Anfalia
Dec 19, 2014
Writing Feedback / There has been an immense increase in some immoral traits of human beings in modern societies. [4]
Self-concentration and egoism is(are)
Anfalia
Feb 6, 2015
Writing Feedback / A prominent task of universities is to enroll prospective students for further next. IELTS [5]
Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
A prominent task of universities is to enroll prospective students for further next. For this personal perspective, an equivalence of the number both male and female scholars should be accepted through university education. As the argument is more likely to be true for some extent, I am personally convinced that people enable to argue with prestigious university when it has two prominent aspects to conscious choose selectively in the case of accepting new students for both male and female: personal ability and high qualified persons.
To begin with, universities should be fair to accept reluctantly the number of both sexes so as to help the dogmatism mind through students' intelligent. It dues to female students are more likely to be shy and cannot expose their understanding of subjects all out when it comes to the majority of male students at class who are more than that to female students. To exemplify, female students tend to avoid a situation class when the comparison of students in both sexes is 1:1. As a result, unfairly accepting the number of scholars affects to cut students down from the class.
Conversely, it is remarkably that large, mixed-sexes class both male and female students enable to create two crucial aspects. Initially, it declines insignificant the number of intelligent people between male and female. For pragmatic instance, scholars get high education at class means that they are predicted to get easy way to gain some jobs compared to uneducated people. This trend results to create the equal number of employments between both sexes. Again, this develops the social sense among inhabitants. When they are used to socialize with the variety of human characteristics, they would easily to have social interaction in this globalization era.
Taking into account from two different points of view, what credibility measurement for leading university is not to put on the sexes among students, but for their personal ability and high qualification. They are the most prominent aspects to incline education development. It does not matter whether a boy or a girl in the class as far they are capable to follow a whole of their subjects. In addition, the students' qualification such as achievement also enables to build the positive sense of university.
On the whole, while the argument to accept the equal number of male and female students still in the hot issue currently; I personally argue that this is not the prominent aspect that should be bear in mind continuously. Where possible, education stakeholders should pay attention at students' ability and qualification to address the name of university to the global world in a positive way.
Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
A prominent task of universities is to enroll prospective students for further next. For this personal perspective, an equivalence of the number both male and female scholars should be accepted through university education. As the argument is more likely to be true for some extent, I am personally convinced that people enable to argue with prestigious university when it has two prominent aspects to conscious choose selectively in the case of accepting new students for both male and female: personal ability and high qualified persons.
To begin with, universities should be fair to accept reluctantly the number of both sexes so as to help the dogmatism mind through students' intelligent. It dues to female students are more likely to be shy and cannot expose their understanding of subjects all out when it comes to the majority of male students at class who are more than that to female students. To exemplify, female students tend to avoid a situation class when the comparison of students in both sexes is 1:1. As a result, unfairly accepting the number of scholars affects to cut students down from the class.
Conversely, it is remarkably that large, mixed-sexes class both male and female students enable to create two crucial aspects. Initially, it declines insignificant the number of intelligent people between male and female. For pragmatic instance, scholars get high education at class means that they are predicted to get easy way to gain some jobs compared to uneducated people. This trend results to create the equal number of employments between both sexes. Again, this develops the social sense among inhabitants. When they are used to socialize with the variety of human characteristics, they would easily to have social interaction in this globalization era.
Taking into account from two different points of view, what credibility measurement for leading university is not to put on the sexes among students, but for their personal ability and high qualification. They are the most prominent aspects to incline education development. It does not matter whether a boy or a girl in the class as far they are capable to follow a whole of their subjects. In addition, the students' qualification such as achievement also enables to build the positive sense of university.
On the whole, while the argument to accept the equal number of male and female students still in the hot issue currently; I personally argue that this is not the prominent aspect that should be bear in mind continuously. Where possible, education stakeholders should pay attention at students' ability and qualification to address the name of university to the global world in a positive way.
Anfalia
Feb 6, 2015
Writing Feedback / A whole culture has grown up around the new possibilities of keeping in touch on the Web [3]
Some people believe that the internet is a wonderful tool for making new friends and maintaining existing friendship. Others, however, think that socializing online removes the face-to-face contact so vital to human relationship.
Discuss both views and gives your own opinion.
Technological advanced affects significantly through human life horizon. As a universal, people argue that internet transmutes social life of inhabitants in a term of having closer relationship with new or existing friends. However, others believe that this socializing online addresses consuming time to face closely their friends. While these two ideas are nearly to be true to some extent, I am personally convinced that the internet enables to be broad into human companionship relatively.
A whole culture has grown up around the new possibilities of keeping in touch on the Web. This helps people to have intense relationship with friends and family regardless time and location. For pragmatic instance, frequent email and social media users have more firmly tied than those who just communicate via writing letters or seeing directly. Consequently, the number of interactions avid cyberspace users have is higher online than that of in real life situations.
Conversely, the changes in behavior and cognition among the young are really drives negative outcome dues to internet used. Research studies in Washington DC states that the brain multitasking teens and young adults are "wired". It owes to spend most of energy for sharing short social messages, being entertained and distracted away from engagement in-depth with people and knowledge. By doing so, people are more likely to be less in their interaction through face-to-face social skills and deep-thinking capabilities.
Taking into account from two different points of view, I might speculate that surfing the internet primarily introduces positive social consequences in human daily life, while it dues to the increase in a frequency and quality of interpersonal communications. People access easily to others ought to feel better connected and more strongly supported by others, leading to happiness and engagement in families, organizations, and communities more generally. Doubtfully, by the existing the modern means of communication, people would be able to access the internet inappropriate purpose in the future.
Some people believe that the internet is a wonderful tool for making new friends and maintaining existing friendship. Others, however, think that socializing online removes the face-to-face contact so vital to human relationship.
Discuss both views and gives your own opinion.
Technological advanced affects significantly through human life horizon. As a universal, people argue that internet transmutes social life of inhabitants in a term of having closer relationship with new or existing friends. However, others believe that this socializing online addresses consuming time to face closely their friends. While these two ideas are nearly to be true to some extent, I am personally convinced that the internet enables to be broad into human companionship relatively.
A whole culture has grown up around the new possibilities of keeping in touch on the Web. This helps people to have intense relationship with friends and family regardless time and location. For pragmatic instance, frequent email and social media users have more firmly tied than those who just communicate via writing letters or seeing directly. Consequently, the number of interactions avid cyberspace users have is higher online than that of in real life situations.
Conversely, the changes in behavior and cognition among the young are really drives negative outcome dues to internet used. Research studies in Washington DC states that the brain multitasking teens and young adults are "wired". It owes to spend most of energy for sharing short social messages, being entertained and distracted away from engagement in-depth with people and knowledge. By doing so, people are more likely to be less in their interaction through face-to-face social skills and deep-thinking capabilities.
Taking into account from two different points of view, I might speculate that surfing the internet primarily introduces positive social consequences in human daily life, while it dues to the increase in a frequency and quality of interpersonal communications. People access easily to others ought to feel better connected and more strongly supported by others, leading to happiness and engagement in families, organizations, and communities more generally. Doubtfully, by the existing the modern means of communication, people would be able to access the internet inappropriate purpose in the future.
Anfalia
Feb 6, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: teaching method with a teacher and students in a classroom will not exist [2]
Some people say that teaching method with a teacher and students in a classroom will not exist by the year 2050. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Modern technology has totally changed remarkably through our approach to study. For this case, some people argue that situation in classroom which teacher teaching students extensively will not implement anymore over 2050. However, I am personally convinced that formal situation between teacher and students encourage positively to the effectiveness of successful learning.
These days, technological advanced renders the various teaching methodology. For pragmatic instance, some American students have the new way of study. It is "online video teaching". This method refers to students who enable to study with their teacher by video online for several hours. As a consequence, a novel teaching methodology tends to create informal learning process.
Conversely, the majority of students are more likely to acquire easily and understand some materials properly by meeting their teachers directly. What they benefit from this learning process is a discussion time among students, teachers, and their friends. To exemplify, teachers give students a debate topic, and they automatically will share with their friends about what they have in their mind related to the topic. Admittedly, this learning process builds a cognitive linguistic ability among students to have critical thinking.
Personally, teaching method afford several merits for personal students. To begin with, students are able to exploit their available amount of time to study with both their friends and teachers. As an obvious example, when students have time-consuming homework or materials, they enable to address a question through their teachers or friends. This pattern cannot be found on the internet or E-book. Again, teaching method renders students to require their broad knowledge of lessons and teaching methods given by teachers. It may be predicted to be used for their further next.
In conclusion, teaching methodology is expected to be broad as the development of technology and analytical brilliant mind which personally individualists have, and it will affect to the existence of teaching learning process. What should education stakeholders react for this phenomenon is incline the quality of teachers to create the expert one and ask students to have more discussion with their friends so as to do not spend their time on the internet.
Some people say that teaching method with a teacher and students in a classroom will not exist by the year 2050. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Modern technology has totally changed remarkably through our approach to study. For this case, some people argue that situation in classroom which teacher teaching students extensively will not implement anymore over 2050. However, I am personally convinced that formal situation between teacher and students encourage positively to the effectiveness of successful learning.
These days, technological advanced renders the various teaching methodology. For pragmatic instance, some American students have the new way of study. It is "online video teaching". This method refers to students who enable to study with their teacher by video online for several hours. As a consequence, a novel teaching methodology tends to create informal learning process.
Conversely, the majority of students are more likely to acquire easily and understand some materials properly by meeting their teachers directly. What they benefit from this learning process is a discussion time among students, teachers, and their friends. To exemplify, teachers give students a debate topic, and they automatically will share with their friends about what they have in their mind related to the topic. Admittedly, this learning process builds a cognitive linguistic ability among students to have critical thinking.
Personally, teaching method afford several merits for personal students. To begin with, students are able to exploit their available amount of time to study with both their friends and teachers. As an obvious example, when students have time-consuming homework or materials, they enable to address a question through their teachers or friends. This pattern cannot be found on the internet or E-book. Again, teaching method renders students to require their broad knowledge of lessons and teaching methods given by teachers. It may be predicted to be used for their further next.
In conclusion, teaching methodology is expected to be broad as the development of technology and analytical brilliant mind which personally individualists have, and it will affect to the existence of teaching learning process. What should education stakeholders react for this phenomenon is incline the quality of teachers to create the expert one and ask students to have more discussion with their friends so as to do not spend their time on the internet.
Anfalia
Feb 6, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: The average age at which workers retire appears to vary widely around the world. [2]
The average age at which workers retire appears to vary widely around the world. What factors contribute to deciding retirement age?
How are societies advantaged or disadvantaged by workers retiring early?
More attention should be paid when it comes to work retirement. While this phenomenon becomes a broaden-horizon these days, the number of retire people are more likely to rise over decades. While this trend leads several factors, I am personally convinced that workers retiring early address some advantages and disadvantages for citizens relating to their future lives.
Admittedly, the case of retirement age leads to several factors. The suitable retirement age enable to be considered by an organization or individual. For some developed and developing country at which have the huge younger population enable to open the door largely in the workforce by forcing worker's retirement an earlier age. The purpose of this is to obtain professional workers selectively. Conversely, a state with fewer numbers of populations may wish to extend the working lives so that people in workforce maintains its economic competitiveness.
In addition, the simplify factor for employ people to decide the early retirement is financial trouble. As an obvious fact, the older worker in industry decides to leave his job soon as a way of saving money on salaries. This phenomenon happen as worker work for a long time in this job, but he does not get the enhancement of salary. As a result, finance enable to be crucial factor in the case of people retire.
Conversely, the early retirement also addresses distinct drawbacks for society. Firstly, as citizens, they receive less tax revenue and must pay benefits to a larger portion of populations as a result in employee retired. Furthermore, societies are less of considerable expertise and experience from older workers offer. Some employees in young ages cannot be guaranteed to have wide experience to run of business well.
In conclusion, as the more popular work retirement, people should bear in mind before taking the decision to retire from their jobs. Where possible, the authorities should allow workers to retire later in a whole of their life, and it is expected to avoid the associated disadvantages to society of an early retirement.
The average age at which workers retire appears to vary widely around the world. What factors contribute to deciding retirement age?
How are societies advantaged or disadvantaged by workers retiring early?
More attention should be paid when it comes to work retirement. While this phenomenon becomes a broaden-horizon these days, the number of retire people are more likely to rise over decades. While this trend leads several factors, I am personally convinced that workers retiring early address some advantages and disadvantages for citizens relating to their future lives.
Admittedly, the case of retirement age leads to several factors. The suitable retirement age enable to be considered by an organization or individual. For some developed and developing country at which have the huge younger population enable to open the door largely in the workforce by forcing worker's retirement an earlier age. The purpose of this is to obtain professional workers selectively. Conversely, a state with fewer numbers of populations may wish to extend the working lives so that people in workforce maintains its economic competitiveness.
In addition, the simplify factor for employ people to decide the early retirement is financial trouble. As an obvious fact, the older worker in industry decides to leave his job soon as a way of saving money on salaries. This phenomenon happen as worker work for a long time in this job, but he does not get the enhancement of salary. As a result, finance enable to be crucial factor in the case of people retire.
Conversely, the early retirement also addresses distinct drawbacks for society. Firstly, as citizens, they receive less tax revenue and must pay benefits to a larger portion of populations as a result in employee retired. Furthermore, societies are less of considerable expertise and experience from older workers offer. Some employees in young ages cannot be guaranteed to have wide experience to run of business well.
In conclusion, as the more popular work retirement, people should bear in mind before taking the decision to retire from their jobs. Where possible, the authorities should allow workers to retire later in a whole of their life, and it is expected to avoid the associated disadvantages to society of an early retirement.
Anfalia
Feb 6, 2015
Writing Feedback / When possible, parents should sometimes have a trip to natural park on holiday with their children. [4]
you need to put conclusion "as a result" which cover this paragraph or revers to main topic in the first sentence.
On the other hand, children should visit some spectacular scenery over the world directly as the natural environment is absolutely different from what they see on the computer screen.
this is in the same case as above (put conclusion from main topic)
this red bold means that; you have three verbs and one conjunction as noun clause)
overall, this is good essay. Good Luck brother! :)
you need to put conclusion "as a result" which cover this paragraph or revers to main topic in the first sentence.
On the other hand, children should visit some spectacular scenery over the world directly as the natural environment is absolutely different from what they see on the computer screen.
this is in the same case as above (put conclusion from main topic)
this red bold means that; you have three verbs and one conjunction as noun clause)
overall, this is good essay. Good Luck brother! :)
Anfalia
Feb 6, 2015
Writing Feedback / Art is a product of human expression and for this case government should promote it [3]
Some people believe that governments should fund and promote artistic and cultural activities for their citizens. Others, however, think that these activities should be left to private individuals and institutions.
Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
The government plays an important role in developing a country. That is why there is an argument as to how the government should invest more in either artistic or cultural activities. While other people believe that private individuals and institutions should take these activities, I am personally convinced that government should maintain these activities properly as a country's asset.
Art is a product of human expression and for this case government should give the amount of finance to promote and cultural activities because these activities are countries symbol so as to prominent for them to preserve properly these activities. To exemplify, traditional dance such as "Reog Ponorogo" in Indonesia is the famous traditional activity in Indonesia. By this truly fact, all countries around the world recognize well that this country is original from Indonesia. Automatically, this is a significant symbol which is owned by Indonesia. Consequently, the development of culture and artistic is in government's hand.
On the other hand, some artistic and cultural activities should be taken to private in individuals and institution because in this reality governments do not pay attention more through these activities. However, when these activities were handled by private institution, they will preserve them as perfect as possible because they tend to utilize them as their asset to obtain much profit. As a result, this artistic and cultural activity appears lovingly when it comes to private institution's hand.
On the whole, both artistic and cultural activities were prominent aspects for the development of country. While private institution enables to maintain it perfectly, I strongly argue that private institution will handle these fully, and doubtfully, all citizens cannot own these activities as their countries' pride.
Some people believe that governments should fund and promote artistic and cultural activities for their citizens. Others, however, think that these activities should be left to private individuals and institutions.
Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
The government plays an important role in developing a country. That is why there is an argument as to how the government should invest more in either artistic or cultural activities. While other people believe that private individuals and institutions should take these activities, I am personally convinced that government should maintain these activities properly as a country's asset.
Art is a product of human expression and for this case government should give the amount of finance to promote and cultural activities because these activities are countries symbol so as to prominent for them to preserve properly these activities. To exemplify, traditional dance such as "Reog Ponorogo" in Indonesia is the famous traditional activity in Indonesia. By this truly fact, all countries around the world recognize well that this country is original from Indonesia. Automatically, this is a significant symbol which is owned by Indonesia. Consequently, the development of culture and artistic is in government's hand.
On the other hand, some artistic and cultural activities should be taken to private in individuals and institution because in this reality governments do not pay attention more through these activities. However, when these activities were handled by private institution, they will preserve them as perfect as possible because they tend to utilize them as their asset to obtain much profit. As a result, this artistic and cultural activity appears lovingly when it comes to private institution's hand.
On the whole, both artistic and cultural activities were prominent aspects for the development of country. While private institution enables to maintain it perfectly, I strongly argue that private institution will handle these fully, and doubtfully, all citizens cannot own these activities as their countries' pride.
Anfalia
Feb 7, 2015
Writing Feedback / Both transportation stakeholders and commuters should participate in solving traffic problem [2]
Some people say that, to reduce traffic congestion in large cities, governments should act to reduce the number of cars on the roads. Others say that it is the responsibility of individuals to use cars less and public transport more. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Traffic congestion is a major issue in society these days. For this reason, the majority of people view that the only way to arrest this case is government's action to reduce the existence of cars on the roads. While others argue that individuals should minimize the need to commute by using private car, and they are supposed to use public transport, I personally believe that both governments and individuals play an important aspect to tackle this problem.
General speaking, the most crucial case in the city is the huge number of cars used by societies that leads a terrible threat. Therefore, government has a prominent right and high level position in a country to tackle this problem. Research studies have shown that one large city in Singapore is free from traffic jams. This results of a government program to flight air pollution and traffic jams by simply making very expensive tax for everyone who wants a car, and they should buy permit. In addition, to drive and enter downtown on weekdays in Singapore acquires to pay big tax on gasoline. As a result, government enables to create happy situation with no accident and traffic congestion on the road.
Admittedly, the only essential way to tackle this case is individuals themselves. They are supposed to be aware to use less car and more public transport. By applying so, the number of traffic congestion can be reduced gradually. To exemplify, the majority of Japanese are aware to not use more cars, they prefer to use bicycle or on foot when it comes to do their daily activities. Conduct to this fact states that Japan is well-known by a clean country with less waste, pollution, and traffic problem. In consequence, people cannot rely on only to government because the root of problem comes from their personalities.
On the whole, traffic congestion is continuously problem affecting to the development of country. While government as a head to minimize this problem clearly, people also enable to change their behavior relating to traffic jams. However, I would argue that both transportation stakeholders and commuters should hand in hand to obtain viable solution relating to this case. Doubtfully, people cannot avoid the use of private vehicle as the development technological advanced and as the huge of brilliant people who create more sophisticated transportation.
Some people say that, to reduce traffic congestion in large cities, governments should act to reduce the number of cars on the roads. Others say that it is the responsibility of individuals to use cars less and public transport more. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Traffic congestion is a major issue in society these days. For this reason, the majority of people view that the only way to arrest this case is government's action to reduce the existence of cars on the roads. While others argue that individuals should minimize the need to commute by using private car, and they are supposed to use public transport, I personally believe that both governments and individuals play an important aspect to tackle this problem.
General speaking, the most crucial case in the city is the huge number of cars used by societies that leads a terrible threat. Therefore, government has a prominent right and high level position in a country to tackle this problem. Research studies have shown that one large city in Singapore is free from traffic jams. This results of a government program to flight air pollution and traffic jams by simply making very expensive tax for everyone who wants a car, and they should buy permit. In addition, to drive and enter downtown on weekdays in Singapore acquires to pay big tax on gasoline. As a result, government enables to create happy situation with no accident and traffic congestion on the road.
Admittedly, the only essential way to tackle this case is individuals themselves. They are supposed to be aware to use less car and more public transport. By applying so, the number of traffic congestion can be reduced gradually. To exemplify, the majority of Japanese are aware to not use more cars, they prefer to use bicycle or on foot when it comes to do their daily activities. Conduct to this fact states that Japan is well-known by a clean country with less waste, pollution, and traffic problem. In consequence, people cannot rely on only to government because the root of problem comes from their personalities.
On the whole, traffic congestion is continuously problem affecting to the development of country. While government as a head to minimize this problem clearly, people also enable to change their behavior relating to traffic jams. However, I would argue that both transportation stakeholders and commuters should hand in hand to obtain viable solution relating to this case. Doubtfully, people cannot avoid the use of private vehicle as the development technological advanced and as the huge of brilliant people who create more sophisticated transportation.
Anfalia
Feb 10, 2015
Writing Feedback / What cause of people life longer ? is that positive of negative development? (IELTS Task 2) [3]
Hello sister..
I'm sorry, let me try to give you a comment to improve my IELTS learning with you.
overall, you did a good job for this essay, and I like you essay.
it might enable you to cogitate whether it is true or false of my argument here;
In my opinion, you should separate this part of paragraph to be the second paragraph. it seems too bulky.
I think you do not need to add "be" in this sentence because if you use "be" means that it's followed by verb3.
Thank you sister.. Good Luck! :)
Hello sister..
I'm sorry, let me try to give you a comment to improve my IELTS learning with you.
overall, you did a good job for this essay, and I like you essay.
it might enable you to cogitate whether it is true or false of my argument here;
Moreover, the discovery of vaccines take part in cause of living longer. ...
In my opinion, you should separate this part of paragraph to be the second paragraph. it seems too bulky.
technological and vaccine discoveries would be take a huge part
I think you do not need to add "be" in this sentence because if you use "be" means that it's followed by verb3.
Thank you sister.. Good Luck! :)
Anfalia
Feb 11, 2015
Writing Feedback / A whole culture has grown up around the new possibilities of keeping in touch on the Web [3]
thank you for your suggestion. I'll try your suggestion.
thank you for your suggestion. I'll try your suggestion.
Anfalia
Feb 11, 2015
Writing Feedback / A horizon communication these days speaks more than one language. Learning foreign language issue [2]
All children should study a foreign language in school, starting in the earliest grades.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
A horizon communication these days speaks more than one language. As the country's future asset, children are able to master foreign languages. Therefore, the early grade school year is the perfect quality of time for them to learn this lesson. While the evidence of this argument is nearly to be true to some extent, I am personally convinced that children who learn second language in the earliest age are expected to be well-prepared for advanced language learning tasks.
A foreign language enables to ensure children's basic understanding. Admittedly, they acquire ability to gain many vocabularies, and to mimic closely the native pronunciation and intonation of a new language. Research study shows that some earlier schools in Indonesia provide 2-10 foreign language vocabularies completed by well-pronounced every morning. It resulted in the school's next level that they are able to communicate effectively using vary basic vocabularies and excellent pronunciation.
Conversely, learning a foreign language is probably addresses some drawbacks. Initially, children tend to be hard in the case of obtaining critical thinking and to understand completely the explanation. English as a second language in Asia can be taken to exemplify this case; It shows that young learners are difficult to learn English structures such as grammatical and syntax. Consequently, children are stressful when they were insisted on learning this lesson. Again, learning second foreign language enables to delay children's development to learn first language. It is owing to their hard intention to focus on learning the second language as their preparation to live and work in a global society for further next.
Ultimately, earliest grade is the excellent basic foundation for young learners to understand foreign language, and it gives them a chance to get the advanced language learning tasks. Where possible, children in the early grade school year should have intense preparation to learn the second language. Despite all, it does not mean that children put the second of first language because it is the vital aspect of lesson for them in the term of language.
All children should study a foreign language in school, starting in the earliest grades.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
A horizon communication these days speaks more than one language. As the country's future asset, children are able to master foreign languages. Therefore, the early grade school year is the perfect quality of time for them to learn this lesson. While the evidence of this argument is nearly to be true to some extent, I am personally convinced that children who learn second language in the earliest age are expected to be well-prepared for advanced language learning tasks.
A foreign language enables to ensure children's basic understanding. Admittedly, they acquire ability to gain many vocabularies, and to mimic closely the native pronunciation and intonation of a new language. Research study shows that some earlier schools in Indonesia provide 2-10 foreign language vocabularies completed by well-pronounced every morning. It resulted in the school's next level that they are able to communicate effectively using vary basic vocabularies and excellent pronunciation.
Conversely, learning a foreign language is probably addresses some drawbacks. Initially, children tend to be hard in the case of obtaining critical thinking and to understand completely the explanation. English as a second language in Asia can be taken to exemplify this case; It shows that young learners are difficult to learn English structures such as grammatical and syntax. Consequently, children are stressful when they were insisted on learning this lesson. Again, learning second foreign language enables to delay children's development to learn first language. It is owing to their hard intention to focus on learning the second language as their preparation to live and work in a global society for further next.
Ultimately, earliest grade is the excellent basic foundation for young learners to understand foreign language, and it gives them a chance to get the advanced language learning tasks. Where possible, children in the early grade school year should have intense preparation to learn the second language. Despite all, it does not mean that children put the second of first language because it is the vital aspect of lesson for them in the term of language.
Anfalia
Feb 11, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Big outdoor public space is necessary for all cities and towns, agree or disagree? [3]
this sentence is double verb without any conjunction.
Because of a similar interest, ideas can be easily spread and bonds can be smoothly formed among them.
this sentence is double verb without any conjunction.
it is where the mass can have a close contact with nature, just like a temporary and easy getaway from all the seemingly unescapable(inescapable) hustling and bustling part of city life. (many verbs but one conjunction) The combination of a moment of quietness and a place of fresh air isare always desirable.
Anfalia
Feb 11, 2015
Writing Feedback / One's success determines through rewarding career. People are choosing to change careers, why? [4]
An increasing number of people are choosing to change careers during their working lives, and some even do so more than once.
What reasons might people have to change careers?
Do you think this is a positive or negative development for society?
One's success determines through rewarding career. From this personal perspective, changing career in working lives has already remained a remarkably widespread phenomenon. The majority of people change their careers pretty often in view of getting better their career prospects. Although there are positives and negatives in such changes, I am personally convinced that the benefits by doing so do outweigh its disadvantages.
The reason why people especially teenage years are more likely to change their personal career is a tendency of high expectation to try out new experiences, instead of following the family career path. Research studies show that people in the age of 15 tend to avoid in the case of working in the same organization with their family, they are more likely to be traveler or other job sectors. When the age over 20, this fascination with new places is declining, and changes is less attractive. Consequently, the age-related trend can be observed in all experiences.
This phenomenon enables to address positives sides for people. Firstly, people acquire the various experience of working lives. It predicts to be useful for their bright future life when it comes to work. The more people have work experience, the easier for them to obtain high level jobs. Also, they are easily to adapt and behave properly with many kinds of individual characteristic. It owes to their intensity to interact with other people in different jobs. As a result, inhabitants who have the enormous working experience indirectly improve their personal social behavior.
Conversely, people do not have chance to move easily to the higher job position when they only work for a short time in the same company. However, when they stay in this job permanently, it is easier for them to achieve their higher job position, and it results to get higher income. For pragmatic instance, a commercial industry such as Pizza Hut allows their employees to be manager when these employees have already been worked for several years. By pointing out this fact, it can be concluded that the long term people work guarantees to their job satisfaction.
On the whole, as the majority of people these days prefer to work in many different companies address some merits and demerits, I would argue that people should bear in mind when they want to decide to work because a whole of their career determines their future success. Where possible, people should enjoy their time at young ages to vary their experiences because as they get older, their openness to new experiences is slowly declining.
An increasing number of people are choosing to change careers during their working lives, and some even do so more than once.
What reasons might people have to change careers?
Do you think this is a positive or negative development for society?
One's success determines through rewarding career. From this personal perspective, changing career in working lives has already remained a remarkably widespread phenomenon. The majority of people change their careers pretty often in view of getting better their career prospects. Although there are positives and negatives in such changes, I am personally convinced that the benefits by doing so do outweigh its disadvantages.
The reason why people especially teenage years are more likely to change their personal career is a tendency of high expectation to try out new experiences, instead of following the family career path. Research studies show that people in the age of 15 tend to avoid in the case of working in the same organization with their family, they are more likely to be traveler or other job sectors. When the age over 20, this fascination with new places is declining, and changes is less attractive. Consequently, the age-related trend can be observed in all experiences.
This phenomenon enables to address positives sides for people. Firstly, people acquire the various experience of working lives. It predicts to be useful for their bright future life when it comes to work. The more people have work experience, the easier for them to obtain high level jobs. Also, they are easily to adapt and behave properly with many kinds of individual characteristic. It owes to their intensity to interact with other people in different jobs. As a result, inhabitants who have the enormous working experience indirectly improve their personal social behavior.
Conversely, people do not have chance to move easily to the higher job position when they only work for a short time in the same company. However, when they stay in this job permanently, it is easier for them to achieve their higher job position, and it results to get higher income. For pragmatic instance, a commercial industry such as Pizza Hut allows their employees to be manager when these employees have already been worked for several years. By pointing out this fact, it can be concluded that the long term people work guarantees to their job satisfaction.
On the whole, as the majority of people these days prefer to work in many different companies address some merits and demerits, I would argue that people should bear in mind when they want to decide to work because a whole of their career determines their future success. Where possible, people should enjoy their time at young ages to vary their experiences because as they get older, their openness to new experiences is slowly declining.
Anfalia
Feb 11, 2015
Writing Feedback / A prominent task of universities is to enroll prospective students for further next. IELTS [5]
wow! thank you so much for all comments. It is really improve my writing.
Fadlanmuzakki, thank you for your suggestion, I've checked on my dictionary.
sHanafi, thank you so much sister, I'll try to do better for my next writing.
Vns9x
" Your essay would have looked much better if you had somehow conflated the conclusion and your opinion to be honest!"
I'm sorry, Actually I don't really know what do you mean of this sentence?
wow! thank you so much for all comments. It is really improve my writing.
Fadlanmuzakki, thank you for your suggestion, I've checked on my dictionary.
sHanafi, thank you so much sister, I'll try to do better for my next writing.
Vns9x
" Your essay would have looked much better if you had somehow conflated the conclusion and your opinion to be honest!"
I'm sorry, Actually I don't really know what do you mean of this sentence?
Anfalia
Feb 13, 2015
Writing Feedback / One's success determines through rewarding career. People are choosing to change careers, why? [4]
Imad
thank you for remind me, I almost forget for the form of comparative. :)
Moleman
Wow!! It really helps me. Thank you very much. I think I need to improve more my essay.
Imad
thank you for remind me, I almost forget for the form of comparative. :)
Moleman
Wow!! It really helps me. Thank you very much. I think I need to improve more my essay.
Anfalia
Feb 13, 2015
Writing Feedback / Teenagers should not only watch the TV program, but also take responsibility to practice the sport [4]
TakingTake World Cup
you do not need to change it to Gerund as a subject
effects
affect is verb
Keep spirit. Good Luck! :)
you do not need to change it to Gerund as a subject
this can affect to juveniles' habit
causes several affects
effects
affect is verb
Keep spirit. Good Luck! :)
Anfalia
Feb 13, 2015
Writing Feedback / Human expression; art-based subjects should be compulsory in the curriculum - IELTS TASK 2 [2]
Some educationalists argue that non-exam, art-based subjects, such as music, drama, art, and craft, should be compulsory in the secondary-school curriculum. They believe that activities such as these can improve overall academic performance.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Art is a product of human expression. For this reason, the majority of educationalists contend that art should be a mandatory subject at secondary-school curriculum. It dues to this activity enhances the optimal condition of academic performance. Therefore, I strongly believe that art subjects enable to create students' real ability.
[...]
Some educationalists argue that non-exam, art-based subjects, such as music, drama, art, and craft, should be compulsory in the secondary-school curriculum. They believe that activities such as these can improve overall academic performance.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Art is a product of human expression. For this reason, the majority of educationalists contend that art should be a mandatory subject at secondary-school curriculum. It dues to this activity enhances the optimal condition of academic performance. Therefore, I strongly believe that art subjects enable to create students' real ability.
[...]
Anfalia
Feb 21, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: increasing number of people are suffering from health problems [3]
In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Fast food menus are tricky when you are watching your weight or your health. For this reason, the majority of countries are experiencing health problem owing to eating much fast food. While rising tax of fast food addresses merits and demerits for the development of country, I am personally convinced that government do not need to rise in fast food tax due to introducing a lower economic development; however, people should balance to consume this food with regular exercise.
[...]
In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Fast food menus are tricky when you are watching your weight or your health. For this reason, the majority of countries are experiencing health problem owing to eating much fast food. While rising tax of fast food addresses merits and demerits for the development of country, I am personally convinced that government do not need to rise in fast food tax due to introducing a lower economic development; however, people should balance to consume this food with regular exercise.
[...]
Anfalia
Feb 21, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: increasing number of people are suffering from health problems [3]
Thank you so much. It really helps me. I think I should rewrite this essay. Thanks for your suggestion.
Thank you so much. It really helps me. I think I should rewrite this essay. Thanks for your suggestion.
Anfalia
Feb 22, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: work for the same organization all their working life [2]
Some people work for the same organization all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organizations.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
One's success determines through rewarding career. For this reason, while the majority of people are more likely to take up office in one organization during their life being spent in workplaces, others argue that working for various job experiences in different organizations in considerable leading to have better life. However, I am personally convinced that there are several benefits for workers who pretty often change their job in different organizations.
...
Some people work for the same organization all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organizations.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
One's success determines through rewarding career. For this reason, while the majority of people are more likely to take up office in one organization during their life being spent in workplaces, others argue that working for various job experiences in different organizations in considerable leading to have better life. However, I am personally convinced that there are several benefits for workers who pretty often change their job in different organizations.
...
Anfalia
Feb 26, 2015
Writing Feedback / People perceive change in different ways. Is it always for the better or not? Is vital for our lives [5]
I think in this part, you miss your own opinion. you should put in your introduction.
here pattern of intro; (Hook, paraphrase prompt, your own opinion from the task)
I don't say that this is wrong, bit it could be better if you point to general (they/them)
It's too general.
[/quote]
Good Luck!
It is true that people perceive change in different ways. Some members of the community believe that change is always for the better, while others think otherwise.
I think in this part, you miss your own opinion. you should put in your introduction.
here pattern of intro; (Hook, paraphrase prompt, your own opinion from the task)
person to improve him- or herself,
I don't say that this is wrong, bit it could be better if you point to general (they/them)
learn something new??
It's too general.
that he or shethey
[quote=autumn_waltz]with their familyies
[quote=autumn_waltz]with their famil
[/quote]
Good Luck!
Anfalia
Feb 27, 2015
Writing Feedback / HOW COLOUR CAN EFFECT PEOPLE'S FEELING [3]
Colour is basic substances which can be possibly fast caught by eyes. For this reason, some experts have a perspective that colour enables to influence humans' feeling. By doing so, the pattern of colour in public areas, hospital and office,havehas to meet the requirement (what requirement? you need to specific this) in order to encourage people's feeling. Therefore, I utterly believe that colourful painting evokes personal physical well-being and improves well-qualified profession.
Admittedly, people work in huge varietyies of high contras colours which decoration used to find out difficult to concentrate on their works since room colours influence their moods and thoughts. As an obvious fact, American researcher recorded that warm colours such as red and orange arouse negative emotions (anxiety, excitement, distress and upset) whereas cool colours like as green, such feelings comfortable, calm and serene, rise relaxed people's feeling. As a result, light contrast colours which is believed to create a fresh thinking in the midst of overwhelming work pressuresin this sentence, you only have one verb but you have one ocnjunction. always pay attention complex sentence.
In addition, the impact of colours boost work performance for wokers in offices. As such colour effects are more likely to use a variety of colours to represent their jobs , between light and bold colours. For instance, Bank corporates in Indonesia use light colours, expansive and airy, [i]making(you need conjunction and verb here NOT verb as a gerund) rooms appear larger and brighter[/i] )(many verbs in this sentence but lack of conjunction). Conversely, there is a place of work using dark colour like creative room, such as red, yellow, orange, and green so as to give passionate about talented person. Bright colours raise a room's energy level, therefore these are good preference to stir up excitements. In an entryway, colours create to a strong first impression.
overall, this paragraph seems confusing, this idea is the same as the previous paragraph.
In fact, Texas Medical University evidenced examinesthat myopia is related to green colour to therapy people, reduce illness gradually
(many verbs and one conjunction)
This therapy helps to support the eye muscle. As a consequence, green colours (need to be here) coming as a therapy to stimulate body and mine of medical field.
In conclusion, it is clearly that colours influence(influence what?) for human changing psychology. Bold colour diversities tend to get a similar reaction from most people and the overall difference being in the shade or tones used. Where possible, when it comes to decorating, it is fundamental to choose wisely.
Overall, I suggest you to really pay attention on your subject verb agreement. Also, the flow of sentence because I'm afraid that you still do not anwer well the task, and it will be going to off topic.
Thank you. Good Luck!
Colour is basic substances which can be possibly fast caught by eyes. For this reason, some experts have a perspective that colour enables to influence humans' feeling. By doing so, the pattern of colour in public areas, hospital and office,
Admittedly, people work in huge variet
In addition, the impact of colours boost work performance for wokers in offices. As such colour effects are more likely to use a variety of colours to represent their jobs , between light and bold colours. For instance, Bank corporates in Indonesia use light colours, expansive and airy, [i]making(you need conjunction and verb here NOT verb as a gerund) rooms appear larger and brighter[/i] )(many verbs in this sentence but lack of conjunction). Conversely, there is a place of work using dark colour like creative room, such as red, yellow, orange, and green so as to give passionate about talented person. Bright colours raise a room's energy level, therefore these are good preference to stir up excitements. In an entryway, colours create to a strong first impression.
overall, this paragraph seems confusing, this idea is the same as the previous paragraph.
In fact, Texas Medical University evidenced examinesthat myopia is related to green colour to therapy people, reduce illness gradually
(many verbs and one conjunction)
This therapy helps to support the eye muscle. As a consequence, green colours (need to be here) coming as a therapy to stimulate body and mine of medical field.
In conclusion, it is clearly that colours influence(influence what?) for human changing psychology. Bold colour diversities tend to get a similar reaction from most people and the overall difference being in the shade or tones used. Where possible, when it comes to decorating, it is fundamental to choose wisely.
Overall, I suggest you to really pay attention on your subject verb agreement. Also, the flow of sentence because I'm afraid that you still do not anwer well the task, and it will be going to off topic.
Thank you. Good Luck!
Anfalia
Feb 27, 2015
Writing Feedback / Study once specialist subject or a series of subjects in universitiy [6]
More attention should be paid on how universities provide a subject in their curriculum. Ordinary people think that college students only focus on specific part of subject. While it is true to some extent as they come to be a(the previous noun you said "they"but here you say "a") good professional person such as a doctor and an engineer, other people argue that adding some subjects to the universities curriculum make the students have an extensive knowledge instead of their primary subject as they will get much information to support their field subject. However, I comprehensively agree that the universities which provide an additional subject will bring their graduates intoa highly competent personpeople(why I change so because universities identically have more than one graduate).
As a matter of fact, nowadays, most universities in the world have been constructing the curriculum only concern for the field of subject as they expect their graduates become a skilled person(in this entence you have three verbs but oneconjunction). For instance, a faculty of medicine only provides the subjects related to medical sector as they(they refers to whom? you have not mentioned people/students in this sentence) becomea doctor. Also an engineer , when they studied in the universities, they focus on engineering subject(an engineer NOT they). From here(you may change this "as a result" because it seems uncommon in academic writing), the professional will only know about their field(remember that conclusion should be linked to the topic sentence NOT example).
On the other hand, people believe that a professional person has to be capable ofan other knowledge which can help him or her(this object pronoun is uncommon in academic writing, it could be better if you talk as general such as "they/them/their") to improve their abilityies(you need conjunction here because double verb without conjunction is forbidden)become a talented person. For example, the doctors and the engineers have to know about some religion studies. They can improve their attitude especially in morals and ethics. A 2012, study in King Abdul Aziz University pointed out that 75 % doctors and engineers in England who have studied a religion subject are more patient and better attitude when they serve their clients . They enable to give a quality advice to their customers . From this research, it can be seen that education of religion is important factor in part of universities curriculum.[/quote]
[quote=mumtazdinar]In additionAnother point to discuss this opinion is that companies are usually interested in the graduates who have a good perspective and a mannerly person. While they have a good result in their studies, the companies always refer to applicant's point of view when they come to a job interview. Therefore, the students who have worked out the religion studies, they have much knowledge on how to be the best person in life. They have more value than other graduates who never involve in spiritual studies(this is not the conclusion of topic sentence/first line).
For the reasons mentioned above, it seems to me that although once specialist subject makes(it seems not appropriate meaning if you use "make" here) the graduates to be a professional person, the universities have to provide additional subjects to improve their students' attitude. However, students who learn some additional subjects such as religion subject will come up with the best solutions. It is imperative that adding spiritual subject in the curriculum gives benefits to the graduates and environment where they work or live(why environment get benefit from subject??).
For the reasons mentionedaboveso, it seems to me that although once specialist subject makescreates the graduates to be a professional person, the universities have to provide additional subjects to improve their students' attitude. However, students who learn some additional subjects such as religion subject will come up with the best solutions. It is imperative that adding spiritual subject in the curriculum gives benefits to the graduates and environment where they work or live.
(I don't know why when I read your conclusion, it seems that I repeat some repetition sentences that you mentioned so, you need to paraphrase it).
overall, please focus on the task. I'm afraid that it is going to be off topic. Thank you. Good Luck!!
More attention should be paid on how universities provide a subject in their curriculum. Ordinary people think that college students only focus on specific part of subject. While it is true to some extent as they come to be a(the previous noun you said "they"but here you say "a") good professional person such as a doctor and an engineer, other people argue that adding some subjects to the universities curriculum make the students have an extensive knowledge instead of their primary subject as they will get much information to support their field subject. However, I comprehensively agree that the universities which provide an additional subject will bring their graduates into
As a matter of fact, nowadays, most universities in the world have been constructing the curriculum only concern for the field of subject as they expect their graduates become a skilled person(in this entence you have three verbs but oneconjunction). For instance, a faculty of medicine only provides the subjects related to medical sector as they(they refers to whom? you have not mentioned people/students in this sentence) become
On the other hand, people believe that a professional person has to be capable of
[quote=mumtazdinar]
For the reasons mentioned above, it seems to me that although once specialist subject makes(it seems not appropriate meaning if you use "make" here) the graduates to be a professional person, the universities have to provide additional subjects to improve their students' attitude. However, students who learn some additional subjects such as religion subject will come up with the best solutions. It is imperative that adding spiritual subject in the curriculum gives benefits to the graduates and environment where they work or live(why environment get benefit from subject??).
For the reasons mentioned
(I don't know why when I read your conclusion, it seems that I repeat some repetition sentences that you mentioned so, you need to paraphrase it).
overall, please focus on the task. I'm afraid that it is going to be off topic. Thank you. Good Luck!!
Anfalia
Feb 27, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years [2]
Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now "one big traffic jam".
How true do you think this statement is?
What measures can governments take to discourage people from using their cars?
Traffic congestion is a major issue in society these days. For this reason, a rise significantly in car ownership over three decades has already affected to the number of malady traffic jam. While this obvious fact is nearly to be true to some extent, I am personally convinced that there are number of measurements could be taken by governments from car-used.
It is undeniable that the majority of people especially in large cities are keen on driving car as their main transportation to meet their daily activities. A research study has shown that nearly 90 percent of people who live in Indonesia own a car. They use it frequently for having trip, going to work, or even only going to some stores near by their homes. In consequence, the incline in people commuting car is getting worse, and it takes some time to be solved.
...
Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now "one big traffic jam".
How true do you think this statement is?
What measures can governments take to discourage people from using their cars?
Traffic congestion is a major issue in society these days. For this reason, a rise significantly in car ownership over three decades has already affected to the number of malady traffic jam. While this obvious fact is nearly to be true to some extent, I am personally convinced that there are number of measurements could be taken by governments from car-used.
It is undeniable that the majority of people especially in large cities are keen on driving car as their main transportation to meet their daily activities. A research study has shown that nearly 90 percent of people who live in Indonesia own a car. They use it frequently for having trip, going to work, or even only going to some stores near by their homes. In consequence, the incline in people commuting car is getting worse, and it takes some time to be solved.
...
Anfalia
Mar 1, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer [4]
One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing.
Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
Good health is a key for happy life. For this reason, the majority of people these days are estimated to live longer than their ancestors. While people who live longer in this world render benefits for others, it will be ashamed when they are not independent and cannot look after themselves.
It is argued that elderly people suffered from medical problem such as dementia might bother younger people especially in their families. For instance, ageing people suffering from cancer cannot look after their healthy body by themselves. They need other people to feed them, serve their medicines, and wash their laundry. As a result, people who live longer always rely on an aid from others.
Conversely, it is undeniable that nowadays people aged over 65 are more likely enjoyed a happy old age healthily. As an obvious example, there are many pensions of civil servant are still able to do their new activities that they could not afford in their workplace such as gardening. This is a leisure-time activity to refresh their mind from distressful feeling. Furthermore, the majority of ageing people enjoy [...]
One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing.
Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
Good health is a key for happy life. For this reason, the majority of people these days are estimated to live longer than their ancestors. While people who live longer in this world render benefits for others, it will be ashamed when they are not independent and cannot look after themselves.
It is argued that elderly people suffered from medical problem such as dementia might bother younger people especially in their families. For instance, ageing people suffering from cancer cannot look after their healthy body by themselves. They need other people to feed them, serve their medicines, and wash their laundry. As a result, people who live longer always rely on an aid from others.
Conversely, it is undeniable that nowadays people aged over 65 are more likely enjoyed a happy old age healthily. As an obvious example, there are many pensions of civil servant are still able to do their new activities that they could not afford in their workplace such as gardening. This is a leisure-time activity to refresh their mind from distressful feeling. Furthermore, the majority of ageing people enjoy [...]
Anfalia
Mar 2, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS - governments subsidize museums, theaters and other arts, and it concerns many people. [3]
Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead.
1. this sentence does not match with the prompt; Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money
In this paragraph you use your opinion for topic sentence; however, it's slightly contrast with the last sentence of this paragraph that you against of the idea.
Overall;
1. you have to pay attention of complex sentence
2. IELTS essay is not only how the grammatical can be corrected, but also how about the flow of sentence and idea. Honestly, I still confuse with your idea of this topic, and also with your own opinion.
3. Task 2, you need to write 250 words
4. you have to know well what is your task so as to far from off-topic
Let me give you general idea of paragraph;
1. Introduction; you have to paraphrase this; "Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead". and also, youw own opinion to answer this task "To what extent do you agree with this statement?"
2. Body 1; One Idea Paragraph/Multiple Idea===="agree with this statement"
- One Idea; Topc sentence, explanation, example, result
- Multiple; topic sentence, firstly, explanation, example, result, secondly,...
3. Body 2; One Idea Paragraph/Multiple Idea===="disagree with this statement"
- One Idea; Topc sentence, explanation, example, result
- Multiple; topic sentence, firstly, explanation, example, result, secondly,...
4. Conclusion
you have to paraphrase your introduction+recommendation(suggestion/fear)[/i]
Good Luck! Keep fighting for IELTS!!
Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead.
Today, the fact that governments subsidize museums, theaters and other arts concerns many people[i](this sentence has double verbs). (1) One may hear indignant(I'm not sure that this adjective can be collocated with public) public claiming that authorities should stop(pay attention, the prompt does not say that government should stop) such investments completely and redirect those money(you have not mention about "money" before) on public needs. As for me, I find such exclamations a bit simplistic and suggest(suggest/argue??) that this problem is complex and multi-dimensional.(2)
1. this sentence does not match with the prompt; Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money
In my opinion, governments would better invest in the arts. However, while By doing so, authorities should take into consideration an economic and a demographic situation of their country, so as to ensure that the investments in the arts and in the social needs are distributed in the adequate proportionalityproportionally . It needs to be always born in mind that, as every country has the needs of the first priority (health, education, for example ) and the second priority, such as the arts,. the needs of the highest priority should always be satisfied first. Obviously, if a particular country suffered from famine, it would be a nonsense for the governments(you have to be consistent to use singular/plural Noun) to invest not in the basic needs but in the theaters.
In this paragraph you use your opinion for topic sentence; however, it's slightly contrast with the last sentence of this paragraph that you against of the idea.
Still(It's uncommon if you use this word at the beginning of paragraph), the complete discontinuation of the governments' investments in the arts is not a productive policy. The fact of the matter is that art galleries and museums are powerful educational tools that may facilitate the intelligent and cultural growth of the population(how do you prove this statement?). In order to make museums accessible to general public, the low costs(this is a new topic that you have not mentioned so in the introduction) of the tickets should be maintained, which gives rise to the need for the investment.
Overall;
1. you have to pay attention of complex sentence
2. IELTS essay is not only how the grammatical can be corrected, but also how about the flow of sentence and idea. Honestly, I still confuse with your idea of this topic, and also with your own opinion.
3. Task 2, you need to write 250 words
4. you have to know well what is your task so as to far from off-topic
Let me give you general idea of paragraph;
1. Introduction; you have to paraphrase this; "Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead". and also, youw own opinion to answer this task "To what extent do you agree with this statement?"
2. Body 1; One Idea Paragraph/Multiple Idea===="agree with this statement"
- One Idea; Topc sentence, explanation, example, result
- Multiple; topic sentence, firstly, explanation, example, result, secondly,...
3. Body 2; One Idea Paragraph/Multiple Idea===="disagree with this statement"
- One Idea; Topc sentence, explanation, example, result
- Multiple; topic sentence, firstly, explanation, example, result, secondly,...
4. Conclusion
you have to paraphrase your introduction+recommendation(suggestion/fear)[/i]
Good Luck! Keep fighting for IELTS!!
Anfalia
Mar 2, 2015
Writing Feedback / Electricity transfers from high voltage cables into transformer station - one of several stages [2]
The diagram below shows the process of using water to produce electricity.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
This diagram illustrates the process of water-produced for electricity. Overall, there are three main steps of hydro-electric power generation: water-collected into reservoir, water-rotated in the turbine, and electricity-transferred through transformer station.
To begin with, the heat of sun energy evaporates water in the sea. While this process of evaporation becomes a cloud, the rain goes down. Afterwards, the rainfall water is collected into reservoir. The water goes down by opening valve and it rotates into the turbine to generate the electricity.
What stands out from the graph is the electricity which transfers from high voltage cables into transformer station. Eventually, the next stage of this process is to generate the electricity through some accommodations such as hospitals and schools by underground cables.
A closer look at the data reveals that the water-used as natural resources to generate electricity is repeatedly. The waste of water from rotating turbine goes through a pump, and then it returns to reservoir.
The diagram below shows the process of using water to produce electricity.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
This diagram illustrates the process of water-produced for electricity. Overall, there are three main steps of hydro-electric power generation: water-collected into reservoir, water-rotated in the turbine, and electricity-transferred through transformer station.
To begin with, the heat of sun energy evaporates water in the sea. While this process of evaporation becomes a cloud, the rain goes down. Afterwards, the rainfall water is collected into reservoir. The water goes down by opening valve and it rotates into the turbine to generate the electricity.
What stands out from the graph is the electricity which transfers from high voltage cables into transformer station. Eventually, the next stage of this process is to generate the electricity through some accommodations such as hospitals and schools by underground cables.
A closer look at the data reveals that the water-used as natural resources to generate electricity is repeatedly. The waste of water from rotating turbine goes through a pump, and then it returns to reservoir.
Anfalia
Mar 2, 2015
Writing Feedback / There are some huge gaps between male and female regarding teaching - IELTS [4]
I don't worry about the body of your paragraph. however, in the introduction, you need to tell about what the graph stands out/tells? and how about the overall of this graph? even you haven't mentioned about the overall. I think general view/overview is the important one in IELTS essay task 1.
Good Luck!
I don't worry about the body of your paragraph. however, in the introduction, you need to tell about what the graph stands out/tells? and how about the overall of this graph? even you haven't mentioned about the overall. I think general view/overview is the important one in IELTS essay task 1.
Good Luck!
Anfalia
Mar 2, 2015
Writing Feedback / History creates value and shapes our life. For this reason law is available to protect old buildings [NEW]
Many old buildings are protected by law because they are part of nation's history. However, some people think old buildings should be knocked down to make way for new ones because people need houses and offices.
How important is it to maintain old buildings?
Should history stand in the way of progress?
History creates value and shapes our life. For this reason, law is available to protect old buildings because they are part of history. While the majority of people think that this should be constructed to be changed by novel accommodations, I am totally convinced that the old buildings as nation's icon are essential to be maintained, and history should be preserved as the way of development era due to attach immense value for societies.
As the icon of country, the old buildings should be maintained well because they introduced some historical stories. As an obvious example, pyramid as an old outstanding building in Egypt has become tourist attraction owing to the story in the past about mysterious of thousand slavers who was predicted to build this impressive building. In consequence, the old buildings render a brief answer of people's curiosity about fictional or real-life story.
Admittedly, history creates value for human beings so it is essential to be preserved in the way of progress. For pragmatic instance, the colonization history in Indonesia in 1900s shapes the dogmatism of young generation's mind so as to learn how their ancestors struggle sincerely to create Indonesia to be independent. As a result, history should not be dismissed since it drives people to have a moral value.
In conclusion, the old buildings should be protected by law as they create a great value for youngsters. It is imperative that government should preserve faithfully the old buildings by encouraging them as tourism attraction, and ordinary people should trace the history in terms of consideration for their future lives.
Many old buildings are protected by law because they are part of nation's history. However, some people think old buildings should be knocked down to make way for new ones because people need houses and offices.
How important is it to maintain old buildings?
Should history stand in the way of progress?
History creates value and shapes our life. For this reason, law is available to protect old buildings because they are part of history. While the majority of people think that this should be constructed to be changed by novel accommodations, I am totally convinced that the old buildings as nation's icon are essential to be maintained, and history should be preserved as the way of development era due to attach immense value for societies.
As the icon of country, the old buildings should be maintained well because they introduced some historical stories. As an obvious example, pyramid as an old outstanding building in Egypt has become tourist attraction owing to the story in the past about mysterious of thousand slavers who was predicted to build this impressive building. In consequence, the old buildings render a brief answer of people's curiosity about fictional or real-life story.
Admittedly, history creates value for human beings so it is essential to be preserved in the way of progress. For pragmatic instance, the colonization history in Indonesia in 1900s shapes the dogmatism of young generation's mind so as to learn how their ancestors struggle sincerely to create Indonesia to be independent. As a result, history should not be dismissed since it drives people to have a moral value.
In conclusion, the old buildings should be protected by law as they create a great value for youngsters. It is imperative that government should preserve faithfully the old buildings by encouraging them as tourism attraction, and ordinary people should trace the history in terms of consideration for their future lives.
Anfalia
Mar 2, 2015
Writing Feedback / I do not agree to follow the same curriculum through all that period of time; GRE essay [7]
Good Luck!!
Therefore I do not agree with the decision of making all of the students to follow the same curriculum through all thatover the period of time. We as humans are very different individuals as we all have our own very particular skills and capabilities, such as our own way of learning, our own way to perceive and express things(this word is too general, you need to specify it). With this reasoningBy this reason, I mean that not all students have the same learning capabilities nor(it's not appropriate conjunction to be put here) the same interests and not all teachers use the same teaching methods nor have the same backgrounds.
Although, I strongly believe that this process may be ideal until 9th grade as during this period of time is where we learn the basics of the education, for what I agreeas I mentioned so, that it should be standardized but only until this point in time, and from then on everyone should be capable of choosing its own path based on each individual's interests and capabilities.
Good Luck!!
Anfalia
Mar 2, 2015
Writing Feedback / Sports unite peoples from different corners of the world. IELTS TASK 2. [2]
International sporting events such as Olympic Games and the Football World Cup provide an outlet for patriotic feelings, and help reduce international tensions.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sports unite peoples from different corners of the world. From this personal perspective, it is said that global sport events heighten international tensions. However, this is the convenient way to express patriotism sense intensely. While both views address merits and demerits, I am personally convinced that sports have always been extremely essential aspect in this part of the world.
...
International sporting events such as Olympic Games and the Football World Cup provide an outlet for patriotic feelings, and help reduce international tensions.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sports unite peoples from different corners of the world. From this personal perspective, it is said that global sport events heighten international tensions. However, this is the convenient way to express patriotism sense intensely. While both views address merits and demerits, I am personally convinced that sports have always been extremely essential aspect in this part of the world.
...
Anfalia
Mar 4, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer [4]
Thank you sHanafi,
may I ask you how to differ "to be+able+to+verb" and "enable"?
Actually I've rewritten this essay, and for the first I said about the improvement of medical care that caused longer life expectancy, but it was off topic because the task asked about "development"? so i restate about the development of this trend which people have more life expectancy. Can you give me suggestion of this?
Thank you so much.
Thank you sHanafi,
may I ask you how to differ "to be+able+to+verb" and "enable"?
Actually I've rewritten this essay, and for the first I said about the improvement of medical care that caused longer life expectancy, but it was off topic because the task asked about "development"? so i restate about the development of this trend which people have more life expectancy. Can you give me suggestion of this?
Thank you so much.
Anfalia
Mar 4, 2015
Writing Feedback / Children are tomorrow asset for parent and nation. IELTS essay [2]
In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Children are tomorrow asset for parent and nation. For this reason, children in some countries in the world had introduced into well-paid work. While the majority of people against this statement as it completely disorder related to children who are not appropriate in terms of working, others believe that working enables to create a sense of responsibility through among younger ages' life. However, it is my firm conviction that to work will be available for children with exceptionally such live in poor family as far as they are concerned with their particular subject schools.
...
In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Children are tomorrow asset for parent and nation. For this reason, children in some countries in the world had introduced into well-paid work. While the majority of people against this statement as it completely disorder related to children who are not appropriate in terms of working, others believe that working enables to create a sense of responsibility through among younger ages' life. However, it is my firm conviction that to work will be available for children with exceptionally such live in poor family as far as they are concerned with their particular subject schools.
...
Anfalia
Mar 4, 2015
Writing Feedback / On the whole, people need to be aware of the value of food-consumed. [2]
Food can be produced cheaper if we use improved fertilizers and better machinery. However some of methods may be dangerous for human health, and have negative effects for local communities. What is your opinion?
Chemical fertilizer resulting from today's developments in science and technology are bound to pose benefits to the local community and human health.
...
Food can be produced cheaper if we use improved fertilizers and better machinery. However some of methods may be dangerous for human health, and have negative effects for local communities. What is your opinion?
Chemical fertilizer resulting from today's developments in science and technology are bound to pose benefits to the local community and human health.
...
Anfalia
Mar 7, 2015
Writing Feedback / Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace [4]
Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace (eg. At home, when travelling, etc.)
Do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages?
Technology drives an innovation and a revolution in worker mobility. For this reason, the majority of people are more likely to get a job done anywhere and anytime at comfortable place by using information technology. While it renders some advantages and disadvantages, I strongly believe that the drawbacks for this case are twice more likely than the benefits.
People working in a non-office space enable to provide some new ideas with different perspectives at existing problems through other people. To exemplify, an employer works at coffee shop will meet and share to other people who have different experiences and it probably is the way for them to have new ideas. As a result, they are able to implicate their ideas in their work.
Conversely, employees who work outside tend to have less self-motivation because they are alone and it creates a quite boring condition. For pragmatic instance, an employee works at home without co-workers and it decreases their spirit to finish job well. As a result, this can destroy their motivation.
My own personal point of view for this case is that there are several demerits in some aspects. Firstly, a distraction will disturb their effectiveness to work. As an obvious example, a woman who works at home will be disrupted by her children who need her aid intensively. As a result, she cannot finish her job perfectly. Secondly, less interaction to other people impacts to their narrow minded in their perspective to think critically. Thirdly, they tend to expenditure more amount of money for getting food outside.
In conclusion, either working from home or from an office renders huge benefits to each person. However, in my personal argument, it comes down to the type of people's personalities to choose the comfortable zone. Where possible, people should accept any conditions of their workplaces and should be responsible to finish their jobs perfectly.
Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace (eg. At home, when travelling, etc.)
Do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages?
Technology drives an innovation and a revolution in worker mobility. For this reason, the majority of people are more likely to get a job done anywhere and anytime at comfortable place by using information technology. While it renders some advantages and disadvantages, I strongly believe that the drawbacks for this case are twice more likely than the benefits.
People working in a non-office space enable to provide some new ideas with different perspectives at existing problems through other people. To exemplify, an employer works at coffee shop will meet and share to other people who have different experiences and it probably is the way for them to have new ideas. As a result, they are able to implicate their ideas in their work.
Conversely, employees who work outside tend to have less self-motivation because they are alone and it creates a quite boring condition. For pragmatic instance, an employee works at home without co-workers and it decreases their spirit to finish job well. As a result, this can destroy their motivation.
My own personal point of view for this case is that there are several demerits in some aspects. Firstly, a distraction will disturb their effectiveness to work. As an obvious example, a woman who works at home will be disrupted by her children who need her aid intensively. As a result, she cannot finish her job perfectly. Secondly, less interaction to other people impacts to their narrow minded in their perspective to think critically. Thirdly, they tend to expenditure more amount of money for getting food outside.
In conclusion, either working from home or from an office renders huge benefits to each person. However, in my personal argument, it comes down to the type of people's personalities to choose the comfortable zone. Where possible, people should accept any conditions of their workplaces and should be responsible to finish their jobs perfectly.
Anfalia
Mar 17, 2015
Writing Feedback / Columbia and Yamhill - population in the state of Oregon by Country - IELTS writing [3]
The line graph illustrates the change of population invariousseveral countries in the U.S. State of Oregon between 1940 and 2000 and is measured in thousands. Overall, it is immediately apparent that the biggest population witnessed in Washingtonwas the most country in term of population since 1940 until 2000.
In 1940, Columbia and Yamhill were at fairly similar populationofby 30,000 and 28,000 people respectively. Meanwhile, Washington stood at 75,000 and this made this country to becoame the top between thoseamong three other countries.
Good Luck!!
The line graph illustrates the change of population in
In 1940, Columbia and Yamhill were at fairly similar population
Good Luck!!
Anfalia
Mar 17, 2015
Writing Feedback / Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace [4]
Thank you for your feedback. However, may I ask you, could you give me some reasons for this;
"To exemplify, an employer works at coffee shop..." (try replacing with "For example")
"Conversely, employees who work outside tend..." (tr replacing with "On the other hand" or "By contrast")
Thank you
Thank you for your feedback. However, may I ask you, could you give me some reasons for this;
"To exemplify, an employer works at coffee shop..." (try replacing with "For example")
"Conversely, employees who work outside tend..." (tr replacing with "On the other hand" or "By contrast")
Thank you
Anfalia
Mar 17, 2015
Writing Feedback / Modern lifestyles are increasingly stressful, therefore people in this world are faced by stress. [NEW]
Stress is now major problem in many countries around the world.
What are some of the factors in modern society that cause this stress, and how can we reduce it?
Modern lifestyles are increasingly stressful. For this reason, people in this world are faced by stress. While demanding jobs and high qualifying exams or tests are the main factors, I am personally convinced that some measurements enable this case to be solved.
It is undeniable that stress addresses two crucial factors. Initially, people work long hours with strict deadlines. As an obvious example, the majority of people in London are workaholic, and almost a half of their day is spent on workplace -twelve hours a day for six days a week. A demand from their employers to finish job well in exact time and an increase in high salary encourage them to do so. Consequently, people have less time to relax. Another factor makes people especially students to be stressful is tests or exams which enable them who do not have a solid emotional support think seriously about how to be successful and get favorable result on test.
However, stress can be reduced by taking regular exercise. People with full-time work have to take regular exercise at least once a week. As an obvious example, nowadays the majority of civil servants or regular employees in Indonesia have regular jogging or cycling every Sunday in public areas such as park and town square. As a result, physical activity encourages emotional tension to be reduced through human body. Also, schools have to employ psychologists to offer emotional support for students so as to be relaxed and do well on test.
Taking into account from the arguments mentioned so, stressful is avoidable for inhabitants when they cannot manage their emotional distress. It is imperative that getting sufficient sleep and making leisure time a priority are important aspects to be applied in human life to not be stressful and can enjoy their happy lives.
Stress is now major problem in many countries around the world.
What are some of the factors in modern society that cause this stress, and how can we reduce it?
Modern lifestyles are increasingly stressful. For this reason, people in this world are faced by stress. While demanding jobs and high qualifying exams or tests are the main factors, I am personally convinced that some measurements enable this case to be solved.
It is undeniable that stress addresses two crucial factors. Initially, people work long hours with strict deadlines. As an obvious example, the majority of people in London are workaholic, and almost a half of their day is spent on workplace -twelve hours a day for six days a week. A demand from their employers to finish job well in exact time and an increase in high salary encourage them to do so. Consequently, people have less time to relax. Another factor makes people especially students to be stressful is tests or exams which enable them who do not have a solid emotional support think seriously about how to be successful and get favorable result on test.
However, stress can be reduced by taking regular exercise. People with full-time work have to take regular exercise at least once a week. As an obvious example, nowadays the majority of civil servants or regular employees in Indonesia have regular jogging or cycling every Sunday in public areas such as park and town square. As a result, physical activity encourages emotional tension to be reduced through human body. Also, schools have to employ psychologists to offer emotional support for students so as to be relaxed and do well on test.
Taking into account from the arguments mentioned so, stressful is avoidable for inhabitants when they cannot manage their emotional distress. It is imperative that getting sufficient sleep and making leisure time a priority are important aspects to be applied in human life to not be stressful and can enjoy their happy lives.
Anfalia
Mar 17, 2015
Writing Feedback / The line graph compares and contrast data on the different percentage of unemployed women [3]
you need to give an overview in task 1, and it is necessary. Good Luck!
The line graph compares and contrasts data on thein different percentages of unemployed women in eight age groups from 18 to 65. (you need overbiew here, and this is so really important)
you need to give an overview in task 1, and it is necessary. Good Luck!
Anfalia
Mar 17, 2015
Scholarship / 'to impart negotiating skills' - Essay for Emory - Design an academic course [4]
... Students are required to do considerable (considerable what?? you need to specify it) after-class reading to get a basic understanding of different culture customs in various types of negotiations. During the second semester, the main focus is on practice. Students will get training for common forms of negotiations which can be employed in various walks of life in the future. The former of two sections are open to all students and each class is restricted to have no more than twenty students to ensure the class discussion and interaction with the teachers. The third semester is designed for students who have a career goal of entering politics. The model negotiating conferences will be held regularly in class, focusing mainly on political negotiations in the forms of United Nations, European Union, British Parliament and American Council. Each class is restricted to eight to twelve students to enable class debate while ensuring everyone's participation.
If my classmates and I take this course, we will benefit from it in multidimensional ways. Through the former of two sections of the course, we will receive systematic training on critical thinking, which can possibly to enhance our abilitiesy of questioning. Critical thinking can also be applied to academic writing and debating, making our statements more logical. In the meantime, we can enlarge our knowledge base through extensive reading and form a habit of caring about current affairs around the world. Furthermore, we can gain interpersonal skills and be more tactful when having conversations.
... Students are required to do considerable (considerable what?? you need to specify it) after-class reading to get a basic understanding of different culture customs in various types of negotiations. During the second semester, the main focus is on practice. Students will get training for common forms of negotiations which can be employed in various walks of life in the future. The former of two sections are open to all students and each class is restricted to have no more than twenty students to ensure the class discussion and interaction with the teachers. The third semester is designed for students who have a career goal of entering politics. The model negotiating conferences will be held regularly in class, focusing mainly on political negotiations in the forms of United Nations, European Union, British Parliament and American Council. Each class is restricted to eight to twelve students to enable class debate while ensuring everyone's participation.
If my classmates and I take this course, we will benefit from it in multidimensional ways. Through the former of two sections of the course, we will receive systematic training on critical thinking, which can possibly to enhance our abilities
