Undergraduate / One arabesque, two turns. Ballet - Extracurricular Essay [3]

The limit is 150 words, and the prompt is to elaborate on an extracurricular activity.
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One arabesque, two turns.

Sweat pours of my forehead as I stretch my right arm out in front of me. Gazing through the tips of my fingers, a loose curl falls free from my tight bun. As I adjust my posture, I slide my left foot along the floor launching into a jump with both feet meeting together in mid air. Landing with both feet in third position on the floor, I bow to say thank you and smile at my instructor.

Coach Nadia applauds, smiling back at me as she walks over to the stereo to stop the music. "Your assemblè was very smooth, you can move on to the Pirouette"

Over the past six years, Ballet has been a significant part of my life, not just in terms of time but from an emotional standpoint too. When I dance, I feel like I've finally figured it all out even though I know the feeling won't last past the end of the music. When I dance, I pour all that I am into my performance so that those who watch me catch a glimpse of who I am. The first time I started to dance, the awkward child I was began to slowly blossom into a confident, self-expressive woman. Through Ballet I have formed strong bonds with other dancers, and met my best friend Meriam.

One arabesque, two turns. I walk over to my friends to start practicing together for our Pirouette.

Undergraduate / One glance out of the window, I saw the cornfields and palm trees speeding by - Women rights issue [2]

I need to cut down the word count to 650 words. This is my commonapp essay. The prompt is "Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story."

Here I am trying to convey the events that drew me to women rights but I feel like I was just rambling. Your help will be appreciated!

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Sweat pours down my forehead as I push my left leg behind,keeping my right leg front and stationery.It's Karate 101:always keep your knees bent till you can't see your toes.Just as I begin to hit my punching bag,I make sure the other women are watching.My punch comes straight from the chamber,my fist turning over with a snap as it comes in contact with the center of the bag.And that is how you do a Chudan Zuki.

For the past two years,volunteering as a karate instructor has been an integral part of my life,aiming to protect women and raise awareness against all forms of violence.Watching these women,poised in frontal stance while throwing spinning kicks,is somehow fascinating.

What brought us here in the first place is our growing awareness of the gender gap of equality between men and women.Women are still not protected by laws protecting them for sexual harassment and domestic violence,both crimes that result from a society that believes women are property and not human beings.The hours we spend together,training,designing brochures,and speaking at schools may be tiring.But the dedication of these women motivate me in a world of doubt and cynicism of the abilities of women,and proves to me day after the day that as women we can be agents of change.Together as ninjas we fight fire with logic,standing up to an repressive community that teaches that women are only weak and powerless.

"Only a thousand years ago,Arabs buried girls alive when they were born.Nowadays,they are buried under oppressive societies." My mother once told me that upon discovering my father's intention to remarry a second wife.For the past few years,I have grown increasingly aware of the social pressures on my mother from her family members.Constantly shamed for raising only girls,she has been blamed and accused of having what they call a 'defect',because she never birthed a boy.The custom of burying female infant alive was practiced long ago among pagan Arabs,fearing the shame and disgrace that would come.Nowadays it is still practiced.But instead of sand it is the pressure of tradition and societal norms.One day I would be in her position,my sisters would be in her position,and many other women have been there.This culture of preferring men over women has been the same for thousands of years,only the way that preference is expressed has differed.

Soon I would be the first female in my generation in my family to successfully graduate high school and to pursue a college education.I would be the first female ever to be educated in my village back in Egypt.

Opposition to girls' education in my family has started twenty years ago.With poverty striking family members,many have resorted to marry off their underage daughters to remove the burden of their expenses.The quintessential female in my family is still one that cooks,cleans and raises children.Yet I disagree.I aspire to put Education on the priority list of all woman,believing that myself and every woman have the right to reach our full intellectual potential.

The responsibility that lies on my shoulders tells me that it is my duty to change this belief.I believe that by being a lawyer,a male-dominated sector in the middle-east,I can better defend women and prove to my family and Arabs that there is no such thing as 'because women are weak' or 'because men are strong'.As I leave for college,I want to prove that I do not need a male guardian to accompany me.I have the ability to be strong and accomplish as much as men given the same opportunities and circumstances.To me,being a woman does not stipulate personal setting,nor does it limit me from being successful.It is not up to society to define my boundaries.To me,'woman' and 'man' are only social constructs.At the place of my education,I particularly await the chance to encounter new people and gain new perspectives.But even as I leave I will always look forward to the day I return and make an impact.

That Karate practice day,packing my bags preparing myself to go home,I bid goodbye to these devoted ninjas.I'm proud of their enthusiasm,and glad that I managed to bring such dedicated women together,in hopes that together our message would reach more people.

Yet my aspiration is for my activism and message to go further.One day I hope to bring women together on a wider scale,working to change ancient oppressive traditions.Women ought to realize that change will only happen when their collective voices drown out the voices of the extreme.And one day I hope to add my voice to this struggle,the voice of a strong educated woman,and turn my vision for my society into a reality.

Religious extremism,centuries old traditions,and poverty.All of which are responsible for the deterioration of the social status of women in both Saudi Arabia,Egypt and all the Middle East.In a society seeking to modernize,the Middle Eastern women's dreams of equality are being derailed by old practices passed on from thousands of years.While writing this essay,I am aware of my family's female members expectances for me,waiting for me to break the chains of tradition.And I want more than anything to give them hope for their abilities and to be a role model to them.It is the desire to change the way my community thinks that is a driving force to everything I do.With true determination I will continue to fight for a cultural revolution that promotes social justice and equality,and I will continue to do so until that is no longer needed.

Undergraduate / "Come! Buy your fresh vegetables here!" - Supplementary Essay for Harvard - Food [5]

I need help with the length of the essay, I want to cut down 100-150 words. I also still feel like something is missing from the essay. Thank you! :)

Write a topic of my choice, about your background and origins.

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"Come! Buy your fresh vegetables here!"

The street vendor calls out short slogans and attractive phrases to advertise his goods to potential buyers. Along with these sounds rushes a breeze of air from the kitchen window, breaking the humid atmosphere generated by the gas stove.

On the kitchen floor, my grandmother, cousins and I sit to prepare a plate of Kushari. As a child that loved making loud noises, to hold my own mortar and hear the sounds of it hammering at the garlic to mince it in the pestle was my source of pleasure, and eating the final results was the most anticipated part of the process. Yet good things never come without hard work, and so in order to enjoy that plate my family and I must spend almost half the day preparing it. Kushari is integral to Eid celebrations, prepared every once in a while for special occasions and consists of: a mixture of rice, black lentils and golden pasta, drenched with appetizing dark red tomato sauce, and topped with garbanzo beans and fried onions.

Culinary memories are determined by the memories and events that take place that determine the value of the food. In my mind preparing food is associated with the collaboration of my family: we all get together to prepare this one plate. As my grandmother fries the onions, someone cooks the pasta, while the rest of us mince the garlic to be later used for the tomato sauce. Amidst all this we start hours long conversations, as if cooking together was our reunion. As my cousins and I huddle in our own corner holding our pestle, we exchange our stories and experiences. I tell them of my life in Saudi Arabia, and in turn they tell to me of their dreams of going to school, of being pulled out of it because girls should not go too far away from home, of the family members who have lost their lives due to the deteriorating healthcare and incapable hospitals.

As I sit with my family preparing Kushari, I learn to appreciate the noises that come from the streets. No longer were they an invasion of privacy, rather a welcomed presence that symbolizes the dynamic life of the simple and struggling Egyptian villager. They served as a reminder that it could've been my family living in these conditions if it weren't for my father who left this home twenty years ago to pursue his education in the more urban area of Upper Egypt, Asyut. With Upper Egypt's educated individuals leaving with no return, without them collaborating together to improve this place, it shall remain hidden, away from the government's supervision, with its people's voices unheard of and dreams unachieved. These street vendors do not just yell to be heard by buyers, they yell to be heard by their government, for their presence to be acknowledged. Soon headed to be one of the world's poorest areas, Upper Egypt is in need of leaders to enhance education and healthcare, but with the Egyptian government ignoring their presence, its individuals are slowly losing hope.

Nestled along the banks of the Nile River, and in the heart of the city of Sohaj, lies the small village of Kom El Arab, the place of my origin and the place I have spent many of my summers in. As I leave behind this place for a better education I will forever carry with me those happy memories of food, of the Eids I have spent there and stories I have heard. I know that even while I am away from Upper Egypt, I will forever be reminded of my duty towards that place and take pride that my values trace back to it. At Harvard I hope to not just introduce Kushari as simply a scrumptious plate, but as a symbol of introducing my peers to my culture and my origin. With the education and experience I receive I want to represent the voices of these people and to make them heard. I know that one day I will return to serve this place and complete a task my father and many others couldn't.

Undergraduate / Generally, being a Ballerina equates to having an unhealthy obsession with your body [6]

Tell me if something is missing or needs to be removed! Thank you :)

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Generally, being a Ballerina equates to having an unhealthy obsession with your body. Constantly portrayed as being tall and skinny, the word Ballerina conjures up images of an obsessive perfectionist in a tiara. To quote Nina from the movie Black Swan, "I just want to be perfect." The phrase itself reinforces the stereotypical image of a body-conscious and insecure dancer in a tutu skirt.

But to me, choosing Ballet meant to perform an art. In all its beauty, Ballet is to combine dance and music, creating an unspoken language to effectively tell a story. I remember the first time I decided to go for Ballet classes, standing at a mere 5 ft and curvy by society's standard at a size 8. It felt even weirder standing next to the tall elegant and skinny girls who stood confidently at a size 4, while the judges eyed me with hesitation. But if Ballet has taught me anything, it was to be confident in my own skin and to persist. And as I twirled around on the tip of my toes, my body adjusting to the tune of the music, all forms of self-doubt disappeared.

Ballet is not only a major part of my life in terms of time, but to me it is significant from an emotional standpoint. Through Ballet I have made new friends, gained self-confidence, and expressed myself. No wary looks will make me back out.

Undergraduate / Food matters to me; I enjoy savoring the taste of a freshly cooked meal - Stanford essay [4]

I feel like this essay needs major rearranging, and I need to remove many irrelevant statements.My introduction also lacks something, I'm not sure what it is. I would be grateful for your help!

The prompt is 'What matters to you and why?'

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I enjoy savoring the taste of a freshly cooked meal. I love the taste, and inhaling the appetizing smell. But most importantly, I love food. Food is important to me in many unimaginable ways, a fact that seems trivial at first. But I believe food has a much more profound meaning in life. And that mattered most to me, although I did love devouring the finished products.

I remember those days when I had visited my family in the rural village of (x). I recall my whole family gathering together after noon prayer to sit on the floor around the heavy laden round pallet, all eagerly waiting our grandmother's cooking. We were too much to count, and as far as I can recall we could be at least twenty five members, perhaps even more. Despite the time spent apart from my family, all of us still sat to eat together; falling into chatter as if it weren't the first time we see each other in over a year. This is where food played its part in bringing us together, despite our cultural difference and variation in our dialect.

In many ways, food and I are similar to each other. Every plate has an origin, and tells a story of the culture it belongs to. This is why food matters to me because it symbolizes the person I am. Just like food, I also have a place of origin, somewhere I belong to, and a story to tell. (This part is very short and missing, I'm looking for ways to add to it)

Even when I had gone across the world for the conference in Boston, food was the common language spoken among us girls. Perhaps the most defining moment was when Vanessa, my American roommate, decided to invite me to her home to introduce to me her Jewish heritage, and rather than first taking me to visit a synagogue, she decided to introduce me to her heritage through food . And when I had tasted 'Matzah Balls' served in soup, I couldn't have ever imagined that Jewish food could be so appetizing. But what mattered most at that moment was what the bond Vanessa and I had formed symbolized. Tasting her food meant more than just enjoying it, rather it was a display of respect to what her culture represented. It was a nod of respect that could've been there between rivaling nations, and could possibly exist between Arabs and Jews. Perhaps all it takes is a taste of Matzah Balls, or a bite of Falafel for people to set aside their differences for a while. This is why food matters to me. It shows that different people can communicate with each other.

Through food, let us study the world's different cultures and set aside our conflicts and differences. The world could definitely do with a lot more understanding, and most certainly with a lot more food.

Undergraduate / Brown is the answer to my 10 year old ambitions - 'Why Brown?' Essay [5]

Hi! I just finished my 'why brown' supplemental essay but I feel like something is missing but I don't know what it is. Your help would be greatly appreciated!

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Passionate about women rights, I find Brown's exceptional undergraduate International Relations program extremely appealing. The unique opportunity for me to choose between two tracks, "Political Economy and Society" and "Security and Society" the latter in which I intend to focus, is even more attractive, given the fact the IR concentration covers various departments including political science, history and psychology in the hopes that through these mutual efforts of integration, the resulting ideas can have ground-breaking reverberations, and true leaders well-immersed in multiple disciplines will emerge. I realize that these academic fields, when taken in isolation, are less effective to society and thus I am glad that Brown gives me a chance to explore these various areas.

Yet, perhaps the most important aspect of Brown education is that students are driven are driven by their sense of justice and enthusiasm to have an effect on those around them. Without this motivation to influence others, one cannot enjoy the fruits of education if one cannot see what positive influence it has. Looking to the entirely student run club 'Feminists at Brown' for inspiration, I am eager to disseminate my experience with women rights and my activism to the institute and to the surrounding neighborhoods. As a participant in women rights groups I have seen how the dedication of a small group many different women collaborating together can make major changes in the community. Brown has always been working on finding solutions to major issues and that affect the world, the works of Watson's Institute in making the 'Costs of War' project - a testament to Brown's long standing mission.

I want to be making a difference in my community, and working in Watson institute of International studies will allow me to do so. The Watson Institute of International studies has created leaders committed to change on a worldwide level. I find it remarkable that the like of Sergei Khrushchev work at the institute and that someone with actual political experience works here and students work directly alongside him. Being able to meet and even receive instructions from politicians of that stature would surely inspire me to work towards something special.

Due to my career aspiration it is important for me to choose a school that attracts students from all over the world, and Brown is renowned for its diverse community, one that breeds a sense of unity and collaboration among its individuals, both of which are the breeding grounds of novelty. With this environment of unity, I yearn to do my part in contributing to this melting pot of the world's different cultures, and hope to be exposed to infinitely many perspectives and backgrounds.

As a student, I cannot thrive on academics alone. Although I am not qualified for varsity tennis, I hope to bring my many years of experience to the Women's Tennis Club. I also aim to join student organizations like Amnesty International and Ballet Club, Brown to complement my intellectual pursuits while pursuing my interests.

I have a burning desire to benefit others with my knowledge yet I still lack the education and experience needed to benefit my community. I am ready to join this community of leaders, entrepreneurs and researchers who want to change, the place for future pioneers and leaders. I am ready to make Brown my home. I feel that Brown above all will help guide me to the life of adulthood I desire.