Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by IqbalThemi
Name: M Iqbal Themi
Joined: Apr 1, 2015
Last Post: Jun 30, 2015
Threads: 44
Posts: 46  
Likes: 13
From: Indonesia
School: English Studio

Displayed posts: 90 / page 1 of 3
sort: Oldest first   Latest first  | 
IqbalThemi   
Apr 1, 2015
Writing Feedback / Saving earth from enviromental damages caused by over using air to support exporting (IELTS Task 2) [3]

Air transport is increasingly used to export fruit and vegetables to countries where they cannot be grown are or out of season. Some people think this is a positive development, but others believe the use of air transport for this purpose is not justified.

Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Some people believe that using air transport to support exporting fruit and vegetables to countries where they cannot be grown or are out of season is a positive development. However, other people argue that this reason is not justified for achieving this purpose.

One the positive side, supporters of this development say that exporting fruit and vegetables with air has opened up markets which encourage positive development for countries. For example, for local farmers in many poor countries, this will be able to improve their income and standard of life qualities if they have opportunity to sell their goods to faraway foreign markets with high prices instead of producing staple crops for local market with low prices or their own consumption. As a result, farmers become more independent and do not depend on government's aid.

However, a negative view to this development is the impact on the environment. As we know that in this day and age one of the biggest problems around world about earth is global warming and burning of fossil fuels in the form oil of plane is one of main factors contributing global warming. To illustrate, over transporting million tonnes of food every day by air transport can make this problem to be more complex. This is because from one flight, air transport can release large amount of Carbon Dioxide and other gases into environment. Consequently, climate change in our earth cannot be avoid if this trend continuous.

To sum up, I would argue that there is no justifications for method of exporting fruit and vegetables with air. Even though many benefits can be taken from this method especially for local farmers in poor countries, saving earth from further environmental damages is more essential. Therefore, for overcoming this problem United Nations should release international trade regulation so that it can control and protect over using air transport.
IqbalThemi   
Apr 2, 2015
Scholarship / I have no doubt that studying in Turkey will be a wonderful experience. Letter of intent for correct [2]

Hi, student! this is some suggestion for your writing.

Hello, my native language is not English and i write a letter of intent for Turkish scholarship,.can you help me please to correct any mistakes in the wording or grammar or otherCould you help me to correct my essay both spelling or structure?

I have no doubt that studying in Turkey will be a wonderful experience, and will have a profound impact on my life,.I will have most ability to contribute to the development of cultural exchange, understanding between countries and the exchange of knowledge.this sentence is bad flow. you should write straight point of what you think.this is really important to participate to develop my country through exchanging various cultures and knowledge from a different countries.

I am so sorry, I have activity now. If I have free time later, I want to continue for correcting your writing. Overall you write good enough. However, you make some mistake for structure and repetition.
IqbalThemi   
Apr 2, 2015
Writing Feedback / Friendship essay; As a human being, one can hardly do without a friend [4]

Hi, jenny. this is some suggestion

Second, to maintain good a friendship isclose relationship with our friends must be support each other. A Friend should not wreck she/he's dream or goal, or not be supportive whether she/he are down or sad.A friend should not break relation and must care with others.It's important good friends should never let she/he feel alone,it is really important to give attention amongst friendsand always be supportive at all times and all situations.Supportive will help she/he to achieve their goal, and become the person who they want to be.and always having supportive behaviour with friends at all times and situations will help everyone to achieve their goal in close relationship
IqbalThemi   
Apr 2, 2015
Scholarship / Numbers, currencies, financial reports, data, money are the basic part of my field - GE FOUNDATION [2]

An eighteen-schools girl, a carefree teenageryou should put "verb" here before noun clause.when have to bring my decisions, especially in important things like choose field, job for future is one of hard things, and I'm not an exception. It was a difficult decisions and a hard time and hard decisions for me, many thingsmany thing need to be considerconsidered carefully and influence to have the last choice for myself, for my futurein future. And now, I feel that I'm very lucky when I had a right choice, more on that I think with this decisions make me haveyou use double "verb" here opportunity to know about GE Foundation scholarship and it might be a turning-point in my'lifemy life , which helps me to achieve my goals and facilitate my growth as a leader in my chosen field- Finance.
IqbalThemi   
Apr 3, 2015
Writing Feedback / The merits outweigh demerits of living in small community and in small village (IELTS Task 2) [2]

In the past most people lived in small villages where everyone knew everyone else. Nowadays, most people live in large cities where they only know a few people in their area. What do you think were advantages and disadvantages of living in small community?

Living in a pretty village is more favorite for many people in the past. However, in this day and age, most people are very fond of living in large industrial cities. While I believe that both ideas have merits and demerits, in this essay I would discuss the benefits and drawbacks of living in small community.

The first merit is that people who live in small village are happier than cities inhabitants. A number of significant studies demonstrate that 80% of inhabitants in cities get stress because of crowded streets and environmental pollution making people unable to enjoy with their lives. If this condition is compared to condition in village, cities people tend to be busier and noisier whereas villages people is quieter as they live in natural environment and quiet street. As a result, small community encourages people to take more enjoyable.

In addition, with small community, people can make a close relationship to others which is difficult to be imitated by people in cities. One reason is villages people always tend to know between everyone and everyone else. To illustrate, in village, people always keep in touch with others every time and give good welcome if they meet up on road or somewhere. Therefore, this condition ensures people in small community to become good social human.

However, a drawback of this issue is that small village does not have complete facilities. Nearly all of village inhabitants use limited facilities. For instance, if they want to play sport, they usually play sport in dirty field. Moreover, village also has limited public transportation so that its inhabitants always get difficulties when they want to go to somewhere far way. Thus, because of poor facilities, many people in villages move to large cities.

To sum up, the evidence shows that even though there are advantages and disadvantages living in small community, I strongly agree that advantages living in village outweigh drawbacks.
IqbalThemi   
Apr 3, 2015
Undergraduate / "You may play well or you may play badly; the important thing is that you should play truly" - NYU [2]

Hello abhayarathore,
This is some correction for your writing.

These words by Mikhail Shchepkin "You may play well or you may play badly; the important thing is that you should play truly",

which in the first time, I first encountered in thea book "An Actor Prepares" by Constantin Stanislavski,gaveit has given me a fresh perspective on acting as it is in the modern world. The very description of what goes into creating a life, internally and externally, is what makes acting an exciting, challenging task, and a very fulfilling profession to me. A lot of people think that acting is about expression itself. ButHowever, (it is ovoid using "but" in beginning sentence) I somewhat disagree with them, this is because it is more than just expression: I believe that it is an art, the art of creating a reality, which is so believable that it can be indistinguishable from the real world.
IqbalThemi   
Apr 4, 2015
Writing Feedback / We can name some drawbacks of modern communication, but it still won't outshine its benefits [2]

Modern forms of communication such as email and messaging have reduced the amount of time people spend seeing their friends. This has had a negative effect on their social lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, there is no doubt that the opportunity to meet friends by people experiences a decrease after many people use modern communication such as email and messaging. For this issue, some people believe that there are negative impacts from using modern communication on their social live. While I also believe that negative effect of modern communication is true, I argue that positive impact of this outweighs drawbacks.

...
IqbalThemi   
Apr 7, 2015
Writing Feedback / Staying in one location has benefits, but it will not outshine the merits of living in many areas [6]

In the past, people usually stayed in one place throughout their life. These days, people often move around. They often live in several different places in their lifetime. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both?

Living in the same place in lifetime encourages people to have close relationship to their families and friends as every time they always interact and recognize by each others, although they also would feel bored easily. On the other hand, people today prefer staying in different location. As such, earning a lot of money could be one of benefits for them, whilst the advantage is less opportunity to take job. Therefore, I would argue that even though living in one location gives benefit, it will not outshine the advantages of being nomadic people.

The first advantage of people in permanent residence is having a real community spirit. For instance, people often do shared working to finish their activity around them. As a result, this condition stimulates people to care about their neighborhoods. However, without experiencing any changes in condition and situation in a place to live, people tend to the same job regularly. Consequently, lots of people cannot enjoy staying in their environment.

In contrast, for taking big salaries, people now are more mobile. They are very fond of moving one location to others. Although this trend causes some people lost work in old place and there is no guarantee for them to get a better career in their new are, people not having a fixed pattern of residences believe that they are really confident to have much more money that people in the past.

To sum up, the aforementioned evidence reveals that while the merit of common areas insures people quiet live, moving to other locations offer people new challenge and experience. Where possible, I would personally argue that having many domicile will make people to take more settle live than before.
IqbalThemi   
Apr 7, 2015
Writing Feedback / Developing public transportation or making a new type of car? What should be goverment's priority? [7]

In addition, the electric car can be lower a budget for subsidizing gasoline and alters it for supporting trees-planting programs. Singapore, for example, has reduced the subsidy of gasoline by encouraging citizens to use solar-powered cars so as to hold event for planting a thousand trees . As it can be seen, the electric car also is closely related to restrict a considerable amount of pollution.
IqbalThemi   
Apr 7, 2015
Writing Feedback / Developing public transportation or making a new type of car? What should be goverment's priority? [7]

More attention should be paid on how to reduce the pollution released into the atmosphere by cars' emission. As such, many a person contends that to alleviate this multifarious problem is heavily relied on a new invention of car. However, I would personally argue that the governments involvement should not be completely disregarded. why? what your reason? your introduction is not clearly enough. You should mention concrete your hook, ideas and your reason.

The proliferation of private cars on the roads in many parts of the world has led to serious problem of pollution and may contribute to global warming. some people think that government should spend money for development of public transportation system in order to help alleviate this problem. Other think it is better to spend money for the development of electric car and other types of cars that may cause less pollution. do you think it is better for government to spend money developing public transportation or developing new kinds of cars? why or why not?

Let me rework your introduction:
Global warming is one of the most crucial problem around world. Many private vehicles today are one of predominant factors resulting green house gases, contributing in climate change. As such, some people believe that government should spending a lot of money for making public transportation system as this is good way to reduce the amount of pollution caused by fossil fuel burning in cars. However, others argue that city council should develop electric cars for society because it takes less pollution. Therefore, I would argue that spending money for developing public transports by official is better than making electric vehicles, whilst people's awareness to use limited private cars will support government's policy to solve the problem.
IqbalThemi   
Apr 7, 2015
Writing Feedback / Trending of high class building [2]

Some people believe that modern buildings are ugly and are ruining our towns and cities, especially when these buildings are very different from those around them. Others say that they add variety and interest. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion?

Towns and cities having various imposing buildings have become trend nowadays. For some people, this condition can grab public attention as magnificent building can attract many companies to invest in the towns. However, others believe that the different building designs will destroy the towns' scenery, because designs and forms of buildings are truly slum. Therefore, I would argue that it is really important to preserve the building keeping beautiful and clean for making quiet environment of the cities.

With regard to impressive of the buildings, either the towns or the cities can be known as attractive tourism industry. Taking Dubai, one of the towns in United Arab Emirates, as an example, in a 2005 study on this topic, finding showed that 30% of tourist coming in Dubai since they are very interested with the unique buildings there.
IqbalThemi   
Apr 7, 2015
Writing Feedback / Sophisticated technology and better telecommunication makes people's life more comfortable today [2]

Nowadays, life has becomebeen better than it was onein a century ago. WhileAs such, some people argue that the appearance of a state-of-the-art technology and telecommunication lead people to be more convenience, why is it more convenience? what is the reason? I personally believe that atmosphere becomeis now hotter than several years ago due to global warming. why is it hotter? your introduction is not clearly enough.

You should put your concrete ideas and reasons of what you write about paraphrase in introduction. Let me try:

Advance technology nowadays changes people's lives. As such, lots of experts believe that sophisticated devices have improved person's life quality in modern era as with high class gadget, people connect to the internet every time for updating news information. Therefore, I would argue that societies' lives today is preferable than in the past having limited facilities
IqbalThemi   
Apr 7, 2015
Writing Feedback / The past, 100 years ago, was a discovery era, and this time significantly influenced our life today [2]

Hi winda, your writing is good but I have few comment,

In recent years, namely modern lifestyle, is different with several years ago. why is it different? As such, some people believe that life now is better than it was 100 years ago. why is it better? However, I personally argue that it is true when it is looked byat the development of science and technology. I think that your writing is not clearly enough.

You should put your hook, ideas and reasons of what you write about paraphrase in introduction. Let me try:
Advance technology nowadays changes people's lives. As such, lots of experts believe that sophisticated devices have improved person's life quality in modern era as with high class gadget, people connect to the internet every time for updating news information. Therefore, I would argue that societies' lives today is preferable than in the past having limited facilities
IqbalThemi   
Apr 7, 2015
Writing Feedback / Learning about foreign countries by watching and travelling [3]

Some people say that you can learn more about another country by watching television programmes and films about it than by actually visiting it.
How true is this statement? Is there anything you can learn about another country by visiting it that you cannot learn by watching programmes and films about it?


Learning about different countries has been trend in globalization era. As such, lots of people argue that people nowadays can improve their knowledge much more about international countries by watching TV programmes and movies from the most comfortable location in their home than visiting to overseas which can spend a lot of money. Whilst this is true to some extent, I would argue that understanding foreign language cannot be done with looking both TV and films, people just can know it via travelling to foreign countries to practice directly with mother tongue of other countries which they visit.

after edit:

Learning about different countries has been trend in globalization era. As such, lots of people argue that with TV or movie, people nowadays can improve their knowledge about international countries from their home. This is because nearly all information of foreign countries are available on television and this way is believed rather than visiting abroad spending a lot of money. Whilst this is true to some extent, in fact, not all form of other countries can be found in film. I would personally believe that people must travel to overseas if they want to study foreign habitat as for knowing it, people have to directly observe how inhabitant behavior is there.

Mostly, either television or movie shows various lessons, which one of them is highlight of foreign countries. For instance, some televisions in Indonesia often broadcast a movie about state of other countries such as Arabic culture and history. As a result, lots of Indonesian people really understand how the real people cultures is in Arabic country even some of them can imitate the culture in their live in Indonesia like using Arabic custom. Furthermore, many TV programmes in Indonesia also perform using other countries languages so that some Indonesia inhabitants are very fond of following it. This means that by looking film, people can make progress for their lives.

However, this way is difficult to study people habits in many countries because various forms of habits are in every country. Taking Hollywood film as an example, there are many people habits of western countries portrayed in the Hollywood. Although people often watch film of Hollywood, they cannot see what is different each habit as in movie there is no clearly explanation of foreigner habits. Consequently, travelling is one solution only for people learning foreign habits in different countries. People must live in around foreigner and make relation to them while people also pay attention habits of foreigners. This method is more effective than watching television.

The aforementioned evidence that reveals that even though both television and movie can be a good alternative to learn about foreign countries, visiting abroad encourages people to get more experience of many countries. Therefore, I would argue that people should know what is the most effective strategies for understanding about other countries.
IqbalThemi   
Apr 8, 2015
Writing Feedback / Staying in one place and living in different area. [4]

Hi initia, your writing is good. However, I have few comment.

Basically, people want to live in the most comfortable zone.That is why most people just stayed in a one place in the old days as they wanted to close to their familyfamilies and their friends, while this gradually makes them to be a socially awkward persons. However, for some others, they nowadays prefer moving to the different placeslocations in order to gain new experiences and have more job opportunities, but this leadsalso causes people to experienceget culture shock and to pay more money. Thus, I personally argue that living in the same placeresidence is a good decision to have a peaceful life.
IqbalThemi   
Apr 8, 2015
Writing Feedback / Once people grew up in one place, now it is changing. Staying in one place or moving around oftenly? [3]

Hi cwang, your writing is excellent, but I have some suggest for your writing.

... staying in the same placelocation in their whole life would maintain social relationship , but this automatically gets them bored.
... some others prefer moving from one to other placesresidences due to fulfilling their needs, while ...
Were I to choose, I would live in one placepermanent neighborhood rather than have to move aroundothers .
IqbalThemi   
Apr 11, 2015
Writing Feedback / Positive effect of being international student will not outshine the demerits of it (IELTS Task 2) [3]

More and more students are choosing to study in another country for higher education. Do the benefits outweigh the drawbacks?

Having great skill is the most important ability for human lives. As such, studying abroad is becoming trend for many students today, particularly because of the merits which lots of people believe that overseas universities offer better courses and teachers more experts with their fields. However, unfamiliar cultures and missing families are some challenges which can cause scholars unable adapting to new place. Therefore, I would argue that although students taking study in foreign countries get the negative impacts but the disadvantages will not outshine the advantages of being international students.

To regard with the positive effect of learning overseas, many excellent subject matters can encourage student to have extraordinary ability. As such, students can focus on a specific field which fits their talents and their goals in the future. In addition, skilled teachers ensure scholars to take deep knowledge completely to get more job opportunities in profitable companies whilst having close relationship to different foreigners is another benefit which many learners can receive.

On the other hand, the drawbacks of this trend are difficulties to survive living overseas. With different cultures in new environment, students must fight hard to adapt to rules of surrounding places where students are staying as it is impossible learners can finish their studies well without good adapting abilities. Moreover, another trouble of being foreign students also can be gotten because of living far ways from families. This condition can cause homesickness which will disturb scholars to focus on their activities in international countries.

The aforementioned evidence reveals that learning in foreign universities can broaden students' knowledge even though there are some demerits of this. Overall, I believe that good preparation both mentally and academically to learn overseas will make students to succeed in their studying in another county.
IqbalThemi   
Apr 11, 2015
Writing Feedback / The chart informs the number of Bulgarians moving to different countries based on level of education [5]

The bar chart informs regarding the number of Bulgarian inhabitants wanting move to foreign countries based on three graduated categories: higher, secondary and primary education, measured in percentage between 2002 and 2008.

Overall, it can be clearly seen that the number of people with secondary education who want to live in another country was the highest amongst level of education whereas the figure for primary and lower education experienced upward trend. On the other hand, the percentage of people having higher education had a gradual increase in the fourth first year of period before it dropped dramatically at the end of period.

...




IqbalThemi   
Apr 12, 2015
Writing Feedback / The chart informs the number of Bulgarians moving to different countries based on level of education [5]

Thank for correcting my writing winda. However, I would like to clarify what you ask above.

The bar chart informs regarding the number of Bulgarian inhabitants wanting move to foreign countries based on three graduated categories: higher, secondary and primary education, measured --> This sentence is passive, " is measured' and where is the information about lower education?this is not passive sentence but it is reducing adjective clause which refer to "the number of Bulgarian inhabitants". in percentage between 2002 and 2008.

Overall, it can be clearly seen that the number of people with secondary education who want to live in another country was the highest amongst --> why do you use amongst? is that preposition like "among" or not?amongst and among are the same; preposition in sentence. Both are true if we use one of them in sentence. However, "amongst" tend to old-fashioned for some people whereas "among" is more common in British style. level of education whereas the figure for primary and lower education experienced upward trend. On the other hand, the percentage of people having higher education had --> it is better to use "saw, experienced, or witnessed" as a academic style"had" is formal verb like saw, experienced and witnessed. It also can be used in academic style. you can read my essay repeatedly. I use all of three verb which you mean. this is just choice to variety of "verb" only. a gradual increase in the fourth first year of period before it dropped dramatically at the end of period.

In 2002, the figure for people with secondary education stood at 75% look at clearly information, I see, it was 65%, yes, this is my flaw, I am so sorry which was 48% and 47% higher than for the number of higher and primary education respectively what do you mean?I mean that this is Adjective Clause which refer to 65% of secondary education, better for you to read your book (IELTS buddy) to get more explanationI give you some edits, "where coming second and third were primary and lower education at 18% and primary school at 17%".Here, you use wrong connector "where" (it is for explaining "place") Then, even though the number of secondary education was still the highest, it saw a slight decrease in the following year, at 61% in 2006 to finish in 2008, at 59%. you should put particular attention with complex sentence , I see it was vague. Yes, you may be true, but it is form of complex sentence. Check your grammar book again.

Moving to a more detailed analysis in my opinion, this sentences is suitable with advanced writing, I advise you for using simple word first.yes, you are true Mrs but I regret to say you if this is my lesson in beginner IELTS class and my teacher advice to use the sentence from the bar chart reveals that at 18% the percentage of primary and lower education had a similar pattern with the higher education over the next followingdo you know exactly what is difference between over the next four year? and over the next following four year? perhaps you can look for explaining it. four year. In addition, The chart also shows that the figure for primary education remained stable relatively at 19% in 2006 before it witnessed a dramatic rise in 2008, at 32%. In contrast, after the number of higher education rose slowly by 3% from 2002 to 2006, it fell over twofold in 2008, at 9%.

Generally, I am really happy with your suggestion and correction but you also have to improve your grammar. Let us to learn together.
IqbalThemi   
Apr 14, 2015
Writing Feedback / Being better life by advanced technology (IELTS Task 2) [2]

Life now is better than it was 100 years ago. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Advanced technology changes people's lifestyle. As such, lots of people believe that people living today are better than one century ago, which lived in limited facilities. Therefore, I would argue that sophisticated technology nowadays ensures people's lives quality thanks to do their activities easier and faster than before.

With regard to live in the past, almost people used limited facilities. For example, if young people in wanted to play football, they would go to dirty field as their places to play sport because there is no modern field around their areas, which is good enough for them. As a result, it is difficult to explore young people's talent because of minimum facilities.

On the other hand, people in the day and age live in complete modern technology. This causes people to able to improve their lives quality. For instance, nearly all modern people have mobile phone. By using mobile phone, people can keep in touch with their families and friends in far away every time. Furthermore, people also can access internet to help them to do their activities like for GPS to get around areas if they suddenly travel to somewhere. As a consequence, modern technology makes people to do their various activities fast.

The aforementioned evidence reveals that the developing of technology transforms alternative ways of people to live, which is greater than people in the past. Therefore, I believe that in this century, people have good abilities to survive in their life due to technology and should use the technology with care to others.
IqbalThemi   
Apr 14, 2015
Writing Feedback / With regard to the average of living cost in two different cities [3]

The chart gives information regarding to the average of living cost in Riverdale and Cape Alicia city compared to the average of national living cost. Overall, it can clearly be seen that in Riverdale city, Housing is the highest amongst others, whereas Utilities is the most expensive in Cape Alicia city.

With regard to Riverdale city, the highest of living cost is Housing, at 19%, which is nearly threefold higher than cost for Health Care, at 7%, while Clothing takes 5.5% of the number of living cost as a whole. In addition, the average of living cost of Groceries, Utilities and Transportation have a similar pattern at 4.7%, 4.5% and 4% respectively.

Moving to a more detailed analysis from the chart reveals that Utilities is the highest of Cape Alicia city's living cost, at 1.2% and then the second highest is cost for Clothing, at 1%. After that, other forms in Cape Alicia city take the average of living cost under 1% such as Groceries at 0.5%, Health Care at 0.8%, Transportation at -3.8% and Housing at -3.8%.




IqbalThemi   
Apr 16, 2015
Writing Feedback / Degrees granted of some subject in the National University during 1990 and 2010 [3]

The chart gives information regarding to the number of degrees granted in lots of subject at the National University from 1990 to 2010 and it is measured in percentage. Overall, it can clearly be seen that the computer subject matter tended to increase over the periods, Business field experienced a gradual decrease. In any case, Medicine and Law fluctuated over the timeframe.

In 1990, the number of degrees granted of Computer science subject stood at 30% and it increased to 40% over the next ten years before the degrees granted of Computer science was the most predominant at 45% at the end of periods. In contrast, the degrees granted of Business field which was the same point as Computer in 1990, at 30%, saw a gradual fall by 10% in 2000 to finish at 15% in ten following years.

Moving to a more detailed analysis from chart reveals that the degrees granted of Law and Medicine has fluctuation trend. As the lowest degrees granted, the percentage of Law subject was at less than a fifth in 1990 and it was a rebound rise at 15% over the next twenty years, after the degrees granted of law witnessed a slow rise at one in ten in 2000. Furthermore, Medicine field was at a quarter of degrees granted in 1990 and in 2000, it inclined slowly at less than a third before degrees granted of Medicine saw a rebound decrease at a quarter in 2010.




IqbalThemi   
Apr 16, 2015
Writing Feedback / The improvement of technology, transportation, communication and infrastucture in the last 100 years [4]

In these days, life is more comfortable than a decade ago. As such, the improvement of technology developments, transportation, communication and infrastucture have added changed a lot bringing betterment to the life of people's lifestyle because by technology, people can do lots of their activities faster than people in the past which have limited facilities of technologies. However, advances in technology advanced technologies have caused a problem like global warming.climate change around world thanks to burn of fossil fuel produced by sophisticated technologies . Therefore, I personally believe that people's life today would beare easier than people's life in 100 years ago as people now can use complete facilities of technologies.
IqbalThemi   
Apr 16, 2015
Writing Feedback / The improvement of technology, transportation, communication and infrastucture in the last 100 years [4]

Becauseofthe advancement of Firstly, technology development causes manysome problems,have happened,in world,but the one of them is global warming. For this reason, modern technology has proven that damaging the whole environment. For instance, more and more manufactures' technologynuclear powertodaywhich has drawbacks that will not reduce produces more carbon emissions. When this trend continues in long time, it can damage natural environment. As a matter of fact, this reduces the amount of oxygen and would make people's life unhealthy. It is evident that technology would make dangerous problem for environment.
IqbalThemi   
Apr 16, 2015
Writing Feedback / Nowadays nothing is private: our culture has become too confessional and self-expressive. [6]

I had that bad habit of using Facebook a lot. I opened my account several times a day just to check up on what was happening and all that there was on my news feed were my so called Facebook friends sharing one thing or the other keep in touch with my friends. Some of them really like expressing their love for someoneto others., a guy updating a status of how his heart was broken, a girl who always updated statuses #dedicated to her "someone". Therefore, I would like to prefer they were kept private to maintain our close relationship.
IqbalThemi   
Apr 16, 2015
Writing Feedback / The figure of household internet access in different areas in a European country [2]

The graph gives information regarding to the number of the household internet access in two different areas in a European country between 1999 and 2004 and it is measured in percentage. Overall, it can clearly be seen that although both locations were in upward trend of household internet access, the percentage of household internet access in urban/suburban area experienced a significant increase. On the other hand, a slow rise of rural location was over the periods.

With regard to this trend, the figure of household internet access of rural/suburban was rise. In 1999, it stood at approximately 15% which was around 12% higher than the household internet access of rural area. Following of this, the number of household internet access in rural area rose twofold at 30% in the next year. Whereas, during 2001 and 2002 it increased at 40% to 50% respectively, it inclined again slowly to about 55% in 2004.

Moving to a more detailed analysis from the graph reveals that, in rural area, the number of household internet access witnessed a gradual rise. It was from at about 3% in 1999 to at around one in twenty in 2000 and this trend continued in the following years before the figure reached a short peak in 2002, at half of the whole percentage. After of this, the percentage of household internet access in rural area just rose steadily by approximately 2% in 2003 to finish in 2004, at more than half.




IqbalThemi   
Apr 16, 2015
Writing Feedback / People are difficult to permit their children to travel or doing work - IELTS [2]

I think that your intro need to rework,

Teenagers are supported to travel to other countries before entering to university for studying and after completing their high school in many countries. Travel provides many offers to be learned. Although traveling has the drawbacks, I firmly believe that the benefits of travel are greater than the disadvantages.

For making intro I would argue that it is better if you:
1. should begin huge by specific sentence and clear meaning. (In your intro, huge "first sentence" is bulky)
2. Should put your reason after you write paraphrase question and topic sentence to support main idea of sentences (like our teacher teach us to make introduction for IELTS) so we, as reader, can take clear meaning of what you write.

Overall, your ideas is good.

IqbalThemi   
Apr 16, 2015
Writing Feedback / Outers influence native culture - foreigners may face difficulties to pick local customs up. [3]

These days, learning other cultures is important for people. For this reason, a great number of people assume that people from other countries have responsible to follow local culture particularly customs and behavior when it comes to visiting other places.coming to foreign countries where they visit. While other people cannot accept this statement and think that native people should appreciate with the differences, why? (I think that it is better if you put your reason here to support your main idea of sentence) this essay will examine about the perspective.

Overall, I'm happy to read your essay.
IqbalThemi   
Apr 17, 2015
Writing Feedback / Learning about different languages in as early age as possible [2]

All children should study a foreign language in school, starting in the earliest grades. To what extent do you agree or disagree whit this statement?

Nowadays, foreign-language skill is important for people around world. As such, lots of people believe that children should learn about language from other countries beginning in the earliest grades because it is the appropriate time to have long-term memorizing. However, others argue that it is not good enough to force children to study foreign language as children cannot follow the second-language subject. Whilst it is true to some extent, I would argue that it is better for children to begin learning about foreign language in the earliest grades to have good language skill for their live in the future.

With regard to this case, children have excellent brain to learn about foreign language. The recent studies demonstrate that the best time to pick up new language is when children still young as early as possible. This is because their brain can remember various vocabularies in different meaning easily and fast. As a result, young children will be benefited to take experience of studying the language in long time.

On the other hand, the earliest young age gives negative impact to children spending their time to study their second language. For example, children in the earliest young age just study other languages from local teachers without having to communicate with mother tongue of languages which they learn. As a consequence, there is no doubt that most of children do not have good fluency to speak the second language well.

The aforementioned evidence reveals that although studying foreign language in the earliest grades gives children challenge, the benefits of learning about foreign language will not outshine the challenge. Therefore, I personally suggest that parents have to encourage their children to study languages from different countries since they are still kid to have brilliant abilities to master the second language for their future.
IqbalThemi   
Apr 17, 2015
Writing Feedback / Changing children's lifestyle by exploring the natural world [3]

Because of the busy pace of modern life, many children spend most of their time indoors and have little exposure to the natural world. How important is it for children to learn to understand and appreciate nature?

Nowadays, modern technology changes people's lifestyle. Because of this, some people now prefer spending their time to relax and enjoy their lives. However, others argue that children should play in the nature world to take more experience. Therefore, I believe that it is really important for children to explore wider environment to improve children's social skill.

With regard to spend time indoors, children have limited environment to explore their talent. For example children just know playing computer games instead of playing an outside activity with other friends. Consequently, children grow up with different behavior or custom from places where children live.

On the other hand, taking to the nature world can change children's way of life. This is because children can imitate lifestyle of adult around them after the children make close relationship and observe adult's behavior. In addition, children also are used to challenge which they face so that, this condition encourages children to be more independent.

The aforementioned evidence reveals that although advanced technology makes quitter to stay at home and can get some benefits from the technology, children must have social skill which can make children to survive with life challenge in the future. Therefore, I would argue that parents should encourage their children to play in the nature world to improve children's ability.
IqbalThemi   
Apr 17, 2015
Writing Feedback / The process of producing wood pellets [3]

The diagram gives information regarding on the process of making wood pellets for heating buildings. Generally, what stand out from the picture describes that there are eight stages of producing wood pellets from beginning selected material of pellets as the first step to the pellet at the ready to be sold.

With regard to the first three stages, the material of wood pellets which called sawdust arrives from sawmill. Afterward, the sawdust is hammered into fibers of uniform length in a hammer mill to produce fibers, and then the fibers are dampened with steam before it is processed by machine.

Moving to a more detailed analysis from the diagram reveals that in the second five steps, fibers are forced through holes in a pellet machine, forming into pellets before the pellets are cooled to loose dust which is vacuumed off in the next steps. After that, the pellet has been ready to be packed into 18 kilo (140 pound bags) and can be distributed to be sold.
IqbalThemi   
Apr 19, 2015
Writing Feedback / Developing public transportation for reducing at least protecting pollution [NEW]

The proliferation of private cars on the roads in many parts of the world has led to serious problems of pollution and may contribute to global warming. Some people think that governments should spend money for the development of public transportation systems in order to help alleviate this problem. Others think it is better to spend money for the development of electric and other types of cars that may cause less pollution. Do you think it is better for government to spend money developing public transportation or developing new kinds of cars?

Global warming is the most important problem around world. One of the majors causing this is pollution which produced by over using private cars on the roads. As such, some people believe that government should spend much money to develop public transportation system, so the pollution can be reduced. However, others argue that development of electric and other types of cars are better to be developed by government to take less pollution. Whilst it is true to some extent, I believe that the development of public transportation is one solution to preserve world from climate change.

With regard to this case, government who develops new kinds of cars does not give solution as this just adds the number of private vehicles bought or owned by people and makes the problem unable to be overcome. In addition, the main cause of pollution is not because of sorts of transportation but over using and capacity from the vehicles is the most significant one which causes an increase in burning of fossil fuel of private mobiles.

On the other hand, it is more essential for government to spend much money to build public transportation. This is as government can change people's lifestyle which prefer private cars than public transportation. For example, government develops an excellent public transportation system which can make people quitter and safetier in using transportation if they travel to somewhere. As a result, people have other alternatives of transportation and encourage them to protect driving private cars.

The aforementioned evidence reveals that although developing electric or other kinds of cars is possible to reduce pollution, making public transportation can ensure pollution to be quite less reduced. Therefore, I would argue that government should be appropriate to develop public transportation to overcome pollution and also can control people who are really keen on driving and collection private mobiles.
IqbalThemi   
Apr 19, 2015
Writing Feedback / First stage is to gather bottles in the recycling center. The process of recycling plastic bottles [3]

The diagram gives information regarding how plastic bottles are recycled. Generally, what stands out from the diagram illustrates that there are some stages to recycle the plastic bottles beginning from collection of plastic bottles as the first step, the process continues until the pellets are ready to sell.

With regard to the process of recycling plastic bottles for new uses, the first stage is collection of plastic bottles in recycling center. Next, the plastic bottles are separated from other types of containers such as glass and metal, these are sorted by color and are pressed into bales (around 7,000 bottles per bale) in the next following steps before the plastic bottles are picked up by transportation to place where the reclaimer process is.

Moving to a more detailed analysis from the diagram reveals that in the last step there are some differences in recycling sort of plastic bottles. Firstly, diversity of bales are broken apart by a bale breaker and plastic is shredded onto flakes whereas it is washed, rinsed and dried for flakes. In addition, some of flakes are melted and put through extruder while pellets are formed before the pellets are ready to be sold to manufactures to be used to make fibers carpets and clothing, nonfood containers and other products.




IqbalThemi   
Apr 19, 2015
Writing Feedback / The professional level of either sport players or musicians can be achieved by the hard working. [2]

Your intro needs to rework. It is really confusing.

[The parent should focus on their children's talents to get success for a better future live]your hook is not clear enough to begin your intro (carefully to take hook) . For this reason, [the talent of children is becoming a debatable issue]what you mean? look at your question gain, understand first before you conclude something (which is correlation between talent and a debatable issue based on your question) . whilst some people contend that it is a gift from the god., I would personally argue that it can be learnt gradually to become professional for either top sport players or musicians.

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. Discuss?

Let me try,

Nowadays, a particular talent is a key to take master skill in people's lives. Such as, some people believe that the professional skills such sport or music are the talent of in the first day people's birth as people seem easier to explore more the talents. However, Others reject this opinion, although lots of people claim that a great ability of being sport athlete or musician can be learned gradually. While it is true to some extent, I would argue that being great professional athletes are not only just because of the talent from the first day birth, but also people's effort seriously to explore it.
IqbalThemi   
Apr 20, 2015
Writing Feedback / The number of marriages-divorces and marital status in the USA [3]

The two charts give information regarding the number of marriages and divorces in the USA from 1970 to 2000, whereas the second chart shows the number of marital status of adult Americans in 1970 and 2000 and it is measured in percentage.

Generally, what stands out from the charts illustrate that the number of American people getting married and divorces shows a downward trend over the periods and married adult in USA was the highest percentage of marital status among others in both years, while the lowest number of marital status was the divorced in 1997.

...




IqbalThemi   
Apr 23, 2015
Writing Feedback / Growing personality by live experiences [NEW]

Research indicates that the characteristic we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in life. which do you consider to be the major influence?

Many significant factors can influence people's personalities. As such, some people argue that people's characteristics are more dominant to lead people's personalities that life experience which people may have. This is because the characteristic is internal factor of people which is difficult to be fought. While it is true to some extent, I would argue that the experiences of people's live can change people's personalities as people take much information from environment where they live, which can change the way of people thinking.

With regard to this topic, the characteristics have much more influences on people's personalities. This also will make people to have a particular identity in their lives. For example, the first Indonesian president, Soekarno, is known as charismatic leader since he can hypnotize many people if he speak in front public and also can lead people to follow what he wants. As a result, people's personalities can grow with the characteristic which people were born.

On the other hand, people can build their personalities by experiences in their lives. To illustrate, people who have good education tend to think out of the box as educational environments where people study have influenced how they think, decide or do an activity. As a sequence, new knowledge and information which people take of environment where people live will be possible to change people's characteristics before.

The aforementioned evidence reveals that although the characteristic really influences people's personalities, people's experience is mainly factor which develop personalities of people when they grow up. Therefore, I would argue that people must be aware to get experiences for improving their personalities which can ensure people to survive in their lives.

Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳