lcturn87
Aug 6, 2015
Writing Feedback / A/D? Students should spend more time learning on their own than learning in a classroom environment. [5]
Hello, I would like to help you with some of your essay.
1st paragraph: I think you should form a new sentence: "Many people base their opinions on their own value system."
There are some words that can be deleted. Note this improvement in the next sentence: "A majority of them claim that students should try to understand and solve problems on their own, so they can learn to be responsible and independent."
I would suggest using another term to describe your feelings. Instead of using on the same wavelength, you could replace it with "agreeing"
Do you mean learning in the classroom rather than learning on their own?
2nd paragraph: I would like to focus on the use of transitions at the beginning of your sentences. For opener should be "For example,". You state What's more, but you can replace this with "Furthermore".
Also, your use of its is an error. It should be it's. Word choice is also important. In this paragraph you want to state, "abstract idea". Instead of interchange you should say "exchange ideas with each other". Change efficiently to "efficient". Change irresistible to these attractions to "may not be resistant to these distractions"
Use a semicolon and a comma to join sentences together. In this paragraph, you use transition words to join sentences. Ex: "...attractions; hence, lowering our learning quality." "...environment; therefore, this will increase learning."
Hello, I would like to help you with some of your essay.
1st paragraph: I think you should form a new sentence: "Many people base their opinions on their own value system."
There are some words that can be deleted. Note this improvement in the next sentence: "A majority of them claim that students should try to understand and solve problems on their own, so they can learn to be responsible and independent."
I would suggest using another term to describe your feelings. Instead of using on the same wavelength, you could replace it with "agreeing"
Do you mean learning in the classroom rather than learning on their own?
2nd paragraph: I would like to focus on the use of transitions at the beginning of your sentences. For opener should be "For example,". You state What's more, but you can replace this with "Furthermore".
Also, your use of its is an error. It should be it's. Word choice is also important. In this paragraph you want to state, "abstract idea". Instead of interchange you should say "exchange ideas with each other". Change efficiently to "efficient". Change irresistible to these attractions to "may not be resistant to these distractions"
Use a semicolon and a comma to join sentences together. In this paragraph, you use transition words to join sentences. Ex: "...attractions; hence, lowering our learning quality." "...environment; therefore, this will increase learning."