and maybe write about your bright future if u would be granted this scholarship.

Hope that my comment is useful for u in someway :)

boo2601

Oct 20, 2014

Undergraduate / 'I began learning a C++' - An admission essay to The University of Texas for Computer Science [3]

I think you use the word "I" so much that make your essay unsmooth.
"Recently i've enrolled in math tutoring to give me the upper hand in a subject i haven't always been the best at"

Try to change it to: Having recently enrolled in math tutoring gives me the upper hand in the subject I have never been good at

Maybe it's better to read each sentence again n try to make it smoothier. :)

boo2601

Oct 22, 2014

Writing Feedback / People smart choice should be supported - they have right to refuse a job proposal - IELTS [2]

Sometimes people are rejecting job opportunites due to their age or other circumstances. Is this a negative or positive approach? Give your opinion and provide relevant examples.

With the myriad of the unemployment in the world today, having a job is desirable for almost everybody. However, there are some who decline job offers for the reason of age and more. Personally, I think it is both negative and positive trend, which depends much on the the underlying cause of the rejection.

Job offer rejections bring two serious problems. The first trouble is that this trend puts much pressure on both government and individuals. Not only do authorities have to provide aid for the unemployment but also deal with the lack in potential workers in many fields. What is more, if one accepts job opportuniy, he or she can shoulder the responsibility for sustaining the family. The second trouble is that the state of being workless may lead to several mental disorders. For example, a number of stay-at-home mothers who sacrifice work for nurturing their children are reported to suffer high level of depression and anxiety.

However, declining job offers for appropriate reasons is beneficial in some ways. To begin with, people will have time to consider other potential choices before accepting these offers. To cite an instance, some university graduates turn down job opportunities to pursue master degree in higher education. This will give them the chances to enhance their knowledge and open the brighter future for them. Moreover, rejecting job offers due to the age is good for some. The pressure of balancing between work and personal life is so tough that thousands of people are diagnosed with terrible stress and heart attacks, especially in developing countries such as America. Hence, it is much better for them to settle down and enjoy their life.

In conclusion, people may decline job offers for good or bad reasons. However, I believe that after taking everything into consideration, a smart choice chould be supported