Research Papers / The Effects of Human Activity on Climate Change (Seeking criticism and main points of weakness) [2]

Remove the in-text citation in the first paragraph. The first paragraph is your thesis paragraph or introduction to the topic so you do not need to refer to cited information at that point. You can integrate that information in a later paragraph. You do not need to have a citation in every paragraph. In fact, that seems to be the main problem with your information presentation.

The paper feels like more than half of it is based simply on in-text citations, cut and paste presentations meant to help you meet a word count requirement more than anything else. There is very little analysis in each paragraph because you are reliant on the information you have found to help create this reference paper. You need to reduce the citations and use more personal analysis in the paragraphs after every citation. The reason for that is that the professor will be looking for your insight and actual learning from the texts that you have been reading, in relation to the discussion you are trying to create.

Graduate / Agricultural economics and rural development - Graduate Program - GKS - Personal Statment [2]

The essay is a relaxing read that covers all of the elements required in the discussion. However, I feel like the portion regarding the college volunteer activity can do with a little bit more discussion. Perhaps include a reference as to how this experience has helped further fuel your desire to improve agricultural economics and rural development in your country? Relate your community service activity to the growth of that mindset as well. Those activities seem to have a direct relationship with your chosen masters course, but was left either ignored or under developed. It will not hurt your application to increase the discussion focus in relevant areas. I believe that these 2 presentations can help better highlight your application to the reviewer.

Additionally, a discussion on the relevance of your exposure as a student ambassador to the agricultural economics and rural development area could also help. I am assuming that this is a position you held as an undergraduate so it should be easy to connect it to the other discussion points and offer a relevant reason for presenting that information as a highlight.

Letters / Motivation letter for the PhD programme at the Aarhus University Faculty of Arts [3]

The letter is good in the sense that you really show the development of your motivation and how you hope to continue learning about Art. However, it sometimes feels like there are irrelevant information included in your desire to heighten your profile as a potential applicant. Additionally, there seems to be a missing discussion link regarding why you are motivated to apply for the open call position. Why were you attracted to the open call? Why do you think you should be a part of this program based on the requirements they have for the applicants? Why at this university and why this graduate school at the faculty of arts? These are 2 questions that need to be addressed a part of the motivation. Personally, I believe the essay can do with some professional editing so that these important questions can be seamlessly integrated into the overall letter presentation.

Writing Feedback / Museums and art galleries? Everyone can observing artifacts and artistic creations in the internet [2]

Having written only 259 words, I do not feel like you have fully reached the potential of this essay to garner you a better than average score. If you write at least 275 words, you will have achieved a mid-range discussion presentation that will allow you avoid too many writing errors, and be considered for better scoring marks in every scoring section. Try that next time, it should do wonders for the clarity of your paragraphs as well.

Your paraphrasing is acceptable except for one small incorrect detail. You are using an extent response (completely) in giving your opinion when the requirement is a non-exaggerated response ( I disagree). State your response only in the manner instructed. I guess you are not too familiar with the various writing styles yet so that is what led to this response format misconception.

The concluding summary should be at least 40 words long. 2-3 sentences in that presentation will work very well in delivering a comprehensive review of the previous topic and reasons.

Writing Feedback / IELTS - Writing Task 2 - Home Owning is by far more popular than House Renting [2]


- There was a direct question asked in response to this. Your answer is not direct. A direct response is required as the reason(s) behind the question. No discussion is required, just a topic outline to help support your response to the second question. Those 2 sentences at the end will create a clear thesis statement that delivers a clear opinion to the examiner. Your response only repeats the instruction which is not really helpful to your TA score. Only direct responses to the guide questions or discussion instructions can do that.

You did an excellent job in responding to the prompt discussion. You stayed on point and responded to each question clearly and accurately in each reasoning paragraph. However, the summary conclusion you wrote is less than 40 words. You need to type at least 40 words, composed of 2-3 sentence in this section so that it can be a properly scored reverse paraphrase.

Scholarship / Study plans to improve foreign languages (Korean, English, etc) required for taking a degree course [2]

Is this a language study plan for the U or G scholarship? You cannot just tell me it is for a degree course because both scholarship classifications are degree courses. One is of an undergraduate course, the other, is for a masters course.

Regardless of your accomplishments and perceived proficiency in the English language, you still need to come up with a proper learning plan for advanced English vocabulary. You can use the language center of the university you will be attending to do that. You may also refer to socializing with other scholars who may not be able to fluently speak Hangeul yet, but can converse in English.

You need to score higher than that TOPIK target if you want to remain in the program. The higher your proficiency score, the better your chances of retaining the scholarship. The conversational practice should not begin on the 9th month. That should be something you are already doing and will continue to do immediately upon arrival in Korea.

Writing Feedback / The best food in the world IELTS Task 2 Academic [2]

It appears that you are immediately discussing the topic that was provided for the task. Which is good but, without the proper prompt restatement that explains why you should be discussing why you believe rice is the best food in the world, there is a missing link in the first paragraph. The missing link is the reason for the discussion and what the discussion parameters are. Even in the Task 1 essay for letter writing, you are to use the first paragraph to clearly explain the reason behind the letter. The same goes for the Task 2 essay.

You should aim to write a proper reverse summary in the last paragraph as well. Something that repeats the discussion topic, reasons, and your opinion, all within a 40 word presentation composed of 2 sentences or more. It will help you garner a better TA and C&C score.

Undergraduate / My thirst for knowledge - benefitting from study at American University in Cairo [2]

The question is, to me, forward thinking in presentation. How will you benefit from a university education is equivalent to, how will your proposed course and institution help you achieve your ambitions and professional goals? Okay, you have settled on Electronics Engineering for your major. Now what? Explain why you believe that course holds the key to a better future for you. How did your interest in this field result in your desire for a college education?

It is not so much your desire to study at AUC that you have to justify so much as the way that you perceive this particular major as being beneficial to your personal situation in life, your professional path after graduation, and the influence you want to have in the field, or inspiring others you know of to aim for a college education as well. If you can explain the personal importance of a college education, then you will have partly accomplished the task. If you can further explain how that personal goal will help you get a better future based on the profession, then you will have completely represented the interests if the prompt.

Undergraduate / Ukrainian Student - AN EXCELLENT PARTICIPANT IN THE GLOBAL UGRAD PROGRAM [3]

You are only describing your extra curricular activities. You are clearly only participating in the activities that do not have a solid effect on changes in the lives of the members of the community. I know that you are trying to dramatize your participation and the situation in your country in an effort to create a seemingly leadership role for yourself where there is none. The reviewer will also see that and consider your application weak and irrelevant based on the prompt requirements. This is not a true leadership essay that would make you a contender for the program. It is a response to the question, but not one that will get you past the first round of considerations.

Scholarship / My educational program of enhancing Korean and English language proficiency before coming to Korea [2]

Remove the reference to Hong Sun Soo in the essay. To make this stronger. indicate instead that you are reading Korean materials that relate to your course of choice because you know that there is a higher than average likelihood that the classes will be taught in Hangeul. Thus, the best way to learn Hangeul is by also preparing for your future classes. Learning the language as used in teaching your courses will make it easier for you to adjust to the language used in class and converse with the professors. Or something to that effect. The rest of the explanations are acceptable and well balanced it appears that you have a clear and enforceable plan for your language studies so you do not have to worry about that. Just focus on using the Korean influence in an academic, rather than entertainment manner to help drive home the point that you are appropriately preparing for your potential classes.

Writing Feedback / Describe a memorable celebration that I never forget [2]

The use of simple English in this presentation is good. The simplicity of your language presentation makes the topic easy to understand. However, there is a missing discussion point. Aside from the vivid description of the event, you should also be referring to some instances or reasons that make the Lunar New Year a memorable celebration for you. What is the personal reason? The description you gave could actually apply to any festival, any family, and any person describing an event. You need to make the reason for its memorable status stand out based on a personal memory or reason for it. Right now, I understand what the festival is all about, but not why these series of events would make the celebration memorable for you.

Writing Feedback / Are consultants required in companies or should they simply listen to their employees? [2]

Scoring = Premium Service. Please contact us privately. Student Scoring = Ban!

The discussion itself lends highly credible information that would support your point of view. However, a clearer statement of your opinion in the first paragraph would have helped deliver immediate clarity and support to the given discussion reasons in the next few paragraphs. There is a strength in this discussion coming from the results of private consultants being hired by the company and your personal experience regarding the matter. All of these helped the essay deliver clear content and reasoning. It is a well written essay that I believe will score higher than average in an actual setting, regardless of the run-on sentences here and there, along with a few punctuation errors. Those did not impede the presentation in any way.

Writing Feedback / Should governments impose more tax on fast food to avoid health problems on people - IELTS Writing 2 [3]

BAND SCORING = PRIVATE SERVICE, CONTACT US PRIVATELY. STUDENT SCORING = BAN !

There is no need to over discuss the presentation, leading you to write more words than the actual 40 minute time allowance requires. Learn to spot the difference in prompt instructions so that you will not over write in the presentation. All essays are 4 paragraph presentations except for essays that instruct you to "discuss both points of view and give an opinion". That is a 5 paragraph essay.

Avoid using special punctuation marks such as ellipses in the presentation paragraphs as you are writing an academic essay, not a creative story. This being an extent essay requires you to give a measured response based on a single or two opinions. So when you said "I agree", you lack the extent reference which is the strength of your belief in this opinion ( Strongly, partially, wholly, to the extent that...)

Like I previously said, there are only 2 reasoning paragraphs required for this essay. The third reason would have created a more cohesive discussion presentation had you chosen to us that instead of the current 2nd reason. Remember that your reasons need to have a sense of cohesiveness or a relationship between the reasons to help increase your C&C score.

Research Papers / Research Paper Draft--Martial Arts and Its Positive Impact on Mental and Physical Health in Adults [2]

You can make the writing stronger by offering a more intricate look into the history of martial arts and its positive impact on mental and physical health in adults. For example, Bruce Lee and his Jeet Kun-Do have actually evolved from simple martial arts to practically a religion because the meditation and motions required for the martial art requires the practitioner to center his mental abilities. This was long before the benefits of the art form and mental health were discovered. So looking into the actual foundation, not just the current trends and practices, can help your paper gain a more authoritative stance.

The paper also focuses solely on the physical aspect of the discussion, with little said or referred to regarding mental health. That is where the discussion point I provided above can actually help you better divide the discussion of the paper. This can and should be a longer analysis with the end result being a combination of your observations and opinions as to how overall physical and mental well being can benefit from the practice of any type of martial arts. Look into the meditation aspect of martial arts. Discuss specific martial arts, its meditative effects, and what the practitioners have to say about it. Don't focus on professional observations alone. The medical plus the actual practitioner insight will give further credence to your thesis.

Graduate / MASTER OF GLOBAL BUSINESS - AAS 2021 - Why this course and institution? [2]

ONE ESSAY PER THREAD. ADMIN SHALL DELETE THE REST OF THIS POST. KINDLY POST THOSE AS INDIVIDUAL THREADS INSTEAD.

Your response to the first prompt is incomplete. You only offered the course name but did not expand upon why you chose the masters course, how it applies to your profession, why you chose the university, and how the university experience will help improve your professional skills overall. This response is not applicable to the prompt provided. I believe you are uncertain as to how to best respond to this AAS question. Do not hesitate to look at the current applicant postings at this forum, based on the prompt requirement, so that you can get a better understanding of what the prompt question is about and how you can best respond to it. You can only learn how to develop your own response by reading the response as others and using those as examples or templates for your own response creation.

Letters / Motivation Letter for a PhD scholarship in Chemical Engineering in catalysis. [3]

There are just a few paragraphs that should be taken out because these apply more to the statement of purpose rather than the motivational letter. Without knowing if these paragraphs are required by the writing instructions, I would have to say that paragraphs 4 and 5 do not portray a motivation in the sense of the word and as needed in the application. If you change the word "goal" to "motivation" in paragraph 6, the presentation becomes stronger as the professional and forward thinking element of your motivation becomes clearer and more applicable to the letter. The letter becomes much more motivational in content once the 2 paragraphs I mentioned earlier are removed. It becomes more of a motivational letter rather than a confused statement of purpose.

Writing Feedback / The pie charts show the main reasons for migration to and from the UK in 2007. [2]

Remember that you are reporting based on an image that the reader will not be able to see. Therefore, you need to be specific about certain aspects of the prompt summary. These include, but are not limited to:

- The type of image
- Number of images
- Overview of each image section/content
- Trending statement for each image

Your summary overview is, in my opinion, lacking in the required details and does not properly help the reader create a mental picture of the information you are providing. I mean, sure, you identified the pie charts, but you did not give the number of images and what these represent as a part of the summary, which would have helped create the mental picture I was telling you about earlier.

Undergraduate / Columbia SHP - interests and background in science and mathematics. Biology & Math is everywhere [2]

The explanation is direct to the point and simplistic in its approach. That, is where I see a problem possibly occurring for your application. The prompt is asking you to highlight the development of your interest in Math and Science. However, your presentation is too much of a "gloss over" instead of "involved show". You are just telling the reviewer these things, but not showing any actual relationship between each section in terms of developing, strengthening, and solidifying your interest in STEM. You need to be more specific about the discussion. Avoid saying things like "I wasn't always interested" because that leads to the unrelated question "What changed to make you interested?" Rather than uncertainty, portray the stability of your interest in STEM and the progressive development of your interest in the field. Most importantly, show the reviewer, don't tell him about your interests. The show part indicates the development of the interest, which matters the most in this presentation.

Writing Feedback / Problem and Solution essay - diet / lifestyle [2]

Presenting 324 words may prove to be a problem for you during the actual test that only allows for 40 minutes of writing, proofreading, and final version creation. Based on the amount of time required to ensure that you submit a grammatically perfected essay, you should not be writing more than 300 words. In fact, the essay has several problem points that you were unable to spot because you focused on length rather than quality.

For starters, the thesis statement is missing in the first paragraph. You need to provide a summary of the upcoming discussion, by offering the upcoming topics for discussion to clearly show how well you understood the prompt and the requirements. You do not have to discuss those subjects in that paragraph, but you should not waste the TA score by simply repeating the writing instructions either.

The causes paragraph is clear at the start, but then becomes confusing to read when it gets to the second discussion topic. Instead of saying:


Go directly to the point and indicate that this is the second reason. Clarity in the sentence is required to help keep the cohesive and coherent presentation of the paragraph. One mistake in the sentence formatting results in confusion for the reader. Which is one of the reasons why you have to focus on quality rather than quantity when writing these essays.

Writing Feedback / The high volume of traffic - the numbers of cars, motorbikes are increasing significantly [2]

In your desire to immediately respond to the question, you changed the discussion topic from:

OT: In cities and towns all over the world, the high volume of traffic is a problem.

to

YT: air pollution acting as one of the most severe issues which is recently concerned by community

So you ended up changing the discussion slant in totality. Your response is not in alignment with the original prompt which will result in a failing TA score, which will contribute to the overall failure of your test due to evident lack of English comprehension skills. For this presentation, you always have to do the following in the first paragraph:

- Restate the prompt topic
- Give the reason for the discussion
- Offer a direct response to the questions or give reasons / causes / solutions are indicated by the original discussion instruction / questions

You failed to properly represent these in the first paragraph which is known as the prompt restatement. In fact, your statement about air pollution did not factor into the rest of the discussion aside from the first statement that you made, which really shows a disconnection between your understanding of the prompt and how it should be discussed. While your reasons and solutions relate to the original prompt, the mistake in the restatement may prove to be the reason why your score will be limited and possibly, not passing in this test.

Undergraduate / Academic Goal and Study Plan - AMA+ Undergraduate Scholarship 2022 [3]

I believe that your study plan should be focused on the development of the Horror genre that you wish to specialize in starting from your freshman year. That way you can utilize every academic semester in a manner that will help you hone your skills in the genre. The twist? How will you integrate the romance into the story? How will you immerse the viewer into the lives of immigrants whose life challenges are part of the horror story? The goal of the study plan has to be to polish and perfect your skills in the horror genre since that is the specialization you want to focus on. Integrate it into every story you will be telling, it could be light horror, it could be comedic, it could be serious. It all depends upon the story you are wanting to tell. If you fix the goal of your studies, you will notice that it will better integrate itself into the study plan you have created.

Writing Feedback / [WRITING 2 IELTS] In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. Ageing societies. [2]

In the restatement sentence, do not mention "fact" since there is no reference to such in the original prompt. You do not need to verify the truthfulness of the topic since it is not being asked for in the original presentation. You don't have to exaggerate the discussion since that will most likely change the presentation focus and format. Just do a simple retelling of the original topic to avoid any confusion in the presentation, which is what happened in this case. Good work on the thesis statement. However, a more specific solution topic was required in response to the second instruction. All of these would have helped to create a proper prompt restatement and thesis presentation on your part, resulting in a higher TA score.

You wrote too much in the first 3 paragraphs, while you underwrote in the summary conclusion. You should be writing a total of 300 words, with at least 40 words allotted to the reverse paraphrase in the concluding section. That is to help increase your TA score to show the examiner how well you remembered the original topic, your reasons, and solutions, and are able to present a short form to the reader just as a reminder of the previous discussion points.

Scholarship / AAS - Atmospheric Sciences - your proposed course and institution [3]

You have to present a first and second university choice. That is how the reviewer will base your choice of universities. There has to be one university that you would like to attend more than the other. They can never be equal in stature and desire of attendance. There needs to be discussion of how the universities differ and why that difference is important to someone like you, in this field of work. By discussing the universities on the same footing, attendance desire measurement, and course curriculum, it appears that you do not care about what university you attend, as long as you attend one. That is not a serious student, that is a student who will settle for less as long as he gets the scholarship. That should not be the case for your application. Prioritize the university discussions.

Writing Feedback / IELTS essay about advantages and disadvantages of changing career. [4]

No. The discussion approach, based on the thesis statement is incorrect. The discussion for this essay is centered on:

What are the advantages and disadvantages of changing career? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowhere in that discussion instruction are you being asked to give an opinion or come to a conclusion regarding the discussion. It is only to be presented as a 2 reasoning paragraph discussion, without conclusions made. That is a prompt deviation that will affect your TA score due to improper discussion format. The personal opinion is not required and will pose a severe percentage deduction in your TA and final score.

Writing Feedback / Due to the development of the internet our life has improved, but users may face some problems [3]

The discussion instruction for this essay is: To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? The way the question is formed highlights the need for you to offered a measured response that will allow you to side with both presentations. Something along the lines of :

I agree with this statement up to the point where...

or

I partially disagree with this statement because...

Always present the reasons for your opinion as a part of your thesis statement to help with the C&C scoring consideration of your essay.

You cannot agree with both sides equally. That is prevented by the word "extent" in the discussion instruction. One side must have a stronger opinion coming from you than the other. It is that stronger opinion that you should be discussing in this essay due to the measured response that created the thesis statement. So your response is not in the proper response format and will receive a corresponding TA score. The conclusion itself, is also problematic because you wrote less than 40 words or 2 sentences, which would have properly summarized the discussion. As such, the presentation of that part is nothing more than an irrelevant run-on sentence.

Scholarship / The Global UGRAD Program is.... Why would you be a great participant in the Global UGRAD Program? [2]

Your reference to PASTO App is not really along the lines of community leadership. It will not help you define your community leader role in an essay that requires a laser focus on that discussion. You should remove that paragraph and work on expanding the discussion based on your Access program participation instead. Based on what I read about your participation there, you were able to lead a team that actually provided an improvement or positive change in the life of the members of the community. That is more attuned to the expected information presentation for this essay. You can also remove the 2nd paragraph since it does not tie in with the expected discussion requirements pertaining to proof of your community leadership skills. Focus on talking about the only part that actually helps to properly depict your community leadership development and participation.

Scholarship / Study impact on my career as a Policy Analyst and Planning Expert in government [3]

Remove the first paragraph. You do not need an introductory paragraph when writing character limited responses. The character limit means the reviewer wants you to give a clear and direct response from the very beginning. Shorten the rest of the paragraphs as well because these are too long for the reviewer to spend time reading. Deliver a concise discussion that will ultimately, give the quickest but most relevant explanation of how the study will contribute to your career. Discuss the career goal rather than the extensive preparation. What is the ultimate reason for the study? What is the position you hope to achieve? How does the course make for a clearer career path for yourself? The last paragraph should be the first paragraph with the rest, being the supporting explanations.

Scholarship / How have you implemented a change or reform? Controversial court judgments [3]

Focus on a singular challenge that helped produce reform. Neither of these presentations will actually impress the reviewer because of the academic and unimportant nature of the topics you dealt with. There is no evidence of leadership development, skills and practice that would help impress the reviewer. The events depicted are "ordinary" and are forgetful. It is unfortunate that your relevant experience is not truly challenging and did not truly represent a change or reform. The question is looking into your ability to change the situation in your country as a future leader. This is a weak representation of that requirement. It cannot be used as a strong response. It will weaken your chances at the scholarship. This response may be enough to remove you from consideration due to the irrelevance of your response.

Scholarship / Examples how you will gain from your scholarship. Indonesian policy, collaboration with Australia [3]

The representation of your plans need to subtly include a reference as to how you plan to get around the obstacles. Do not use collective references for the obstacles. For every problem, discuss the obstacle, with the veiled solution. Otherwise, the reviewer will not get a clear picture of your ability to foresee problems and solutions. The idea is to present the collaborative ideas in a manner that can assure its possible implementation in the future. These are simple discussions, nothing more. That is because of the limited discussion development where it should be fully developed to represent obstacles as well. Use one or several obstacles per discussion point using the discussion method I have previously given.

Undergraduate / I'm able to understand how far I can go and the effort that it requires; UGRAD Program participation [2]


This is the most community relevant aspect of your discussion. Yet, it fails to portray you in a leadership role that had you overcoming obstacles, leading the team, supervising activities, and engaging with community members for the realization of the activity. The discussion about your college course is irrelevant in this scenario as it does not contain a community leadership theme. Focus on the prompt requirement. Show the reviewers why you will be great participant in the program based on your service to your home community. That is confusingly presented in this essay. Focus on what is required. Do not confuse the presentation with portrayals that do not have a true community engagement or benefit scenario.

Two activities can be used to portray that:
- Reforestation
- program for the control of public clinical laboratory results.

Revise the essay accordingly.

Writing Feedback / The boss very important do work [2]

A formally written essay / sentence never begins with the conjunction "because". That is due to the word more often than not being used as a connecting word between two connected thought presentations. You should come across that lesson in your English writing classes soon. The rest of the essay is acceptable for an ESL writer. The thoughts you are conveying have a clear subject, an understandable idea, and an easy to follow, although often grammatically incorrect sentence presentation. You are doing well enough so far. I am sure you will become more skilled in English writing grammar over time. Keep writing in English. Continue to read English only materials. I am sure you can only get better from here.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 - A majority of mature people are preferring to live with their families [2]

Wow! 496 words, way over the number of words that you can actually write within the 40 minute time frame if you truly take the time to analyze the question, draft a response, review the response, edit, proofread, and finalize the content. There is absolutely no way that you can do all of that, and write that many words within the given time allowance. Aim for 275-300 words alone. That is the number of written words that will help you focus on the quality of the work you are presenting. This length of essay writing often results in more presentation errors being made. You do not need to write too much, you just have to write the proper number of words that will allow the examiner to best assess your English comprehension and writing skills.

This essay shows that you did not understand the discussion instruction. So you wrote an essay that will fail due to the format not being related to the task assigned. What is the task assigned? It is based on the following:

OQ: Do the advantages of this outweigh its the disadvantages?
Response: In my opinion this trend has both pros and cons in equal measures.

The keyword here is "outweigh". The response cannot show an equality of reasoning due to that word. That specific word "outweigh" means that it is a single opinion essay based on a single supporting statement. Either the advantages weigh more than the disadvantages or the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. There is no other option. Therefore, this essay shall receive an overall failing score based on :

- Improper format response
- Lack of clear opinion in the overall presentation

Writing Feedback / Child care from centers or blood relatives [2]

You have presented an opinion in the first sentence that is not part of the original prompt presentation. You are not required to give a reason in the restatement. Just repeat the facts as indicated. Do not alter the prompt requirement as that is a prompt deviation that will limit your TA score.

This is a 3 reasoning paragraph presentation that focuses on the explanation of the public opinions in separate paragraphs:
- Some working parents believe other family members like grandparents can take care of their children
- others think childcare centres provide the best care.
- the latter's upbringing is the best.

Focus on the explanation of the 2 public opinions using 3rd person pronouns. Why should you do that? Well, that will help you clearly indicated whose opinion is being explained and what it is based on. The reason for that? The prompt uses the words "Some working parents" and "other thing", indicating a difference in public opinion presentation. Once you explain why the public might believe those individual reasons, you can present your own opinion in the 3rd reasoning paragraph using the first person point of view.

Writing Feedback / Fast food is becoming cheaper and more widely available. Do advantages outweigh disadvantages? [4]


- You need to be clear use synonyms for the "advantages outweigh the disadvantages" question in the original prompt. Your response does not correspond to the expected response format. Your response / opinion is therefore not clear and is counter to the discussion instructions you were provided. It is not a comparative essay. It is a single opinion essay that will weigh heavily on the defense of one of the 2 discussion options provided. The response you have written does not follow the required format.

Due to the lack of clarity in your opinion and direct response to the question, it appears that your overall presentation is not aligned with the requirements of the prompt. You have not written a prompt applicable response essay in this case.

Scholarship / GKS Scholarship- Statement of purpose (Language Study Plan) - English and Korean [3]

The language study plan is only one part of a 3 part response. So this reference should not take more than 2 paragraphs, no more than 10 sentences per paragraph. The first paragraph, will explain how you plan to continue to learn how to properly speak and write in English before and after you arrive in Korea. Since you already took the TOEFL test and know that you have English inefficiencies, you should lay our a short form of how you will improve that skill. Do not use an outline. The response requires a paragraph format in concise form. The same goes for the learning of Hangeul. Remember that you are required to combine your response to all the prompt in this section, I believe there are 3 prompts you have to fit onto a single page, so keep your responses short but clear. If you make it to the interview round, you can explain your plans personally in an expanded verbal form. Allot response space accordingly on the page. Use the actual form to type your response into so that you have a better idea regarding if you are going over the space allotment.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing 2 - Rich Countries aid to Poorer Countries [3]

Richer nations, rich countries, and poorer nations are not proper nouns. These references should not be capitalized in your text. These errors will cause GRA penalties right from the start of your essay. That is not a good way to begin your base scoring consideration. At least you responded properly to the prompt question and you showed you understood the original prompt, doing your best to properly restate the original topic and reasons for the discussion. Though ESL in approach, the reader can understand what it is you are trying to say, which will have a positive effect in your GRA score, but not eliminate the penalties you will incur for the previous errors in writing presentation.

While you did a good job of discussing and defending your opinion, your second paragraph is too long. It should be shorter. No more than 5 sentences because the next paragraph should be the reverse paraphrase presentation. The concluding summary that helps to remind the reviewer of the topic, your opinion, and the reasons for your opinion in short form. This is an open-ended essay that will suffer in the final scoring due to the incomplete discussion presentation.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1; The rate of employed British people based on genders in various working fields in 2005 [3]

Did you take into account that you only have 20 minutes to complete this report based on salient information presentations only? Writing 219 words leaves you only 31 words short of the 250 minimum word count for the Task 2 essay. That means writing this task may force you to use some of the Task 2 writing allowance. You do not have to make this report extremely long, just quick and informative. Anywhere between 175-200 words will be sufficient. This is only a task that asks you to prove your ability to restate information in a clear manner. It does not need to be overstated. Keep it short and understandable. That is all this task requires you to do. Due to the length of your essay, you have made more errors in the LR and GRA section than you should have. If you had kept it short, you would have made lesser score deductible mistakes.

Graduate / Cross major - Personal Statement - GKS Graduate University Track [2]


- Do not use English slang words. This term is used as a derogatory reference to someone who does not have a regular job and uses various ways and means to create his finances. It is a disrespectful term to use, specially on your own parents.

The overall essay only responds to the family history, risks, and work experience. it does not relate itself to the rest of the prompt requirements. So you are not truly offering information that will help you become a considerable candidate. You should revise the content by doing the following:

In a new text document, cut and paste all of the prompt requirements. Create 4 spaces in between. Read each question individually, then write a response to the question. Make sure you cover all of the required discussion points and that you do not go over the page requirement for responding to all questions. Do your best to respond in no more than 10 sentences per paragraph / question. That way you will not go over the page requirement. Remove the questions after you have responded to all of them. Then you will be sure that you did not unduly focus on a single or only 2 aspects of the discussion.

Since this a career change essay response, you will need to justify the change in your interest and motivation. There has to be somewhat of a connection between the change in your career interests and your previous education. The English education needs to be somewhat related to this new career interest. You can discuss that in the motivations with which you apply to the program. Are you enrolling via Uni track? Then you should include a clear reference to that in your motivation as well.

I have to warn you though that weak career change scholarship applications do not usually make it past the consideration round and right now, nothing in this presentation will qualify you past the screening round.

Writing Feedback / Some people believe that owning a home is more important than renting one. [3]

Your essay will start off with a failing TA score due to percentage points deductions. You have written only 244 words out of the minimum 250. The target word count for a decent score should be anywhere from 275-300 words. When you write less than the minimum word count, it is almost certain that your essay will fail as you will have point deductions in the TA section for both the lacking word count and, the cut and paste reference to the topic discussion presented in the paragraph. These will weigh down your score heavily, even if you gave a partially correct response to the discussion presentation. You failed to give the topic outline as a part of your thesis statement. Rather than myriad reasons, you should have indicated 2 reasons that you will be discussing in the reasoning paragraphs instead. There are LR issues related to proper word usage and representation. These may have an effect on your GRA score due to the confusion that it could pose to some readers.

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing 2 - Topic: pros and cons of public transport [2]

You are not being asked to discuss why public transportation is so popular and some negatives of using it. Look at the original discussion topic:

OT: What are the pros and cons of using public transport.
YT: In this essay, I will discuss why public transport is so popular and some negatives of using it.

You have changed the discussion requirement in totality. You are no longer using the pro and con discussion, but rather the popularity and negativity that comes with public transportation use. That is a clear prompt deviation which means your TA score will be based on an unrelated response. You will however, still be scored based on the original prompt related discussion paragraphs you have written. Kindly remember that you should never change the topic discussion / requirements because these will result in TA percentage penalties for you in the final score.