Writing Feedback / TOPIC: What are the benefits and the risks associated with the use of private transport? [4]

I can help you make improvements to your essay. I would first like to state that you have good information in your essay. However, there is some repetition that needs to be corrected. The word "seriously" is used at the end of sentences. It has no meaning in your sentences. Delete this word and read the sentences again. You will recognize that your sentences have improved.

I think you can begin your essay with the sentence that begins with, "From my perspective": Then state: " One of the main positives of using personal transportation is its convenience and people can feel comfortable using it." Notice the revision is more specific and can help you to discuss other details in this paragraph. You can revise this sentence too: "For example,the better one's life is, the more private transport such as cars, motorbikes, or even planes will be used." The sentence that starts with, "Indeed" can be your next sentence. The other sentences are arranged well. The sentence that discusses how you will start looking at the advantages can be deleted.

The other paragraphs are better organized.

This is some help, but grammar needs to be addressed.

Research Papers / Global Warming Is A Problem, but it can be stopped - research paper. [4]

I can help assist you with your paper. I see that you have cited your sources. If you have any direct quotes or copied any text from these sources, don't forget to put quotation marks around those sentences for your final submission of your essay.

1st paragraph: I would change way back when to decades ago. If there is a specific number stated in your source, you can use this to be more specific. Change within recent years to, "In recent years..." Do you mean the ice sheets are dissolving or disappearing?

2nd paragraph: I'm unsure about the describing weather and how people dwell. You could say that the weather has taken a toll on people's lives. "Summers have become hotter and winters are warmer". Place a comma after 2003. Also, place a comma after you use a transition (i.e.For example).

I will help you with your paper later.

Writing Feedback / "Is imagination less valuable than facts and objectivity?" SAT Novembre 2010 [2]

Hello, I am assisting you again with your essay. Let me first discuss what you are doing quite well.

1) Your use of commas and word choice is getting better.
2) You are continuing to use transition words which helps with understanding (Ultimately, In fact, Thus, etc.)
3) Your paper is organized well.

Here are some suggestions to help your writing:
1) There are additional words that can be deleted.
1st paragraph: "imagination cannot be by no way more valuable than facts and objectivity.
2nd paragraph: "..dreaming of a perfect husband, unlimited wealth and prestige, rendered her into a passive, immature and foolish person, who ran away from ground facts and reality."

Change the tense in the next sentence: "marrying an idol man who had power,..." The next sentence change your tense to:"...always fell into the abyss.." The next sentence, made should be make. The last sentence needs a few more words to explain Madame Bovary's situation. You can add: "...her blindness to the facts of life lead to her suicide..."

2) There is great organization in your paper. However, if you use a transition word this will help you with your essay writing.

3rd paragraph: You could use Nevertheless or However, since the next paragraph is a different example and you are discussing objectivity. Place "the" before imagination. Change part of this sentence to: "...enlightenment philosophers and scientists..." Change ground to based.

4th paragraph: I would begin the last sentence with a transition. Ex: "Therefore, the evidence proves that dreamers...problems, will end up failing"

I would score it as an 11. If you could get an 11.5, I would give it to you for word choice, information, and good organization. Some slight corrections in past tense would have given you a 12. Nice improvement! I want you to remember that I'm assuming this is how you will be scored. Hopefully, they will take into consideration the time constraint.

Writing Feedback / "Is it possible for a society to be fair to everyone?" June 2013 [5]

I apologize. If you only have 25 minutes to write your essay, then you are doing quite well. I will review your next essay with this in mind.

Writing Feedback / "Is it possible for a society to be fair to everyone?" June 2013 [5]

Hello, I will help assist you again. I would like to focus on meaning.

In your first paragraph, the only noticeable error is that chance should be plural.

However, the opening sentence of your second paragraph is confusing. There is a better way to state this sentence. Ex: "A tendency to prejudge is one aspect...". Change this to: "...the white..." When you use a term involving race it should be in all lowercase letters unless you begin a sentence using that word. Sufferance should be suffering. The next sentence where you discuss societies is an incomplete sentence. There needs to be more information after commonplace. Change these sentences: "During these decades...blacks...This fact demonstrates..."

The next paragraph instead of using "But" to explain your friend's poverty, you should use "However". Change accepted in to "accepted into". The next sentence doesn't begin well. Change: Had he get "If he was accepted..." Place a comma after universities. These sentences needed revision because you can form a new sentence and change your transition word: "Yet, society and hard realities were against him. He was a great mind but lacked the opportunity to show up and shape his skills. Ultimately, he lived in..." I'm not sure if he was homeless, so I made the suggest to change it to lived in.

Do you mean no one can escape human frailties?

I'm going to grade it a 10. This is a difficult topic to write about. Take your time and write.

Graduate / Experience: developing processes and solving issues in client-HP network - SOI; Master of Management [2]

Hello, I will continue to help you with your essay. I will suggest a few more changes that will make your essay better.

"I have gaps in knowledge that cannot be filled by continuing to work in my current career trajectory". I feel that this statement makes you seem a little inadequate and your experience shows that you are completely equipped to work well. I would like to suggest stating:.."a gap in my educational level". Sometimes there is a gap because a person may need a Master's degree in order to make advancement on their job. It doesn't mean there is a gap in what a person knows or can achieve, but there is a gap in a specific requirement.

The next paragraph, you have a slight revision: "...make a cost reduction program..." Here is another revision that can be made "... which will help me transition into an executive role in the future". Place a comma after goal. Place "my" after strengthen.You state: "This is where MBS comes in". However, I feel it is too vague. Since you discuss your goals throughout the paragraph, you could make a better transition. Ex: Thus, MBS can help me to achieve my goals. This is just a suggestion! Remember the last sentence in your paragraph, needs to help you make a smooth transition to the next paragraph.

There are just a few minor errors in the following paragraph. Change such to "so". The next sentence needs a better arrangement of words: "Having Dr.XXXXXXX as a faculty member, whose expertise in outsourcing solutions and 3PL services in supply chain piqued my interest, will give me the satisfaction of knowing that I can have engaging discussions in the classroom". Note: I chose not to rewrite his name. Also, if you want to shorten your sentence more you could delete the information about his expertise. However, if you are want that information included, you can make the revision as stated above.

Good Job! Your last paragraph is really good.

Writing Feedback / Many machines are now able to do the work which people used to perform, advantages an disadvantages? [4]

Hello, I can help assist you with any needed changes.

1st paragraph: I see only a minor error. You should change human to humans.

2nd paragraph: I would change your transition word to "First". I think that stating paper works at the office is confusing. Do you mean organizing paper at the office? Today, we can organize files electronically. Here is a suggestion for that sentence:"A lot of chores at home, organizing paper at the office, and checking in at a hospital are done by electronic machines. While Today, humans solve more significant problems that electronic devices cannot do." The next sentence, you want to delete the -s at the end of work and add an -s at the end of human. Change part of the next sentence: "...humans worker , which factory..." The next sentence I am going to suggest a change in word order and a semicolon. ...after a long time being used being used for a long time; then, we just need to fix them or replace them with another one .

3rd paragraph: Delete the comma before too. I think the sentence about humans does not fit with this paragraph because the paragraph relates more to machines than humans. I think you should revise this sentence: "And Machines cannot be creative or develop their skills like humans, their products always stay the same as the beginning . Add -s to the word human in the last sentence of this paragraph. You will make human plural twice in this sentence.

Conclusion: You can change weigh up to "weigh the" and place a comma after cons. These words need to be rearranged:"...it will only bring us advantages."

Book Reports / Gender roles, deception, Gatsby/Daisy and Hamlet/Ophelia - The Great Gatsby VS Shakespeare's Hamlet [3]

Hello, I can help to assist you with your paper. As I began to read it, I noticed that it is similar to an outline. I think what is missing is an opening paragraph to help the reader understand the organization of the paper. You mention gender roles, deception, and tragic heroes in the body of the essay. Help the reader to understand what you will discuss in the essay by using those points. Discuss that you will be comparing and contrasting characters and the similarities and differences in the Great Gatsby and Hamlet.

"In Hamlet the social norm is that women have "invisible" roles in society, and they are youthful, beautiful, and pure." This is a good sentence for the next paragraph in your essay. When you describe Ophelia and Gertrude, you should compare and contrast after you have finished describing each character. For example, if you begin by describing Ophelia, you should start with the sentence that describes her dependency on her father and brother. However, although she has this dependency, she is still considered the perfect girl. Similarly, Gertrude is the same with her dependency on men. Then discuss how different she is in terms of her age, outward appearance, etc. Young and gorgeous should be in all lowercase letters.

You can follow the same pattern with Daisy and Jordan Baker. Describe all of Daisy's characteristics and then compare or contrast the difference between Daisy and Jordan Baker.

The idea of deception is really clear. I am going to suggest adding some sentences. Is there anything in the reading that gives evidence of Jay's power or Hamlet's insanity? Gatsby/Daisy vs. Hamlet/Ophelia is unclear because the statement is vague. More details from the reading or more details in the explanation will make it more clear.

A good way to separate your paragraphs is to use transition words. For example, when you discuss gender roles in the Great Gatsby, you could state: However, there were gender roles for women in the Great Gatsby. One simple sentence and transition word could help you to organize your paper. I hope this helps you!

Graduate / An Indian dentist - Personal statement for MPH admission. [3]

I can help assist you with your work. It seems as if you took more than one course. Here is my suggestion regarding how you can change this: "When I took courses as a dentist in India..." The next sentence should read: One of these courses was Public..." Learnt in the past tense should be spelled learned. It is great to mention that you worked to provide free checkups for others! Simply delete the space and make checkup one word. When you discuss the small act you did, place a comma after world.

When you discuss the last year, I think you need to be more specific. Was it you senior year of dentistry? Also, it is more common to state, "have a change in perspective." You could change the next sentence to:" For example, I traveled..." This is a really great observation and explained ver well!

Change this sentence to: "...upon completion of this program, I will..." Do you mean events rather than actions? I think you should place a hyphen between like and minded. Also, delete probably when you discuss like-minded individuals.

The last paragraph change complete to completing. Also end the essay with,"...in my career path"

I have no experience in this area, but I studied health and education. I hope these suggestions help you!

Writing Feedback / Elderly people can't enjoy their life enough due to lack of strength, energy and confidence [2]

I would like to assist you in making some corrections. When you begin your essay I think you need to simply state,"... according to their age." I am going to suggest deleting, "the situations" or you can state "live the situations in life the same way" in this paragraph.

Change this sentence to:" In fact, I..." When you are making the changes as suggested previously it should read, "during specific periods of life when". Remember to place commas after transition words (i.e. For Example, However, etc.). Law school can be in all lowercase letters. I think you should replace faculty with university. Delete "by now". The last sentence is too confusing. Here is a suggestion: "He has not enjoyed the lighthearted and serene experience of university life, and now it is too late to go back and live it the way he wanted to be".

Do you mean think before acting? You could say, "This attitude impedes one from living life fully." Place "a" before parent. The next sentence is too confusing because of he/she and his/her. Revise this sentence:"... a parent may become more careful because the consequences of his or her actions or choices could affect the his/her children." This is just a suggestion to help you reduce overuse of those words.

"living in fear corresponds to not living at all."

"always avoided driving the car"

These corrections will help you improve your essay. Good use of transition words!

.

Writing Feedback / "Is it possible to be a hero in the modern world?" SAT December 2010 [3]

I will help assist you again with your essay. First, I would like to say that you are working really hard. Also, this essay seems just right.

In the first paragraph, I think you are trying to state, "rose to the fore".

The last sentence of the second paragraph, you can delete and. Start the sentence with "despite".

The third paragraph is confusing because you discuss how others are saved emotionally and spiritually. It seems as if you mean they help us to think and analyze how we feel, which helps us escape from the digital era. When you discuss truths, revise part of the sentence to read:

"...need to face...".

Place "a" after lead.

This essay was an 11. It was very close to a 12.

Writing Feedback / Benefits and drawbacks of working from home (IELTS) [3]

I can help you with your essay. I think you should form a new sentence when you discuss how technology enables us to work anywhere. Ex: "This allows us...".

The next paragraph you would also benefit by forming another sentence too. Ex:" However, while working from home we can spend this time with our family." Place a comma after "Also" and "disabilities".

The third paragraph you can simple state "can be a great help". Change in internet to "on the internet". This is great information because some people may work and go to school to get a better position. You can use distance education if you explain how modern technology can help professionals as they are working and continuing their education to advance in their career. Change level to levels.

Place "a" before sedentary and "one's" before health. Change part of this sentence to:.. "but at home the only way to stay healthy is to exercise regularly".

The last sentence should be apart of the last paragraph. There are some missing words. Change part of this sentence to:"... taking breaks while working at the computer and not losing touch..."

Scholarship / "To Teach" - What you would be in your future? Statement of purpose. [5]

I will give you more assistance. 2nd paragraph: If you use two, this is plural so years would be correct. Yet, since you use one, you must use "year of" Place a comma after experience to combine the sentences. The rest of the sentence will read: "I want to resume my studies." I think it would be easier to describe it as involuntarily marry. Start a new sentence with, "Nonetheless, right after college I sought admission to a university".

Throughout your paper,you use commas after transition words (i.e. Moreover, However, Therefore). When you discuss the reason for the craving you had, this should be a new sentence. You should state, "at the top of your class."

"I completed my BS in literature..." I think you should replace gone through with "read". Place a period after literature. Gone into should be replaced again with "read". Enables should be in the past tense, change it to "enabled" and delete "the" before life.

The next paragraph, place a comma after education. Delete "the" before students. Delete well working besides and replace with "and". Do you mean a higher level of education?

It is difficult to understand the meaning of draw a conclusion. Do you want to continue to pursue literature? Change study in to "study at". Place "a" before state.

Place a comma after aspirations. I think you should end the sentence with the word "society". The other information is confusing. The next sentence belongs in the previous paragraph because you discuss literature but not the types of literature you want to study. If Turkey is not the country you will study in, I would delete this sentence.

Writing Feedback / Imitating others can only be positive if it aimed to learn from others' experiences and findings [2]

I can help assist you again. In your first sentence you change the tense from the past to the present. Change are to were and contrarily to: In contrast." Delete "neither" in this sentence too.

Place a comma after MIT. Change your tense to the past in this sentence:"... would never have reached such incomparable..." You use fired. Do you mean spearheaded? Help should be in the past tense.

Remember to put "the" before economy. If you begin a sentence you should capitalize the before U.S. Since the U.S. is stated in the middle of the sentence, "the" can be in all lowercase letters.

There is a slight misspelling. Change dear to dare when you discuss Bill Gates. I would suggest a change in word choice. You could say, "disregarded others advice".

Your last paragraph, you can delete some words:" In summary, imitating... if the aim is to" Delete at first step. The last sentence is incomplete because it has no subject. Do you mean then we change our world?

I am going to give you essay a 10. You were closer to an 11 if the past tense was used more often. Good job!

Writing Feedback / It's more important to work at a job you enjoy , even if the salary is low. [7]

I can help you to make some changes that will help you to improve your essay. First, you should state that," we may have a job we desired, but that does not pay well. Therefore, we may have a job we do not enjoy at all,..."

The next sentence also needs a revision: "In my opinion, it is better having a job you love but with a low salary, rather than being well paid for a job you will hate."

In the next paragraph, it is more common to say, "key to happiness". When you use transition words, you forget to use commas. Ex: In fact, Whereas, Although, In conclusion. Do you mean a job consumes most of your time and life? Place an exclamation point at the end of the paragraph.

Very good explanation of that quote! Change else to else's. Place a comma after reason, when you discuss how you did not like your internship.

The next sentence change the end of the sentence to: "have no sense of achievement." Place a comma after "internship". Do you mean you didn't want you life to be headed in the wrong direction or the direction you wouldn't choose for yourself?

When you state it is better the first one, this needs to be explained. Would you like to replace it with" to have a well paid job".

Scholarship / "To Teach" - What you would be in your future? Statement of purpose. [5]

I can help to assist you with your SOP. There are some minor issues that you can correct throughout your paper. First, there are missing apostrophes. When you state "Im", you have to place an apostrophe in the middle of these words to form a contraction. It would read: I'm. Another error is putting learn in past tense. Learnt should be changed to "learned". Also, when you use ie, this should be in parenthesis (i.e. PhD.)

I will help to assist you with portions of your paper and try to assist you later with the rest of your paper.

1st paragraph: Open your paragraph with "A few days ago.." What was the copy that was given to you? Was it an old paper? This should be explained. Change these sentences to: "I found the same question there, I was provided by my teacher." What you would be in your future? This question I have faced thousands of time in my life and my answer is always the same yet repetitive .

The next sentence in your essay could make the reader confused. It also may seem as if you are uncertain about your goals. You could begin to state that as a child you grew up with parents in the teaching profession. When you got older, you developed your own passion or interest in the profession.

Here is another correction that needs to be made for these sentences: "...exist without a teacher. That's why...ability to teach" The next sentence should start a new paragraph.

Essays / Discuss the development of myocardial infarction; an opening line [6]

I can help to assist you. There are many ways to develop an opening line for this essay. First, you must decide how you want to structure your paper. For example, if you have found an interesting fact online or in a book, this could help you to open your essay. You might say, According to WebMD, (National Library of Medicine)... Then you could state how many people have a sudden myocardial infarction without any warning. This is also called an ischemic attack. Therefore, an opening line could list a less specific cause and then discuss more specific causes in the body of the essay.

Also, you could have an opening line that discusses the number of people who don't survive a myocardial infarction. Then your essay could discuss what are the causes behind so many lives being lost and preventive measures to help people try to reduce their risk of a myocardial infarction.

Another opening line could be who discovered myocardial infarction. You could give a short, but brief explanation about his work on the subject and then discuss how modern medicine has uncovered the signs and symptoms and preventive measures to treat this condition. This could answer the question about its development.

These are some suggestions to get you started. However, you should think about what the word development really means. Development could mean simply describing what happens when a person experiences myocardial infarction.

Writing Feedback / College students should base their choice of a field of study on the availability of jobs [3]

I would like to help make suggestions to help you improve your essay.

First, I think before you submit your essay make sure the reader can see when you are starting a new paragraph. Posted should be changed to posed. You state "filed of their studies". Change it to: "a field of study, seem".

When you begin to discuss the sentence regarding academic excellence, the meaning becomes confusing. I would change it to: When students study with eagerness, this leads to... and more success in the field of study. There were many ideas presented that needed to be more clear to the reader. Place "to" after weight and change are coincident to "coincide".

The next paragraph, place a period after decision. There needs to be two sentences that are formed. One should describe what happens when students commence their education, The other sentence about looking at future prospects.

The last paragraph and sentence that discusses field of study in a specific region. I would change it to: "...because of experts in this field, progress of technology, and lack of progress."

Writing Feedback / Technology is not foster our business only but also make people's daily life easier. [5]

I can help to assist you with your essay. I would like to focus on meaning and sentence structure.

First, you begin your essay by stating: "We live in a modern era". When you state that human's have become inventors, you must place "been" after have. The next sentence should be revised. You could use "without technology" at the end of the sentence rather than the beginning of the sentence. There is another contraction you should use rather then cannot. You could use, "I'm not convinced..." Add "the" before following.

The next paragraph delete "being". Remember to put a comma before etc. The next two sentences are confusing in your discussion. If you want to discuss friendships, then discussing how helpful the Internet has become in communicating with family and friends is the best sentence to use in this paragraph.

When you begin new paragraphs, you can state (First, Second, Third). When you discuss that there is less staff needed, you must state that this is the automated technology company that has reduced staff due to advanced technology.

You should revise this sentence: "Because we live in a globalized world, complex businesses..." The next sentence place a comma after online and is should be "are" when you describe only one business. Reputed should be reputable. Add -s to the end of amount and customer. When you describe the internet you should use "on the" rather than in. Delete the word "that".

The last paragraph "is not" is confusing.. I think you mean helps. When you use "only but also" that is very confusing. Use the conjunction word "and" to join your ideas.

Book Reports / Topic: How does adversity shape a character - Night by Elie Weisel [3]

I can help to assist you with the meaning in your essay. When I read it, I thought you have a very descriptive writing style. However, there maybe a few changes you can make.

First, there is an incomplete sentence at the beginning. In the first paragraph, you discuss that the memoir is based upon the character Elie Weisel. Then the sentence comes to an abrupt end. The sentence needs more information. I think you can join this sentence with the next sentence. Here is a suggestion on how you can correct it: "The memoir, Night by Elie Wiesel, illustrates that through the main character Elie Weisel, originally all individuals are innocent. Yet, it is...valued virtue innocence."

Also, you should begin the next sentence by spelling 15, rather than use the number. Faith and horrifying should be in all lowercase letters. I also think you can delete some words in the last sentence, such as: an introduction an .

In the next paragraph, place a comma after memoir. When you introduce information from a story, you should introduce what you will be quoting. For example in the paragraph, you could state: "In the memoir it states: "Yet that was...." Remember to stay in the past tense. Change is to was when discussing what was left of Elie's family.

You are doing quite well to cite your source. If you know who the author is, you should put this is parenthesis too (Weisel, pages 29-30).

Those are just a few suggestions to help you with your essay.

Writing Feedback / Should people always tell the truth? Or a lie is necessary sometimes? IELTS Essay [2]

I will help to assist you. First, I think you are doing quite well with transition words (However, For example, etc). There maybe a few minor mistakes that I can help you with.

1st paragraph: The word "the" should be placed after telling. So it would read: "telling the truth". I think you should end the paragraph with, " selection to make".

2nd paragraph: This is a good paragraph because it is easy to understand. Also, the example is interesting. However, delete "the" before patients.

3rd paragraph: There is a good and appropriate use of commas. However, there is another minor correction you could make. Instead of stating "right for children" you could state "true for children". The sentence in which you discuss the mother telling her child about the accident is unclear. I think this sentence needs to be revised or corrected. Do you mean that the answer is clear that the mother should lie?

4th paragraph: Since you are using a series of words in this paragraph, you need another comma. Correct: "...is good, meaningful, and the lies..."

5th paragraph: Place "a" before good purpose.

Writing Feedback / Equal distribution of both gender types in every course in the tertiary level of education [5]

I would think this is a really high score. Possibly a 7 or 8.

Writing Feedback / Should people make more of an effort to keep some things private? SAT June 2011 [3]

I can help to assist you. I will suggest some needed changes to your essay. When you state that you are going to put a massive effort for privacy. I think you should state, "put forth a massive effort to save one's privacy."

When you use the word "Besides", you should put the word it's in all lowercase letters. I think you should describe what put into light a pool of talent means. I have heard of shed light on matters.

I am going to suggest replacing meditations with thoughts or innermost thoughts. Delete "the" before human. When you speak about poets and philosophers remember to put your verbs in the past tense. For example, shun, speak, and can't should be in the past tense.

Instead of using the transition, At the other side, you should use "On the other hand".

I think the summary could be better. When you state I can summarize, you could simply state "In summary". I would give this essay a 9. If you have more sentences in your summary and with corrections, it could raise the score to 11.

Writing Feedback / Equal distribution of both gender types in every course in the tertiary level of education [5]

I can help to assist you. I feel that in that in the first paragraph, you should rearrange the words in the last sentence. It would make the sentence better to read. Here is a suggestion: "I feel that students should be admitted to every course regardless of equal distribution of gender." The reader can fully grasp that you are discussing students, what should happen, and why this could be an issue.

You should change disproportion on ratio to "disproportion of ratio".

I feel that the evidence in the second and third paragraph only has facts. I think you will have to give your opinion with the facts.

The fifth paragraph, change result to productive to "...result in productive ideas".

Essays / Need help with my outline for my car pollution paper [3]

I can help assist you. The first step you should take is to ask yourself: What is car pollution? How specific do you want your essay to be? The outline should help to guide the reader about your discussion. The most important step is to do research and find as many sources as possible.

For example, if your topic specifically addresses or discusses how car pollution impact's health globally. There could be information on each continent or you could choose what areas in the world you want to focus on writing about. Similarly, the same is true if you choose to discuss car pollution's role in the environment.

The key to being able to write a ten page paper and outline is to brainstorm about what you want to write and think about what is most important to discuss and begin research on a topic. Last, find enough sources so that you will be able to write. The outline helps you and the reader by highlighting the main points that are to be discussed.

Student Talk / The aim of life [56]

When I read this statement, I thought about a class that I had taken in college. We tried to find out what does it mean to be human by exploring all the many ways that distinguishes us as human beings rather than any other species. The conclusion is that we have the ability to love and be loved.

Regardless of how much money we have or what we aspire to be, we can love and be loved. See these quotes by a respected leader Nelson Mandela:

"I am not an optimist, but a great believer of hope." (Ibtimes)
Partial quote: "It is what difference we have made to the lives of others that will determine the significance of the life we lead." (Ibtimes)

When you contribute your work to others, show concern for others, that is what is important. Think about the joy that you give to others and every time you have negative thoughts, you will find joy in what you have achieved by giving of your time to others. I'm sure you have made a difference! You have a reason to live and be in this world!

Writing Feedback / The given table provides the percentage of the monthly average expenditure from family budget [2]

I can help assist you with your analysis. A minor error you can fix is to add "a" before family budget. The second sentence is a really good observation of the table.

The next sentence, you should change the spelling of this word to "noticeable". Also, you mention Turkey and then Ireland. However, Ireland is not represented. Did you really mean Spain? I see that Spain has over 30% in the food and drink category. I would change the term whereas to, "However", to begin the next sentence. Place a comma before the term respectively in your essay.

There is a good attempt to use a transition word but I would suggest changing "By contrast" to "In contrast". There is a minor error. In the last sentence, the UK has one one uppercase and lowercase letter. Change the "k" to an uppercase letter.

In order to improve your writing work on learning transition words: By contrast should have been "In contrast". A better term was to use "However" rather than whereas. Also, continue to use commas and learn new vocabulary words.

Writing Feedback / [GRE Argument] Recommendation appeared in a memo from the mayor of the town of Hopewel [3]

I can help assist you in correcting some minor issue with your essay. There are some missing words in the first paragraph which can confuse the reader. The word "the" should be before Hopewell and Ocean View. Also, "a" should be before similar. When you use the word "were" it is plural. Yet, the word statement is singular or just one statement. Therefore, were should be changed to "was". These are minor issues in grammar that you can correct in this paper.

In the first sentence of the second paragraph, you use the "were" again but describe the golf course and resort hotel. Since these are two different places, I would add -s to the end of course and hotel to make it plural. Also, add -s to the end of visitor. I think you could use another word besides festival that will closely relate to golf course and hotels. You could use the term "attractions" so that the topic will continue to be easy to understand. Make tourist plural and change visited to the present tense rather than the past. I'm unsure about the meaning of the last sentence.

In the third paragraph, you have to make sure you are using "are" rather than is, because you describe two places rather than one (i.e. Ocean view and Hopewell). Delete "were" in this question. I want to suggest a better way to ask this question. You could separate it from the sentence and ask the question. Place "is" before located. I'm confused by one sentence in this paragraph. Do you mean that the location where Hopewell was located was in an area that prevented such attractions from being built?

In the last paragraph, I'm unsure if you want to use accreted or accounted. I would change part of this sentence:"... two year period; however, the author did..." When you have two ideas you can use a semicolon or you could form a new sentence using "However". Also, you use "For all we know" a few times in the essay. I think by forming a question that begins with "What if" or "For example, what if... Do you mean rather than percentages?

The last paragraph delete should and change it to: "to".

Writing Feedback / Abilities of the headland to resist the erosion; IELTS writing [3]

I can help to assist you with feedback on your analysis of your diagram. First, change erosed to eroded. You need to add the word "the" before weak area.

There is a misuse of it's. Change it's to "its" because you are describing the arch, and change the arch to "an arch".

When you describe the roof stack, there is a minor error. You change your tense from the present to the past. You should simply state: "rock stack collapses".

Remember to use "the" after "called" when you are describing the terms. Also, delete the word "being". When you mention half-sized, it can be confusing. The diagram shows how it is ripped in half or breaks apart. This will help your reader to understand your description better.

You have a really good description! Yet, I think you could describe that the end of the erosion results in the stack and stump separating completely from the headland. I think this is just one minor detail that is missing because these are parts of the headland that retreat.

Writing Feedback / The number of animal and plant species gradually plummets in recent years; it's wake-up call to glob [3]

I would like to help assist you with your paper. Here are some suggestions to help you correct your paper:

-"But we do not know their value, until the number of living speciesthingswhich gradually plummets in recent years . It's a wake-up call to global ."

-"It's a wake -up call to global." There needs to be more information added to this sentence. Do you mean to end the sentence with: "change matters globally"?

-I think you should reword this last sentence. It could be vague. Here is an example:

"There are many causes and effects of global warming, but there are many measures to reduce this phenomenon."

This is an example or format you can follow to help the reader understand what you will discuss in your essay without saying this is what you will be discussing.

-Don't forget to format your paragraphs. I think the next sentence could be the beginning of your next paragraph.

-Change this sentence to: "It's is undeniable that human activities cause damage to some plants and animals."

-Change this sentence to: "As a result, not only thousands of trees are destroyed and replaced by building cities and villages, but Also, others lost their lives because of losing home and scarcity of food." If you are quoting from a source, check your source.

-When you discuss commercial exploitation this should be another paragraph. Change part of this sentence to: "crucial beneficial for humans such as for medicine and food."

-"Disappearance of one species makes chain results in a chain reaction and impacts on others"

-I think you should separate over hunting and wild should be wide. Remember to review your paper again and cite your sources if needed.

Writing Feedback / Are countries with a long average working time more economically successful? [4]

Hello, I can help to assist you with corrections to your paper. In the first paragraph, you should delete "on" before economic. The last sentence in the paragraph is confusing. Do you mean that when people reduce their workload, it leads to economic success?

In the second paragraph, I think you can state "work hours", delete "necessarily", and change improve to "improving". I will show you how to improve this sentence: People working long hours are vulnerable to illness, including fatigue, work stress and depression; thus, their performance declines. (If you want to combine two sentences, use a semicolon instead of a comma after depression.) If you have researched this information, remember to give credit to your source in this paragraph.

In the third paragraph, I think you should change the end of the first sentence to: "are improving productivity, along with reducing working hours of employees." When I read this sentence, it seemed as if this was a continuous action so the verb improved needed to be changed to improving. In the last sentence of the paragraph, you can delete "the" and I think you should change industries to "technology".

I think you should add a few more sentences to summarize your findings in your conclusion. Good Job!

Essays / Literary analysis on The Scarlet Letter and how the seven deadly sins are demonstrated. [3]

I can help to assist you. I'm sure it might seem quite frustrating if you are trying to convey a certain message to your reader. However, a literary analysis is supposed to help you grasp the meaning behind a particular story. Therefore, there will be certain elements of your writing that will focus exclusively on details of the story. My advice would be to think about what each of the words in your thesis statement truly mean outside of the story. Here are some suggestions to think about:

1) Think about the Purtian's way of life in comparison to modern times.
2) What are the implications of lust, wrath, envy and pride?
3) How does this compare to our era?

If you think about the story and the implications of morality, envy, and pride, then this will help you to begin to write. When you begin brainstorming again, think about the moral of the story. Sometimes when you feel disconnected to your writing, it is good to take a break. I hope this helps you!

Undergraduate / Selflessness - I hope I would make my papa proud. Common Application [4]

Hello, I can help assist you some. I'm sure you will be able to use all of the suggestions to make your paper better.

First, I think you should state, "grandpa or papa's". This will help to clarify that it was your grandpa. In the second paragraph, I would delete, "no matter". The next sentence needs some work. You would benefit from using a transition word. Here is an example of a correction to that sentence: "For example, his work in the militaryand local homeless feeding program helped to instill in me the power to help others." This is a simple way to describe that your grandpa had an influence on you. I have highlighted words in bold to show that when you are writing, it is helpful to connect ideas with transitions and words such as "and" to connect ideas. You could have also used commas too.

In the next paragraph, I think you should change act to "acts of selflessness".

Essays / Research for Reservoir Engineering - topics choices [4]

Hello, I can help to assist you with this topic too. First, you should think about your audience. Once you have done research you need to narrow your topic. Also, I would suggest making an outline. Here is an example:

Topic: Reservoir Engineering

1)What is Reservoir engineering?
2) How has it developed over time?
3) What are the current efforts or projects to use reservoir engineering?
a) Key Everglades Reservoir Project (MSN news)
b) Northern Colorado's growth pushed construction of Glade Reservoir (MSN news)
4) Conclusion

This is just an example to help assist you. You should look in newspapers, journals or periodicals, online on news or other sites that pertain to your topic.

Undergraduate / STELLAR ACADEMIC PERFORMANCE IN THE AISSE - Penn State Application Personal Statement [3]

I will help to assist you. Your writing is very descriptive. I could easily understand what you faced as a reader. This is an important quality to have even if there are errors present in your writing. I am going to help you condense or shorten your writing. First, I will begin by stating that you need to consider what details are more important to your story. This will be very difficult to decide. Let me give you a few questions to help you.

1) When you discuss the medicine in your biology book, is this a significant detail to include since you discuss technology?
2) After your seminar ended, could you exclude the dialogue you had over the phone and begin discussing that you took the examination?
3) If you end with national recognition, then will you forget to mention your desire to attend the university?

These are questions that will help you exclude or delete information. Also,what details will be vital to tell your story? At the end of your essay you should have at least some sentences that detail how this experience will reflect positively on your ability to succeed at the university. You mention that you didn't give up and believed in yourself. What will happen when you attend this university? Will you still believe in yourself? Has having little educational resources taught you the value of having resources and given you a determination to succeed in your continued studies? You will need a sentence that discusses how individuals can make the best of a bad situation and triumph in the future. Negative situations like you experienced don't have to define you, but could make you better or more determined to succeed.

Here are a few more suggestions:
1) Make sure you are at 500 words or less
2) I want you to revise this sentences in which you place parenthesis around words. When I started going to a good school in the city,next to the village, the villagers started to look at me with disdain. So, a smartphone, with the internet, was my only hope and source to get some of them. Place "a" before smartphone in the next sentence.

Undergraduate / Escaping the labyrinth-college application essay [2]

I can help assist you with your essay. I will give you some feedback on your writing.

1st paragraph: I would delete the word resume because it makes it is similar to applying for a job. Application is a better word to use because it shows you are continuing your education. This should read: "Department of Undergraduate Admissions". The word "of" should be lowercase. I think the transition from discussing the college application to being good in school and sports needs some work. You could use a transition such as: "For example". Here is an example of how you could make that transition: For example, some students have excelled academically and have taken every honor and AP class there is. Others excel at organized sports, while others excel in arts." This is just an example so you begin to think how you can incorporate what you want to say so that the reader can understand your essay better. I would also use another term for "every batch" such as graduating class. Also, when you read your essay, make sure there are no missing words. In the last sentence of the first paragraph, place "it" after make.

2nd paragraph: Here is my suggestion to change this sentence in the second paragraph: "Yet, the one thing that I'm actually good at is dreaming of an awesome future for myself."

3rd paragraph: "Nevertheless, I have huge plans for my life." I want to suggest that you use more transition words. I replaced the beginning of your sentences with "Yet and Nevertheless" because it makes it more clear to the reader. Sometimes using the right transition words makes your paper easier to read because the reader will know if you are changing topics or have a different idea you will discuss. "And that is what keeps me going." Personally, I would avoid using "and or but" at the beginning of sentences. Sometimes it can make your sentence sound incomplete. You want to avoid this when you write an essay. A simple way to change this sentence is to delete "and". Now your sentence will read: "That is what keeps me going". Delete what is in parenthesis at the end of the sentence. This could deter admissions from considering your application. There could be a wrong perception of your character because of this statement.

4th paragraph: I think you have a good grasp on how to change "And or but" at the beginning of a sentence. However, I think you should also delete what is in parenthesis at the end of this paragraph.

5th paragraph: You use the term cloudier and then bright future. I think you mean sunnier. You use the term "therein lays" I think you mean "therein lies".

6th paragraph: If this statement is not a quote, I would change it to "less cloudy or bleak" or just end with "as bright as the sun" or "brighter". These are words you can use to help the reader to understand your viewpoint better.

Essays / Development of notation before 1600 AD - advice on how to go about an essay question I have been set [2]

Hello, I can help to assist you. This question does not state that you have to have an opinion. You will be writing in an informative way:

1) Discuss how notations developed.
2) Before you discuss the topic, choose a period of time before 1600 AD to begin your discussion.
For example, if you find great sources before 1600 AD, you can begin at that point and state why this is a significant date to begin with.

3) When you include 2 or more sources, you have to discuss its progression until you reach its modern development. Then state what has happened to notations today?

4) The question gives you a clue to research modern day notations because it refers to modern day scoring techniques.

If you are still unsure you can ask an instructor. I hope this helps you!

Essays / Struggling with thesis statement/topic sentences/conclusion; American Studies student [3]

I would be happy to assist you with your paper. The first and second topic seem to relate to your thesis statement. However, the first topic doesn't address how someone who comes from nothing makes it to the top. I am going to suggest combining topic sentence 1 and topic sentence 2 together. For example, what if the topic sentence reads: " The Grand Budapest Hotel reflects the viewpoint that knowing the right people is a sure road to success, because the movie depicts how an illegal immigrant makes it to the top with the help of others." This is just an example of how you can combine your thoughts to ensure you will discuss what is stated in your thesis statement.

I think you could revise the conclusion. Since the movie is something you are recommending to others, I would suggest stating:" I highly recommend seeing the Grand Budapest Hotel." I think you should describe contacts too. I think you mean strong social connections or a common expression that is now used is a strong "network". Wipe and proofs is confusing. Do you mean that the movie proves that someone can succeed in society, even if he or she comes from little means?

Hope this helps you!

Writing Feedback / Life now and furtherback - living in recent years is better than 100 years ago. IELTS TASK 2. [3]

I can help assist you with improving your writing. I will focus on just a few paragraphs. Here are my suggestions:

I like the second sentence to start your essay. There are many ideas in the last sentence of this paragraph. The three ideas are: inventions, ideas, and communication. You could make three sentences rather than one sentence. Place "of" after plenty and put a period after easier. Start a new sentence with a transition word such as : "Also, there is knowledge that reduces the". The last sentence it seems to be a different than the other two sentences. I'm unsure if you even need to discuss communication until you discuss it in the 4th paragraph. You should state whether you agree or disagree with the statement: "Life now is better than it was 100 years ago". This will help the reader with the rest of your essay.

In the second paragraph, I think the first sentence seems to fit with your position. You can move it to the end of your first paragraph if you agree with this statement. I am going to suggest a change for this sentence: People today have a big deal more accessible tools that make them it easier to do duty or interest tasks.

Although I'm unsure what tools these are, you discuss this in the second sentence so it needs to be added to this sentence. You could be more specific when you mention tools. Do you mean gadgets rather than tools?

Make place plural and make this change: "... in the world, people were going to walk in order to get around..." Another way to say get around is to use the word travel. Change this sentence to: "Yet, nowadays today people just call a taxi or drive a car to travel."

I'm unsure about "Other case". Do you mean, "However"? Also, is relations actually relatives? Make island and city plural. You should state "post office". When you want to join sentences together you can do this by using a semicolon at the end of a word and a comma after the transition word. Place a semicolon (;) and comma in this part of the sentence: "...post; moreover,..."

Delete this: "...keep in touch with end of their fingers by texting, email, or other modern forms of modern communication." Those make life easier. You can use another transition word to end this paragraph such as "Therefore".

Try to look at different transition words to begin your sentences and word choice. The essay has good information.

Writing Feedback / Are alternative energy resources too expensive and complicated to replace the coal, oil and gas? [2]

I can help you again with this essay. I think you are really improving with your writing. I am going to give you some helpful advice with the meaning of your essay.

-If you use, "the town" it is not specific enough. If you change it to "towns", you don't have to be specific. However, in the next sentence, you may need to be more specific. For example, instead of using "all", you could replace it with "everyone's" You need a transition to begin the next sentence. Ex: "As a result". Place "the" after harnessing. Are these resources being used by countries?

I'm unsure about the machine and power station. Does this relate to harnessing natural power? As I looked at the other paragraphs, I see that you are mentioning solar panels. This paragraph needs to mention solar panels, so the reader can know that this will be discussed in the other paragraphs. It will help your paper have better organization and the ideas will be understood.

-Your sources should be cited in this paragraph. Change part of this sentence to: "...funding at which the state should allocate." The next few sentences have facts, but it is a bit confusing. If the equipment and apparatus are made in the plant, then this could make the facts better. It seems like the whole paragraph is about this alternative energy plant, which is the wave plant. Is that correct?

-Cite your source in this paragraph. Also, the last sentence, I think you mean that "creating wave energy is not a problem".

-The last paragraph, I think I understand your essay better but it needs some work. Are you trying to compare the attempts made by the U.S. to construct alternative energy with other countries? Therefore, you believe each individual state should maintain their own plants. In this essay, don't leave out some details, because it can confuse the reader and this topic is a little more complex. Also, I think you didn't give your opinion. A few sentences could explain if you agree or disagree.