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Posts by fahmisadja
Name: Masdar Fahmi
Joined: Nov 3, 2015
Last Post: Feb 5, 2016
Threads: 33
Posts: 33  
Likes: 34
From: Indonesia
School: Diponegoro University

Displayed posts: 66 / page 2 of 2
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fahmisadja   
Nov 20, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: A Breakdown Of General Benefits And Drawbacks Of Fairmont Island [4]

A breakdown of general benefits and drawbacks of Fairmont Island is revealed by the pie charts based on tourists polling. Overall, it can be uncovered that there are four favorite aspects as well as disliked ones. While the scenery and the local people have the most fascinating attractions for tourists, the price of accommodation and entertainment become the significant problems for them to deal with.

According to the information of holiday makers, 40% of visitors report that Fairmont Island has good citizens, and the other 37% tourists enjoy its breathtaking view. However, the island has unaffordable cost for living, and the travelers recognize it as many as 45%. In addition, survey shows that they do not find the pleasure of entertainment in the island.

Ultimately, the visitors do not feel that weather and meal are serious trouble for them because the percentages are only at 5% and 20% respectively. On the other hand, there are a few holiday lovers who delight the culture and accommodation when they visit the tourism places, at average 11.5%.




fahmisadja   
Nov 19, 2015
Undergraduate / I created the Investment Club for students on my campus with a passion for business - Texas Essay [4]

Hi Chad,
I try to give you some comments.

To be honest, I envied to you when I read your essay. Such a great story, Nice experience. But, I was little bit bored, sorry to say, when I read the first paragraph. In my opinion, it is better if you straight to do point in the second paragraph. I really enjoyed when I moved directly without seeing in the first paragraph. on the other hand, You should tell about unique feeling based on your story. I find that your conclusion is only general opinion, seems like common people who join in an organization. Find your particular feeling when you listen yous friend's story. So, you can emphasize that the community is really special for you.

I have some tips for writing essay based on experiences. I told to many people who joined in this forum. But, maybe it can be useful for you. Use method : STAR, your story should include, Situation/Task (what kind of jobs/responsibilities you tackle/handle or the situation that you experience), Action (what did you do to solve/accomplish/response problems/troubles/tasks/obligations/situation/experience etc.), and Result (what happen when you did your action). This method will help you to make the flow of story attractively.

Good luck, I hope it helps.

fahmisadja   
Nov 19, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: A Machine For Generating Electricity From Wind And Where It Can Be Located [2]

The diagrams illustrate a machine for generating electricity from wind and where it can be located. In general, the machine shows one of ways to optimize renewable resource whereas its installation may lead to several problems because of its location and its expense.

The machine consists of turbines made by fiberglass or wood, a wind sensor, a generator, and all of the parts are propped up by a steel tower. On the other side, this is connected to a computer device that can detect and give information about the energy that is produced.

The process starts when the winds blow the blades. As a consequence, the turbine rotates and leads to produce the electricity as much as 1.5 megawatts through the generator. At the same time, the sensor informs the direction and speed of turbine to the computer, and then users are able to see on the screen how much is the energy produced and the speed run.

Alternatively, to maximize the use, the machine can be placed on the peak of hill where the winds are stronger and more electricity will be generated. However, people also can build a domestic turbine and place nearby the house. Therefore, the smaller one can bring the output only 100 kilowatts.

(208 words)




fahmisadja   
Nov 18, 2015
Writing Feedback / The internet cannot replace the position of museum role; IELTS TASK 2 [2]

Sorry, I clicked 'post message' accidentally, so I will continue my comments,

Generally, I did not find grammatical error in your essay. Be aware when you paraphrase the prompt, it can be misleading. You can check in oxford collocation and Thesaurus dictionary to ensure you did the right pattern.

To sum up, the internet cannot replace the position of museum role eventhough the people are capable of seeing the ancient object freely. I tend to argue in case of museum is unused in the future .

You should not put this sentence because you show your inconsistency. You tell about the benefit of museum, but then you argue that museum will be unused. Better, you tell your supporting statement that museum really need to be protected and developed. In conclusion, also you need to emphasize your thesis statement that you arrange in the first paragraph. Then, write summarize from your body paragraphs while it will make your opinion stronger.

Good luck then, I hope this helps.

fahmisadja   
Nov 18, 2015
Undergraduate / Future in four years - College Application Essay [4]

Hii there...
I did not find grammatical error in your essay, it is quite good and interesting to read your story. However, you need to change some words of "I" in capital. I counted seven "i" that you used. Also, you have to write "I have" not "I've" , then "I am" not "I'm" for academic and formal writing styles.

I have some tips for writing experience to attract your readers. In my opinion, when we write a story based on experience, it is better if we avoid to put our impression because it is very subjective while the readers may feel different. Therefore, you should explain only the evidence of your acts, results, and situation that happened. You can follow these tips :

1. cite your strong experience you want to tell.
2. explain the Situation /task, then what the Act that you did, and Results.

Goodluck then..

fahmisadja   
Nov 17, 2015
Graduate / The brief analysis of population change in China---composition of entrance exam for postgraduaion [6]

Hi there...
As far as I am concerned, you have no grammatical error. I have just read an essay having different style like yours. However, in my opinion you should make such overview or introduction in the first paragraph, such as write the trend that happen in the chart. Then, you no need to explain the detail data while let the readers understand generally. Therefore, the readers will know what will you say, and we can imagine. To be honest, I can't get the imagination because you don't attach the picture. On the other hand, if you just wrote the overview in your beginning of paragraph, I will predict what kind of evidences that you reveal.

Next, you can present the detail data in your bodies of paragraphs. Anyway, you did a good way to explain the flow, with comparison or contrast. You can add the unique data in the bodies whereas it is not only results or reasons. Let us know, the real data in your following paragraph. Finally, no need to summarize in the last paragraph. It is enough when you state in the first paragraph.

Good luck then.

fahmisadja   
Nov 17, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: Famous People Like Celebrities or Athletes Almost Are Reported by The Media [2]

The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationship of celebrities such as actors, singers or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, Famous people like celebrities or athletes almost are reported by the media whereas the reporters also investigate about their lives to be informed. I argue that the media has done the right way while this gives good impacts and great perceptions for the audiences. However, the media also needs to announce common individuals who have extraordinary achievements or powerful influences.

The media provides good and bad information for society. For example, the media reveals several habits of the idols such as dating with someone, buying luxury cars, or beating other celebrities. All these activities are not significant effects and positive perceptions for the fans. On the other hand, the media sometimes exposes the great attractions that perform their skills or abilities in singing, dancing, acting and magic. In addition, some good news about athletes, who win in international competitions and get medals, have to be published to motivate people to do similar achievement.

However, I totally believe that the media needs to expose common people who are awarded because of their ideas, skills or abilities to the audience. For instance, Masril Koto, a person who has no formal education, becomes a hero at small village in Sumatra since he initiates to create a special bank for farmers called 'Bank Tani'. Next, his idea gains the good response from local people even national as he can help the farmers to improve their field by managing debt to buy fertilizers or seeds. Therefore, Koto receives two awards, 'Danamon Award' and 'Indonesia Berprestasi Award'. This good news is worthy to spread spirit and inspiring for other people to do kindness.

To sum up, the media needs to report the life styles or activities of popular people if the information has good values and positive impacts for people. Moreover, the media has to balance with conveying inspiring stories, so people can imitate the ideas or spirits.
fahmisadja   
Nov 14, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: English and French Teachers Who Apply to Teach Regularly in Ontario [2]

The line graph illustrates the percentage of English and French teachers who apply to teach regularly in Ontario over a six-year period. Overall, at the beginning of the period, it can be seen that while both of the language teachers stood the same level at around 70%, French teachers had a stable change and greater than other which hit a low in the end of the time frame.

According to the data, in 2002 French teachers reached a trough of approximately 50% and rose steadily to almost 70% in the following next year. However, English teachers significantly decreased to 40% from 2001 to 2003. Then, both of them showed the different trend in the last four-year period.

In 2005, A gradual increase of 70% was revealed by persons-in-charge in French, and it rose slowly again more than 70% in 2007. In contrast, the other dropped to the lowest level less than 30% in the end of time whereas it had been slightly growing for two years at more than 40% between 2003 and 2005.




fahmisadja   
Nov 14, 2015
Graduate / Chemical Engineering for Industrial Development - Personal Statement [5]

Hiii there...
Fadilla, I try to give you some comments. It can help you, I wish.
I believe that you have conducted a research about university that you want. So, you should make relations between your experiences and the university facilities as well as between the university and your big dream. Make it clear, what can the university does for you? also what can you do for the university? It seems like beneficial relation each other. You did not mention yet strongly.

You have great motivations and experiences! Well, good luck then :)

fahmisadja   
Nov 12, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: A Number Of Young People Are Unhealthful To Undergo Their Way that They Live [2]

Many children these days have unhealthy lifestyle. Both school and parents are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Nowadays, a number of young people are unhealthful to undergo their way that they live. These are maybe as there are lots of innutrition foods like fast food consumed in large number. I argue that the schools have obligations to teach children to do right actions for their health whereas the parents have to prepare and control their meal in home or school.

Children and teenagers need to be led to experience their life included how to become fit persons. When they are in surroundings of schools, teachers must give them information to broaden their horizons and direct them to eat only good foods or do sports, so they are avoided from illnesses. The tutors have to inform enough knowledge such as negative effects when people consume fast foods too much or important benefit when keep body healthily every day.

However, not only the teachers but also the parents have similar responsibility. I believe that parents are the first persons who have the greatest impact for children. There are some ways that can be done by parents with providing freshly and qualify home foods like vegetables as well as fruits. Mothers should prepare children meal for their diets or beverages and ensure the food come or bought from trusted place. In addition, they have to cook in the right way, so the nutrition does not lose. Parents also should always control, suggest, and remind the children to apply healthy lifestyle because children do not have many concerns about these yet.

To sum up, parents and schoolteachers have to collaborate to support their children undergoing happy and healthy lifestyle. The controlling should be in school and home so that young generations realize that this is very essential.
fahmisadja   
Nov 11, 2015
Undergraduate / 'College as good as the student who attends it' - Supplementary essay for Hofstra - Why Hofstra? [4]

Hi Rose,
I really enjoyed to read your essay. For me who don't use English for my first language, it was easy to understand. Actually, when I read your essay, I did not find strong reasons why do you choose Hosfra? You only told mostly about how beautiful and excellent the University is. In my opinion, you should not cite too much your impression about the campus, but you need to mention whether can develop your future if you join in the campus. Perhaps, you need to mention a major that you really want? Then give your strong reasons that are collaborated with your dreams. It is like to correlate between you and the university. What do you find out about the university that can support you in the future? Such as, the university can support in your leadership skills, critical thinking, dancing skill (you have mentioned it), your research, and more. Just directly tell, to do point.

Perhaps, It will be better if you tell two or three reasons with hardly explanations than you give some compliments.

This is my suggestions, hopefully can help. Thanks. Good luck! :)

fahmisadja   
Nov 11, 2015
Scholarship / Describe your education & career goals & explain what or who has inspired or helped shape these goal [2]

Hi Javier,
I attempt to give you some suggestions. There are some grammatical error that you have done.
About an idea, Is it application for registering a university? I don't know exactly what the question that offer to you, I just imagine that it is about your motivation, isn't it? So, your reasons to chose that major or school are lack of strong power. Ensure that you have a clear goal (mention it) then what does the university improve you? make it clear and to do point!

Good luck then.

fahmisadja   
Nov 10, 2015
Writing Feedback / Three big problems which people who live abroad must deal with - according to their age. [2]

The percentage of people difficulties when they have to live in other country is illustrated by the bar chart. There are three big problems that persons must deal with according to their ages. At the first glance, people who are over 55 have the biggest problem in learning local language.

The oldest people experience the greatest difficulty to learn new language at more than 50%. However, the youngest individuals get the lowest percentage at about 30% in this sector, while other has approximately 35% of language problem.

The hardest problem which has to be solved by 18-to 34-year-olds is making new friends at over 40%. On the other hand, the people in oldest age face easier problem for making friends because the percentage is only around 20%. Then, other is larger proportion than the oldest one, at 35%.

Finally, in comparison with their language-learning problems, the oldest individuals have easier trouble to find new place for living in as it is solely 22%. Moreover, finding accommodation becomes the second serious problem for the other two range ages at 39% and 40%.
fahmisadja   
Nov 9, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: The Arresting Percentage of Societies in Five Years Ending 1994 [3]

The arresting percentage of societies who violate was presented by pie and bar charts in five years ending 1994. There were five reasons detected why they were arrested, such as drink driving, public drinking, breach of order, assault, and theft. While public drinking done by females was the most contravention, males were arrested higher than females.

Drinking activities were implemented the most by suspects. Public drinking was the first ranked, representing females (more than 35%) and males (nearly 30%). The second place, the females violating was assault approximately 20% whereas the males violating was drinking while driving at over 25%. Then big three, breach of order was done by males at closely 20% or drink driving by females was almost 15%.

Finally, the last known infringing that applied by females were theft and breach of order, more than 10%. However, there were over 15% men bad action such as assault and theft. Interestingly, the percentage of men arrested was larger than women, 32% (men) and 9% (women).

(167 words)




fahmisadja   
Nov 9, 2015
Writing Feedback / Activity of Charity in United State for One Year is Revealed by the Pie Chart - IELTS Task 1 [NEW]

The pie chart has presented activity of charity in United State for one year. The chart is divided to become two pies, comparing between revenue sources and expenditures. Over all, it can be revealed that while donated food is the greatest income resources, almost all of sources are used to program services. Moreover, there is rest of total budget that is not spent for activities.

During one year, a very large majority of revenue comes from donated food at 86.6%. Then, the second inflow is occupied by community contributions at only 10.4% whereas program revenue becomes big three of revenue resources, at 2.2%. Finally, other resources are gained from investment, government grants, and other income, that these all are less than 0.5%.

Meanwhile, the USA allocates the donations for three major activities. Program services are the most popular activity for charity in this year, representing more than four-fifth at 95.8%. It is solely less than 3% for other sectors, 2.6% (fundraising) and 1.6% (management and general). Interestingly, total of expenditures is only $53,224,896 from total of revenue $53,561,580. Therefore, there is rest of charity total revenue at $336,684.

(189 words)




fahmisadja   
Nov 8, 2015
Writing Feedback / Comparison of additional school attendance from 2000 to 2009 - IELTS-TASK1 [2]

Hi.. Novri...
I attempt to give you comments,
1. in my opinion, you are inconsistent with your thesis statement, you mention an increase first, but you explain it in the end of paragraph. You have a great for grouping, but you loss some words to elaborate your thesis statement.

2. You need to add your sentences, at least 3 sentences for every paragraph. it will be balance for each paragraphs.
3. First paragraph, better if you mention how many classification of school and what is it?
4. You can make contrast between community school and three others, for example, while community were the worst attendance in the first period, it rose significantly more than two times in the end of period. (you can improve by your sentence)

good luck then..
fahmisadja   
Nov 6, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: The High School Attendance was Revealed by the Table in Three Periods [2]

The high school attendance was revealed by the table in three periods that were divided among 2000, 2005 and 2009. While there were four of school classifications, most of them showed a decrease of presence percentage over the time frame. But, there was a gradually increase in one school major.

Turning first to Community Schools, It stood at 12% in 2000, then slightly rose over two times of following period in 2005. Interestingly, while Schools of Community were the lowest in the first period, it significantly grew to 58% in the end of period, the greatest attendance among three others.

In contrast, two of schools were the higher presence in 2000, Voluntary-controlled schools (52%) and Grammar Schools (24%). In 2009, both noticeably fell to approximate a half of the beginning, 20% for Voluntary-controlled and 12% for Grammar major. Finally, there was not much different with Specialist Schools which were 12% of attendance in 2000. Next, it steadily declined by 2% and reached 10% in 2009.




fahmisadja   
Nov 6, 2015
Undergraduate / Out of the few universities that I visited and applied for, UCF stood out the most. COLLEGE ESSAY! [10]

Hi Vineeth,

I'll try to give you my comments, you may use it for input.
1. Straight to do point what will you say, put your reason/idea first then following your reasons
2. You don't need to use some exclamation marks to express on your essay. Remember, It is formal essay.
3. I felt that you really tried hard to create this essay. Be careful to choose your word or tenses.
4. Use your research about UCF to strengthen your willingness to choose major or university. Do not be absurd to mention your opinion such as great, good, without clearly data. Choose certain facts that support your aim.

5. Your ideas should be more stronger. Tell what actually your dreams with your major? How could the university support?

Thank you, hope you will get your goal. Good luck Vineeth :)

fahmisadja   
Nov 5, 2015
Writing Feedback / larger library, rooms reconstruction, road... - Task 1: Layout of Woodwards University Over 30 Years [4]

The map illustrates the changes of layout that have occurred in Woodwards University, over a 30 year period beginning in 1985 and ending in 2015. At first glance, the most noticeable change is the replacement of buildings to be united. Moreover, road and parking areas is altered to many of green spaces and footpaths.

To begin, the library has been built larger than before and has been joined with IT center room. In the east, in front of library and IT center, Science Laboratories were constructed which is union of Physics, Chemistry, and Biology Block. In addition, Car Park was altered to become Lecturer Theatre. Then, there are footpaths which connect between library to laboratory and IT Center to Lecture Theatre.

There have also been changed to the parking area and road. Just south of Library and IT Center, the big Car park was demolished and changed by Shuttle Bus Terminal. Next, new appearance Admin Building was erected beside of footpaths between those buildings. Beside the footpaths have altered the road position, green areas were also constructed to surround the complex of university.




fahmisadja   
Nov 5, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: The Internet is Probably the Most Significant Invention of the Last 30 Years [3]

The internet is probably the most significant invention of the last 30 years. Without it, our lives would be completely different. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Spread of the internet has substantially altered life of people in the world for the last three decades. It gives people not only many benefits to support their activities on works or studies, but also some harmfulness for humankinds. I would argue that this has both positive and negative impacts.

On the positives side, the internet presents easiness to get information, news, and knowledge because it can collect them from any source in the planet. For example, when students from university have assignments from their lecturers, they can search from the internet beside books, journals, and newspapers. While the internet provides the knowledge which is published from experts in the earth, students can choose based on their subjects quickly and fast. The internet also assists people in work world, such as banks, government institutions, and mass Medias. They need quick online connection to link to their patrons, citizens, and clients, so their relations will be awakened in reality or virtual.

However, negative site for society is about the content of in the internet, there are many websites which contain pornographies and bad provocations. Internet users are come from any different age range from children to adults, while the adult sites do not block their content or easy to reach. They sometimes solely need for agreement on just one click and allow whoever to access the pages. In additions, these days, hackers who can broke link of information become a threat. They can infiltrate, delete, or disturb data or information, so it will be so harmful.

All in all, it is clear to me that although there are great impacts on development of the internet in over 30 years, there are also drawbacks. The societies have to use wisely, then government has a responsibilities to control cyber world when there are negative contents of page webs.

(305 words)
fahmisadja   
Nov 5, 2015
Undergraduate / NYU Tisch (majoring in filmmaking) - "why us" essay [4]

Hi Annabelle,
I'll try to give you comments. Here we go...

1. I suggest you to straight do point with your idea, why you very interest in that major, say it first.
2. To show your passion, you can tall with your experiences. I will give you a method, maybe can be useful for you. Use method : STAR, your story should include, Situation/Task (what kind of jobs/responsibilities you tackle/handle), Action (what did you do to solve/accomplish problems/troubles/tasks/obligations etc.), and Result (what happen when you did your action). This method will help you to think easily, perhaps.

3. Please, use formal style for your essay.
4. Focus in letters that I color in red. You should think twice before use it.

Good luck, then.


Perhaps making films was one of the greatest mistakes WHICH I made (be careful with this quote, maybe it is informal form) .

Scoring well for my GCE 'O' levels ...
... people around me learnt not to talk about (notice your parallel sentences and organization of sentences) .

In my current phase in life, perhaps I am still a ways to go before I can create a masterpiece. The culture of excellence and diverse students hailing from all around the world is something THAT I want to experience for myself ...
fahmisadja   
Nov 5, 2015
Writing Feedback / Silkworms experience their life in five stages and spend about 10 weeks from eggs to become moths [3]

Life cycle of the silkworm is illustrated by the diagram and picture. At first glance, it is evident that, silkworms experience their life in five stages and spend approximately 10 weeks from eggs to become moths.

First step, the eggs are spawned and adhered by their mother on leaves. After 10 days, the eggs hatch and transform to be silkworm larva. To survive their life, larvas eat mulberry leaf, their favorite diet. During four to six weeks, enough long time, they are going to grow up and produce silk thread. Eventually in that phase, larvas insert its self to coil of silk to make cocoon in three to eight days. While larva is inside, it does not look for and consume food or drink. Afterwards, silkworm comes out from cocoon with new appearance in 16 days. In the end of stages, it becomes a moth with wings and has a skill to fly. The figure of moth is totally different with silkworm, people call it metamorphose.




fahmisadja   
Nov 4, 2015
Letters / I will be a exchange student. This is a letter that I will sent my future host family. [2]

Hi Vy, you are still young but your English is good. I guess English is not your first language too, Congratulation than...

I imagine that If I was a receiver, totally I would be very happy. Your letter is completely clear and understandable. You started with story about your dreams to get the top and willingness to share each other. Your host family must be glad and cannot wait to see you. Even, you do not know each other, you have given your background till your privacy information, it was great.

In my opinion, you should put your subject in your school in particular and what will you know about your host family. I mean, if you have conducted a research about you future family, you will know little information about you future mother, father or other relatives. Just make sure that you want really to know about their house, activities, just you name it. You will be their family to, i think it is great if you mention it.

Well, hope you will be great after meet your family in USA.

Thanks.
fahmisadja   
Nov 4, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: The Greatest Challenge for Parents Who Had a lot of Children [5]

In many parts of the world, families were larger in the past because people had more children. Do you think there were more advantages or disadvantages to being part of a large family in the past?

In the past, there were several people to live with many members in home, so they had lots of children and big families. They felt comfortable even had to share everything with the members and took more advantages than possessed in a small family.

The greatest challenge for parents who had a lot of children was money. They tried hard to earn big incomes, so they could fulfill daily necessities of all the relatives. After their children in school ages, they had to spend more dollars to send them to qualified schools as education would very important for young generations in the future. Parents also needed money to build their houses larger to accommodate relatives, extended the rooms for them, and bought some stuffs. Moreover, parents had to pay more attention which was shared to their children. They might be difficult to managing their tasks of works and listening stories of their children.

However, I argue having bigger families give more benefits for people. Firstly, Children would learn about responsibilities when there were some activities in home because members could divide it. This character would bring them to be more mature. Owning large families also upgraded intelligence of individuals. For example, when they discussed some issues, they would give knowledge or views one and another. Finally, when children had grown up, parents would not feel lonely because the members would be more and bigger. Furthermore, the children could collaborate to work together.

To sum up, big family would give some problems money and attention in particular. On the other hand, I believe the advantages outweighed the drawback because it created stronger relationship, supported and helped each other when they got the problems.
fahmisadja   
Nov 4, 2015
Writing Feedback / GREAT BUILDINGS OR PUBLIC SERVICE CONSTRUCTIONS? Residents basic life developing must be a priority. [2]

Hi Novri, i will try to give you some suggestion.
1. It is better if you take questions in your posting, so we can see easily how you paraphrase the questions.
2. You should ensure your grammatical before you post your essay.
3. You have great ideas anyway.

A number of people believe that a city haveHAS to be surrounded by spectacular ...

... transforming to modern style, and following trend ...

While the level of safe city takeS a priority, some people consistenlyCONSISTENTLY encourage it which ...

The reason is that residents easily TO access diverse public serviceS such as educational

To exemplify, in advanced cities HAD shown that they accommodated the number of citizen to BALANCED public service constructionS so that balanced .

... receive the services quickly and with in reachEASILY because of the buildings on everywhere.

Therefore, again, spend much money to construct the prestige buildings are not the best way to develop a city. [it is better if you give the reason]

... construction can appearance an advances of THE city, I would argue there is more concern realityREALITY CONCERN to residents basic life which developing must be priorityHAVE TO BECOME THE PRIORITY DEVELOPMENT.
fahmisadja   
Nov 3, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: Country Allocates Budget to Develop Public Facilities [NEW]

Some people think that large, impressive buildings are important for a city. Others believe that the money should be spent on improving schools and hospitals. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Country allocates budget to develop public facilities of city for their citizen. Some people believe that government has to build spectacular structures, whereas others think that it is more significant to use them on reforming schools and hospitals. For two of views, I believe that the fantastic building can show identity of city and become a business place, then schools and hospitals will also help human beings to access great education and proper health.

People think that state has to invest its money on developing special buildings for several reasons. Firstly, they can show the identity or image of its city. As an example, Petronas Twin Tower in Malaysia has been become an icon of Kuala Lumpur even country of Malaysia. Some tourists travel to Malaysia to visit the building for taking photograph or just adore the view. Not only this, fabulous structures are also built to make a central of business, such as shopping center, entertainment area, and tourism place. They will lead investors and give profit to the country.

However, I believe that the budget will offer more positive impact if the government estimate to improve hospitals, so society can receive health services, like qualified doctors, the best drugs, comfortable patient treatment rooms, sophisticated hospital equipment, and affordable cost. Therefore, people will never feel worry when they have to cure their illnesses. Finally, individuals have a right to obtain education, so country should concern on this issue. Pleasurable school, professional teachers, complete library, advanced laboratory, and good textbooks can support people to achieve great education.

To conclude, although some people argue that spectacular buildings are very prominent as they can become the icon and make profit, I would argue there is sufficient evidence to prefer schools and hospitals. Moreover, government should act based on need and interest of society.

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