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Posts by sharfina
Name: sharfina21
Joined: Dec 1, 2015
Last Post: Feb 5, 2016
Threads: 35
Posts: 21  
Likes: 5
From: indonesia
School: brawijaya university

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sharfina   
Dec 2, 2015
Writing Feedback / The information presents what visitors claimed to dislike or like on the Fairmont Island - IELTS [2]

The pie charts give information about what visitors claimed to dislike about and things that people liked about of Fairmont Island according to tourists' opinions. Overall, it can obviously be seen that while visitors enjoy the residents on the island, high living cost is the main reason which might hinder tourists from visiting.

Whilst the largest proportion of drawbacks goes on living expenditure, representing more than two fifths of the total, the quality of food is merely one in twenty of the total. Surprisingly, weather condition as well as leisure activity are two things of problem which are too interesting to abandon since both of them cannot be well-satisfied, the former accounts for a fifth and the latter is more by one in ten.

Another pie chart shows four distinct plus icons that tourists enjoy spending time there. While the main reason visitor visiting the island is based on people there, showing two-fifths of all total, the second major cause is the scenery, which is only 3 percent less.

In contrast, the proportion of culture and good living places are a minority, 12 percent goes on the cultural reason and 11 percent for good accomodation.






sharfina   
Dec 3, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: Renewable Energy Has Some Drawbacks, But People Need It To Protect The Earth [2]

nonrenewable energy

However, to harnessing this alternative energy, that can be gotten from nature and used to generate infrastructure, requires high cost and complex process --> utilizing this alternative energy, which is obtained from nature, .... to build

nonrenewable energy non-renewable energy
as vital resources of flues fuels
substitute of fossil flues fuels
sharfina   
Dec 3, 2015
Writing Feedback / A simple device for changing sea water to a drinking water - purifying process. IELTS [2]

Essay topics: The diagram below shows a simple device for changing sea water to drinking water.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.


A diagram presents process purifying sea water to be drinking water using a simple method. Overall, it can be obviously seen that, the process use a simple principle of distillation in which two elements are separated each other as effect of heat.

The device, which floats on the surface of sea water, consists of the rubber tub, the drinking water collector, and the plastic container. It can float on the sea water because it has lighter density than the density of sea water. After that, on the bottom side of device, there is a hole in order to collect sea water which will be converted to drinking water.

The successful process ,interestingly, only happen in the morning until afternoon since this equipment using the heat from the sun to operate well. The process begins when the bottom of container is partly filled by sea water. Afterwards, sunlight passes through the dome as well as heating sea water. After that, directly, it evaporates and condenses the wate which is inside the dome. As a result, water flows down into rim of the container and passes the rubber tube into drinking water collector. Suprisingly, the water, which is free-salt, is ready to drink.

To sum up, the diagram shows how the basic equipment can be used to produce clean water in a just few stages.




sharfina   
Dec 5, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS-TASK 2: Young people say that traveling to different countries benefits them and the society. [6]

... search travelling advantages and exploit exploiting them.

I strongly firmly assent that travelling ...

Furthermore, they increase their capability tohow mange in managing their finances and plantheir future future plan independently.

Acquiring new language is also a significantbenefit because a significant benefit as well since it assists ...

... so they prefer to HAVE experience OF new items.
sharfina   
Dec 5, 2015
Writing Feedback / TASK 1- the graph below gives information about the prefered leisure activities of Australian kids [2]

A breakdown of the figure for free-time activities that Australian children enjoy is presented in the bar chart. Overall, it can be obviously seen that, both boys and girls from five to fourteen years old prefer to watch video or TV, play computer games and ride bike in their leisure activity.

Watching TV or videos is by far the most popular free-time activity listed in the chart among the Australian Cildren who are in the range age 5 to 14 year - representing 100 % of all boys and girls. Afterwards, the second most favorite leisure activity among those is playing computer games which are more boys prefer spending time in it than girls, roughly 80 % for boys and 60 % for girls. Another activity that children delight in their leisure time is bike riding in which boys prefer it than girls as more than 75% boys do it as well as girls less than 60%. A closer look at the diagram shows that girls have more involvement in art and craft than boys, almost 60% girls involved in these activity while boys less than 40 % do it. The least popular activity among those is playing skateboarding or rollerblading, showing around 40 % for boys and 23 % for girls.




sharfina   
Dec 8, 2015
Writing Feedback / TASK 1- Online shopping sales in New Zealand enggaged in four distinct retail sectors [2]

The pie charts illustrate the shares of online shopping sales in New Zealand enggaged in four distinct retail sectors: travel, film/music, books, and clothes between 2003 and 2013. Overall, it can be obviously seen that books sector was always surpassed by travel and film/music, yet over the following period, the greatest change was film/music.

By far, in 2003, the largest proportion of online sales was occupied by travel with 36%, followed by clothes and film/music, accounting for 24 percent and 21 percent respectively. The opposite was experienced in books sector, representing only 19 percent.

A closer look at the pie charts show a dramatic increase of the share from 21 percent to 33 percent, film/music had accounted for the largest amount of sales, while books sector increased slighty by 3 percent. On the other hand, those of sales for travel and clothes sector had declined to 29 percent and 16 percent respectively.




sharfina   
Dec 8, 2015
Writing Feedback / HYBRID VEHICLE SALES. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features [NEW]

The chart below gives information on the global sale of hybrid vehicle between 2006 and 2009. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

P.155 Student's book

A breakdown of the figure for global hybrid vehicle sales enggaged in three different countries: Japan, US, and other countries, from 2006 to 2009 is presented in bar chart. Overall, it can be obviously seen that the total sales of vehicles which use both fuel and electricity are more doubled from the first sales, in 2006, to the final sales, 2009. Besides, the bar chart shows marked contrast in trend between Japan's sales and US's sales.

Moving to more detailed analysis, the number of sales in US was the highest over the following period, yet there was a fluctuation. Those of sales in US was around 260,000. While 2007 experienced a gradual increase to 350,000, there was a steady fall until 2009 to roughly 280,000. On the other hand, the number of sales in Japan much lower than those of sales in US, yet there was a gradual increase from 2006 to 2009. Which of sales in Japan stood at 51,000 in 2006. Afterwards, there was a steady rise to around 90,000 in 2008. Surprisingly, 2009 saw a jump to approximately 330,000 in the level of sales. However, the level of sales in the rest of the world stood at 51,000 in 2006. Subsequently, there was a steady rise to roughly 120,000 in 2009.
sharfina   
Dec 8, 2015
Writing Feedback / IN GROUPS or ALONE? The way of study depends on students and the lessons. Task 2 [3]

Some people think that it is more effective for students to study in groups, while others believe that it is better for them to study alone. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Education is window of the world. Owing to the fact that young generations have to study not only formal education but also informal education. According to people, study in groups is more effective for pupils to acquire knowledge, while others think that self-study is better for them.

I personally state that both of views have their own benefit in boardening their science.
There are some lessons that some students cannot study by group since lessons need more concentration. For example, survey in Jakarta, Indonesia proves that pupils get high score in logical lessons, such as mathematics and physics, when they have their own time to understand the subjects themselves. Thus, self-study is absolutely essential for particular subjects.

However, many school suggests their students to study in group as it can improve pupil's skill. Afterwards, it make them more active for solving their problems together with their friends. Moreover, study in group teach student about moral values such as tolerance and sharing. For instance, students must appreciate other students who have less understanding about some lessons and they must teach them until they get it. In addition, students who frequently study together have many experiences since the often share about their problems each other. There is no doubt that study in groups has enhanced their academic skill and soft skill.

To sum up, the way of study depends on students and the lessons. They have their own style to study. It is imperative that if the subject need more concentration, it will be better studying alone, yet if the lessons need more interaction and cooperation, study in groups is the best way.
sharfina   
Dec 9, 2015
Writing Feedback / My half in my school - information about a classmate - we are close eachother [4]

Hi Mimuska.. let me give some grammar corrections..

Offof all my close friends I chose my classmate Radka whom I have known since when I was in kindergarten.I was 3 or 4 years old and i was 3 or 4 years old .

We always laugh together and do some stuff .. for example, I throw peels at her and she throw peelsthem back at me.It'sit was very funny.
sharfina   
Dec 9, 2015
Writing Feedback / TASK 1- TOOTH DECAY - dental problem illustrated on the line chart [NEW]

The line chart illustrates the dental problem with time elapsed after consumptions of fruit sugar, cane sugar, and honey. Overall, it can be obviously seen that intakes of sweet products produce the acid in mouth and thereby decreasing of pH level. High level of acid, epecially pH level under 5.5, occurs dental decay.

By far,after 5 minutes consuming it, the highest risk of dental decay is intake of cane sugar,representing pH 3.5, while the lowest risk of dental problem is honey, accounting for pH 4.75. On the other hand, fruit sugar consumption results pH 4.25.

Moreover, the risk time also differs in these three products, which refers the risk time of dental decay. Sugar cane produces the highest level of acidity with double prolonged period of stay than honey consumption which is 30 minutes, while honey produces less possibility of tooth decay with the shortest period of risk in which just around 12 minutes. Besides, consumption of fruit sugar experiences 20 minutes.




sharfina   
Dec 9, 2015
Writing Feedback / Cause and Effect of stress on college student [3]

The American Institute of Stress explains that ' stress is not a useful term for scientists becausesince it is a highly subjective phenomenon that defies definition'"...

... 'Stress can be definesdefined as the way in which your mind and body react to situation that is newto new situation , which is threatening and exciting. Alsodo not use alsoin the beginning of sentencefrom the entire training process, maintaining a good academic record, maintaining a social lifeIN ONE SENTENCE MUST BE S+V
sharfina   
Dec 9, 2015
Writing Feedback / We can't live without doctors as well as without inventors, so we must appreciate their efforts. [4]

Inventors are not as important to society as doctors. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

In the age of globalization, science technology and health sector are the most essential fields. However, inventors and doctors are the people who play a pivotal role in these areas. According to people, they think that doctors are more important than inventors to society lives. I firmly believe that doctors and inventors give equally good impact on the lives of human beings. I will shade light on my reasons on the following paragraphs.

Doctors have the ability to cure many diseases since they train many years to acquire knowledge that ordinary people do not know about it. For instance, doctors have responsibility eradicating contagious diseases, so when people get serious illness, doctor will give some suggestions and look after them until they feel better. Just imagine, if there is no doctor in this planet, perhaps people will continously suffer in the light of their malignancies, even it makes people pass away since no one have the ability to heal their diseases. Thus, it can be said that human's lives is determined by doctors since they are the only one who have knowledge about diseases.

However, inventors increase quality of people's life since with their brilliant notions, they created useful technology which is boardening people's knowledge such as Internet. In addition, iventors have ability making humans' lives much longer as they discovered advanced technology that help doctors finishing their project in healing cutthroat diseases, such as surgery machine. Subsequently, inventors make society lives more convenient as they invent equipments that complete humans' life, such as sewing machine, lamp, and handphone. There is no doubt that inventors make an immense change for human beings.

To sum up, doctors and inventors have the same role for making people's life to be better. Afterwards, they have their own eminence. It is imperative that we cannot live without doctors as well as inventors, so we must appreciate their efforts.
sharfina   
Jan 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: travelling to a foreign country or watching documentaries? [4]

A great deal of individuals assumeASSUMES that by looking atON television programmes or movies...
... learning from the locals is more better than just watching ...

... international tourist can save THEIR time fromFOR long journey because there are many ...
For example, lots of TV's show offer traveling story of someoneWHAT DO YOU MEAN? in different countries. Furthermore, it is believed by some that byTHAT staying at living room, they can getCAN ACQUIRE more knowledge without ...
sharfina   
Jan 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS 2 - nowadays people feel hard to change their sedentary lifestyle as they live in busy time [2]

some people say that in the modern world it is very difficult for people to have a healthy lifestyle. Others, however, say that it is easy for people to be healthy and fit if they want to be

discuss both these views and give your own opinion


Today's issue is society health. As such, It is believed that having a healthy lifestyle is extremely hard in this modern age. However, this is not always true. Some perceive that if they have intention to keep their body healthy and fit, creating a healthy lifestyle will be easy.

Apparently, in this current era, virtually people feel hard to change their sedentary lifestyle as they live in busy time. A brief illustration of this is 80 % of citizens in Brenes, Spanyol spending their time working in a 40-hour timetable, and this eventually leads to them buying ready made-meals, such as KFC and McD since they do not have any time to cook fresh meals. As a result, the obesity rate among those increased dramatically to 50 % from 2000 to 2015 cited from Times News in November 2015. Another evidence is state-of-the-art technology. For example, 50 % of people in China spend 6 hours a day sitting in front of sophisticated computer or their gadget. This conditions give rise to them lack of physical exercises. This behaviours effect on increase heart attack disease in China in 2015, exceed 30%. It is clear that there are many obstacles that people perceive to get healthy body.

Apart from previous discussion, in fact people can tackle this problem easily as well as gaining a healthy lifestyle. All of this depend on their self-awareness to keep their body fit. First of all, people should aware about long-term impact on their body after consuming junk-food. Local inhabitants are easy to access healthy-web and they can order it for their daily menu when they do not have any time to buy food in their busy time. The second, taking exercises regularly is the most successsful way to keep their body stay fit. In globalisation age, people can harness technology to become their instructor when they do exercises. Taking Finland for the example, 70 % of company allow their employees doing physical exercises in the middle of their rush hour by online instructor. Therefore, having a healthy lifestyle is easy for all of people.

The aforementioned evidence shows that having a healthy lifestyle in contemporary era is very difficult. However, the converse would appear to be true for others. As it depends on ourselves, people should have a willingness to stay fit and healthy. It is imperative that, gaining healthy body could be achieved by high motivation.
sharfina   
Jan 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2- The Use of Electronic Media on Personal Relationships Between People [NEW]

The use of electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationships between people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is common these days to find people make a conversation using electronic media. While this notion brings a negative effect since this may emerge misuderstanding in their individual relationships between people, I would argue that people's relationships becoming much more convenient is one of positive effect.

Needless to say, people using electronic media to communicate give rise to disturbing their mutual relationship among people. There seems tend to ignore people surround them when they make a conversation by electronic media. A 2014 Stanford University study found that 45 % married couple in London decided getting divorce since they lack of face to face communication in their households in the light of high frequency playing with their own gadget. On the other hand, 30 % young people often fight with their close friend when they just make a conversation by computer or handphone since they often get misunderstanding. Therefore, there is no doubt that electronic media have demerits for individual relationships among people.

Apart from the previous discussion, electronic media increase quality in relationships as they can keep in touch with others when and where they like. A 2015 recent ASAP Science reported virtual interaction and communication by media electronic leads to more successful relationships. 60% people from all of age cohorts in the world argued that they have good relationship in the light of electronic media such as, phone, computer, e-mail, and telegram. By doing so, they claimed that they know their family condition who lives overseas just through their gadget or computer connected to the internet without spending a lot of money to directly go there. The outcome of this study shows that electronic media have benefit to keep personal relationships still warm.

The aforementioned evidence shows that the negative cosequences of using electronic media comes to an abrupt withdrawal of personal relationship. However it is believed that they play a pivotal role to improve the quality of individual relationships among people. It is imperative that people should use electronic media wisely by maintaining their relationships with others.
sharfina   
Jan 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: NEGATIVE EFFECTS OF TOURISM ON THE DESTINATION COUNTRIES - statement verification [3]

However, this is not mean that there is no solution toward this problems. The travellers can avoid or minimize the detrimental by preserve the local cultures and environments. For example, by manage the local resources consuming and use the infrastructure wiselyby managing the local resources to consume and use the infrastructure wisely . In addition, the tourists can make a good write about local traditions to promote them. Thus, the foreigners can help the development of regional tourism and maintain the natural surroundings. To conclude, the holidaymakerS can reduce the harmful effects of travelling activities.

In conclusion, even excursion brings drawbacks such as natural damages and strain on the local buildings, there are some preserving actsACTIONS which will scale it down and can be done by the holidaymakers.
sharfina   
Jan 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: ATTRACTIVE BUILDINGS OR PUBLIC SERVICES [3]

Taking Eiffel Tower in Paris as an example, (comma) It is very famous tower, so most of inhabitants around the world cannot circumvent the luxurious of Paris. A city will famous when it has an elegant landmark.

In contrast, there are many serious problems that government have to tackle. Quality of schools and hospitals is more essential to improveTO BE IMPROVED since it involves human rights and influences the capability of human resources. Schools as mediums of educationEDUCATION MEDIA and hospitals where people consult their health PROBLEMS ought to obtain maximum funding from government.

All in all, whilst spectacular architecture is significant as an identity of a country, quality of public services such as hospitals and schools are more importantABSOLUTELY ESSENTIAL for government, so it is acceptable to expand the money allocationGOVERNMENT'S INCOME for upgrading the standardization.
sharfina   
Jan 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 : Human Cannot Live Without Internet - cyber addiction and cyber-crime danger [2]

It is true that THE internet has been the ...
... the net has led to substantialPROFOUND change in people's lives in many ways. While I strongly believe that human livesHUMANS' LIVES would be different without the net, THE drawbacks, (comma) such as cyber addictive and ...

There is no doubt that humans' lives become easier thanks toIN THE LIGHT OF the internet. The expanding of the online networkNETWORKING SITE is a positive development ...

A good example of this is like in IndonesiaTAKING INDONESIA AS THE EXAMPLE , almost all entrepreneurs, (PUT COMMA) such as from batik fabric enterprise,(PUT COMMA) utilize cyber site to promote ...

All in all, Internet has becomesHAS BECOME an unavoidable technology that ...

A recent study reveals that virtually allMOST netizen users become more and (...) by surfing on the web. As a result, most of netizenTHEY become unhealthy as THEY /font] haVE BEEN affected by radiation of FROM the computer or smartphone that they utilize.
sharfina   
Jan 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS: The only field of activity for businesses is just to make money? [2]

The purpose of businesses is to make money and they should concentrate only this. Do you agree or disagree?

Globalisation has changed world commerce. The intention of starting businesses is to earn money, then claim that they should focus to gain it. However, this is not always true, it is argued that innovation is another aspect that should be consideration for the betterment of businesses .

Apparently all businesses in the world have high ambition to earn money since they cannot start up and develop a business without make a profit. A brief illustration of this is Elon Musk, an American, CEO Space Exploration Technologies, said that the main aim he developing his enterprise is to be rich and gain a lot of money. His target regarding the high annual income, $7,000,000/month, is the biggest motivation that gives rise to him and his collaborations finding several ways to meet their target. As a result, in 2015, his business become prestigious in the world. It is clear that money should be consideration for employers to operate businesses.

Apart from the previous discussion, innovation is the significant aspect to make successful enterprises. Taking Google as an example, it has a large capital as well as modern infrastructures, yet Google+, its social networking product, is not bound to attract more attention from general audiences over two following periods, from 2103 to 2015. Andrew Lindstorm, as American Telematic Expert, said that this is because Google lack of innovation. It tends to imitate other social networking sites that already existed out there. This condition goes hand to hand with decrease of profit in the company.There is no doubt that this facet play a pivotal role for developing successful business.

The aforementioned evidence shows that although money is crucial aspect for businesses, it is deemed that innovation is another important factor that should be paid more attention for advancement of businesses. It is imperative that companies will venture throughout international borders, if they combine such factors.
sharfina   
Jan 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - Clothes as a significant sign of the tendency what people are like [2]

Some people say that the clothes people wear the most important indication of what they are like. Others, however, say that people should not be judged by the clothes they wear. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Clothes help to protect body. Not only this, it is believed that garments put on by people could differentiate people's personality from other people. However, it is argued that judging people by their outfit is unjustified.

Apparently clothes are often used as a significant sign of the tendency what people are like. A 2015 recent study by Renata Rim as psychologist from Ohio University conducted that the accuracy of identification people's personality by the clothes style which is worn by people is 85%. Afterwards, she found that 31 of 35 people from different age cohorts who have different favorite clothes and fashion style have different personality. To illustrate, people who wear short pants and T-shirts, they are more likely to be easy-going, while people who dressed elegant are more friendly but tend to be selfish. Evidence of this can be seen that apparel can express their own individuality.

However, clothes may not result in an impression about people's behaviour. Journal of Fashion Marketing and Management published in 2013 shows researchers carried out the research with over 300 adults (men and women) in Manchester City related to assesment of people's appearance. This study shows people are bound to judge strange people in a-50 second of seeing another,yet 55 % of their judgment was not matched with the real personality of those. It is clear that making judgment about people from the clothes they wear is not always right.

The aforementioned evidence shows that clothes could indicate people's behaviour. However it is believed that it is not superficial to judge someone by the way they dress. It is imperative that choice of dress style should be carefully because people will make all sorts of assumptions and decisions about us without proper evidence.
sharfina   
Jan 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / Today's issue is child health. As seen, more children live under poor condition. Who's responsible? [2]

Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Today's issue is child health. As seen, more children live under poor condition. For some people, they argue that schools and parents should take this issue into account, but nevertheless, it is not always true. In my opinion, it is claimed media and health authorities have a responsibility to endure children health.

Apparently, preventing of an unhealthy lifestyle in children's lives can be tackled by cooperation between parents and school. Parents should be supporting school's policy in creating a healthy lifestyle among children. A 2015 recent state University of Finland found 80% of schools in that country provides gymnastic program before classes start, at 7 A.M, which is compulsory subject for students, while at home parents spend their free time on weekend to accompany their children doing exercise. These actions aim to encourage them to do more exercise. As a result, children in this country keep fit. It is clear that parents and schools play a pivotal role in maintaining a healthy lifestyle among children.

Apart from the previous discussion, media and health authorities are responsible to encourage healthy lifestyles of children. Health authorities can make colaboration with mass media to restrict advertisement related to harmful food, such as ready- made meals. By doing so, children have limited access to gain information about such food. Afterwards, these parties have a right to make interactive advertisement about long-term effects on children's health, such as by broadcast interesting counseling on TV and magazine. This way successfully increases awareness of 50 % children in China as they are afraid about diseases which will attack them in the future, cited from The Emerald News, December 20015. There is no doubt that these parties can create a healthy lifestyle among children.

The aforementioned evidence reveals that as children live in sedentary lifestyles, it is suggested that schools and parents consider tackling this problem. In fact, other parties play a prominent role in excogitating child health. It is imperative that more attention should be paid on child health.
sharfina   
Jan 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: The Importance of Inventors and Doctors in The Country [3]

It is evidentevidence that doctors have a greatplay a pivotal role and are imperativeessential for thea country. It is due to the reason thatsincedoctors' main job are doctors have a responsibility toprovidein providing essential medical treatment for all citizens. An illustration for this,A brief illustration of this is a surgeon need to perform ...

Also, doctors also supply several vaccineS to resist the diseaseS .

However, it does not mean that the inventors should be completely neglected. First and foremost, the inventors are required in thefor a countryto improverelated to betterment ofthe technology and preparingpreparationa betterof breakthroughs which will help inhabitants' daily activities.

As a result, inventors are also very usefulabsolutely essential for the a country to formulate a better vaccine or medicine toregardingprevent diseaseprevention of diseases .
sharfina   
Jan 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / Suggestion for adolescents to take a job for a gap year between school and third-level education [3]

Some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and university. Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this.

Every person needs a job to be well-rounded. Whilst some people render a suggestion for adolescents to take a job for a gap year between school and third-level education since this makes them to gain easy access to be accepted in reputable prestigious universities, others believe it is unacceptable since this may interupt their social lives.

Apparently, joining with company after people aged 13-18 in their a gap year between school and university gives them greatly benefit related to ample opportunities to be accepted in high-standard university. BBC News reported in January 2015 that 70% of young people who easily earned LOA ( Letter of Acceptance) from Oxford University have had a working experience. The university is very selective in student recruitment and it prefers students having working experience since they are more likely to be well-informed in comparison with those who do not work. As a result,experienced young people are bound to have an immense chance to be accepted in top-ranked university.

However, working in that period comes to an abrupt withdrawal of social life relationship. There seems a busy day with heavy workload. A 2013 recent Harvard University study conducts that 90 % of people working after graduated from their school in Beijing, China had felt a sense of alienation among their peers since they have to spend their time working in a 40-hour timetable per week. This resulted in poor social relationships.

The aforementioned evidence shows that the idea of pople in their leisure time after graduating from their school is the most valued. However, a dire consequence should be taken into account because this affects emotional development. It is imperative that they should manage a balance life.
sharfina   
Jan 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / Mass media focus too much on gossips, disseminating celebrities' issues even though it is not worthy [2]

The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead. Do you agree or disagree?

The media play a pivotal role in providing valuable accessible information lifestyles and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers or footballers have been exaggerated on television and other media. Whilst I think that media too focused on celebrities' lives, I also believe that media should pay more attention to ordinary people's lives

Needless to say, media broadcast all about scandals and gossip of celebrities' lives. A 2015 recent Imperial College university shows 45% of programmes on television expose lives of celebrities. Although media report inspirable issues of celebrities, such as their achievements and appearance, it is sometimes just dwelling time.

In addition, media often report infuriating news about lives of those since they provide unjustified issues. For instance, mass media reported Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt had divorced. It became main issue in all magazines and on television channels in 2015. This is cited from Times News, December 2015. As a result, the news perpetuate their fans became disappointed.

On the other hand, more attention should be paid on lives of ordinary people by media since it can inspire other people. Time Berners-Lee, the best known as the inventor of the World Wide Web, had inspired some people after mass media had broadcasted his invention widely cited from BBC News November 2014. This action gives rise to75 scientists did investigation of these networks. It is clear that mass media reporting ordinary people cause others think up new ideas and figure out further problems.

The aforementioned evidence shows that the mass media such as television, magazine and virtual news pay too much attention to disseminate issues of celebrities even though it is not worthy . However, ordinary people probably can be inspiring others should be emerged in the media. It is imperative that they should have the same right as the famous people. Ordinary people who represent unprecedented achievement should be televised in reality show program.
sharfina   
Jan 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS 2: Inventors are not so essential to society as doctors who save people's lives [2]

It has been believed that the role of inventors for societies' welfare is not essential ascompared with the role of doctors. While other people reckon that doctors have more importantplay a pivotal role for citizens' interest like inhale the citizen having a hardserious disease, I tend to argue this notion since many human case is still needed to be developed by inventors these days.i would argue that inventors are stil needed for human beings.

Needless to say, the vital roleexistence of doctor for societies cannot be noticed since humans tend to vulnerable getsgetting a severe disease, affected by a bad lifestyle showed by citizens. For example, a cancer, leukemia, and hurt disease are the considerable caseare serious diseases faced by human nowadays. Without doctors, the humanS'S expectation to live longer is impossible. Regarding to this notion, there is no doubt that the role of doctors is more critical absolutely essential for inhabitant's better lifea better life.
sharfina   
Jan 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - What is the proper dress code at work? [2]

Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


First impression is essential in workplace. For this reason, It is believed that perfect dress should be worn by employees since it gives rise to boost company's public image. Others, however, believe that work quality is a crucial factor for corporations to reach good progression.

Companies encourage their employees to wear appropriate dress as appearance reflects performance of ventures. Firstly, appearance creates an excellent impression among other workers since it can differentiate well-educated people from other people. As an obvious example, people wearing wrinkled or ill fitting clothing could send the message that they just threw something without much thought as well as less ambitious and this eventually leads to associating them less dedicated as an employee. Secondly, dress style can be characteristic for profesional company. To illustrate, 80 % multinational corporations in the world command their employees to look good and wear ironed clothing to get reputable image from public.

Although appearance is important factor for virtually companies, work quality should not be abandoned to reach a success for organisations. A 2015 recent Ohio university conducted 70% of reputable companies in America comprised of employees who wear a very simple uniform have many achievements since all of their staff are well-educated and smart. Besides, employers provide regularly training and courses every year. This action give rise to increase their employees's skill as well as quality. This show that quality of work is one of the essential factors to require career progression.

The aforementioned evidence reveals although some people believe that the best way to enhance public image about companies is dress appropriately. I would argue that, more attention should be paid on work quality in workplace to achieve good progression. It is imperative that smart in dressed and work aptitude is the best combination for company.
sharfina   
Jan 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / Change in the number of international graduates engaged in eight different Canadian provinces [3]

The graph below shows the percentage change in the number of international students graduating from universities in different Canadian provinces between 2001 and 2006.

A breakdown of the proportion change in the number of international graduates engaged in eight different provinces in Canadian between 2001 and 2006 is illustrated in the bar chart. Overall, by far the favorite province chosen by students to acquire knowledge in universities was recorded in New Brunswick. While those of International graduates in Alberta declined considerably, the converse would appear to be true for other figures over the following period.

To begin, between 2001 and 2006, The highest number of international students completed their studies in universities in New Brunswick, the following year remained the same. In 2006, the percentage of international students in these provinces experienced a significant increase. Interestingly, just Alberta witnessed a fall of 1.5 %.

A more detailed look at the graph reveals that, by 2001, majority of international students had graduated from universities in New Brunswick and Nova Scotia, hovering at about 6.5%. While Quebec and Alberta had more than 5.5 % of those, other figures experienced less than 5 %. After five years, in 2006, New brunswick had the highest proportion of international students, amounting for approximately 12 %, followed by Nova Scotia and British Columbia, accounting for 10.5%. Afterwards those from Quebec hovered at 8.5%, while other figures saw less than 7 % in 2006.




sharfina   
Jan 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / The population change between 1940 and 2000 in three different counties in the U.S. State of Oregon [2]

The graph below shows the population change between 1940 and 2000 in three different counties in the U.S. state of Oregon.

A breakdown of the population growth engaged in three different countries of Oregon from 1940 to 2000 is illustrated in the line graph. Overall, While Washington was the favorite place for majority dwellers in Oregon, Yamhill and Columbia had fairly similar population rate. All figures shows an upward trend.

To begin, in 1940, majority people prefer to live in Washington. The population was by far the highest over the following period. 75,000 people was recorded in Washington. Yamhill and Columbia's population stood at a fairly similar level, with 30,000. By 2000, growth in number of population had seen a significant changes. Interestingly, Thus the gap between the population of three countries had widened out.While the proportion of Columbia's population had fallen back to the 1940 figure of washington, amounting for 75,000, population in Yamhill witnessed a slight increase, with 90,000.

Over the following period, all figures experienced an increase. The number of population in Washington was the highest rate, rising from over 120,000 in 1970 and reaching a high of above 240,000 in 2000. Meanwhile, the proportion of population in Columbia and Yamhill had a less marked gap, accounting for 15,000.




sharfina   
Jan 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: IS IT DIFFICULT TO BE HEALTH? [2]

Hello, I just correct your grammar..

However some othersarguebelieve that basically obtaining ...
In my opinion,it is argued that every single person has ...

In this day and age, a great deal of time due ...
In my opinion, this problem is the common obstacle ...
... big city such as in Jakarta, have to work in office (...) much leisure time to do healthy lifephysical exercises such as sportjogging and swimming. In addition, another factor that is possible to promote an unhealthya sedentary lifestyle is the high frequency in consuming junk foodready-made-meal which is regarded resistant ...

... actually possible to gain a healthy manner oflifestyle.
Take a sample fortaking a busy worker for the example, they can use bicycle to go to work. BesideS , it is a simple way to keep ...

... counteracting people to have a healthy life mannerlifestyle , I extremely believe a ...
sharfina   
Jan 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / The line graph below gives information on cinema attendance in the UK. [2]

The line graph below gives information on cinema attendance in the UK.

A breakdown of the proportion of cinema attendance in the UK in four different age cohorts from 1990 to 2010 is illustrated in the line graph. Overall, more peope aged 14 to 54 went to cinema,while people in age group 14 to 24 did not enjoy going to cinema. All figures witnessed upward trends.

Initially, in 1990, cinema was by far the favorite for 44 to 54 age group and people aged 34 to 44, with nearly 40 % . Meanwhile, fewer people aged 14 to 24 enjoyed to go to cinema, accounting for 15 %. Another figure saw just over 20 %. By 2010, all figures had witnessed a rise. A gap between people in age group 44 to 54 and 34 to 44 had widened out. The former accounted for above 50% and the latter amounted to just over 40 %. Others had seen stable from 2005 to 2010 and they had reached 32% and 20% for 24-34 and 14-24 brackets.

Between 1995 and 2000, all figures saw a drop. The proportion of people in age groups 44 to 54 and 34 to 44 was a hit lof of around below 50% and this was followed a continous and steady increase. Those of people aged 24 to 34 was 22 %, while 12 % of people aged 14 to 24 attended the cinema.




sharfina   
Jan 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Exercise and absenteeism in two departments of a major company [4]

The chart and table below give information about exercise and absenteeism in two departments of a major company (Based on 2012 survey)

A breakdown of the proportion of employees related to exercise and absenteeism in two departments of a large company in 2012 is illustrated in the bar chart and table. Overall, there are similarities and differences between the two departments engaged in the amount of hours spent exercising each week, while majority employees did it between five and ten hours. We can also see that those missing due to illness were varied in both places.

The figure for employees exercised between five and ten hours fairly similar in Birmingham and London department, accounting for below 50%. However, those in Brimingham doing workout for less than five hours a week was considerably lower than London,more employees in Brimingham exercised between ten and fifteen hours. These had a gap around 15%. Others saw less marked difference.

Based on the absenteeism due to ill health, Birmingham had over twice as much as no absence than London, with 380 and 158 employees.Interestingly,London department was recorded 216 employees missing lower than Brimingham one. Meanwhile, the absenteeism for more than 5 days a year in both of company bore fairly similar to each other, with around 242 employees.




sharfina   
Jan 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / The number of species extinctions in tropical forests shows an upward trend [3]

The graph and chart below give information about species extinctions and the threats to plant life. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

A breakdown of the proportion about extinctions of species and threats to plant life between 2000 and 2100 is illustrated in the line graph and bar chart. Overall, the number of species extinctions in tropical forests shows an upward trend. Meanwhile, the most substantial menace to plant survival is human impact.

Initially, the level of species extinctions is forecast to increase dramatically from just under 5 thousand to below 30 thousand from 2000 to 2100, a rise of about 25 thousand in 100 years. By 2060, those of species extinctions will peak at 50 thousand. This trend is followed by a dramatic fall of 20 thousand between 2060 and 2100.

As seen, plant life threats are affected by two different activities, human impact and natural events. Clearly, the former has over seven times as much as the latter, with 81.3% and 18.7% respectively. By far the most significant threat is agriculture,accounting for 18.7%. Development has a half times the proportion of threats as agriculture,amounting to 10.4%, while harvesting experience the third most noticeable threat, with 14.4%.Others witness less than 10 %. On the other hand, natural disaster is not quite as great as other natural events, with a gap by 3.7%.




sharfina   
Jan 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / The proportion of population in a particular area, totaling a 16 year-period [2]

A breakdown of the proportion about population in a particular area from 2000 to the present,totaling a 16 year-period, is presented in the pie chart and bar chart. Overall, habitat destruction has have an enormous impact on wildlife population changes. Meanwhile, in spite of increase population for some species, there has been a downward trend for others.

As seen, changes of wildlife population are caused by many factors. Habitat destruction is the main cause of changes in wildlife population. This aspect have accounted almost half. The second most significant of giving adverse impact on these cases is pollution, with almost a quarter. Nevertheless, the small percentage related to alteration of population has been witnessed for overpopulation through hunting and fishing.Others have seen just under 13%.

On the other hand, the figures for insects are by far the most noticeable ,decrease dramatically of over 40% for both butterflies and bees, while mammals have risen significantly, particularly for bats (23%) which have reached over twice times the percentage of population as foxes, Therefore, freshwater fish, consist of trout and salmon, have fallen to nearly -30% and others have experinced above -10%.




sharfina   
Feb 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / Psychologists have known for many years that colour can affect how people feel [3]

Psychologists have known for many years that colour can affect how people feel. For this reason, attention should be given to colour schemes when decorating places such as offices and hospitals

How true is this statement? How far does colour influence people's health and capacity for work?


Colours have an enormous impact on human beings' lives. Today's issue, psychologists have found that colours in the room influence the feeling of workers and patients actively. While others believe that colours have a pivotal role to people's mindset,I would argue that other aspects should be taken into consideration.

Colour in workplace is less important. It does not completely influencing performance of worker. The way of people thinking seems coming from theirselves . For example, In London, a survey carried out by Daniel Orcle in 2014 found that people working in blue room and those in white room result in the same good productivity sincehe believes that it depends on their own intelligence. Despite this, the atmosphere of bright colour in workplace sometimes brings people coming up with idea of new innovation, whilst dark colour will emerge scary atmosphere.

Medical parties or patients believe that colours are less essential since their recovery does not depends on colour patterns of hospital. The Singapore newspaper related to medical topic reported in January 2015 that the improvement of patients' recovery relies on state-of-the-art amenities rather than its decorations. Besides, colours just become supporting aspect to make patients feeling more comfortable. Therefore, advanced treatment and qualified parties are more needed for patients.

To sum up, there is not direct link between colour and mood states of people. As far as I am concerned, Intelligence affects productivity of workers, while sophisticated technology and well-knowledge parties in hospital are the main factors influencing people's recovery. It is imperative that the pattern of colours should be set properly to create pleasant zone.
sharfina   
Feb 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / Manufacturers and retail companies use colour as an effective way to attract the number of customers [2]

Colour is a powerful tool that is used to great effect by manufacturers and retail companies when they try to sell us something. In fact, many of the purchasing decisions we make are partly or largely influenced by colour.

How true is this statement? How much does colour influence us when we buy something?

Manufacturers and retail companies use colour as an effective way to attract the number of customers when they sell their products. While people agree that colour affects strongly great deal of customers on decision of purchasing their products, i would argue that great sales are considerably influenced by interesting packaging and price of them.

Colour is essential for manufacturers and retail companies. It is a tool to boost their sales. It is inevitable that customers tend to feeling comfortable and hungry in particular colour zone . For example, a 2015 recent study by Jones Rim as the economist expert found that people spend most their time and order much food when they are in the restaurant with the red shade. These cases emerge in the light of a certain impulse in people's brain of a willingness gaining product in attractive colour.

Apart from the previous discussion, however, there are other factors that are equally important. These might include catchy packaging and price. The first sight directly attract people's attention to buy products. The BBC news reported in March 2015 that unique packaging of ready-made-meal in Korea increase the sales up to 30%, while pricey food give rise to decrease of profit up to 40% as many people in that country are smart buyer and tend to think twice to buy them. Therefore, all parties related in manufacturers and retails companies should produce cheap and unique packaging of products to make a profit.

The aforementioned evidence reveals that while there is a link between colour and decision to buy a product, exciting packaging and reasonable price influence greatly people's willingness to shop it. It is imperative that companies should come up with the idea of profitable product for customers and manufacturers.
sharfina   
Feb 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / Harshness on Television Delivers Some detrimental Impacts for Children [2]

There is an inclining level of harshness that has been seen on television. There is a view that it obtainsemerges some dire effects on children's actions.

... delivers some detrimental impacts forON children, especially on their actions .

... I extremely believe that this is impact toon children negatively. In fact, children doare not able yet to ...
As a result, they spent their childhood time with sorrowin misery . Therefore, it is really not acceptable impact foron children.

... harshness on television as a suitable or agreeablean acceptable act.
... including in their cartoon lineshows . Children's paradigms of violence are biasprejudgement and they do not recognize ...

... harshness on television programs obtainsgives rise to some demerit effects on children's behaviourbehavior .
... if there are no sensorcensor regulation of television programs and guidance from their parents.
sharfina   
Feb 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / Most employers interview candidates before hiring them [2]

Most employers interview candidates before hiring them. Do you think this is the best way to do it? In your opinion, what is the best method for choosing employees?

In most enterprises the Job interview is a compulsory activity passed by applicant before gaining a certain position in a workplace. While some believe that there is complicated to select the best ones with this method, i will come up with the idea of better alternatives to find the qualified candidates, such as combining interview section with other measurements.

Actually, an interview section is used to express candidates' personality, character, and capabilities, yet sometimes it cannot describe about them truly. There is many courses offering about preparation before taking an interview chance, so it does not come naturally. A 2015 recent study by Stanford University revealed that 70% of applicants with the low capabilities are success in their interview since they are well-prepared as well as having known about all strategies, while 60% of well-knowledge ones fail in this section due to having no preparation. Therefore, it is not always true to judge them fully by this stage.

In my point of view, the best way to select the qualified applicants is not only by interview, but also employers can combine this section with other aspects, such as written examinations and certain language proficiency to acquire qualified ones. The Times News reported in February 2015 that involving those in group discussion and interview can describe all personality, intelligence, and leadership skills of those accurately.

The aforementioned evidence reveals that while interview is difficult method to find the best candidates, it turns to be effective way if interviewer fuse them into one to meet their needs. It is imperative that interview stage should not to be abandoned since it can be used to asses those instantly.

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