Writing Feedback / Pros and cons of developing tourism industry [4]

There are 2 guide questions that need to be responded to in the first paragraph if you are to receive full scoring consideration rather than point deductions in the Task Accuracy preliminary scoring section. You need to properly respond to "Why is this the case" and "Is this a positive or negative development?". If you review your restatement, you will see that you did not give a brief explanation of why the tourism industry is being heavily promoted in developing countries. You also did not choose a single opinion to defend as a part of this single opinion essay. You cannot use the comparative discussion format because that is not the writing guide question that was provided to you. Therefore, the reasoning paragraphs of your essay are also incorrect. So it will not be possible for this essay to get a passing score since it did not meet the scoring requirements based on the guide questions.

Letters / MSc in Information and Communication Technology - Letter of motivation for sweden University [2]

Okay, you have to stop with the over excitement. You should not be emphasizing information in your letter with exclamation points. That is considered very rude in academic and formal writing. You are seen as shouting at the reader. It is a point against you to over emphasize this way. Just replace the exclamation points with full stops instead. Calm down. You do not need to appear over anxious in the letter. The second paragraph should be deleted totally. It sounds like you did a cut and paste, then forgot to edit the information to make it sound like you are the one speaking. You do not speak of an actual motivation in this letter. You are only giving a personal statement, covering certain aspects of your academic biography. The letter does not touch on the actual career oriented reasons that you wish to pursue this master's degree

Essays / Is a job-evaluated system preferable to individual piece-rate or group performance for operatives? [2]

We are not an essay writing service. We do not write essays for free for students. Nor do we give answers to the questions you have provided here. We are a free essay review and editing service. You have to upload your originally written essay here for us to read and comment on. If you do not know where to start with your research, I can suggest that you run a Google search based on the exact questions that you posted here. That should return relevant information for you to use in your research and draft writing. You can also use Wikipedia as a starting point for your research. It is not difficult to start researching and drafting the paper that you need,

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1- Households owning electronic devices [3]

Do not overwrite in the task 1 essay. Stay within the 200 maximum word count. Writing more than that indicates that you will cut into your task 2 writing time. Leaving you with lesser time to complete the longer, 250 minimum essay. You will have to time yourself well in this instance since there is no actual timer available for you to rely on in terms of keeping you on track with your writing. So you have to be conscious of how many words you can actually write within 20 minutes. You need to learn to write in a concise manner. Your paragraphs tend to be too long because you are over explaining. These could prove to be problems during the actual test.

Letters / Mathematics and technology - motivation letter to a german university [2]

Paragraphs 3 and 4 are out of place in this presentation. You do not need to give a summarized academic biography in a motivation letter. The focus of the letter should be on your future career plans and how these studies can help you achieve the fast track to your professional needs. Once the 2 paragraphs are removed, the essay actually becomes even weaker than it originally was. You have to engage the reviewer by informing him about how your career interests will benefit from the German training that you wish to receive. Do not summarize it in the presentation. Extend it. Make sure that your motivation to study is exciting and a real career changer for you in the presentation.

Letters / Motivation letter for MSc in Data Science. [2]

Remove the reference to your academic training. Those are normally a part of a motivational letter. You should sell yourself on the merit of your current learning interests instead. You can omit those as these no longer relate to your future career plans. The reference to the professors in the motivational letter is a strong learning factor. However, you are not making the required connection with the professor reference. Being interested in reading about their work, and actually having the skills to participate in their current research are two different things. You cannot be interested to learn from them just because of what you have read. There needs to be a skills or interest commonality that can benefit from your motivation to learn from them.

Writing Feedback / In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing [3]

Please remember that a space must follow a punctuation mark and also, you cannot use 2 punctuation marks successively. You cannot use a comma and ellipses at the same time. You have a confusion in grammar usage with regards to when to use "an" or "a". Remember the rules. "A" is used with words that begin with consonants. "An" is used with vowel starting words.

Familiarize yourself with grammar rules. A comma is not used after a conjunction. Avoid the use of words uncertainty. In this type of essay, you have to be confident of the opinion you are presenting otherwise you will lose points. Try to avoid using overused expressions such as "more and more" because it makes your writing sound less academic. It also shows you have a limited English vocabulary.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2 - EDUCATION TOPIC [2]

The prompt restatement has 2 immediately seen mistakes. The first, is that the opening sentence is unrelated to the given topic. It is not related to the discussion in any way. It only creates a prompt deviation that will cause deductions in terms of task accuracy. The second, is that as the writer, you should be stating your opinion in the last sentence, inclusive of a thesis statement. You will receive deductions again, because you did not follow the expected writing format. While the 2 sentences in between follow the correct format for stating opinions, the other parts of the essay will cause this essay to receive a failing preliminary TA score. The overall discussion tends to also stray from the actual discussion points so, even though the essay is long, it will not receive a passing score.

Scholarship / Why did you choose your proposed course and institution? Master of Sustainable Energy (for AAS) [2]

You are too focused on explaining your professional reasons for choosing to study in Australia, which is usually discussed in a more relevant prompt requirement. In this statement, you are expected to discuss 2 university and course choices in relation to your theoretical needs for education in your field of work. The reviewer expects to hear from you about the reasons why you chose to study the courses at these Australian schools. You have severely limited his ability to learn about these information, which would help to prove that you will complete the course as a scholar, by choosing only 1 university and focusing on your career path for this discussion. You have to totally revise your response to reflect how you chose the universities and courses instead.

Writing Feedback / Some people believe that traveling alone is the best way to experience a country or a culture. [4]

I must apologize because I cannot give an accurate and full review of your essay. That is because you wrote only 244 words, when the minimum word count for scoring is 250. In the actual test setting, that would mean an automatic failing score since there will be points deducted for the missing words in the preliminary task accuracy score. When you do not write the correct number of words, the examiner will not have enough of a writing sample from you to properly judge your ability to write in English. The essay is simply not well written at this point. It does not resemble an academic essay that would help you be considered as a possible good student in an English speaking school

Writing Feedback / The only reason for learning a foreign language is to travel to or work in a foreign country [2]

There are 3 points of view that should be present in the first paragraph. The first public opinion and the second public opinion must be restated across 2 sentences. Then, the writer's opinion comes in as the 3rd sentence, with the thesis statement attached. This presentation is missing one public opinion presentation. That means the prompt restatement is incomplete. It will not receive full points for that paragraph.

The reasoning paragraphs cover only the writer's opinion. That is the incorrect response format. This should be a 3 reasoning paragraph statement that explains both public opinions in individual paragraphs, with the writer's opinion stated and explained as the last or 3rd reasoning paragraph. The summary conclusion does not properly restate the given topic and various reasons either. I am afraid this essay will not get a passing score in an actual setting.

Writing Feedback / The chart below shows the percentage of households in owned and rented accommodation in England and [2]

Sadly, the essay does not meet the minimum word requirement of 150 words. This will get an automatic failing score because of the word count deductions that will be applied to the preliminary Task accuracy score. You should always write at least 150 words. Any less and you will not be able to achieve a passing score. Your explanations will be incomplete, incoherent, and little developed. The best possible score for the task 1 essay comes from the 175 words written. That is the best scoring presentation you can give. While you did present information in this essay, 2 sentences to explain is simply unacceptable in an academic setting. You have to present at least 3 sentences per paragraph.

Scholarship / Why did you choose your proposed course and institution? Master of Agribusiness (for AAS) [2]

You have a problematic application here. You are a graduate of a non related course. So your credentials will be weaker than the other candidates. You may fall to the bottom of the consideration pile in this case. They will prioritize those who have proven an ability to be able to complete the course. Something that you have failed to prove in this essay even though you gave a good argument in support of your educational quest. You may want to reconsider citing the prophet in your response. It is better to not involve religion in the discussion or response so as to avoid any sensitivities that the reviewers might have. Try to find another way of saying that reference.

Writing Feedback / Task 2: an increase in the number of parents who educate their children themselves at home [2]

Okay. This is a single opinion essay, not a comparison essay. Therefore, the response paragraph that does not relate to the opinion you provided will not be scored. It will also be deducted from the word count. Therefore, this is a non-passing essay. While your reasoning is sound and good for the parts that support the originally stated opinion, the defense of the opposing point of view is what will result in the failure of this test. You will have answered in a non-related format. Therefore, you will get a failing TA score. Your grammar is good, your logic is sound, but the incorrect response format is what led to the failing mark of this essay.

Writing Feedback / In order to learn a language well, we should also learn about cultures. Do you agree or disagree? [4]

There is an instance of a word choice error in your presentation. You used the word "tired" when you actually meant to say "tried". Be careful and make sure to double check your word usage as these errors will be deducted from your LR, C+C, and GRA scores. In relation to this discussion, you should also work on the conciseness of your sentences. You tend to be wordy where a simple single reference word would already be acceptable and be considered grammatically correct. You should also know when to capitalize a word such as Indigenous, when referring to people. You should also look out for your punctuation errors. You neglected to use a comma in several places of the essay, which would result in GRA deductions.

Writing Feedback / Miles Morales and his Legacy as a New Spider-Man [2]

You could also consider including a discussion that relates to the comparison of the previous iterations of Spider-Man against Miles Morales. Could he be considered an amalgamation of the previous Spider-Man characters? What would you say makes Miles standout in that case? What makes him the same as the previous bearers of the Spider-Man title? Think about the mindset of the previous writers and artists. Why did they portray their stories a certain way? How would it compare to the story of Miles? Being a Spider-Man of color would have more of an impact if you can explain what makes him stand out in his Spider universe. Try to add your personal observations to the proposal to give it a more interesting twist.

Research Papers / There is not a First without the Second [2]

The main problem that I see with this paper is that a Works Cited page was created at the end of the research, yet these are not accurately cited within the text of the research. Where a work cited page exists, the correct form of citations and crediting of text sources must be present. Without these references, the information will be considered plagiarism once it is passed through a plagiarism detector. The best defense in that case, would be to accurately have an in-text citation. So you need to work on properly formatting your cited information within the research paper. While the presentation is compelling, the proper formatting of the presentation matters as well.

Letters / MotivationalLetter: Master's degree in Microbiology and Microbial Biotechnology [2]

Since you already have an existing master's degree, you should be justifying why you would want to pursue a 2nd master's course. It would also help if you connect your first course with the second course. That way a clear academic path will be provided for the consideration of the admissions committee. The motivation based on the family business should also be better developed by first, explaining how far your first masters degree has brought you in terms of business development and second, how the 2nd degree will be a stepping stone towards your future business ideas. The motivational letter can be better developed and more informative at this point. This is a good start, you need to develop it further.

Writing Feedback / The gaming industry - PS5 ENG102 [2]

I believe that focusing your paper on specific problems early on in the research would also help. I do not see a clear problem statement in this presentation. It only glows with positivity when the purpose of a research paper is to compare the positives with the negatives in a lengthened form. The information presented is pretty much public knowledge, lacking in author insight and experience. If the insight and experience is added, the proposal for research would have a more interesting slant. Other consoles must be presented in terms of comparison aspects in the research as well. The singular approach to representing the discussion will not give the reader an educated form of reading the research. The reader will need to be offered choices in this case.

Writing Feedback / Comparing living with parent and living in campus [2]

There is no effort on your part to paraphrase the original prompt. You merely did a cut and paste of the topic as provided, which means your restatement score will be 0. You need to tell the examiner what the topic is about in your own words. You should have used a comparison format for the actual discussion sections. There is a lack of coherence and cohesiveness between the paragraphs because you are not talking about the pros and cons of the topic in a manner that would relate to the discussion topic. Remember that you are scored on your ability to discuss the topic in a connected and relevant form. You should not just keep on writing for the sake of writing. You need to connect the discussion points. In this case, you could have used the pros and cons, in a more developed discussion form.

Writing Feedback / Owned and rented accommodation - IELTS 1: Bar chart [4]

While the language is not perfect, this is one of the better developed Task 1 essays that I have read at this forum. The summary overview is well developed and covered all of the required information within 2 stand alone sentences. Discussion paragraphs use the information quite well. However, the sentences could be better crafted to use more complex sentence presentations. Using 3 sentences per paragraph has brought the overall essay into the word count range that could benefit from full sectional scoring considerations. Overall, the essay should receive an average passing score. Try to write 200 words next time to help you get a higher overall score. You are on the right track.

Graduate / LSHTM - MSc Health Policy, Planning, and Finance personal statment [2]

The first thing I would advise you to do is to keep the essay written only in the English language. It is not necessary to resort to writing in your vernacular tongue since you are not writing the essay for admission to a masters degree course in the Philippines. Sure the Tagalog words helps you achieve the word count, but then, it does not help to move the essay forward in any way. Rather, it hinders the understanding of your essay since you had to write the translation of what was said in parenthesis form. Do not waste the reviewer's time. Opening with a non-English reference will more than likely irritate the reviewer. You speak English well enough. There is no reason to pay tribute to your country of origin in the personal statement.

Scholarship / Master of Human Resource Management - AAS [2]

Your first paragraph is not relevant to the prompt provided. You have to revise the essay to focus on the reasons why you chose 2 universities and courses in Australia. You can try to work in your observation from the Covid pandemic time if you wish, but that should not be represented in a stand alone paragraph. That is not the focus of the discussion. Choose a second university to discuss as a back up choice for the scholarship. You have to prove that you have given great thought as to what courses would help advance your career in this case. So make sure you provide 2 universities and courses in the discussion.

Undergraduate / University of Washington Department of ECE Admission Essay [2]

I am not sure about how to review this essay because you did not provide any guidelines for the review. What exactly are you writing here? Is this a personal statement, statement of purpose, or motivational letter? I cannot provide you with a proper review or advice for improvement because I do not know what direction the content of the paper is to take. It would help if you could provide me with some insight as to what the purpose of the essay is so that I can look for relevant improvement points in your presentation. It is impossible to provide a useful review of this essay at this point. I look forward to your clarifications.

Writing Feedback / Young people should be required to do unpaid work helping people in the community [3]

Your topic restatement is not connected to the original prompt. Therefore, your paraphrasing is inaccurate. It will reduce your TA score since it deviates from the original topic presentation. The lack of thesis statement also prevents additional clarity from being seen in the writer's opinion section. That is not a passing score paragraph.

The reasoning paragraphs should have explained how the information that seem like advantages are actually disadvantages. It should not be presenting any conflicting information that shows the writer is not really sold on the opinion that he has presented. You cannot use a comparison discussion because the idea, is to convince the reader that your opinion is the correct one, based upon the comparison of information (pro and con) per paragraph.

Writing Feedback / writing ielts task 1: The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were [5]

The report is over written. You should not write more than 200 words for the task 1 essay. That is because writing more than that number of words means you will cut into your Task 2 writing time, risking an incomplete task 2 essay presentation, which might receive an automatic failing score if it is not completed in an accurate manner. Keep the task 1 essay short by learning to mentally time yourself while writing.

You misidentified the image as a graph, it is actually a bar chart. There is a difference between a chart and a graph. Make sure to accurately identify the image to avoid technical penalties. The summary is incomplete. It does not provide a closing year for the measures even as these were provided in the image.

Most of the deductions in scoring will be applied to the GRA section as each paragraph tends to use long sentences rather than individualized sentences that carry specific ideas within it. These major deductions could prevent the essay from achieving a passing score.

Writing Feedback / Writting task 2. The best way to solve the world's environmental problem is to increase the cost [2]

The essay discussion is based on the extent of your (dis)agreement with the provided discussion. It is not based upon how the problem should be dealt with. Therefore, the premise of your discussion is faulty. It is not based upon the expected response format. Therefore, the first paragraph is not going to receive a failing score. It is not going to get a preliminary passing score because the writer's opinion does not meet the discussion response requirements. The task response is inaccurate. The overall discussion format is also incorrect. This is a single opinion essay that should be defending the extent of your reasoning response. By using a comparative format, it becomes clear that you did not understand the writing instructions. The essay is not going to pass the test.

Research Papers / Potential fertility risks of Lipo 360 surgery for women of childbearing age [2]

I believe that your introduction to Lipo360 is incomplete. You have to explain what the procedure is about, even in a simplified or summarized form for the readers who are not familiar with the process. What sort of Liposuction is it and why is it dangerous for women of child bearing age? Your thesis statement is incompletely developed.


I am not sure that you should be saying this at this point in the research since you indicated that it is an invasive procedure. Therefore, there are risks involved, specially for women looking to be pregnant in the future. Is this really what you meant to say? Or did you misspeak?


What made you say this? What evidence proves this assumption? You seem to have forgotten that you, are the research writer, needs to provide compelling evidence that your claims are correct. How do the overweight men factor into the pregnancy?


Why? Your research is starting to show that your information gathering is incomplete. You are creating more unanswered questions than responses and informative statements in the essay.

Writing Feedback / Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal [2]

You did a good job in the prompt restatement. It is on point and sticks close to the original. However, you forgot to provide your opinion and the basis of your opinion for the last part of the paragraph. You will not receive a score for the writer's opinion because of that missing information. The task is not complete in that paragraph. There will be deductions in relation to stating the clear opinion of the writer. That section should have a clear thesis statement based upon the 3 required opinions.

The reverse paraphrase in the concluding section should have done a proper summary of the previous reasoning paragraphs. You did not really do that. The essay can be considered open ended in that case. Either deductions will be applied or a failing score will be provided because you would not be able to complete such a long essay during an actual test.

Writing Feedback / ielts writing task 2: Rich countries often give money to poorer countries [2]

The essay will receive an immediate failing Task Accuracy score because you did not reword/restate/rewrite the topic in your own words. You only cut and paste the original text. Therefore, this is considered as plagiarized paragraph and will receive a failing score. The writer's opinion is also unacceptable because rather than using a strong single opinion presentation, you used the phrase "I think" which is considered uncertainty in your opinion. The writer's opinion is also a failing presentation.

The reasoning paragraphs are under developed in terms of explanation and idea presentation. There is a lack of strong supporting evidence for your presented ideas. This lessens the coherence and cohesiveness of your presentations, leading to further failing considerations. Overall, this is a failing score essay.

Writing Feedback / Social media has completely changed the way family and friends communicate with each other. [2]

You have not taken the writing time allowance into consideration with this essay presentation. It will be impossible for you to write more than 500 words during a 40 minutes writing task. You are expected to draft, edit, review, finalize, then submit the essay. That is why you are taught to write between 275 and 300 words for this task. Simply writing a long essay is not going to help you pass the test because in an actual setting, several failing score inducing scenarios could happen:

1. The essay becomes open-ended. It does not have a conclusion because you wrote too much and did not reach a concluding paragraph. Auto fail.
2. The essay is so long but written within the time frame of 40 minutes. No editing and revision was done. Grammar errors and other mistakes remain in the essay. Points will be deducted from specific scoring sections. Failing score.

3. The essay veers off topic in discussion due to the length. Auto fail.

Stick to a shorter and more concise essay presentation to avoid these possible failing scenarios.

Writing Feedback / Engineering, rough draft about engineering [2]

There are instances in the presentation where you could use more concise language. Some of your paragraphs tend to run long when you could shorten the presentation by lessening word usage. Not all of the words you are using are necessary to convey a complete thought. Sometimes you can use less words and accomplish the same task. Along the same lines, you also have references that use words of uncertainty in the presentation. It would be best to avoid such references as those tend to lessen the impact of the statement that was written.

Formal writing, such as academic writing uses full words at all times. No shortcuts. So "it is" rather than "it's". This leads me to the adjective usage in your essay. You should consider using more specific adjectives next time to help with the idea clarity of your presentation.

Graduate / Transition from psychology to cognitive science Msc SOP Review [2]

You must try to avoid using a template Statement of Purpose, Motivational Letter, Personal Statement, or any other application essay. There are universities that do plagiarism checks for submitted essays. The universities have a system by which they check for similar essay submissions to various universities. This is considered self plagiarism and is frowned upon by the universities where submissions are given by the student. It is important to these universities that you submit tailored applications that would show how you truly understand the course you are applying to at the university, and that you are not just applying for the sake of applying by submitting a template application. Once discovered, the university will automatically disqualify your application.

Writing Feedback / Some educationalists argue that non-exam, art-based subjects, such as music, drama, art, and craft.. [2]

English essays follow one specific golden rule: All sentences must begin the first word with a capital letter / uppercase letter. Failure to do so is considered an academic writing violation. The same rule applies to the IELTS Task 2 essay. Since this essay was written solely in lower case letters, there is clear evidence that the writer is not familiar with English writing rules. He will receive a failing score in the Grammar Range and Accuracy scoring section.

With regards to the discussion of the given topic, the writer will also receive a failing score in terms of Task Accuracy because he failed to pick one side of the discussion to defend in the presentation. This is a single opinion essay, trying to defend both sides shows that he is not well versed with the demands of task 2 writing either. Therefore, the essay will receive the lowest possible score. This is a failing essay effort.

Scholarship / AAS 2024 - Master of Counter Terrorism and Master of Security and Strategic Studies [3]

Please indicate what sort of Security Officer you are. Are you a private security officer? Police? Military? Special Forces? You have to be specific since this is a very specific and skill based course that you are interested in being admitted to as a student. While it is also beneficial that you show a clear interest in a specific Australian University to study at, you need to find a back up university to reference. That is because there is a minimum 2 university requirement as you may, or may not end up in your first choice university. They require a 2nd university and course consideration. Kindly revise your essay to reflect that. It can be 2 universities of the same course choice or different course choices.

Letters / Faculty of Management and Tourism at Hanoi University - MOTIVATION LETTER FOR ERASMUS SCHOLARSHIP [2]

This is not a very effective ML letter for EM. It is more applicable towards a non scholarship based application because it is missing so many elements considered important by EM in their applicants. You should be speaking of your desire to study at specific Italian universities, name the courses, and discuss how the course is relevant to your college studies or work requirements. From there, you should also mention why you consider EM the best scholarship for your professional goals. Why does the EM academic style suit you the best? How does this excite you to study in an EM member school in Italy? More importantly, why Italy? Make your choice country and school shine in the eyes of the reviewers.

Scholarship / Master in Peace & Conflict Studies - AAS - Why did you choose your proposed course and institution? [3]

The backgrounder that you have chosen to present is a stand alone discussion, which does not relate directly to the reasons why you have chosen these universities and courses. You need to delete that stand alone presentation and instead, offer an insight into how the course choices you have made, and the universities themselves, align with your personal and academic requirements. Work the conflict into the explanation, but make sure that it has a direct relationship with the course choice. Otherwise, the reviewer will fail to see how the courses will address your ambitions for peace in your country. You need to tie things together so that the reviewer can get a better idea of your peace plan and how studying at the university, which ever you might be approved for, fits into your peace narrative.

Writing Feedback / In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people [2]

The first paragraph cannot meet the maximum preliminary scoring considerations because the writer has not made an effort to correctly craft his opinion based on 2 reasons for discussion. He opted to simply repeat the writing instructions and questions, which cannot be given a score by the examiner because it does not contain a direct, summarized response to the questions and writing guide instructions. The paragraph can only receive minimal scoring considerations.

There is too much emphasis on owning a home in the paragraph. The reasoning should create an equal discussion consideration through the proper presentation of relevant facts for comparison in the paragraph. The essay paragraphs are too wordy. You must learn to state the information as quickly and as short as possible because the writing task has a time limit. Your essay score will be better if it is concise as opposed to long.

Writing Feedback / People living in the 21st century have a better quality of life than the previous centuries. [3]

The first paragraph meets the minimum requirements for a passing prompt restatement and writer's opinion. It could have been better and scored even higher in the preliminary TA score had you added a thesis statement to the end of your opinion. That would have established the upcoming discussion points and allowed you to have an even clearer response presentation for the examiner.

Your reasoning paragraphs could have been longer and in effect, gotten you a better scoring consideration overall. It is important that you write at least 275 words for the essay, but no more than 300 so that the examiner can consider your work for the highest possible score. Limiting your word count also limits the score that can be awarded to the essay.

Research Papers / Research on TikTok's negative effects on Adolescents [2]

Do not open the presentation with a citation. That is the worst thing that you can do in a research essay. Open the essay instead with a backgrounder on the topic you have chosen to research. What made this TikTok research stand out for you? Is there a personal connection of sorts? If yes, summarize the experience you had. The opening paragraph is supposed to be presented based upon your thesis presentation. It is not part of the main research yet. It is a mere introduction. In this case, you jumped directly into the research aspect, skipping the all too important thesis presentation paragraph. Add that missing reference point to the start of the essay and use the current presentation as the 2nd paragraph instead.