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Posts by fikni05
Name: Hairul Fikni
Joined: Aug 25, 2016
Last Post: Aug 31, 2016
Threads: 3
Posts: 3  

From: Indonesia
School: Universitas Gadjah Mada

Displayed posts: 6
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fikni05   
Aug 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / CHECKING INTRODUCTION PART OF IELTS WRITING TASK 2 [2]

Hi guys, please help me checking my introduction part of my ielts writing task 2. The bold one is the following topics

1. As global trade increases, many goods, including those we use on a daily basis, are produced in other countries and have to be transported long distances. Do the benefits of this trend outweigh the drawbacks?

Trading increase make many product including the daily needs are important from other countries which needs time for shipping it. I would claim the disadvantage of this issue is more serious than the benefits which be explained in the following paragraph.

2. In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong while other consider it as valuable work experience. Discuss both opinions and give your opinion.

Hire children as a paid worker is unaccepted in many nations. This issue is still debating since it looks as a wrong act by some people while the others see it as valuable experience for children. There must be its own reason which following both of perspective. In my opinion, hire adults is better solution.

3. Unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example, working for a charity, improving the neighborhood, or teaching sports to younger children). To what extend do you agree and disagree?

High school program hold an importance role to developing student character. Adding non-profit organization service such as take a part of charity, improving the neighborhood or become a teacher sport for younger children in the academic curriculum or become extracurricular will teach student good value of life.
fikni05   
Aug 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / People believe that the technology has driven them to face great development in their daily routine [5]

Hi ibal28
Great to know that you are in essay forum now. yay! well, this is my correction for your post.

For the introduction, it's good for you to paraphrase the question/instruction then you add some of your supporting words (which is you already did it). Good! and in the instruction asked that are you agree or disagree, you should decide your position here you will be agree or disagree of that statement then give the high light of your main reason why.

So the instruction should contain : background and thesis statement (writers position & writers opinion).

The conclusion should be the sentence that strong the thesis statement. You can paraphrase your thesis statement again. Well you already did well enough.

I think that's all from me. Keep writing, seeya abroad!
fikni05   
Aug 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Ontario staffing job for teaching English suddenly fell down (2005-2007 timeframe) to just under 30% [3]

hi Eka, nice to meet you!

I read your post and here my correction for you.
- First paragraph in first line: ...overa six year ... = ...over six years
- First paragraph in last line: ... French teachers experienced a rapid rise from 2001 to 2007...
I will mention the rapid rise, if we see the picture of the graph the French line shown that in 2002 it decreased then rose in 2003.

I think it can't be generalized as rapid rise.
- Second paragraph: In the first two years , the proportion of English educators fell....
I think you should mention which year is that. Data of French teachers, however, went up and down in this period. --> it's not clear what do you mean and what "this period" refers to, since you don't mention any years in the second paragraph.

Well, that's all from me. i'm still learning too correct me if i'm wrong. Thanks. Keep writing, hope your dreams will comes true. Break a leg! :)
fikni05   
Aug 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / The chart shows the alteration of kinds of crime that happened in Newport city center (2003-2012) [3]

WRITING TASK 1

The chart demonstrated the alteration of kinds of crime that happened in Newport city center from 2003 to 2012. Overall, robbery had the lowest incident number of crime which is at 500 incidents, meanwhile burglary was the highest criminal type that happened in 2003 with almost 35000 incidents.

In 2004 the peak was reached by burglary cased with over 3500 incidents, but after that it was getting decline until reached the lowest number with around 1000 incidents in 2008. The robbery reached the lowest number of incident with 500 case in 2008 as well.

Apart from previous comparison, the chart showed the car theft in significant number of incident rather than the burglary which was getting decreased. In 2012 informed that the highest kind of crime that happened in Newport city was car theft with over 2500 incidents.

WRITING TASK 2

deleted - one essay at one time, please



  • The following chart
fikni05   
Aug 31, 2016
Writing Feedback / Advice for my exercise - FOR INTRODUCTION - IELTS WRITING PART 2 [5]

Hi Riandi,
Here some correction from me for your writing

In number 1: ... products,including people use... ---> in that sentence, it's not clear what the people use revers to? you should say ...product including that people use

In number 1: Besides, i would more likely it is an advantages because not only produced in our ... --> same problem here, it's not clear what are you more likely for.? You should say Besides, i would more likely to see that it is an advantage... And it is not clear what the advantage is. It should be written in the first paragraph what is the benefit (just give the highlight) and then the explanation is in the body.

Well, there are some more correction we can discuss further more and some already correct in the comments above me.
keep learning. Hope our dream come true.
fikni05   
Aug 31, 2016
Writing Feedback / Internet is used for updating information, communicate with others and easily to fulfill daily needs [2]

Hey guys, please give some correction for my post. Thanks

Human businesses were handled better by using the internet. There are therefore several reasons why I believe in that statement which are; internet is use for updating information, communicate with other, and easily to fulfill daily needs through e-store application.

In this digital era, internet becomes one of the information access tools. Citizen who busy with their activity does not have much time to watching TV, reading newspaper or listening radio to keep them update with the latest news and information that happened can access information by using internet. Not only newest info, people can also surf some certain web according to their needs.

Telephone is still use to keep in touch with other but just it. With the internet people can communicate as well with a more diverse ways such as video call, chatting, social media, email and many certain applications. Moreover mobile phone designed with features that make people possible to use internet including for communication.

The recent trend that exists is e-store. E-store is the short of electronic store. This application was booming recently since people found it very helpful and practical. Many companies serve e-store to make buyer easier for shopping. Online store make buyers and seller easy to interact without need to meet or go to the store. Therefore now trading activities can be done while staying at home for 24 hours. This support by many trading service providers are exist nowadays which make people easier to trade.

To sum up, many human activities become easier by using internet which bring convenience to people's lives.