Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 1: Annual Pay of Doctors and Other Workers [2]

An accurate summary overview would include a listing of the 7 countries in the line graph. It would also reference the complete identifier of the image as a line graph, rather than just a graph. Additionally, it would not be a run-on sentence that comprises several thoughts into one sentence. That would lead to GRA deductions since the single sentence per idea format for the presentation was not used by the writer. The summary overview section will actually meet with several point deductions prior to the actual scoring of the essay. By the way, it is not the number of money, rather it is the amount of salary that is referenced in the chart.

Graduate / TU Delft - MSc Transport, Infrastructure, and Logistics Motivation Letter [3]

The reviewer will not be familiar with what you mean by First mile Last Mile. I believe that is a uniquely Indonesian way of dealing with your country's traffic situation right? You should give an extended backgrounder on the program for the benefit of the reviewer. How does the program work? What aspect of the masters course that you want to take is relevant to this program? How you do plan to utilize it? Focus on how you can relate the 2 aspects into your motivation. That way the reviewer will have a clearer insight as to how the program of TU Delft will blend with the programs the Indonesian government is implementing.

Research Papers / Misclassified cases of sudden infant death syndrome research paper - looking for 3 weaknesses [2]

The main weakness that I see in this paper is your over reliance on in-text citations to complete the work. You are simply doing cut and paste work in almost every paragraph, neglecting to actually develop an insight into the citation as it normally expected when cite reference is presented. You cannot simply present several citations and call it an informative paragraph. You must deliver a personal explanation or point of view of the given information. You cannot use one citation after another to explain the context of the information. These results in poor research work and a clear lack of proper research and analysis on the part of the writer. Having more than 50% of the paper also based on citations could lead to a failing score due to the lack of proper discussion development.

Research Papers / Research paper on relationship between Antarctic plants and climate change - peer review [2]

There should not be 2 paragraphs for the introduction and thesis statement. That creates a tremendously long, but sometimes irrelevant introduction. If you did that to meet a specific word count, then find another way to actively discuss the topic instead. Do not create redundant opening paragraphs and thesis statements. Shorten and merge those 2 paragraphs for clarity and presentation efficiency considerations. The second paragraph should actually be the first paragraph in this presentation as these contain the actual discussion points. The current first paragraph should be used as the second paragraph instead as these contain the base reference points for the upcoming discussion. You accidentally reversed the presentation of the paragraphs.

Writing Feedback / Essay about whether we should remove the non-academic subjects or not - revised required [2]

Kindly remember that the word "I", in reference to oneself, must always be written in uppercase, as a capital letter. Failure to do so will be considered a grammar deduction. This is an error you repeated throughout the essay. You should also double check the verb form after the helping verb. This is the error that occurred when you mentioned "... young people have always try (tried)...".

Always remember that there is a reason you are given a chance to review and edit your exam essay before submission. You should have as few errors as possible in the written presentation to avoid the possibility of having a series of errors that would lead to a failing score. In this case, you made errors that would be heavy on the deduction side as these mistakes relate to your grammar range and accuracy.

Writing Feedback / IELTS-CAM 9-TASK 1-ISLAND BEFORE AND AFTER THE CONSTRUCTION OF TOURIST FACILITIES [2]

In the second paragraph, you do not have to say "2 maps". Instead, you should refer to the first map or the pre-renovation map. That makes it clear that the information will be about the past look of the island. Do not mix the references to the past and new look of the place because the paragraph becomes confusing to read. While I realize you are trying to create an efficient way of providing a comparison paragraph, the opposite is what happens due to your lack of English skills at the moment. It is better for your score if you simply use one paragraph for a full past reference point and then the 2nd paragraph for the present and future points. Separate the focus points for clarity as much as possible.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2, working in large business [2]

Why did you write the response in quotation marks from beginning to end? That is unnecessary in a task 2 essay. You just need to write the essay in block format, nothing more, nothing less. You may also want to consider writing 300 words to help you stay within the 40 minute writing allotment so that you can have a few minutes to review your work before submission. You missed some mistakes in your writing because you did not proofread the paper prior to submission. Those small errors can add up and cause you to fail the test you know. Always leave at least 10 minutes to review your work in case changes and improvements need to be applied.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS TASK 2] Some people claim that not enough of the waste from home is recycled... [2]

The prompt restatement is incomplete as it does not refer to the basis of the debate regarding legislating recycling from homes. That is the anchor statement of the original paragraph so it should not be missing from the rewritten reference. The writer's opinion does not follow the expected response format. It is not in the form of a measured response. Therefore, the prompt restatement + writer's opinion paragraph will not receive full scoring credentials in its preliminary form. Too many requirements were overlooked in the paraphrasing.

The reasoning paragraphs are acceptable. These explain the basis of the law consideration and also, how the law might be implemented to give it a chance to take effect. The problem is the summary overview. It is 2 sentences long but it does not provide a reverse summary of the discussion points and, it is not 40 words long either. So that will affect the final scoring consideration as well.

Writing Feedback / Mindset for ielts 1: the maps below shows Colwick Arts Centre in 2005 and today [3]

Your report is jumping from one description to another. That makes it difficult to keep track of what you are actually discussing. It is always best to use 2 independent paragraphs for this presentation since there are 2 images provided in the source material. As per the exercise instructions, there were a set of words that you were supposed to use in the development of your report. I did not see any evidence that you were able to use these words in your presentation. Additionally, you did not represent the presentation using the correct 3 paragraph format for scoring. You have merged the paragraphs into a single presentation, lowering your C+C and GRA scores in the process. These could lead to a failing score at the end.

Writing Feedback / Is it wiser for a first-time buyer to opt for a larger or smaller home?? [2]

Being a research proposal, there should be a series of sources being indicated in the presentation to aid in the definite information presentation to the reader. How old are the sources that will be sourced online? What are these sources? Why are these sources considered credible even as they are online sources and usually prone to errors or incorrect data reporting? What information will be sourced from the local or college library? Won't these sources be too old as a reference point for this report? Will there be interviews or surveys presented to help assist with the discussion? The information actually seems lopsided as it is already bias towards the larger home. It would be better to be impartial and review both home sizes for this research paper.

Research Papers / The Dark Legacy of Christopher Columbus: Exploitation, Violence, and Cultural Devastation [2]


Correct this to indicate that he is seen as a stain on the Taino community. He is not viewed the same way in other communities or aspects of history.

It appears that you have not paid attention to your sentence structure and punctuation usage throughout the research paper. The improperly placed punctuation marks, or lack thereof make the paper difficult to understand. You need to review the total presentation to see where the problems are. You have to edit the paper and revise the presentation, in terms of punctuation marks where necessary. Otherwise, the paper is actually engaging, informative, and interesting to read from a historical perspective. The work you have put it in good, now it is time to perfect it.

Writing Feedback / Large companies use sports events to promote their products.Some people think it has a negative... [2]

Your opinion is not based upon the correct premise. The question you have to answer is "Some people think this has a negative impact on sports. To what extent do you agree or disagree?" You responded based upon a misunderstanding. You cited effective product promotions, which is not the basis of the guide question. Also, you did not respond in a measured manner to the agree or disagree question. Therefore, the first paragraph, also known as the prompt restatement and writer's opinion paragraph will receive a failing score as it does not respond in the expected manner. The essay presentation has already failed even before you reached the reasoning paragraph section. Your discussion in those aspects are also unrelated to the given prompts so you really do not have a chance of passing the test with this essay.

Writing Feedback / An essay: Different ways of studying [2]

The writing guide has asked you to mention the effects of studying as a group vs. individual study time. There should have been a mention of say, specific subjects that are best learned in a solo atmosphere instead of a group setting. So, while you met the word count, you did not meet all the writing task requirements. In an actual test, you would receive deductions or actually fail the test due to under developed ideas. That is what your study guide is trying to train you to avoid. Write based on all the writing parameters provided.

Work harder on your sentence structure and writing style. You have a tendency to just use run-on sentences, making it confusing to keep track of your ideas. Talk about ideas in individual sentences to help guide the reader in a clearer manner.

Graduate / STATEMENT OF PURPOSE for EPFL Management, Technology, and Entrepreneurship [2]


Based upon what evidence? What you make claims like these, you must back it up with numerical data to prove that you actually provided the claim you are making. What is the actual reach? Across what market or age group?


What prompted your promotions? What sort of leadership and management skills were highlighted each time that led to your fast promotions?


Infer this at the end of the paragraph. Not in the middle. The highlight here should be the problems you encountered that led you to seek advanced studies.


What sort of project might you do during this 6 month period?

The rest of the essay is acceptable. The parts I mentioned here are what I believe requires more development to create a stronger paper.

Writing Feedback / Are libraries necessary? IELTS 2: OPINION ESSAY [2]

The prompt restatement is only partially correct. It deviated from the original discussion when it said "there are no longer reasons to visit traditional libraries". The original prompt indicated that the discussion is about "libraries are no longer necessary." Even though the prompt deviation on the part of the writer is slight, it still altered the focus of the discussion 100%, making it an inaccurate restatement. The writer's opinion also uses a measured response when it is not necessary to do so as the writing guide was a simple agree or disagree question. These errors will be enough to make the essay receive a failing preliminary TA score. It is not an accurate depiction of the original prompt.

Graduate / SOP for MSc Computer Science EPFL [2]

A reviewer is usually more impressed by the way that the applicant manages to combine undergraduate studies and its professional application. That normally shows the reviewer that you are well prepared to attend a master's course at the university. When you separate the references, it becomes difficult to consider how these managed to merge professionally, creating an expert in yourself. The background is strong, but could be better presented. Specially since you are looking forward to working with certain professors at the university. You have to show that you have something to bring to the table in terms of your interest in the group. I do not get a feel of that in that paragraph. You speak of your interest, but not what you can bring and how it applies to the study. You should also consider making a more specific reference to how you will apply the courses you will be studying to your workplace upon your return. The essay is good but should be more integrated in approach.

Scholarship / Stating motivation for Australia Awards Scholarship [2]

This will not work. You are limited to 200 words for the response. So you cannot waste the space on just a motivational discussion. The motivation must be provided in relation to the choice of courses and university. While I see that you have a very strong motivation, the presentation for this should not exceed one 5 sentence paragraph. The remaining 2 paragraphs must focus on how your motivation integrates with your university course and choice. You have to make sure that you can provide a solid response within the allotted word count. You will need to shorten this presentation immensely in order to provide the space for the university and course choices .

Writing Feedback / To succeed in a business, one needs to be good at maths. To what extent do you agree or disagree? [2]


To what extent? Your response is incomplete. You need to use a measured or emotional response in this case. Include a thesis statement to further strengthen your writer's opinion. The paragraph needs more information to earn a better preliminary mark in relation to the task requirements.

The overall essay shall receive a score based upon an under developed opinion. The explanation contains an unrelated paragraph that supports the opposing opinion. That is where the score will be lowered. The examiner will not grade a paragraph that does not support the stated opinion and also, will deduct that from the word count, leading to a failing score in the end. Always use 2 paragraphs to defend your opinion. Learn to identify single opinion essays as opposed to multiple discussion essays. That is usually where the incorrect response, and eventual failing score stems from.

Graduate / Master's in Social Research - PERSONAL STATEMENT FOR UNIVERSITY OF EDINBURGH [2]


Mention the courses as deemed relevant to the requirements of the masters course. This will show your preparation and possible achievements as a masters student at the university.


This is irrelevant to the reviewer. This does not make the university special. It makes it ordinary. Any university in the UK can claim these information. Change it or delete it. Jump directly to the 2nd sentence instead. That is more impressive in information regarding your decision to choose the university.


In what manner?


why? Where do you expect to be placed? Is there a company or organization you would like to work with? Why? How does that opportunity tie into your career development?

Scholarship / SOP for AAS scholarship - I chose Master of Public Health [3]

This is too long, You should be writing this within 200 words only. This is not a properly formatted essay. It also fails to respond to the discussion question properly. The question does not ask you to deliver your biography. It only asks you to pick at least 2 universities in Australia, 2 masters courses from those universities, then explain why you feel that those choices reflect your academic targets and personal growth requirements. Focus on the reasons you want to study a Masters in Public Health at an Australian University. All the information you provided is useless. It will not help you get the scholarship. Rather, it will disqualify you from consideration.

Writing Feedback / Pros and cons of self-study [2]

If this was written as a simple English writing exercise, then I would say "good job!" you got your thoughts across clearly and quickly. Your ability to explain yourself with less than 200 words is impressive. However, if this was written as a task 2 essay, then you did not do a very good job because not meeting the 250 word requirement will result in you getting a failing score automatically. That is because the reasoning paragraphs need extra explanations per opinion and could have been developed into a much longer and more coherent essay presentation. So in this case, it is the perception as to why the essay was written that will dictate if you did a good or not so good job with your writing exercise.

Graduate / Transfer Admission Personal Essay for Temple University [2]

The story being told is inconsistent. It lacks a smooth flow in terms of transitioning from your early life experience going into the more mature part of your life. Consider leaving out the part about your mother and father. It is very little developed so it does not really seem integral, nor does it show an aspect of your personal development. Your grandparents story suffers from the same problem. Those should either be developed further or, just left out of the essay. The portion where you talk about the little girl, make it clear that you are that little girl who lost the coin. You disengaged yourself from the story so I was wondering what the connection of that child was to you. It was only later on that you clarified you were the child. That needs to be clear from the very start.

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 2 - Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are... [2]

Try to avoid the use of the same words or phrases from the original prompt. That is because you are being scored on your ability to use alternative thought presentations and word equivalents in the restatement paragraph. Your LR and TA score will rely heavily on your originality when it comes to delivering the information in your own words.

The opinion statement came in quite strong. Then lost its convincing power in the body paragraphs. Never say, "I think" because this is a single opinion essay that requires you to deliver strong evidence of your belief in your own opinion. The alternative "I believe", "I am convinced", or "I am certain", to name but a few alternatives, can be used instead.

Remember that the concluding summary needs to be delivered within 2 sentences at the least. Do not risk losing points in the GRA section just because you wrote a run-on sentence for the conclusion.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 1: The table below shows the numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum during... [2]

The summary overview is not restated enough in the words of the writer to not be considered a cut and paste of the original explanation. Ensure the use of a totally new statement of the topic or, using the correct alternative words in the new presentation to avoid an automatic failing score due to plagiarism considerations.

The discussion is too mixed and difficult to follow. You should have one paragraph for the previous phase of the museum and then a separate one for the improvement situation. It is not easy to follow the changes that were made and how it affected the visitor count in this presentation. Do not overwhelm the paragraph with information as it affects the clarity of the discussion.

Scholarship / Studying in Flinders - How did you choose your proposed course and institution? [4]

Your reason for choosing the universities, which are based upon university ranking is not going to be considered a valid reason for your choice by the reviewers. They will disqualify your application because of that reason. You need to research the universities in relation to your chosen course and highlight what makes each university unique or a stand out in your opinion. Base these on your professional and personal qualifiers. Consider what you are looking for in the course curriculum and the university community. Those would be more valid reasons to consider your university choices in the eyes of the reviewer. You must show that you are choosing universities based on merit rather than popularity.

Scholarship / Give up to three examples of how you intend to use the knowledge, skill and connections - AAS [2]

The terminologies you are using in the essay requires editing. It is incorrect. Unfortunately, editing is not part of the free services that we offer as a part of the review. You will have to contact me privately for editing and writing improvement services. Your ideas are in the essay but need clarification when it comes to how you plan to use it for the purposes indicated. It is not really a problem for a professional to fix. You have the right idea, just the incorrect wording for the presentation. You may contact me privately to have me edit this essay for you. If you wish to do so, my email is at the bottom within my signature card.

Writing Feedback / The graph below shows the percentage of adults whose healthcare needs went unmet in the past year [2]

The summary overview will receive a failing mark because it is a run-on sentence. There are about 3 ideas presented in a single sentence. These ideas should be individually presented in a single paragraph to create a coherent and cohesive thought series. Expect deductions in the C+C and GRA sections in the preliminary scoring consideration. The essay will start with a failing base score.

Good job on the trending paragraph. I wish you had treated the summary overview the same way. This paragraph was clear and well divided into specific idea sections.

You do not need to start a paragraph with "To begin with". That is done only by beginner English speakers and writers. An academically proficient English writer would simply go directly to the discussion topic. Opening with useful information instead to move the report and analysis paragraph forward immediately.

Writing Feedback / The diagram below shows how a solar powered water pump works [2]

The immediate problem with this presentation is the format. A task 1 essay follows the 3 paragraph format in most instances. You do not have that in this presentation. The summary overview is short by 1 more sentence so it cannot be considered an accurate summary at this point. You have an open ended sentence in the first part as well. You forgot to put a full stop (period) at the end.

Use a numerical reference for the steps indicated. Divide it into 2 parts to stretch over 2 paragraphs. The 5 steps must be clearly identified with each step separated as a stand alone sentence in the paragraph. There is no need for analysis in this case. Basic reporting will do since it is a procedural report.

Writing Feedback / Task 1 (Pie Chart) About the highest level of education achieved by people over 21 in 2 countries. [2]

Your summary overview is inaccurate. You are not properly identifying the components of the image. There are 2 pie charts. Indicate the same and identify how each chart is tagged or titled in reference to the report you will be analyzing. That part of the presentation should have at least 2 sentences to meet the minimum score consideration requirements.

The most serious flaw in this presentation is that you did not indicate that the basis of all information was based upon adults aged 21 and above. The reader is expecting the writer to provide complete information in the presentation for them to fully understand what the report is all about. Without the age reference, you were not able to provide a coherent and cohesive essay. This may not receive a passing score due to deductions in the C+C and GRA sections, which relate to the age reference.

Letters / Motivation letter for master of fine art master in Amsterdam [5]

I believe that you can safely delete the first 2 paragraphs without affecting the overall motivational letter. That is because the presentation does not actually focus on a motivational concept until the 3rd paragraph. It is important that you highlight the name of the university and the course that you want to take in particular. That is because your motivation should align not only with your personal goals and insights, but also your academic and social growth. Your letter is mostly conceptual in nature. Though acceptable, it does not provide a clear motivational goal for your academic and professional considerations. What are your other motivations aside from social and community considerations? Reduce those discussions and insert artistic and career motivations whenever you can.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: The graph below shows of types of waste that were recycled in a town between 2000-2010 [3]

The summary overview should have been presented as 3 stand alone sentences in the paragraph. That is because there are 3 separate ideas being presented to the reader. Each sentence should highlight one idea for clarity, GRA, and C+C scoring purposes. The use of run-on sentences, of which there are many in this presentation, reduces the score in those mentioned aspects.

In terms of tense usage, the essay is being written mostly in present form when the information presented is already expired and therefore, should be presented in past time form. The error shows a lack of control over proper sentence structuring and presentation, leading to a failing GRA score. While the word count was met and the information was presented, it is the incorrect discussion form that will prove to be the reason this essay might not get a passing score.

Writing Feedback / The table below shows the production of cacao beans in six regions between 1992 and 1998. [2]

The summary overview could use some additional information such as a run-down of the 6 countries and the measurement type used for the chart. A more specific reference to the chart type would have also increased the preliminary score. The reader needs a definite description of the image in order to create the correct mental picture in their minds.

It is important to avoid writing in long sentences, presenting run-on sentences, or confusing reference points. You have not proven an ability to write in mixed sentence structure forms. You write only in compressed form and rely on commas, rather than individual sentences. These incorrect writing formats will lead to a failing GRA and C+C score. The result will be a failing task 1 essay score.

Writing Feedback / ONLINE APARTMENT PROMOTION [2]

The statement tries to be exciting to entice the reader to use the service. However, the writer fails to distance himself from the writing by constantly referring to the residence or guest house as "My Apartment". Perhaps he is trying to advertise the residence as a Bed and Breakfast or something, but the rush by which he is presenting his product is not helpful to the advertisement. Punctuation usage is also a problem as he uses 2 punctuation marks simultaneously rather than one at a time, which is the standard practice when developing these sort of presentations.

It would be better if the writer uses 2 paragraphs to present the information next time. He should try to group the information based on importance and method of use so that the information will be more enticing to the reader, based on the development of each paragraph into an exciting description of "my apartment". He should also make it clear that he will not be living in "my apartment" while the guest is in residence. The name of the house is misleading.

Writing Feedback / It is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school [2]

The essay is not long enough. As a task 2 paper, this opinion presentation should meet the 250 minimum word count. Failure to meet the minimum count will result in deductions in relation to the basic task format requirements, which will be separate as a deduction from the preliminary task accuracy score.


The next paragraph should therefore begin with, "On the other hand". This is to establish that you are comparing 2 scenarios in the discussion. There are certain transition phrases that work hand in hand. This comparison phrase uses the aforementioned accompanying transition reference.

The concluding summary paragraph is in the incorrect format. The presentation uses a run on sentence when the expected format is that of a 2 sentence summary instead.

Undergraduate / "why you are considering transferring and how MIT aligns with your goals" [3]

I hope that you are just asking me to review a draft of your actual response to the question. That you are actually planning on expanding upon these discussion paragraphs and perhaps, adding more paragraphs to the mix that will help the reviewer better understand your overall needs in relation to your desire to transfer to MIT. Do not focus solely and so quickly on the academic shortcomings of your school and strengths of MIT. There needs to be a well rounded discussion in the presentation. Academic, social, and training considerations must be discussed as equal highlight points. There is not much for the reviewer to go on in this presentation. It is too basic and uninteresting. Your discussion points are common and the reasoning, even more so. You need to beef up the overall discussion by expanding on it as best as you can.

Writing Feedback / ỈELTS 2 - Many people believe that social networking sites cause negative effects [2]


Incorrect vocabulary. This is somewhat of a redundancy since bad and consequence actually refer to the same thing. This will have a negative effect on your LR score.

You cannot use a compare and contrast discussion format in this essay. When presented with a single opinion topic, the only expectation that the examiner will have of the exam taker is that he will manage to defend his opinion within 2 supporting paragraphs. You cannot suddenly deviate from your opinion and offer an idea that both opinions are correct. This will result in a failing GRA score since your opinion has become confusing to the reader.

The discussion is weakened by the problem in the reasoning paragraphs. The result is an incompletely developed writer's opinion, based upon his original point of view as presented in the first paragraph.

Writing Feedback / ONLY GOVERNMENTS CAN TAKE PART IN PROTECTING THE ENVIRONMENT? [3]


This is not information that is included in the original prompt. It should not be used as the opening statement for this paragraph. It will be more useful as a part of your thesis statement instead. This will result in deductions being applied to the restatement section of the score.


I understand that. However, you are being asked the extent of your disagreement and why. Neither of those questions were responded to in the writer's opinion section. The writer's response is lacking and missing some information. Further deductions will be applied due to the incorrect response format. Starting the essay with a failing TA score is going to prevent the essay from receiving a passing score for any reason.

Scholarship / National Service - how you contributed to solving a challenge and to implementing change or reform? [2]

Well, the grammar used is not very good but that is understandable since English is not your first language. The presentation of the information is clear. The backstory about national service being in your constitution helps the reader understand the importance of your posting at that particular port. It is something that the reviewer might take note of in relation to your narration. The only problem I can see is that you used such a simple explanation for the response that your actual conflict resolution and problem solving skills were not highlighted to the best of your abilities in the presentation. You could still expand on the discussion, explain more of the discord that had resulted in non support for the program at the start.

Writing Feedback / Video records are a better way to learn about the way other people in the world live [2]


The writer's opinion is incorrect. The question to be responded to is based upon the premise of "To what extent do you agree or disagree?" The discussion does not focus on education alone either. So the writer created a prompt deviation that will cost him a passing score in the essay. This particular paragraph will immediately receive a failing score due to the changes the writer made to the original discussion topic and points. As such, he will gain minimal points overall for the discussion as points need to be awarded regardless of the irrelevance of the response. However, there is a limitation to the scores that can be awarded. He cannot receive a passing score in any section because of the irrelevance of the response. So the essay will receive a failing score.

Writing Feedback / Some people say that men are naturally more competitive than women [2]


Avoid sounding uncertain when presenting discussion points. It is not good for your score since the examiner is looking for conviction or a strong belief in your own thoughts, opinions, or analysis in the task 2 essay. It is better to say " I believe" or "I firmly believe" when presenting an opinion, depending upon whether an ordinary opinion or an extent opinion is required as a response to the given writing question.


This will be a scoring deduction for the writer's opinion. You need to provide a clear opinion based upon a summarized line of reasoning or a solid thesis statement. Restating the writing instructions will not receive any scoring consideration.

These are the 2 main errors I found in your writing. The reasoning paragraphs and concluding summary are acceptable.