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Posts by Anfalia
Name: Anfa
Joined: Sep 15, 2014
Last Post: May 29, 2015
Threads: 40
Posts: 56  
Likes: 23
From: Indonesia

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Anfalia   
Sep 18, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Arts are crucial to government to gain successful incomes by some events [3]

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theater is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead.
To what extent do you agree with this statement?

All parts of aspects in this world are a thirst for government's investment, which determine the development of country. Spending money for the art activity like music and theater is not a prominent thing that government should do because that is only for entertainment. Some people argue that it could be better if government uses the money for public services; however, I argue that art gives several merits for the government from its tax. Therefore, this essay will discuss how government invests nation's wealth for both sides; public services and arts.

In this modern era, government undoubtedly plays the key part to the development of country for all sides. Arts are one of governments' investments. Not surprisingly government provides amount of money for the successful events of art such as music and theater. This may be only entertainment purposes but this would be benefits for government to gain money. In celebrating some events, the provider should pay a tax to the government. That is incomes for government. An obvious example that could be taken for this case is carrying out a concert which invites some overseas' artists. This is surely authentic that government spends much money for this event but on the other hand, this obtains a tax to government. The more viewers of concert come, the more profits government will get. To prevent the negative point of view of wasting money for the art events, government should pay attention more to the art creators because they can bring the nations' name.

However, public services take important role in the development of country. First, public service like transportation has many problems. This can be seen from how transportation is functioned by government. For example, in Asian countries such as Indonesia, still operate the proper transportation that makes the passenger feel uncomfortable. Second, the minimum number of health clinics especially in the coastal area of country needs more investment from government. To illustrate this, the poor still find difficulty to get medicine or doctor when they are getting sick. As the results, the amount money of country should be given for solving that problem of country in public services rather than to art services.

Ultimately, the arts are crucial to government to gain successful incomes by some events. Government should support the art events to attract young people to love the nation, and enhance the public services to be enjoyed by the societies. In my personal argument, both art and public services give some merits for the nation, and the problem is how the government could take a fair part from this case.
Anfalia   
Sep 19, 2014
Writing Feedback / With the humble attitude, we can earn the respect from others and relieve ourselves.; Toefl exam! [7]

There arewere already a lot of people waiting in there.Here came the bus.It was already overcrowded,but we try tried our best to get into the bus

. We all knew the condition would not be better even if we wait the next bus.I waited and waited and waited for my terminus.It was a long way to go,and i even gowent back to my dream,standing and tired.Suddenly,OOOOch! Someone step on my feet.It so hurt that barely can i hold my tears.Without showing a little regret,the guy get got through the overcrowded car,and rush out without an apology.[/quote]

i got incorrect using of grammatical in the first paragraph. but overall i like your written.
anyway, i am not an expert one. good luck!
Anfalia   
Sep 19, 2014
Writing Feedback / Life is easier? Positive view about everything always help us for having a good life in every times. [3]

Life is always is difficult

In past time most of the people encountered with troubles for providing first requirements of their families because foods, water and other raw materials in one side

People with little skills could get job. In addition they had much interaction with each other and social relations of people were strong
Also, People easily had access had accessed easily
to natural environment and enjoyed from clean and fresh airs.
Anfalia   
Sep 19, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Climate change is a threat for the earth regardless of people's actions. [4]

Climate change is now an accepted threat to our planet, but there is not enough political action to control excessive consumerism and pollution. Do you agree?

A virtual unchanged climate is necessary for the development of country in the industrial part. The reality nowadays sees that the climate is unpredictable. No one can predict whether summer, autumn, or rainy season attacks to a country monthly. This becomes a threat to our planet such as a research states that there have been seven cycles of glacial advance and retreat, with the abrupt end of the last ice age about 7,000 years ago marking the beginning of the modern climate era and of human civilization. Most of these climate changes are attributed to very small variations in Earth's orbit that change the amount of solar energy our planet receives; the political action does not support to tackle the excessive consumerism and pollution, however. It was proven from both sides, school that lacks explanation for the students to respect the environment and planet, an industry which has no pressure to develop responsible environmental. While government has provided sophisticated tools to solve the climate changes, I strongly argue that there is no fixed-punishment from government to control this case based on the truth that wide pollution has existed for decades in this world.

Several causes of the current global warming trend could be probably emerged in climate change problem. First problem is human expansion using "greenhouse effect". It is warming result when the atmosphere traps heat radiating from Earth toward space. Certain gases in the atmosphere block heat from escaping. Long-lived gases that remains semi-permanently in the atmosphere which does not respond physically or chemically to changes in temperature. It described as forcing climate change. Gases, such as water vapor which increases as the Earth's atmosphere warming make some of the most important feedback mechanisms to the greenhouse effect. Coming second is unpredictable weather patterns such as extreme events. The extreme events often happened to almost all countries in this world. For instance, the number of high temperature event records in the United States has been increasing, while the number of low temperature event records has been decreasing, since 1950. The societies witnessed increasing numbers of intense rainfall events. And the next problem is going up sea levels. Global sea level rose about 17 centimeters in the last century. The rate in the last decade, however, is nearly double that of the last century.

In the other hand, the good lifestyle is having high level of consumerism. As a result, the industrial emissions of gases keep their existence in working, and it means that people created much pollution. Definitely, it attacks the planet. Conversely, the political action does not control the consumerism and pollution. This could be proven in school that lacks specific lesson to encourage respect for the environment and planet. An obvious example, many students use papers to write and they need more books which are made by papers. As the reality papers are made of wood. The more consumers use wood for their products, the fewer trees grows in the world. So the planet would be worse. Also, the industrial emission of gasses does not get a strict policy for their accountable actions such as they do illegal mining and it would attack the earth. Conversely, the government should provide a curriculum which tells how to keep the student's behavior for the global world in order to describe a respect to the earth. Therefore, making a new policy about industrial emission of gasses' legally accountable in the actions should be held by government. So, people do not freely utilize the world's wealth.

The aforementioned evidence examines that climate change is a threat for the earth regardless of people's actions. In my personal argument, government should have main role in political action to control and tackle this case latter. Where possible, both government and society should take a part from this case. The more dangerous earth's condition is, the worrier people are. It could be better to save the earth from now on.
Anfalia   
Sep 20, 2014
Writing Feedback / Keeping dogs and cats as companion. How it influences ownership and the community? [4]

In the fact, pets can be a friendly animal to the people, but also can be dangerous to the people

in the fact, pets not only can be friendly animal but also dangerous for people.

Care for each other between pets and ownership are will be ownership will be natural feeling for them.

the parallel structure between "pets and ownership"
perhaps you can change; "a sense of care will be natural feeling for both pets and ownerships"

In the other hand, having pets also give gives some disadvantages for the animals which are some examples ; lack of freedom and natural activity. People who having who have pets the fact they lack the animals fro freedom and natural habit of them if they do not care with their pets.

actually it was hard for me to understand the main point of that sentence. but I'll try to do in other sentence if I'm not mistaken.

In the other hand, having pets also gives some disadvantages for the animals; lack of freedom and natural activity. As the matter of fact, the animals which were looked after by people do not get freedom and warn of pet's natural habit if the owner do not care with them.

Beside that community who have pets sometimes they have some problem with themselves.

some problems

overall, that is good writing. I'm not an expert and sorry if i have mistakes. we can share together. :)
Anfalia   
Sep 20, 2014
Writing Feedback / 'I argue that children's behavior does not rely on by television' - IELTS WRITING TASK 2 [3]

These days, we are seeing an increasing amount of violence on television, and this is having a negative impact on children's behavior.
Do you agree or disagree?


Children are nation's expectation and media are sources of knowledge for the development of nation. Recently, an enhancing the amount of violence on the media such as television influenced the negative side of children's behavior because as the reality that children's sense is imitating. Although this surely authentic for some people, I argue that children's behavior does not rely on by television; parents and educational stakeholders have more main role in this case.

Media and other affects related to that are common things in this era. And children are the victim of this aspect. At their age imitation is one of main characteristics which could not be denied. The common children's imitation is from television. By watching the various kinds of programs on the television, children tend to imitate what they had watched. Becoming as the real actor of their idol is their hard expectation. No wonder they act and have style as their idol. This is good when they imitate in appropriate way, but is what inappropriate program such as violence and criminal about? Absolutely the highest probability to imitate it could be happen to the children. As an obvious example of this can be seen that if children watch crime news, they will interest to imitate as they have high sense of that. Indirectly that is called by a natural education. While the children watch that news, their mind may be thought that it is style, so that is matter for them to imitate. Conversely, children should have accompanies to watch any kinds of program on television, so who has right to select the program is not the children but the other who can control them.

READ BELOW
Anfalia   
Sep 27, 2014
Writing Feedback / [IELTS 1] Time Spent in different media by teenagers and US Adults. [6]

The line graph present data about teenagers who spend the time with five variant media per-day in hours and the table illustrates about United State Adults who waste the time with plenty of media per-day in minutes over a four year period, from 2010 till 2013.Overallmostly inhabitant watch television as the best choice to spend their time, it shows between line graph and table.

rita, if I'm not mistaken,I found some incorrect grammars. Allow me to rewrite your writing;
The line graph presents data about teenagers who spent the time with five variant medias per-day in hours and the table illustrates about United State Adults who wasted the time with plenty of media per-day in minutes over a four-year period, from 2010 till 2013.Overall, mostly inhabitant watch television as the best choice to spend their time, it shows between line graph and table.

overall, your writing is good. Good Luck! :)
Anfalia   
Sep 27, 2014
Writing Feedback / Children are needed to master foreign language to face the global world - IELTS [3]

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school.

Children are tomorrow assets for the nation. They are needed to master foreign language to face the global world. Experts believe that primary school is better level for children to learn foreign language than secondary school. Although this case consists of merits and demerits, I would argue that early school should help the children grow into responsible life of the world because it is the best time for them to easily accept the knowledge includes the second language.

Learning second language is effective for children's brain development because their brain is still fresh in receiving the new language. A research informs American children are predicted successfully in learning Spanish as a second language. This is evidence that learning second language is easy for students in primary school. However, parents should take a role when school does not provide second language lesson. Parents should send their children to some courses to learn the second language. It gives better solution than they learn in adult age because that age tends to difficulty think and accept the language in their mind. Again they cannot avoid the second language because it helps their future life.

However, some people argue that learning second language is not prominent for children because other lessons are more important, such as math and science. Also, learning second language is wasting time. Firstly, other lessons such as math and science are much better in children's brain development. When children study math, they use their multiple perspective to solve problem precisely in the learning process. They are asked to show their logic argument as to how the questions are figured out. Furthermore, learning science influences further at that age. On an almost daily basis, neuroscience, among others is opening up vast new horizons in our understanding of how the brain works. Young children create neural connections at an astonishing rate. The strength and resiliency of these connections depends on the quality of children's learning experiences as infants, toddler, and preschools. Secondly, learning second language just wasted time. Even they spend yearly to study and master foreign language. Commonly, they put on the second of main lessons in their school only want to focus in second language. It was a common assumption that exposure to more than one language would confuse young children and could lead to developmental delays. As a result children spend much time in this case.

The aforementioned evidence examines that human brain is the next great frontier in scientific progress. Although math and science claim that it is excellent for children's development, second language is the first-rate lesson should be learned by them at primary school. Where possible that child should master in both second language and science or math at child age for children's future development.
Anfalia   
Oct 20, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS national teams/individual financially supported by the government/non-government organisations [4]

hello icha..
i suggest you to put the task and paraphrase it. and i just found some mistakes of grammar

I personally believe that it is better to be financially supportsupported by the government.

Because the range of official agencies clients is more widewider and more complex than private agencies, and also its target that it is not detailed measurable, its professionalism is not very satisfying.

Because of the private agencies' professionalism, its finance is abundant so that it can support the athletes or teams' needed properly.

Anfalia   
Oct 20, 2014
Scholarship / Mental health is a term that ceases to exist within the Asian household - Scholarship Essay [3]

Every morning, as I sit in class, I am flooded by the three reoccurring themes of stress: sleep, depression and eating


hello,, i think you should use the parallel words from the italic sentence. allow me to rewrite your statement;
Every morning, as I sit in class, I am flooded by the three reoccurring themes of stress: sleeping, depressing and eating

It struck strucks me that students in my generation lack of the knowledge and experience required to develop effective stress coping mechanisms.

in the last paragraph, i think you should use simple past

Shortly after I got elected for Grade Representative, I proceeded to use the Student Council platform to co-establish our school's first ever Mental Health committee. The purpose of this committee iswas to raise awareness within our school and de-stigmatize Mental Health. As of fall 2014, we arewere designing and spreading pamphlets that provideprovided essential information to students regarding Mental illnesses, how to cope with them and specific helplines. We expect students to proactively seek out help for their problems and implement effective coping mechanisms into their life; reducing stress one step at a time.

Anfalia   
Oct 20, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: Medical Treatment; Health is above wealth for inhabitants in this world [4]

Most developed countries spend a large proportion of their health budgets on expensive medical technology and procedures. This money should be spent instead on health education to keep people well. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Health is above wealth for inhabitants in this world. There are various ways for people to keep their health. Some medical technologies are provided to cure diseases. While some arguments believe that a large proportion of their health budget should be spent on medical technology and procedures, others argue that the expenditure of the budget is better for health education to keep societies away from diseases' attack. I strongly have personal argument that the merits of spending money for medical technology and procedures outweighs for health education. This further information will be explained clearly in the following essay.

Health education is the solid common aspect in a whole of society. The developed countries provide amount of money for health education in order to keep societies well. While many people are clever in health education, they can be more selective to keep their body because they know the cause and effect of ignoring health to the body. The more people in country are health, the more marvelous job will they create. An obvious example can be taken from this case is, when a person have job than he is getting sick, he cannot do the best of their job, it gains impact for country's income moreover when his job as government's official.

Conversely, some arguments state that plenty of money from developed country should be spent for medical technologies and procedures. Some merits can be taken in selecting this option; firstly, medical technology is very important to cure diseases faster, patients should not travel to abroad to get treatment of their diseases. For instance, when a patient gets disease than some doctors could not do anything for them because the limitation of technology to cure its disease, they will be recommended having treatment in other countries. However, when they have sophisticated technology, they will not allow having treatment in overseas. Secondly, more medical technologies will gain benefits for a country because when other countries' patient can be brought to get a special treatment in a country which has a good medical technology and the profit for country will rise.

The aforementioned examines that people suffering some diseases could be cured soon. When the countries do not have the special medical technology, they will rely on other countries and it will spend much money. I strongly argue that a developed country should have some medical technologies in order to the treatment process will be efficient and a country will be known-well by others because have the excellent technologies.
Anfalia   
Oct 20, 2014
Writing Feedback / The dramatically fluctuations are composite by Canada, Italy, Japan and France - IELTS table chart [7]

hello dicky..

The chart shows data from seven nations there are Canada, France, Germany, Italy, Japan, UK and USA. The dramatically fluctuations are composite by Canada, Italy, Japan and France.

i think you should change with "they" or use "colon"

According to table list on last period, 2000 years, France and Japan were in first positions in the percentage of saving loans per-persons on these two nations were 13,6 % ,however the trend in each nations werewas different.

i think it's fraction, so you should use "the" before first

While France in 1990 recorded by 11,5 % and reachreached the peak was in 1970 with 18,7% , Japan the percentages of passive income by private account recorded 17,6% as the top in 1970 and in 1990 decreasedecreased slightly to 12,1 %.

overall, it's good. keep fighting! :)
Anfalia   
Oct 20, 2014
Writing Feedback / School subjects will influence in student's future - Physical Education - IELTS TASK 2 [2]

Because of the pressure of new subjects such as business studies, many schools have dropped sport or physical education (PE) from the curriculum
How important is sport or PE in a young person's education?

Young generations are nation's expectation that have responsible life to make their country be better than previous by learning some subjects in their education. These days, the education horizon is booming with the new subject: business studies. While several students have a solid personal argument that learning business is the first step to gain wealthy life, the educational stakeholders tend to ignore the proper study like sport or physical education in curriculum that actually has hardly important role to be learned by students. This following essay will explain clearly the prominent aspects of learning sport or physical education for a young person's education.

Physical education has already provided in the curriculum since earlier education. Although once a week to study the lesson, it would be benefit for students to get healthy life. The important factors in learning physical education for students are; firstly, this subject trains students to keep their healthy life. Their body will be fit and fresh to do their activity because the circulation of their blood is working well. Other than consume nutrition food, they also should balance their body life by doing some exercises. An obvious example could be taken for this case is sport subject that taught in school once a week. It takes some merits for students as they had been stressful of main lesson in the class. The further prominent tract of physical education is to gain more spirit. When students study about sport, they have almost habit-forming to always play; even they want to compete with their friends to be the greatest among others. This is fact that sport can build students' spirit. And, the last is preventive of illness. By often doing exercise, some diseases could be prevented by students because they acquire a strong immunity system in their body.

However, by the time goes by for this era, sport study is not a proper lesson that should be obligated by students to learn detail. Based on some arguments that sport cannot create the wealthy life in the future; whereas, people life in this world should earn plenty of money. One of interesting subject to be learned is studying business. It gains beneficial for pupil's future especially to derive job in companies. The evidence-based approach, a well-known aspect nowadays is having a business, creating a job and providing job vacancy for applicants; however, they will be richer fast. Hence, that is matter of fact that they tend to ignore sport subjects which actually is so really crucial for them.

In conclusion, school subjects will influence in student's future; not only for career but also the students' physical body. It could be better for students to obtain more knowledge in sides, physical education and business studies. They will derive the bright horizon in their career by learning business studies; also, they will obtain well-being life. Furthermore, government should provide and focus on both education curriculum; theory and practical; physical and science.
Anfalia   
Oct 20, 2014
Graduate / I was only 17, when I gave birth to my first child - entrance into a graduate nursing program [4]

hello...
I want to give you a feedback about your overall essay.
Firstly, "layout" is very important! you should divide your essay into several parts.

There was no explanation from the nurse before or after about what was happening, no reassurance, from anyone as to why I hadn'thad not heard the baby cry.

secondly, as i know in writing, we should not use construction words.
Anfalia   
Oct 20, 2014
Undergraduate / Describe your notion of "the good life." [3]

hello...
I want to give you a feedback about your overall essay.
Firstly, "layout" is very important! you should divide your essay into several parts

This "good life" is defined differently and specifically for each individual, of course, as everyone is unique in their values and understanding.

secondly, if I'm not mistaken, you have double verb and for the italic words above, you do not have an object. as I can guess it more likely to be "passive voice" or you just remove "is" then it is clear.

overall, it's great essay. good luck! :)
Anfalia   
Oct 22, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Modern forms of communication increases the frequency and quality of interpersonal links [3]

Modern forms of communication such as email and messaging have reduced the amount of time people spend seeing their friends. This has had a negative effect on their social lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Technological advance affects significantly in the horizon of human life. As a universal, electronic messaging and email transmute social life of inhabitants. While it causes some negative effects in social lives, I strongly argue that the merits of modern forms of communication overweigh the drawbacks.

In the previous era, the way people communicate one another is by sending a letter. They need to wait for getting message respond for several days. Also, rich man commonly use home phone to contact with their relatives. It is no wondering if elderly people hard effort to meet or see each other in their leisure time.

That overview is slightly distinguished from this era. People spend their available time to communicate with their friends mere by using the electronic communication. This is more efficient; also enable to create a closer relationship. As my obvious example, I spent almost every time in my daily to hold a gadget or to overlooked at my notebook to have some chats with a whole of my friends. As a result, I enable to know my friends' condition in a current and do not need to waste my energy and money to meet them.

On the other hand, Pew Research Internet Project in Washington DC states that in 2020 the brain of multitasking teens and young adults are "wired" differently from those over age 35 and overall it yields baleful results. They do not retain information; they spend most of energy sharing short social messages, being entertained and being distracted away from deep engagement with people and knowledge. They lack deep-thinking capabilities; they lack face to face social skills; they deepen in unhealthy ways on the internet and mobile devices to function. The changes in behavior and cognition among the young are generally negative outcomes.

In conclusion, since the primary use of the modern forms of communication, I might speculate that it will have positive social consequences in people's everyday lives, because it increases the frequency and quality of interpersonal communications among people. People with easy access to others ought to feel better connected and more strongly supported by others, leading to happiness and engagement in families, organizations, communities, and society more generally.
Anfalia   
Oct 22, 2014
Writing Feedback / Mankind nowadays face their natural enemy, nature. IELTS Writing Task 2 [3]

hello dicky.. :)

The executive of countries among the world unite to declaration fight again global warming and decrease the effect.

Due the fact, the most responsible to effected global warming is industrial activities based on economic activities in developed countries.

i think "to" should be followed by verb bare infinitive

Walhi, organize

organizes/organized

commonly develop countries depend

depend on

overall, your writing is good based on some facts. but you should separate the form of second paragraph because it seems bulky.
Good Luck boy.. :)
Anfalia   
Oct 22, 2014
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 1- process of chocolate-making and the percentage of allocation the cost [2]

hello sister.. :)

there are five types that would be receive the retail cost.

received

This process change cocoa liquor become chocolate bar

i think it doubled verb without conjunction. if I'm not mistaken you can add "and" before "become". allow me to rewrite;

This process changed cocoa liquor and became chocolate bar

However, the pie chart showsthat the lowest price of chocolate bar is received by farmer who planting and harvesting cocoa beans, receives only 4 per cent of the retail cost.

if I'm not mistaken you can change "receiving"
Anfalia   
Oct 22, 2014
Writing Feedback / Study without teacher? You should choose the right way which suits your learning. [3]

hello...

Studying without a teacher has many advantages that; however, studying with teacher does not have.

When you study at school with teacherteachers and friends,

so you can ask them for helptheir favour

[quote=Kristy Nguyen]there is no one to help you

t They share more information

; the first letter should be capital.

overall, you should separate in each paragraph. Good Luck!
Anfalia   
Oct 22, 2014
Writing Feedback / In the professional work life there is just one factor that motivates people - money [6]

Some peoplemay prefer having a lower-paying job which provides these people them more spare time for spending with their families and friends

Firstly, in the professional work life there is just one factor thatmotivates the people is money .

you have three verbs but only one conjunction.

For instance, you have more time

they want to see their people near by them.

With this positive aspects, there is no one who preferprefersgettingto get a low-paying job with more spare times.

Anfalia   
Oct 23, 2014
Writing Feedback / People can easily achieve success unless they have two prominent aspects: talent and hard effort [3]

Some people say that success is '10 percent talent and 90 percent hard work. Is hard work the key to success, or is talent also important?

Success is conditional aspect for human beings in the horizon. While some people believe that hard work is the dominant factor being success, others argue that having great talent encouraged someone to be successful. However, I strongly believe that hard work and assert ourselves using our mind and imagination completed by great talented enable us to shape the world of our desires. That is the key for successful life.

Hard work is a prison sentence only if it does not have meaning. People will achieve greatness only through an enormous amount of hard work over many years; not only any struggles, but also work of a particular type that is demanding and painful. Not surprisingly, people kill their spare time to work productively on their job. As an obvious example, a senior editor at Fortune magazine Geoffrey Colvin shows that Tiger Woods as the youngest-ever winner of golf in the U.S. He enable to play golf because his father introduced him to golf at an extremely early age - 18 months - and encouraged him to practice intensively, Woods had racked up at least 15 years of practice.

On the other hand, having talented also encourages people to be successful. Talent is how skills, intelligent, and knowledge are used. It seems impossible success without having a talent even though they already have tried in their effort. Human kinds usually love doing activities they 'do best' - often leading to a happier disposition. For instance, a famous singer -Avril Lavigne- she has an exciting talent to sing beautifully. By having that talent, she is successful to be an international singer with the beautiful voice that she has. This is evidence that talent also remarkably influence in the successful life.

In conclusion, people can easily achieve success unless they have two prominent aspects: talent and hard effort. Greatness is not handed to anyone. This requires a lot of hard work. Yet that is not enough, since many people work hard for decades without approaching greatness or even getting significantly better. There is no evidence of high-level performance without experience or practice. Success is started from intention, and then has a talent to gain the goal which is supported by struggle hard.
Anfalia   
Oct 27, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: The pattern of studying plays a major crucial aspect in the academic achievements [3]

Some students prefer to study alone. Others prefer to study with a group of students. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Pattern of studying plays a major crucial aspect in academic achievements. Some students argue that sharing ideas together in a class makes them fully participate as they can, while others believe that studying alone can be achieved in the optimal conditions. Therefore, I'm personally argue that study alone acquires more concentration in obtaining the power through of material.

Majority of students in the same places enable to share materials collaboratively toward the same goals. For pragmatic instance, in United States; one-room schoolhouse dated back through 1700's and was commonplace in rural communities. They would work together to learn relevant materials in an effort to meet particular learning outcome. This method can be discussed in a supportive and understanding environment based on student perspective.

However, studying alone is more likely gaining some benefits for pupils. Firstly, it avoids distraction at class. Generally, an entire course can be derailed by a fight between two students, or by a teacher that simply does not get his points across. Also, studying alone can create own pace. This does not mean that you are a better or weaker student; it means you need to do assignments at your own pace. However, enlarge their own learning in plenty of available time improves their brain development. Consequently, they enable to finish their studying fast.

Furthermore, in my personal argument, the key to have an excellent learning is how we enable to master the lesson accurately in our learning. The quite silent situation acquires our brain to study hard and achieve our learning goal. As young learners, needless to say, whether we are learning in any other type of subjects, this could be privileged to ensure that we create an environment which promotes preferable concentration thus excellent results.

Taking account of all the factors, studying alone or studying in a group create pupil's creativity to struggle in achieving their learning purposes. It is undeniable that studying group is a sense of enhancing the organizational skill. However, studying alone is one of the ways to improve self-independent. Where possible, students are able study in every condition.
Anfalia   
Nov 26, 2014
Writing Feedback / Unhealthy lifestyle - Perfect health in the way of life is a vital aspect in human life [NEW]

Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem.
To what extent do you agree with this statement?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


Perfect health in the way of life is a vital aspect in human life. While these days the majority of children spending long hours for pointing at TV and computer lead children's habitual to be unhealthy, lack of the physical activity and unbalanced diet also affect children's modern lifestyle. However, I strongly argue that not only parents and educational stakeholders could take the primary responsibility from this case but also government and health authorities should be able to inform the healthy lifestyle for children.

A general lack of wide-ranging fitness leads children's health problem currently. Parents' and schools' duties are to help children enhancing the high-intensity exercise. As an obvious example, physical subject should be the crucial subject at school; however, parents should educate their children to have regular sport every early morning. As a result, children will use to life in the conditional healthy style.

In addition, a range of foods might be significant factors in children's life-changing. It is undeniable that both parents and schools take the responsible for children's balance diet. To exemplify, schools introduce the appropriate balance diet theory and parents consider to prepare food-cooked include the taste and quality. Taking account of the example that being selective for the balance diet leads children to be health.

Another point to discuss this opinion is the support from governments and health authorities. They are supposed to provide health training for children. As an obvious example, leading co-green program and building a little dirt up into surrounded area enable children to create a hygiene lifestyle.

The aforementioned examines that all stakeholders related to children's development are responsible to require the balance healthy lifestyle for both physical activity and foods-ranged. Doubtfully, as the development of newly-invented technologies onward is about to lead the way children's habitual to be unhealthy.
Anfalia   
Nov 26, 2014
Undergraduate / The noise that was cancer had disrupted my childhood - Personal Statement [3]

Sure, I read Frog and Toad but I also had to watch my mom clean up her vomit

i think you should use simple past form. allow me to rewrite; cleaned her vomit up

I'd tell her "kind of" and this would result in us eventually not going to the store, the birthday party or the restaurant.

it could be better if you add subject and verb after "eventually" before "not

I did not allow people to see me for who I really was how actually I was.

Still til this day

what does it mean??

Just recently I was a sister who took her brother

"recently" means that present so it could be better if you change this word or you change the meaning as present

I pride proud of myself in being a friend

Anfalia   
Nov 26, 2014
Undergraduate / I wished I could be back in that garage....UC essay #1 on Overcoming Obstacles [4]

Violent screams, fragmented dishes, aggressive shoves, torn furniture.

this is one sentence but you don't complete it with subject,verb

we'd sit stillstill sat , we were afraid to move, afraid [quote=
to trigger the monster inside of him

mayradio0508]They'd growgrown up without parents, they wouldn't live as a normal life[/quote]

I look forward to the challenges I'm going to overcome in college

you should separate this sentence because double subject and verb
Anfalia   
Dec 13, 2014
Writing Feedback / Logging of the rainforests is a serious problem and it may lead to very serious problems on Earth [2]

IELTS - Logging of the rain forests is a serious problem and it may lead to the extinction of animal life and human life.
Discuss.


Today's environmental issues from logging of rainforest affect animal and human are in danger of extinction. While this is surely authentic, I personally argue that government should mainly concern in the representative samples of environmental impacts instead of focusing on protect natural areas and people should stop cutting trees down in rain forest.

It is undeniable that problem of logging rain forest affects to today's world life and it is caused by human action. To exemplify, people always cut trees down in the forest for their benefits. One illustration is paper's company such as "Tjiwi Kimia" in Mojokerto-one of city in Indonesia- needs the large number of trees for their production to make paper and book. As a result, deforestation is emerging as the following of human necessity.

Admittedly, the wide-ranging of animals and humans are in near-extinction. To exemplify, tigers and rhinoceroses -danger species- need hardwood forest for living but it is hard for them because lack of the number of trees in the forest. This presently comes from deforestation and human action which unable to keep a natural forest.

Another point to discuss this opinion is the support from governments and forest authorities. They are supposed to provide some innovative programs. Firstly, the valuable idea is that they build the natural parks because this attracts tourists while protecting animals. For pragmatic instance, Safari park had already built in a country which a lot of various animals lived there. While this opened for public, approximately a hundred visitors visited this park. As a result, this acquires the sum of money from ticket sales. Secondly, they need to stricter rules for cutting trees down freely to protect natural areas and animals living there. Thirdly, leading co-green program to the environmental stakeholders such as schoolchildren creates the awareness in conserving natural forest.

Taking account of all this factors that animals and humans are always in danger of extinction as far as illegal logging is done by people. While government and forest authorities should cooperate to create hardwood forest, I deliberate this idea seems dubious because as human who live onward in this world, forest is a crucial aspect for their particular function to create the industrial production creatively.
Anfalia   
Dec 13, 2014
Writing Feedback / To learn effectively, children need to eat a healthy meal and study in a comfortable atmosphere [2]

To learn effectively, children need to eat a healthy meal at school. How true is this statement?
Whose responsibility is it to provide food for school children?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Good health is the key for a happy life. For this reason, eating a healthy diet helps children stay alert during class. While it is true, school food policies help schools to provide children with foods and drinks that are part of a healthy diet.

Schoolchildren spend almost a half of their time and consume at least half of their meals each day at school. United States Department of Agriculture requires the national school lunch and breakfast program with healthy and nutritious meals to millions of American children every day. These excellent balanced diet programs encourage children easily to focus on their learning at class. As a result, one of children's successful learning depends on their food consumption at school.

On the other hand, several aspects may affect the effectiveness of children's learning. Firstly, a comfortable atmosphere encourages the development of children's brain storming so as that they study seriously. To exemplify, several high schools in Indonesia provide air conditioner in every class. It is undeniable that students more particularly focus on learning because they do not need to be worried through the extreme hot weather. Secondly, students will learn successfully when they have a competent teacher who explains lesson briefly. Thirdly, students need friendly friends to create their learning spirit. This presently comes from the atmosphere which enables to build an environment conducive to learning.

Another point to discuss this opinion is support from educational stakeholders and health authorities. They are supposed to make schools healthier places to learn by providing quality food and teaching children about the importance of nutrition and embracing a healthy active lifestyle. As an obvious example, the first lady has challenged America to put 6,000 salad bars into schools with fresh vegetables and fruit. Indeed, this is an easy step toward a healthier nation.

Ultimately, a healthy meal and comfortable atmosphere are essential for schoolchildren to create the effectiveness of learning at class. Where possible, they should also get a balanced nutrition diet from their parents, which is the vital factor for children to be focus on their learning.
Anfalia   
Dec 16, 2014
Writing Feedback / Both - public services and impressive buildings obtain income for a city. IELTS Task 2 [2]

Some people think that large, impressive buildings are important for a city. Others believe that the money should be spent on improving schools and hospitals.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


The great building is an icon of city. Several people a whole of the world argue that a city should have an impressive building to attract tourist and the other believes that government's money expenditure for public services. However, I personally argue that public services still need more attention from the government.

A large and impressive building is a crucial aspect for a city because this gives some benefits. Firstly, a great building can be easily to attract the tourist to come and visit to the city. The more visitors the more funded for government. Secondly, the buildings produce much tax. The private company owning the building absolutely has right to pay public fund to the government. As a result, the impressive building gives some benefits for the city.

However, a city should improve public services such as school and hospitals. Both the public services give the prominent impacts for societies. As an obvious example, the great school can attract people to continue the education. Furthermore, when government improves the health aspect in a city, the societies will life prosperous without suffering health problems. This does not matter for government to spend much finance for public services because the benefits will be back to the society.

In conclusion, both public services and impressive buildings obtain income for a city. Although, the impressive building gives much tax for the improving city, school and hospital are more functional for citizen other than giving much income too. Where possible, governments should balance in improving both sides.

Anfalia   
Dec 17, 2014
Writing Feedback / First impression is an essential appear in workplace - employees should dress smartly - IELTS TASK 2 [2]

Some organizations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


First impression is an essential appear in workplace. For this reason, while some corporations argue that perfect dress is prominent for staffers, others believe that managing quality is a crucial factor for business world. However, I strongly argue that companies will progress rapidly when employees are smart in both grooming and work skill.

Appearance enables to influence people and potentially impact of how a business performs effectively. Firstly, appearance creates an excellent impression among colleagues. It dues to they would understand how people are in the first sight from their performance. As an obvious example, when an employee comes to work in a wrinkled shirt, they will likely be perceived as less ambitious and dedicated not in a positive way. As a result, people tend to associate them incapable as an employee. Secondly, appearance can boost a company's public image. When the employees dress in appropriate way, it introduces company to public in a positive way. Thirdly, it helps companies comply with self-care and health because the employees will stay away from dirt performance as to get reputable image.

Conversely, performance is detrimental to company's success. Organizations create a well-rounded approach to managing and coaching work force to require the expertise of an excellent human resources leader. To exemplify, Steeve Job, as the owner of Apple Company, when he wants to promote his project about Pixar animation, he presents smartly to public in order that they accept his new project. Taking account of the example, career progression depends on the abilities which enable to contribute someone's quality of work life.

Ultimately, considering of two arguments which are primary aspect in business world, I personally believe that advanced companies will progress rapidly when they have employees who are expert in job and well-performance. Where possible, companies' authorities should allow employees to have great appearance in appropriate way. Also, they should recruit employees selectively.
Anfalia   
Dec 17, 2014
Writing Feedback / 'it is rather a common phenomenon for people to have debts' - causes of debts and prevention [7]

Since credit card is(has been)convient(convenient??) for shopping, people are tended to be lured to buy random items without paying for it in a right away. Layaway plans could trick people who do not keep a day book of their daily spending. Then, once the bill all come, people who overspent would easily in debt after they have a picture of how they have spent in months.