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Posts by Heru22
Name: Agung Heru Yatmo
Joined: Aug 25, 2016
Last Post: Sep 6, 2016
Threads: 5
Posts: 7  
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From: Indonesia
School: Brawijaya University

Displayed posts: 12
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Aug 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / Three questions - checking Introductions for IELTS Task 2 [4]

Question 1 : as global trade increases, many goods, including those we use on a daily basis, are produced in other and have to be transported long distance. Do the benefits of this trend outweigh the drawbacks?

Introduction : One of issue in globalization that global trade rises dramatically. It gives many impacts for human life. In this essay, I explain about advantages and disadvantages of the case.

Question 2 : in many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong while others consider it as valuable work experience. discuss both opinions and give your opinion

In some parts of the world, children should work to fulfill their economic needs. Most people believe that it is beneficial for child to work in their early ages but some of them think that it has many drawback . In this essay, I discus both of view and giving my opinion about the issue.

Question 3 : Unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example, working for a charity, improving the neighborhood, or teaching sports to younger children). To what extend do you agree or disagree?

There are many programs that are given in the school for students. One of them is social community service program. In this program, student should serve society such as teaching, working and other activities without salary. As far as I concern, unpaid community service program is essential program for students because some reason such as building networking, improving EQ, and giving real experience in the workplace so it should be part of high school program
Aug 25, 2016

hi, i am heru, i will try to give some feedback for your essay.

1. Trading increase make (because the subject is singular so you have to put s in your verb which following your subject )many product products (you have to put "s" after many) including the daily needs ...

2. it will be better that you could put some reason which could be your point in your body
Aug 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / Advice for my exercise - FOR INTRODUCTION - IELTS WRITING PART 2 [5]

hi i am heru, i will try to give several feedback for your essay.

... people use on daily activities are raise up raised(if you will say in the passive voice, you have to use verb 3 after to be) by global trade.

... but also the other country would be contribute (i think that it will better that you say the country would contribute/ the country would be contributed) for it. Furthermore the products was(because the subject is plural so you have to use were) transport with (...)far as such i will explainingexplain (it is bad because will + v1) about the benefits ...

There are several reasonreasons why i believe that charity program to build up student awareness in their circumstance and social skills student most of the critical program for school. (you need put verb in this sentences )

charity program will build up student awareness in their circumstance and social skills.
Aug 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / Scientists discover a planet similar to Earth. Summary Article from National Geographic [5]

hay fellas, pleas give feedback for my summary article, i summarize this from article in link below :


Lately, Medias report a rumor about finding a planet which has sane characteristic as earth. The planet is circling the star closet to sun and called Proxima century. Observations in Chile using telescope find that planet is a big as our world and it has warm enough condition for liquid water to survive on its surface. Proxima was funded by a team of scientists who worked on the pole red pot project. For them, it is not surprise innovation because they have been find out some planet in same orbit like Proxima. In their earlier research, there were interesting signs that at least one planet could be there and they detected the planet by using some comprehensive search. The observations taken between 2000 and 2014.
Aug 26, 2016

hi daya, i read your essay. I think your writing is good. I just find some grammatical mistake and wrong spelling like doing, you write in your own essay doinf. But i could say that it is not any sense of essay for task 2 in IELS. You put your idea in bad structure.

First, for introduction i think you have to write about general background/problem which you want to explain and in this part you have to mention about your thesis statement. If you said that good nutrition is needed for children to bouts their energy for learning pleas make overall view about that.

second, talking about body paragraph, i see that you have to put some main idea first for your paragraph and then you should write sentence which support your idea.

third, in your conclusion, you could write again your thesis statement using different paraphrase and please mention your recommendation
i believe your idea is well, you just need to read more many excamples of writing essay task 2 for ielts.

break a leg.
Aug 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / People experience problems while living abroad, especially those in the middle age (35 - 54) [6]

hi, i try to give some feedback for your essay
i think your introduction too long, make it simple

The diagram illustrates the problem which people face when they go to live overseas countries in three different ages.

after the introduction you could write overall view in one sentence or more. ( i am sorry that i could give you more suggestion about the case because i can not read your image of diagram clearly.

in the last i suggest you to use mathematical expression in detail so your pattern is not boring.

it is my suggestion, i hope it could help you
break a leg.
Aug 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Essay Writing Test 3 About Agree and Disagree [3]

hi, aida.. i will try to give suggestions about your writing.

1. i think that your write is not acceptable for IELTS writing task 2 because in this case you have to wrote at least 250 words and you did not do that.

2. let me begin from introduction first.
... important role in improving the environtment environment , while individuals (...) to improve the environtment environment , since human can be environtmental environmental agent and ...

if you'd like to write introduction, i suggest that you try to make good paraphrase from question. it is my suggestion for your introduction.

some people believe that only large companies and business could create better environment because they have an important role to do that. i would tend to argue against that individuals also have big impact to improve environment.

3. for your body, i think that you need to brainstorming first. You could find out many idea about related topic in your practice by reading newspaper or news. It is simple formula that you could do in your essay, giving main idea in your body paragraph and it is followed by example and then you could explain your example well.

4. for conclusion, pleas making different paraphrase for your thesis statement and then put your recommendation in the last.

i am sure that you could do better than this,,,
good luck :D
Aug 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / Big companies could improve environment rather than people because they have big impact on society. [3]

pleas help me by giving feedback for my essay ielts writing task 2.

Individuals can do nothing to improve the environment. Only large companies and business can make a difference
To what extent do you agree or disagree

Big companies could improve environment rather than people because they have big impact on society. While they could take many steps which increase quality of environment. I would tend to argue against that everybody could make environment to be better.

It goes without saying that many big companies decide to make big change to improve environment. They prefer to use renewable energy which more friendly for environment. Moreover, they try to filter their waste carefully to ensure that it could not harm environment around the companies. Many business also use clean technology to manage their emission carefully. Their step suggest people to believe that individuals could not do anything to create better environment.

However, there are number of reasons why not only companies could improve environment but also citizens. First, saving environment is human's responsibility so everybody who lives in the world have to keep their habitat so people should find out many ways to save this. It is clear that companies have big steps to keep this planet but it is not mean that people could not do anything. Individuals could begin with small step like doing go green lifestyle. They could reduce, recycle and reuse their garbage before they throw away to final destination disposal. Second, improving environment could be done by creating social group or community which has good vision to control environment. For instance, social community of forest saver which has vision to elaborate on the challenges of combating harmful deforestation that increase dramatically lately. In addition, people could corporate to clean their yard every weekend and giving sample to others to make people around them understand that environment is precious.

To sum up, it is evident that individuals could take a part to increase quality of environment. Society must do from simple step and believe that it has big impact.
Aug 31, 2016
Writing Feedback / Nowadays, most people rely on driving cars for their daily activities. [6]

hi maulida, i love your idea about problems which are caused by unlimited of using cars. Your body paragraphs are strong and you put your thesis statement clearly but i could find explanation about your solution. You mention in the introduction but you do not explain anymore about your suggestion. do you think it is clear just mention in introduction?. In my opinion, it is will be better if your body paragraph consist two paragraph, second paragraph is about problem explanation and third is about solution (because the task asks how to reduce increasing of use cars). And for your conclusion, you could paraphrase your thesis statement and don't forget to give recommendation.

good luck
Aug 31, 2016
Writing Feedback / Nowadays, private car is one of the essential needs for people lives. But there's too many of them. [5]

Many people depend on their cars for everyday domestic, social, and working needs. However, unlimited use of cars causes a number of problems.
What are some of these problems?
What can be done to reduce the use of cars?

Nowadays, private car is one of the essential needs for people live. Some of them buy car to encourage their professional or only improve their social status. In contrast, the increasing number of cars causes harmful effect for environment and society. So to tackle the issue, government should increase capability of vehicle and make role to reduce car used.

First of all, overreliances on cars increase the percentage of emission in the world. Cars produce carbondioxcide as output gas which could create greenhouse in the world. It traps heat of sun and make temperature increasing dramatically. In addition, the traffic congestion will happen in many places so people could feel freedom when they travel and have to go to in workplace on time.

There some suggestions which government should do. Firstly, an improvement quality and efficiency of public transportation are needed to encourage people using their cars less. Government could do it by modernizing the way to access public transportation using smartphone, establishing fast train in the center of city and checking vehicle regularly to ensure in well condition. Secondly, the role of using cars is important to pursue people leaving their car in home. For example, in some countries, a role has been operating, people use their cars on three days in a week and for other days they could not be allowed to use their car. Therefore, public transport is taken.

To sum up, unlimited of using cars cause bad problem for environment and human life. Increasing quality and an effective role are needed to decline the percentage of private car. To ensure the solutions working effectively government and citizens should cooperate.

(274 words)
Sep 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / MAKING INTRODUCTION; discussing benefits and drawbacks, giving opinions on issues. IELTS TASK 2 [3]

... goods that we use on a daily basis are produced in other countries.
... become ineffective which spend much more cost. As such, it will impact on the price which would be more expensive.
... that would more drawback that outweigh than benefits which got.

In many countries , children are enganged (engaged) in some kind of paid work.

Some people appraise that this is completely unacceptable meanwhile the other believe that it would give some advantages (there is not comparison, may be you want to say that it has more advantages that disadvantages?). Therefore, I will discuss both of perspective in the following paragraph. (i see that your thesis statement is not strong, try to mention the point of benefits and drawback)
Sep 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS practice for task 1 about maps of Meadowside village and Foton [5]

Pleas give me feedback for my essay.

The map shows the development of Meadowside village and Fonton over three different time periods (1962,1985 and present)
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The maps illustrate changes which happened in two places called Meadowside village and Foton. It could be seen that in the first period, the places were separate locations and now there are combined land.

In 1962, Meadowside was located opposite Foton. Both of them were remote areas without residents. For 23 years, Medowside village had a significant development. Super store was built in the southwest the village while Leisure complex was constructed in north south of Meadowside. Then in the west of village was housing estate. In contrast, Foton was still empty land and between Meadowside suburbs and Foton were connected by main road.

Now, the locations were changed becoming a bigger place. In the middle of Meadowside suburb and Foton were established some public service such as hotel, station and business park. The hotel and station were in front of building of business. In addition, railway was added to connect station and old one.

All in all, the laces are more suitable for people live with development in public transport, housing area. Shopping centre and entertainment locations.


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