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Posts by Iedha01
Name: Fasidah
Joined: Sep 13, 2016
Last Post: Oct 3, 2016
Threads: 21
Posts: 40  

From: Indonesia
School: UNM

Displayed posts: 61 / page 1 of 2
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Iedha01   
Sep 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary TED: Parenting In Modern World [2]

We are prosperous living in this prevalent world. Most sophisticated technology are created. They make our life easier and entertaining. On the other hand, if this technology is related to parenting which is known as the most mysteriuos task in a world, it will be complicated.

This recent technology should give rewarding contribution in parenting. How do we make it happen? There are some way which are suggested. Firstly, children must feel our presence in their daily activities, such as family meal time or brushing teeth. How regular do we have this moment in a day?

Based on this essay, there are two top tasks that children want to do with a happy face, for example brush the teeth and doing laundry. In contrast with these, three worst things that children are not eager to perform.They are cleaning bedroom, doing homework , and putting their toys away.

Secondly, parents have to consider that being kids is an awesome stage in life. The way to make it happen is always being happy in front of our children. When entering the house from hard work, just giving your amused face. If the world is getting worst, take a family vacation.

in conclusion, mom and dad have to create a stable upbringing into our kids life by always having much more quality time and always be joyful in daily life.
Iedha01   
Sep 13, 2016
Undergraduate / Even until this day, I still remember what some monk said once to me about success [6]

Hello,
I have read your essay and i think it is a very interesting topic. It such like a motivating and inspiring essay. However, i found a mistake in writing a word, you missed one letter behind. It is fatal as it is at your title

... I still remember what some monk said once to me abou_ sucess
It must be ..... about
I suggest you to do not repeat the same word, try to find the synonym
...Living a lazy life with...
...."when will stop living....
You can change "living" to become "persisting"
Iedha01   
Sep 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / "Big Families May Be The Best Way to Avoid Divorce" [5]

Hi,
I love your essay topic, it is one of the hottest issue nowadays. Actually your essay is clear enough. I can get your point.
However, on my point of view, you should use more uncommon words in your later essay.
For example in line 8 and 9
There are many factors that play into divorce,....
Many aspects also simulate the breakup of someone's relationship....
Iedha01   
Sep 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / Dad Sings Disney Song With His Daughters, Your heart explodes with cuteness. Article summary [2]

There are some ways to get strong bond with your children. One of them is singing their favourite song together. It will be acceptable if Mom does it but it becomes incredible if Dad accomplishes it. It is happened to an amazing father, Jorge Narvaez and his lovely daughters, Alexa, 11 yeras old and Eliana, 8 years old. This awesome father who does not have a maternal instinct melted the hearts of people who watched it. As the adorable duo sings " a dream is a wish " from Cinderella.

Jorge, a single father form San Diego, didn't let his own difficult childhood affect his parenting techniques. This is obviously one marvelous and adorable family. This is a really outstanding lesson for many parents in other country across the globe. As the quote said " Children need our presence more than our present". Finally I want to persuade all of the parents to perform this fun activity with our sons or daughters and we will become the best parents for our children.
Iedha01   
Sep 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / Dinner makes a difference - summary [3]

Hi..
Please allow me to help you by giving some suggestions of your writing

Your topic is quite interesting and also became hot issue in our surroundings. In my opinion you tend to compose very simple sentence and simple words so you need to vary your writing skill by mixing simple and complex structure and use advanced vocabularies.

I will give you example

- Thus, people may live under one roof, but parents are leading separate lives...
= Moreover, every single member of family accomplishes various activities even they're in a same house. Dad is enjoying watching TV, Mom is having a good time in chatting on the phone, ....etc
Iedha01   
Sep 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary Article How to Eat More Vegetables And Less Meat in Three Weeks [6]

Hi Farida,
Your essay gives us precious message for stay healthy with nutritious meals. However, I found dome mistakes. Such as:

- In the first week, try to subtitutes meat.....

- ... in the dinner reduce consuming fry-foodsfried food .

- On the breakfast, in lunch, in the dinner = when having breakfast, taking lunch, having meal at night

If you find difficulties in Vocabularies, I suggest you to find more synonim in thesaurus. It will avoid you to repeat the same words.
Iedha01   
Sep 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary:The Shocking Truth About Your Health by Lissa Rankin (TEDxFiDiWomen) [NEW]

The most important part of life is always being healthy. As a proverb said an apple a day keeps the doctor away. We have to do much more effort to remain healthy. The first thing is about eating balance healthy diet, we can also take some vitamins, some people do daily exercise, the other concern in taking enough sleep and seeing the doctor for regularly check up. However, we always pay more attention in our body health, but ignore our mental wellness. according to Lissa Rankin, a physician and also a founder of The Whole Health Medicine Institute said that caring your body is the least important part.

She depicts that million people ignore the whisper of their body. Some complicated deceases spread among the body, such as blood pressure or even servic cancer. They go to the doctor and get some pills. They come back normal only just a few moments and come back to doctor again and ask more medicine. Unfortunately they still have sickness. What really make a body healthy? Lissa asked herself for many times as a Physician. She spent hours in studying, reading, and keep staring on computer screen to discover this answer.

After she had a perfect storm in her life which gets divorce twice and her father passed away in the same moment, finally she found and directly told her patients that caring for the mind, heart, and soul is the biggest healer. She believes that the key to have a long life is an optimistic attitude. Self healing is from the core. if you have any physical symptoms, ask yourself the real diagnosis and be honest to yourself. Just make your own prescriptions because you know yourself even better than the expert doctor.
Iedha01   
Sep 16, 2016
Student Talk / How to speak English fluently and correctly? [62]

Hi
As far as I experienced, the best way to be able speak English perfectly is being engage with English everywhere, such as music (love songs are much more attractive), English magazine, games, T-shirt slogans, than we make notes, share our vocabularies with friends at class or canteen and use directly in having chit chat with them.
Iedha01   
Sep 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / Rita Pierson: Every kid needs a champion [3]

Hi,
You did a good job in your writing. You start it with an opening sentence(Creating bond with all students and encouraging them growth no matter what level they are at are the most important points that must be owned by every single teacher) and the last you wrote a closing statement (All in all, it is clear that healthy human connections are vital for learning to be a better individual).

However, I didn't find any connective words except "and" in this essay, You can use more conjunction to make your notion stronger.

I do hope my comment is useful for your next essay
Iedha01   
Sep 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / Too much, too young should schooling start at age [7]

Hi,
I am not a good writer but I want to share something that I've got by my experiences
Your essay is quite complete, you've already made some complex sentences with connective words but you should pay more attention in your diction, as your essay is not clear enough. Try to simplify your sentences by choosing the appropriate words. And I found some typo in this writing so try to read it many times before you post it.

Thanks
Iedha01   
Sep 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / Animal Rights : a contradictive perspectives about The Rule [3]

Hi Hujjatul,
I want to give some advices, I like your essay topic and I do agree with you that there is no reason to kill those God creatures only for cosmetics or medicine.

You've got some amazing ideas in this essay but I think you are tend to use simple words, I suggest you to put some advance vocabularies in your sentences.

For example:
-Because when the animals become an experiment, all of human do ...
~Become =transform into/ convert to
~bad = awful/crammy/negative
Iedha01   
Sep 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / A new device created by LouAnne Boyd at the University of California at Irvine, helps learn language [3]

Article Summary: From Autism To Chinese, A Headset To Help You With Your Language

Chinese can be an intimidating language to learn which the tones will probably enconter the most difficulties to specialize in. The rising and falling of your voice can change the meaning of a word very easily. You could end up calling your mother a horse if you are not careful. However, a new devise is created by LouAnne Boyd at the University of California at Irvine, part of the team to support the autisms in their social communication or even in language learning.

This new gadget is called SayWAT which providing live feedback via Google Glass when the autistic pronounce loudly or flat sound . This device utilize with Glass' s microphone to record speech, then displays real-time guidance on volume and tone. It shows a volume icon if the user's voice is too loud and flashes the word "flat if the users does not give different sound.

Than this sayWHAT is tested to talk with ten training employees autistic and the rest are from non-autistic volunteers. It gives a positive change in related to their volume. This system is also useful in learning foreign language, in spite of the tonal languages as like in Chinese or French. Needless to say, it is really valuable for many people and the autistic feel worthless.
Iedha01   
Sep 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary _ Halal foods are particulary popular with millenia [2]

Hi,
I would like to give you some advice about your writing. I think your essay is good, however you should add some supporting sentences to make your notion clearer.

For example:
-Halal foods becomes a trend to American.
Why do you think They become a trend there? for example you put this sentence after it
- ... some outstanding restaurants which ...
Iedha01   
Sep 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / Claims that the passion and perseverance contributes to a success more than a talent and IQ [2]

TED Summary: Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance by Angela Duckworth

Angela Duckworth is a Math educator of seventh grade students in New York public school. She tried a hard work in teaching. She did a tremendous tasks in and giving assignment or homework and scoring them directly. In fact she has found that grit which is a combination of passion and perseverance.

Therefore Duckworth predicts success more reliably than talent or IQ. In other words, IQ can measure well and life ability to learn more active. Grit is growing by the time which everyone must be winningly personal, insightful, and even life- changing. Grit is a book about what goes through your head when you are fall down and how that someone who doesn't talented or luck, makes all the differences.

Moreover she emphasizes that we need do much more effort and being in strongest values society. Her theory doesn't address these outside forces, nor does include luck. It is all about psychological achievement. She closes her performance by saying failure is not permanent condition and we need to struggle harder to be succeed.
Iedha01   
Sep 17, 2016
Writing Feedback / The information about two different ways of collecting water for further use [4]

Hi there,
I will give you some suggestions as I found some mistakes in your writing,
- This basket is made forof fill to irigate the channel byof attracted the rope.
You should put the appropriate preposition, made+of, and you may paraphrase the words in order to make a good sentence and give clear meaning`

- Second, it is different from the other one.
You should put to be "is " there
- The parts contain for several equipments, which are bucket, rolleys and pulley.
( contain of, equipment is an uncountable noun so you do not need to put" s" there, rolley= Trolley
Iedha01   
Sep 17, 2016
Writing Feedback / Elephants are in danger because of their ivory tusks, which are a blessing and curse for them [2]

Article Summary: A Legal Trade in Ivory Would Wipe Out Elephants, study finds

A researcher at the University of Aberdeen, Lee and David Lusseau stated that used population modeling to determine just how many elephants could be killed for their ivory (because that's the only way to get ivory) before their deaths start causing the population to decrease. Therefore, a study on September 15, supports this opinion that legalizing the ivory market would be able to vanish the elephants population. It discovers which the demanding of ivory is much greater than the amount of ivory that can be harvested sustainability.

Pro and cons are arisen regarding with this issue, some countries or groups who state pro and cons in regarding this issue. Firstly, one of the authors ' by Phylis Lee and a researcher at the University of Stirling in the United Kingdom says elephants are in crisis so there is no method to harvest sufficient ivory, even though, in a controlled way that will not drive elephant populations to extinctions. He gives an example that the poachers in Asia killed 27,000 elephants each year, besides, he emphasizes that they become more organized and professional.

Secondly, there are three nations (Namibia, Zimbabwe, and South Africa) support this legal ivory trade which suggest future trade will be more organized. They offers a process of decision-making mechanism which consist of sourcing ivory from existing government stockpiles of seized illegal ivory,the elephant death naturally, and intentional elephant hunts.

Finally, Lee says this points else to the need to focus in reducing demand on ivory more than anything.
Iedha01   
Sep 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Some people believe, that drink milk and eat chicken soup can heal the cold. [3]

Hi there,
I like your essay topic and it's so informative writing.However, Iwant to give you suggestion
-Ranit said it maybe be (...), but it can make thicken the secretion.
= I don't get the meaning of this sentence, try to choose an appropriate word in composing your sentence..It seems like a spoken sentence.
Iedha01   
Sep 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Cycling is more environmentally friendly than other forms of transport. Why is it not so popular? [4]

Hi there
I like your essay and I think you have done a hard effort in making it. However, I would like give you input based on your writing

-If you are in the streets, you will see ...

IF YOU ARE ON THE STREET,....
You should pay attention more in using preposition. You do not beed to memorize it but you need more practise in writing and then you can be able to get accustom to this preposition

Thanks
Iedha01   
Sep 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary: Three Tips How to Boost Your Confidence by TED-Ed [2]

"Be more confident!", an advice comes from Kozmonot Animation studio which presents a TED-Ed animation of the three tips to boost your confidence. Therefore, it convinces us to hear the persuasion to be always confident when we face with a tremendous challenge in life where potential failure seems to lurk at every corner.

There are three factors which affect our confidence, it starts from our gen, we need a balance neuron chemicals in our brain for having a good confidence, the next influence aspect is about your social interaction of the people in your surroundings and the last is the self-controlled, decision maker and risk-taken refer to your confidence.

This animation video offers you three recommendation for having a strong self-reliance. Firstly, you have to try quick fix in your immediate confidence, the second one is always take a believe that you are valuable , work wild and capable, and strengthen your self- esteem. Head on it, turn back and take action, and the third is practice your failure and fix it. To sum up, whatever you face in life, you must be confidence that you have a greater knowledge and understanding
Iedha01   
Sep 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Summary 8: Terri Trespicio-Stop searching for your passion [4]

Hi dils,
You've done a good job in your writing, however I would give you some suggestions

You need to concern about Capital letter, you miss in that part. Therefore you should enrich your vocabularies by reading more articles and underline and write them all on the paper, then, they are useful in your next writing .

You can also paraphrase your sentence yo avoid repeted words, for example: passion, you wrote it more than three times so you can change it into other words, such as affection, devotion, feeling, or deviotion
Iedha01   
Sep 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Article Summary: Terrifying There Is A Search Engine to Browse Vulnerable Webcams by Laura Beck [2]

Laura Beck states that the people need to protect themselves as well as we can. One way is using a sophisticated device which is the network made up of internet-connected. It is called Shodan, a search engine of the internet of things. It's special feature that allows purchaser to surf vulnerable webcams.

We are able to put the webcam in every single part of our house, we can watch our children out by accomplishing it in our baby's room, therefore we feel safe as our children are still under control although we're at work. And we can put it also at our kitchens, living rooms, garage, front and back gardens,ski slopes, swimming pools, or at the colleges, schools, laboratories, and cash register cameras in retail stores.

The Shodan works by crawling the internet looking for IP addresses with open ports , it then takes a picture of what the webcam sees and move on. Otherwise, the long- term plan in using this gadget is a bit complicated as problems in regarding with the internet problems, however we always try to do a hard effort for making our life more peaceful.
Iedha01   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary of article Stories Hide in the Design of DC's Newest Museum (Samuel Lube) [2]

Hi Ifan21,
I am pleased to read your essay, it' s interesting, however, I found some mistakes and I would like to share them with you.
-... architects and designers of DC's Museum,...... (you shouldn't put 's' on the words ARCHITECT AND DESIGNER) they are not plural
-... which were conscripted 33 consultant to make its concept( the sentence should be Which were conscripted OF 33 CONSULTANTS...) you need to concern more in collocation.
Thank you.
Iedha01   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary From TED "Tiny Satellites Show Us The Earth as It Changes in near-real-time " (W.Marsal) [4]

Hi Ifan21
I think your essay us good but there are some mistakes you have done in your writing, I want to share it with you
-Based on the report (...) he and his team whoare from the Space company who had designed magnificent small satellite designed which is called "Dove" which ...

You should concern more about grammar in composing your sentence as you missed a verb in your sentence.
Thanks, I wish it helps
Iedha01   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary: Killing People are always wrong by Richard Bourke [3]

Richard Bourke is one of the Australian lawyer who works to save prisoners from death penalty. "We are all going to die, we don't have a choice about that, but we do choose whether to kill" as he stated clearly in his TED Talks. In 2002, Bourke gave up his career from Melbourne to Lousiana and works full-time on some death-penalty cases. He didn't work alone, he was assisted by the Australian volunteers who worked hard to save some poor people who were been stated to kill by the authority. There were some case which is handled by them, some of them were unsuccessful and they were sentenced to death, on the other hand, there were also some happiness moment there. Several years ago, he worked on a drug case involving a triple homicide. He described his client, Chuck, as a kind and spiritual man. Therefore he told the lawyers who working in the US justice system that the key to seek any penalty less than death is securing the agreement of the families of the victims. In this case, there were a mother of the youngest victim, a 17-years-old girl whose last words were "please don't shoot me I'm pregnant."in court, the mother spoke about her loss and also her desire that Chuck be spared the death penalty. It touched his heart so deeply and didn't realized tears coming down on his cheek. Finally, he closed his talk by revealing that killing someone is always wrong.
Iedha01   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / From long time ago the ancient society strived to find out something to communicate with one another [4]

Hi there,
I appriciate your effort in making your essay, however, I think you must concern more in some parts of your sentences. They're unclear. So, you must use the appropriate words in composing your writing.

For example:
Three ancient culture civilizations on writing and speaking are ...

The cultural ancient civilizations on writing and speaking are there, they are Ancient Summarians, Ancient Chinese, and Ancient Maya
Iedha01   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary article: The questions remain after a bomb explosion in new york [3]

Hi eve01,
Let me try to give you some suggestions

-In this accident Twenty-nine people ...
I confuse with this sentence, must use the proper word there
=IN THIS ACCIDENT, TWENTY NINE PEOPLE BECAME VICTIMS AND ONLY ONE GOT A SERIOUS INJURED

Thanks and I hope it will help you to improve your next essay
Iedha01   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Article Summary: Miscarriage Is The Last Thing People Want To Talk About by Jamie Otis [3]

Married at First Sight Reality Show's star, Jamie Otis, tried to move on from her grieving moments as she has miscarried a few days ago. It was terrible moment but she tried to share it in order this conversation become more common in society, it is not taboo anymore. She started from her relationship with Doug, her special man in that booming reality show, then, they decided to stay married in a real life. Doug and Jamie made a decision of being parents after completing their "pre-Baby bucket list", as like aerial yoga, skydiving, and swimming with shark. It took a short time to know they were going to be a Mom and Dad. They were so excited, but she got some trouble within her pregnacy, she bled intermittently, she felt satisfy then, when she got an ultrasound picture of her unborn son moving and he was fine. " The prognosis is poor and we recommend you to terminate your pregnancy. " said the high-risk doctor,. They were in shock. Hence, everyone else had said everything's fine. They didn't believe it too, so they faced three different expert doctors and all of them said the same thing. Then, they made the hardest decision to go trough with the termination. She tried to be tough and wanted to save all of the memories, such as her baby's ultrasound photos, his footprints on card-stock. Jamie and Doug convinced that their 17 weeks baby can't just be gone in history because he's never born. They do hope that he is in heaven, bouncing on clouds and happy and that he was wanted and loved
Iedha01   
Sep 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Talent and Hard Work as an Important Key to be Success [2]

Hi there,
I think your essay is good enough, however I still found some mistakes there, let me share it,

-However, it is not only about "The Gift from God" but also you have to be hard worker TO REACH YOUR DREAMS.
-Many people who have TALENTED and natural ability are easier TO REACH YOUR DREAMS, such as International footballer, Lionel Messi.

(In the two sentences above, you repeated the same phrases. Why don't you use the other words, such as TO ACHIEVE YOUR GOAL) try to use the synonym)

TALENTED is a past verb, thus you should put a noun there, just put TALENT there.
Avoid the repetition word by using the synonym or pharaprasing it)).
Iedha01   
Sep 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Reasons for Urbanization & Negatives of City Life [2]

Hi mem77,
Your writing is good, but I found some grammatical issues there, let me show you

-The first is, many people move to cities IN SEARCH of job opportunities.( it must be VERB ING after the preposition.

-... most of people WHO MOVING to big cities, THEY NEVER thinking about a higher standards ... (It must be ARE between the two words) or you can just say PEOPLE WHO MOVE and THEY NEVER THINK ABOUT)
Iedha01   
Sep 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary: The Taboo Secret To Better Health by Molly Winter [5]

Molly Winter reveals her idea in making innovation in sanitation. She said that about seven millions people got sick and 900 people died annually in US. It is caused of drinking sewage water. Every morning you go to the toilet and take a shower, then, have you ever think where are those things go? She asked her audiences. She mention one taboo issue about excrement and feces( in the scientific words) or "poo" and "pee"( childish word) which can be used to fertilize the food. Thus, if we can get those into our soil bank, it is going to absorb carbon dioxide that we put into the air. It helps to slow the global warming. Therefore, she introduces her organisation as Recode. It is about integrate water management approach. She gave the example one of the high-rise residential building in downtown of Portland. They are not flushing to the sewer system, but their wash water is reused by using cool mechanical system. It is useful for watering the landscape and giving nutrients to the plants. It is the updating the surrounding sewer infrastructure. Finally, some brave and open-minded people sit down and feel comfortable saying " that makes sense", and we can save energy and save money.
Iedha01   
Sep 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Each one of us has a unique voice print that reflects our age, size, even lifestyle and personality [3]

Hi there,

I think you must study more about composing sentences by using the appropriate words and structure, let me give some suggestions.
Each one of us ( Everyone) has a unique voice print that reflects our age, size, and even lifestyle and personality (that is reflected to age,size, lifestyle, even our life style).

This essay doesn't reveal your notion clearly and make me confuse, so you may read more article to enrich your vocabularies and learn more about grammar.

Thanks, may it helps you in your next essay.
Iedha01   
Sep 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Traveling is the best way to relax and enjoy the beautiful scenery after the hectic pace of life [2]

Hi giansy11,
I think your essay is good enough, however, there are only some minor mistakes that I have found. Let me show you.

-People who HAS journey to new places, will ... ( it must be HAVE there)
-... East Nusa Tenggara Province has WELCOME CEREMONY ( A WELCOME CEREMONY) to new visitors, (...) with the King as A (AN)evidence that visitors ...
Iedha01   
Sep 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Article Summary: Weekend Rehab:Trying To Fight Off Pollution by Dawn Davis [2]

Dawn Davis shared his terrible experience which is related to the air pollution. He said that jogging is the only his exercise since he felt that treadmills an gyms are not suitable with him." I just always feel like I'm going to fall off a treadmill, and I can't bring my dog to the gym", as he said the reason of running about five miles in the three or four mornings a week with his dog and his friend, Vivian in Downtown Manhattan along the Hudson River. Unfortunately, he didn't enjoy it and he felt overly suspicious of the pollution. He expected more clean and fresh air from the plants along the river, on the other hand he just inhaled car fumes from a traffic-packed highway in the city. This healthy habit gave him positive effect but on the other hand it just damage his skin, until he has already found a cool jelly texture of antioxidant that can be put under the sunscreen. It prevented from dark spots and lines on the skin. Finally he had a happy face while running with his lovely one.
Iedha01   
Sep 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Learn to understand of ourselves [4]

Hi there,
I've read your writing and I want to give you some suggestions.
In my opinion, there are some unclear sentences, I mean it didn't reveal your idea and a little bit confusing. As a reader I didn't catch the point, so you must compose your sentence well, let me show you example,

-Benjamin Franklin was right when he wrote: "There are three ...

-BENJAMIN FRANKLIN STATED THAT WE ARE BELONGING OF THREE EXTREMELY HARD THINGS, THEY ARE STEEL, A DIAMOND, AND KNOWING YOURSELF. THAT WAS RIGHT.
Iedha01   
Sep 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary: Why education, not punishment, is the solution to reducing crime | John Lonergan [3]

Hi there,
Your writing is good and its topic is interesting,however, i found some mistakes. Let me share them with you,

-This is because people have realized that prisoners are not ...(this sentence is alittle bit awkward, try to pharaphrase it and make it clearly revealling your idea)

-ONE OF THE REASON IS PEOPLE HAVE ALREADY REALIZED THAT PRISONERS ARE NOT A DIFFERENT SPECIES OF HUMAN BEING: WE ARE JUST THE SAME.

... trust of criminals is A difficult and time consuming undertaking but WITHOUT TRUST there will be little progress.( you don't need to put A there, because you meant there an adjective, not a noun, After word WITHOUT, it must be VERB-ING)

-IT IS DIFFICULT TO GAIN THE CRIMINALS' TRUST BUT WITHOUT TRUSTING, THERE WILL BE ONLY A LITTLE PROGRESS
Iedha01   
Sep 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Prosanta Chakrabarty told, that his passion in life is looking at some hidden wonders of life [3]

TED SUMMARY: Clues to Prehistoric Times, Found In Blind Cave fish by Prosanta ChakraBarty

An Icthyologist, Prosanta Chakrabarty, told the audiences that his passion in life is looking at some hidden wonders of life. In recent years, he focused on caves where the habitat of cave fishes. They are being stuck in that little hole and has eyeless. It is caused by adapting that dark and cold cave environment, hence, over many generations they lose their eyesight. These cave fishes has evolved in a slightly different ways. The most interesting is regarding to their unique geological and biological which be able to tell us. It is a new species from Southern Indiana, as called Amblyopsis Hoosieri, its relative of cave fish in Kentucky. A few Millions ago, it has Rhodopsin, a super critical of sight. One more species comes, as called Typhloeotris Mararybe. That means big sickness in Malagasy. Thus, he tried to collect this species by swimming around sinkholes. These cavefishes are in Madagaskar, it's about 600 km away from Australia. He said that there is no way of a three-inch-long freshwater cave fish can swim across the Indian Ocean. Therefore, He has found the fact that they have been separated for more than 100 Million years by comparing DNA. He revealed that these species didn't move at all, but the continent moved them. He stated that cave fishes' habitat in underground water is also our main source of drinking water. They might be in edge of extinction. There are certain types of blindness that we must discover before it goes extinct too. Hence, he dedicated his life to save and discover these humble little blind cave fishes. As they can tell us about the Biology and Geology of the planet.
Iedha01   
Sep 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Cellphone tracking and security cameras - modern technology spy on people [3]

Hi there,
Your esaay is good enough, only few mistakes I' ve noticed. Let me show you,

-The GPS HELPS police to prevent terrorism ... This is because GPS HAVE high accuracy to ... (The first sentence you put 's', so that in the second sentence must be HAS)

-From 2008 to 2013, FBI CONDUCT research about how much GPS effectiveness to prevent ...(I think it's the past event so you must put THE PAST VERB, it must be CONDUCTED)
Iedha01   
Sep 26, 2016
Scholarship / Curiosity leads to the future. My Chevening study in UK essay [2]

Hi there, I am not good in writing but I will try to give you some comments related to your essay

-Choosing the three courses was not a hard job as I ALREADY KNOW what ...

In my point of view, this sentences are too long and a little bit unclear. You're better use some proper CONJUNCTION.
The word ALREADY in the first sentence used the wrong tense. You must use the PAST TENSE OR PRESENT PERFECT there. ALREADY means you've faced and known it before, so your sentence should be

- Choosing the three courses was not a hard job as I HAVE already KNOWN.......
Iedha01   
Sep 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED SUMMARY: The Courage To Tell A Hidden Story by Erman Mohammed [2]

Erman Mohammed is one of the most fearless woman who became the first photojournalist in Gaza Strip Palestine at a very young age, has just returned 19 years old. She shared her amazing stories to the world. She described her challenging carer by stating that her presence as the only one woman journalist was unacceptable. Due to the male-dominated field which stated clearly that the woman must not do the man's job. She also has considered a serious insult to local tradition. Moreover, a perception of women in Gaza is totally passive. Until a recent time, a lot of women are not allowed to work and pursue education. At that time, women were faced a double-war-drawbacks including social women restrictions and the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. It inspired her deeply. Started that moment, she paying closer attention to women's life in Gaza. She told the audiences that beyond on the clear evidence and struggle, there were a safe and sound, smiles and also a proud achievement. Then, She closed her presentation by saying this meaningful and motivated sentence "my work is not meant to hide the scars of war, but to show the full-frame of unseen stories of Gazzans.
Iedha01   
Sep 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / There is no doubt that everybody wants to be a famous person. Not everything is so great though. [5]

Hi there,
Let me share some ideas to you,

In my opinion, in your first paragraph, thre are some mistakes that you've made. First of all, it'sthe second and third sentences. You mention twice of your ideas about POSITIVE+NEGATIVE and PROS+CONS. You should write only one of them.

The second is about " BEING POPULAR PERSONALITY". Your notion is unclear. What do you mean popular personaliy? If you don't mention the supporting sentrnces, just write BEING POPULAR PERSON.

Thanks, I do hope it helps

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