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Posts by mdamanhuri77
Name: Mohammad Daman Huri
Joined: Sep 13, 2016
Last Post: Oct 4, 2016
Threads: 22
Posts: 35  
Likes: 3
From: Indonesia
School: Universitas Negeri Surabaya

Displayed posts: 57 / page 2 of 2
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mdamanhuri77   
Sep 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Before electricity, flames provided limited light, and were vulnerable to winds and weather [2]

hi MJT, let me give you some advices.

Before electricity, flames castprovided limited light, are vulnerable to winds and weather, and canwas able to lead to disastewildfire .
... railroad traffic became heavy enough for freight trains to delaycall off passenger trains that trains started running freight ...
Haratio Allan's in 1831 innovation, the "Track ...
In 1851, the first electric headlamp was developedinvented .
... headlamps were more stringent thenthan trains.

# you have made a good essay but sometimes you spelled wrongly and bad in building sentences
mdamanhuri77   
Sep 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Several Ways Technology stops crime againts enadangered animals [4]

Wildlife, as natural habitat of endangered animals need to be conserved by human. Incline of hunting and the illicting trading animal suc as Rhinos, Elephants, and sharks toward extinction need to be reduced. The criminal networking are getting more sophasticated than even before. So, cutting-edge technology approaches should be developed for conserving and identifying them. Wild crime should be prevented with particular technology, here are 5 of 11 the most promising leading-edge technology tool for detecting wildlife crime, nabbing poachers, and stepping up law enforcement.

1.DNA Analysis
DNA analysis is the one of wildlife crime investigation. Samuel Wasser, DNA analisys of ivory compared with DNA-based mapping of elephant populations and focus in high-risk area.

2. Acoustic Traps
Using sensor which act using network of recycling cell phones with solar panels and antennas. When there were an illegal activity, such as plane or truck engines, chainsaws, explotions, and gunfire will be recorded and tranmitted sound into the phones.

3. Thermal imaging
The researchers are trying to check up the thermal imagery cameras to remote illegal activity into parks and conservation areas.
4. Spatial monitoring and reporting tool (SMART) and CyberTracker
This technology has uesd in 120 protective areas in 27 countries, the data are integrated from ranger patrols and will be analyzed if there were a local proachers.
mdamanhuri77   
Sep 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Sumary of Myriad Subways in Europe [3]

hi, let me give you some advices.

... deal in myriad Europe cities, namelysuch asin London, Paris alsoand Moscow.
... uncommon transportation in thereanymore, not only for public transportation but also for describe describing art and achievement (...) makes tourist interested to visit . In London, ever since 1863 subway is major public transportation during to traffic was crowded by ...

... construction big deeper tunnel due to keep not destroydestroying the building in surfaceabove land . Londoner called it is tube.
By contrast in comparison with Paris, in Moscow, as we know, (...), Russian subway which makes military headquarter too,...
Ultimately, the kinds variety of Europe subway had ...
mdamanhuri77   
Sep 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Some three cities with modern public transportation which have different function and structure [5]

hi alamsyah. i wanna give you some advices.

There are three cities that have modern public transportation ...you can simplify it there are three towns which have cutting-egde public tranportation in different function and facilities.

Three of the lagges largest and most active underground ...
It was built in below ground subversive areas in order to provide tracks for horses and people who walk in pathway to the centre of city. Second, Paris developed railways service that became ...

... but it famous for its beautyful beautiful architecture. And the last, The Motro Moscow, which was found established in 1935, then was built on surface of earth .

All of the rail means are keep enlarging to serve their society.

# i think all is good but sometime need to enhance your ability to build a sentences with good sense.
mdamanhuri77   
Sep 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / Too much, too young should schooling start at age [7]

How old the children shoul begin their education? It can be disputed. England stated that 4 years old is the answer with several other countries. On the other hand, 130 early chilhood education disprove it and recommend England to postpone formal education for middle chilhood up to 7 years old. Thet added that children must be nurtured with Pre-school .

The UK minister of Education still advocate earlier formal teaching. Anthropological, psychological, neuroscientific and educational studies have identified that Eraly Human enabled to be powerful learners and problem-solvers. In addition, Neuroscientific studies espouse this view that play as a central mechanism in learning.

Developtment psychologists have pointed out inti two mental processes that underpin this relationship between play and learning. First, most children that pretending a paper to pretend as a real ship. It can nurture to underpin language, drawing and mindset pattern. Second, all sorts of pshycal, constructional and social play make children more aware, control their pshycal and mental activity.

There is another vital and strong proof. In 2004, a study of 3000 children diplayed that an extended period of play-based pre-school education made a rapid variety to learn and well-being through the elemantary school years.
mdamanhuri77   
Sep 15, 2016
Undergraduate / Can you write about a leader or well-known person who has influenced you and why? [2]

hai shanmui
let give you several correction

If you are , like me have been raised ...
... and how they became influential influent - the picture ...
Kito Aya was born on July 19, 1962 and passed away ... (it is too long sentence, better you divide it into several sentences).

#there are many repetition mistake that you have,
#you must be more carefull to build an effective paragraphs.
mdamanhuri77   
Sep 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / Poverty Among Seniors has dropped - Summary Article from Times [4]

hi fadhilmd.
let me give you several correction.

Based on latest research, census bureau Bureau census released data of the older elderly people aged 65 who (...) 1.2% in 2015 from its previous record of 10% in 2014.

... median household income about 5.2% compared to data in 2007. Moreover, the poverty rate was decreased considerably from ...

In health care cost, the differences significant could be barely ...
Then, the work expenses did not push the number of seniors ...

#some of your ability to build sentences need an improvement
#break a leg
mdamanhuri77   
Sep 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / How to raise successful kids - without over-parenting by Julie Lythcott-Haims [2]

Over-parenting is still most parents do for their children. Is it good enough? Not really, because if we do such a thing to over-doing and over-ptotecting will be unadiquate for the children. Eventough we force our children to become what we want with a perfection. We seem to behave in and make them follow our mind.

Harvard Grant Study said that happiness in life comes from love, not love of work, love of humans: our spouse, our partner, our friends, our family. So, Childhood needs to teach our kids how to love, and they can't love others if they don't first love themselves, and they won't love themselves if we can't offer them unconditional love.

This statement is really make us barinstrom briskly. Why? Because we start everything with wrong mindset. We do everything in wrong way, including nurture our children. So, start from now on, we have to change our mindset to bear in mind and broaden the mind for educate our children.
mdamanhuri77   
Sep 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / What can you do about the climate crisis? Al Gore talk about the climate [4]

hi madjid,,let me give you several advice

I want to focus on what many of most people have said you would like me to elaborate , what can you do about the climate crisis climate change?

... climate like this, is calledglobal warming pollution which come from ...
... of trouble maker to contribute global warmingin this nowadays.

Make a decision to live a carbon-neutral life. It is easier...

#the most problems that you have is building sentences dude,
mdamanhuri77   
Sep 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / How many people of both gender registered in a fitness center between year 1970 and 2000 [3]

hi bams

The bars chart shows the bar chart displays the quantity of women and men fitness membership ...
All of all bars chart has shown the highest men ...
In the opposite the lowest men custommer was ...

Based on bars there was facinating phenomena????, men membership increasing three times (...) there was similar between men membership in 2000 and women membership in 1970 grades 1000.
Among 1970 to 1980 men membership always bigger thanwomen membership .

too much repeatition, you must reduce it and building sentences is still poor...break a leg bro,,
mdamanhuri77   
Sep 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / To prevent and overcome chilhood obesity [2]

For tackling obesity in children, The UK government has some critical to reduce it. It is a vital program to make British healthier than before. These have become under critism, so, this strategy still postponed. Others strategy is incline active role in their school and encourage food companies to reduce sugar foor their good.

What is it caused? Sugar is the one of influence obesity in children such as cereals, yoghurt and bread whic ingredient by 20 per cent. Government should concern about it to make regulation for the Food Companies with sugar standard for food.

In addition, school must take responsibility to make pupils more active with exercise at least 60 minutes in a day. It really work to reduce apetite and elliminate children's overweight. School has its main role to halt obesity with always give them healthy food. It should make a campaign to force junk food in the school and replace all the food which suitable with children.
mdamanhuri77   
Sep 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / Reason For Visit New Zealand: sightseeing, walking, boating, volcanoes, museums [2]

hi andhika08
The bar chart show Shows the percentage of reason for visitvisiting / to Visit New Zealand. The most popular activity in there is like got some view views, also used to transport and the last one was came to place visit there that had an education .

Got some viewviews are like walking (...) also sightseeing was the second
The use of walking ???? and sightseeing experienced ...
And others reason for did doing activity by used transport like such as boating 50%. It hasis still bigger than the last purpose holiday make ???r.

After that then, there are two last reason for visit to came come some places(...) which are visiting volcanes volcanoes and visiting museums. The activity of visiting volcanoes account at about 42% ,(...) in visiting museums activity .

#there are many chosen word that not suitable with collocation. you have to improve and learn from.
mdamanhuri77   
Sep 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / The pie chart gives us information where people who travel to New Zealand come from [10]

hi mem77

... information about where people who travel tourist/traveller to New Zealand come comes from. According to that data, there are six countries ... And also on that chart then, there are seven parts of chart to ...

A closer look at that chart it shows that Australia australian has the largest (...), which is forty fourty percent. The second place largest is come from United Kingdom on twelve percent. United States makes to complete of top three ...

#i think the summary still need a beautiful sentence
mdamanhuri77   
Sep 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / Oil pipelines project has been protested by Native American [3]

It is very compulsory to enhance our quality of environment around us. Especially, for our next generation. Wayde Schafer of the North Dakota branch of environmental organisation the Sierra Club said that the native Indian intend to leave clean water for their great-grandchildren.

The pipelines that link several oil field of North Dakota to an existing pipeline in Illinois was protested by The Native because it can establish more damagely for their environment. They worried that the pipes are going to bother culture sites and threaten water supplies to several areas.

The government has the project halted to avoid the environment damage. The Corps should halted their activity to continue dig and put the pipeliens around Lake Oahe. Sacres Sites will be the concerned area that must be the holy site without any agreement.

Tribal sovereignty and water quality become the populer issue that make another country intended. The indian need to permanently look after their sacred sites and water.

What do you think?
mdamanhuri77   
Sep 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / Logging industry can affect forests by loss of water, nutrients, and shelter for living organisms [3]

Logging industry supplied for an array of products. However, this (it) can harm environment like (such us) habitat loss, and climate change.
... affect the forest like loss of water, nutrients, and shelter for plants, ...
logging can affect (you can make other pattern, not only using modal) on soil.
Trees also helps (help) maintain a steady water and the shade inhibits the growth of algae .
Tree also against air pollution with remove removing carbon dioxide and ...
Protecting forest can be done solved with responsible logging and ...
Responsible logging also prevent global warming and ...

note:
1. most of sentence are still meaningles and nonsense
2. the red one must be replaced by another word, it is better.
mdamanhuri77   
Sep 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / The percentage of tourist nationality in New Zealand [2]

The pie charts illustrates (verb agreement) the percentage of tourist nationality (it must be "foreign tourist") in New Zealand. The visitors are classified into two main groups (you dont need to divide in to two group, just point out the unique): English speaking countries and...

..., which are Australia, the Unites Kingdom and the United States, while China, Japan and South Korea ( you can use another word for instance natinality:english, japanes, etc) are the lowest ...

For instance , forty percent is dominated by the Australian ...

... for instance, China is five percent in numbers of the travelers to New Zealand , the percentage of Japanese (...) and South Korea visitors are contributed only ...

note (the red one must be replace with better word)
mdamanhuri77   
Sep 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / How to Live Passionately by Isabel Allende-TED. [2]

Nowadays, aging is the most common problem that people face in their life. It is undeniable. Every single people realize that they are going to grow old in the following days. Issabel Allende teach us and point out that we have to reward friendship with age. How can It be?

People start aging at birth, not after 65s. So, that's why Issabel Allende try to make out our mind to change our way to see aging. She intend to assure us that spirit of life is never aging. Olga Murray inspire Her for living passionately.

It is okay to loss everything in our life, but, Firstly, we have to be freedom from our superego to back off. Secondly, feeling ligther with careless of everything that ride our mind. Ultimately, gaining spiritualit to be peaceful without any hesitation about everything. Just let it flow and feel passionate. We need to be patience to train to be passionate.

Jubilation and celebration are the final way to pursue the passionate life.
"Start to live passionately!" , She said.

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