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Posts by nurainiyusuf16
Name: Nuraini Yusuf
Joined: Oct 25, 2016
Last Post: Dec 6, 2016
Threads: 47
Posts: 83  
Likes: 6
From: Indonesia
School: Universitas Negeri Makassar

Displayed posts: 130 / page 2 of 4
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nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / A huge number of areas in this world where's difficult to find water [3]

What are the causes of water scarcity? What are your solutions?

Water becomes something that really precious at present, a huge number of areas in this world difficult to find water. Development of an industry in a country is one of the causes. This essay will first discuss about how a company can appear water scarcity, and then talk about what policy government should do to reduce the problem.

Waste materials from a factory not only cause air pollution, but also in society water source. Most of chemical substances as the result of company activities are thrown to river, dam, etc. In Indonesia, one of the big companies, called Lapindo, a Natural Gas and Earth Oil Company, threw all of their waste to a river near from inhabitants live place. As the result, people in that place hard to find water for their necessaries since the river as the main of water source throughout pollution. Not only in the river, company's waste also affected to live area of society at that place where most of them have to move in other place because their home cannot be used for staying as the impact of this industry's waster.

The only one side that can change the big company habit is government. An expert from Economy Industry, University of Indonesia, stated that government has the biggest authority to solve this problem by a policy. Brave action should be taken to make the company reduce their activities that can result was matter and eventually affect to human life. Stopping of company activities can be done if the warning is ignored by them.

All in all, one of causes that make water scarcity in an area is waste matter of company but it can be reduce if government take the assertive steps to these naughty companies.
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / The viewership rate of the news Channel one [4]

Hello Beauty!
Allow me to give you some suggestion.

It can be seen that, the figure for people ...
It dipped to 3.2 millions in December.

... number of viewers at 9:30 p.m was lower than at 6:00 p.m.
... watched at 9:30 p.m was 3.8 millions ...
PAST TENSE

Hope it helps you :)
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / A breakdown of figure for watching Channel One News in three different hour categories during a year [2]

Hello Mardian!
Allow me to give you some suggestions.

... Channel One News in three different hour categories during a year ...

Where is the measurement?
Check the graph again. It should be "three different hour categories"

In May, people watched news far below one millions at 11 pm, while at 9:30 pm recorded just fewer than four millions.

Check the graph again, it revealed that the 11pm news was introduced on 1st May.

The figure for viewers witnessed the greatest point,...

What figure you are talking about? word "it" refers to?

[quote=mardian24]Furthermore, between February and December experienced a fluctuate for viewers .../quote]
Who experienced a fluctuate trend?

while at 1 pm gained a remain steady.

Hope it helps you.
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / A comparison of source of energy to generate electricity in two different countries is shown [3]

Hello Beauty!
Allow me to give you some suggestion.

PUNCTUATION
It could be seen that, there were several ...

Check the graph again.
... electricity production in Germany from n atural g as and coal in 1980 to nuclear energy in 2010.

Another country, Germany experienced a dramatic increase...
Where is the MAIN IDEA? You should put at the beginning of your body paragraph.

Hope it helps you :)
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / A breakdown of the figure for several sources for power plant in New Zealand and Germany; 1980, 2010 [2]

Hello Mardian!
Allow me to give you some suggestions.

A breakdown of the figure for several...

You have to mention the measurement.
A breakdown of the figure for several sources for power plant in New Zealand and Germany in 1980 and 2010 measured by units is revealed in the pie charts.

Overall, it can be seen that, both New Zealand and Germany in 1980 experienced the highest number of coal

Coal experienced the most preferred sources in 1980 at ...

I think you should put the good comparison here. Those information cannot compared.
Look at example below:
Coal experienced the most preferred sources at 56 units in New Zealand, while it only gained 28 units in Germany during 1980.

I think your overview is too much. Try to make the shorter one.
You should the MAIN IDEA for each paragraph.

Hope it helps you!
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 1: The average daily figures for Channel One News over a 12-month period [3]

A breakdown of the information about the number of viewers per day measured by millions for Channel One News over a 12-month period in four part times is revealed in a line chart. Overall, all of the figures showed different trend. The most popular channel news was watched in 9.30pm.

It can be seen that, the 6pm and 1pm news experienced as the favourite and the most unpopular channel news. To begin with, just under 5 million viewers in January, then the 6pm news fell gradually almost over 3 million in the last two years. Meanwhile, the 1pm news witnessed a steady increase until the end of period.

The two channel news that showed a dramatic change of gazer's number over a 12-month period. The 9.30pm news stood at just above 3 million visitors, and then it dipped to almost 1 millions in August, and in the last four months increased markedly to the same point which it started. There was a sharp rise in the number of 11pm news viewers, when it was introduced on 1st may, but after hit a high point approximately 4 million, it showed a gradual rise until the end of period solely at fewer than 1 million viewers.



  • The average daily figures for Channel One News over a 12-month period
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / A breakdown of figure for holidaymakers visited five different countries - in millions [2]

Hello Mardian!
Allow me to give you some suggestion.

Remember! Introduction sentence use Present Tense
A breakdown of figure for holidaymakers visit five different countries...

Egypt and Brazil stood at the same point approximately ten in 1995,

USA and Malaysia a slight went up between 1995 and 2000

, while Egypt existed higher number ...
while in USA appeared almost threefold bigger than of this in 1995.

USA and Malaysia a slight went up ...

Where is the VERB?

Furthermore, from 2005 to 2010, France saw a significantly rise to ninety,

... about 15 to just under 90. The highest point ...

Hope it helps you :)
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Information about foreign tourist coming to some destinations in five countries. [NEW]

A comparison of international visitor arrivals in five different nations which are Brazil, Egypt, Malaysia, France, and USA from 1995 to 2010 measured by millions is revealed in a line chart. As a general trend, all of those countries showed upward style while USA saw the largest number of international tourist arrivals over those years.

It can be seen that, the number of global visitor advents reached a peak in 2010 by France and USA though stood at different point. France experienced a sharp rise, solely at 30 millions in 1995 then increased by 70 million after fifteen years. Meanwhile, the number of international tourists in USA rose gradually from seven in ten in the initial year.

In the last three lowest nations, there was a steady incline of tourist figures. Brazil and Egypt started in same point, then both nations, standing at 20 and 18 million respectively. The middle position was taken by Malaysia, solely at 20 million visitors then it rose markedly at almost a half million holidaymakers.



  • Information about international tourist arrivals in five countries
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / During 1995-2010, the number of international visitors in USA, Brazil, Egypt and Malaysia increased [3]

Hello Beauty!
Allow me to give you some suggestion.

... during this period and USA became the country ...

It can be seen that Brazil, Egypt and Malaysia had ...

Pay attention to your task punctuation
visitors increased in those countries ...
It can be seen that, Brazil, Egypt and ...


In the next years, people visited Egypt more ...

Look at my suggestion below:
In the next years, Egypt's visitors reached the greatest number of tourist arrivals at 20 millions in 2010 more than Brazil.

Brazil and Egypt stood at below 10 millions in 1995 while ...
The number of travellers in Brazil and Egypt experienced same ...
... Malaysia higher than Egypt and Brazi l along these years and ...

Too much repetition "Brazil and Egypt"

Hope it helps you :)
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / A comparison of total units of electricity produce by five sources between 1980 and 2010 [3]

Hello willy!
Allow me to give you some suggestion.

A comparison of total units of electricity ...

Look at my suggestion below:
A comparison of the electricity generation by source in New Zealand and Germany between 1980 and 2010 covered by units is revealed in the four pie charts.

Punctuation
Overall, it is immediately apparent ...

Look at my suggestion below:
there was a rapid incline in the total of units for each countries ...

..., there were a significant rise ...

there were an extreme fall ...

a significant rise: singular
an extreme: singular

It should be "was"

Hope it helps you, break a leg!
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / The information about electricity generate by five fuels in New Zealand and Germany [2]

Hello Bada!
Allow me to give you some suggestions.

Introduction:
Look at my example below:
A breakdown of the information about using electricity generated by five fuels in New Zealand and Generated betweeen 1980 and 2010 measured by percent is exposed in four pie charts .

I have seen some typo in your task.
However, pertoleum and Hydro was the least that used by both coutries in 2010.[/quote]
petroleum
countries

Pay attention to your subject verb agreement.
most of Germany inhabitan in two years period.
decrease in 2010 by both country , at two
inhabitants
countries

Germany people, at 30
by both country, at two.
from Germany, at 22.
You have to use different style, it is so boring to see that.

Hope it helps you. FIGHTING :*
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / A comparison of the information about source of power supply in New Zealand and Germany [3]

Electricity generation by source in New Zealand and Germany in 1980 and 2010

A comparison of the information about source of power supply in New Zealand and Germany between 1980 and 2010 is revealed in pie charts. As a general trend, over thirty years of survey, both nations increased the number of electricity generation. The biggest source which was used by New Zealand was coal. Meanwhile, Germany showed difference of their main material for electricity over those years.

It can be seen that, from the beginning until the end of survey, New Zealand chose to use coal. Even though, the proportion almost threefold higher than in 1980. Hydro supply saw a small increase by 16 units while other experienced downward trend. The most significant was taken by natural gas from three in ten then dipped to 20 units. Petroleum decreased steady in same point, though solely at 11 units in 1980.

Germany saw different trend of power supply source. At the beginning survey, four of matters owned by electricity generation, which were natural gas, nuclear, coal, and petroleum. All of them stood at and above two in ten units. In the next thirty years, nuclear became the major of source for electricity generation. Coal and petroleum saw insignificant increase at almost three in ten units while natural gas and hydro dipped to 2 units.



  • Electricity generation by source in New Zealand and Germany in 1980 and 2010
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / International tourists arrival in five countries in 1995 and 2010 [2]

Hello Bada!
Allow me to give you some suggestion.

A breakdown of the proportion of information ...
Proportion -> percentage
You should use "the number" since it measured in millions


Look at my suggestion below:
visitors in five countries between 1995 and 2010 measured by millions is revealed in a line graph.

Overall, it can be seen that there was a significant upward (...), France and USA, however, Brazil and Egypt ...
Firstly, from 1995 to 2005 there was a variation upward ...
Use punctuation correctly.
Look at my suggestion below:

Overall, it can be seen that, there was a significant ... H owever, Brazil and Egypt ...

Look at my suggestion below:
According to the graph, 2005 saw a significant upward trend ...

Hope it helps you :)
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / The number of International holidaymakers' arrivals in five destination countries between 1995/2010 [3]

Hello Willy!
Allow me to give you some suggestion.

... holidaymakers' arrivals in five destination countries between 1995 and 2010, the data covers by millions over a 15-year periodin five different countries is revealed ...

Redundant : Just mention the detail one time.
You should check the graph again, I think it should be a 5 year period : It is really harmful since your data accuracy will drop.

... that there were an upward trend ...
... there were a slight increase for four ...
... there were a gradual incline for four ...

Pay attention to your subject verb agreement
an upward trend: singular
a slight increase: singular
a gradual incline
It should be "was"


Overall, it can be seen that there were an ...
From 2000 to2005 these had at one millions ...

Use punctuation correctly.
You should put comma between those word.


Overall, I am afraid that it's too long. The number of you words more suitable for writing task 2. 259 words are too much since you need only 150 words for writing task 1.

Then, it iwill better if you use many style of sentence for increasing your score.
Fighting beautiful willy ^^
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / TASK ONE IELTS ACADEMIC WRITING LINE CHART [4]

Hello BAMS!
Allow me to give you some suggestion.

The line chart shows information about total of amount of money a city council presented to the book clubs during four year measured by pound sterling.

Total = amount
1. You should choose one of the, it wil be redundant if you pick all of the.
2. You should put conjunction since there are two subject and two verb in your sentence
2. You should put year here, time signal or when the survey happen

The line chart shows information about the amount of moneythat a city council presented to the book clubs during four year measured by pound sterling.

For next task, you have to put the picture so it will be easy to check your data accuration :)
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / Happiness is an abstract thing that cannot be measured. [6]

Happiness is considered very important in life. Why is it difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness?

Happiness is an abstract thing that cannot be measured. Everyone has their own happiness. People's happiness marked that they have satisfied in their life. Happiness can affect on society health and related to life expectancy of inhabitants. This reason covered why happiness deliberated as really important thing in life. But people happiness is not really hard to find since we can create by ourselves.

Some people believe, happiness is fuels of life. People feel alive when they happy, joy, or delightful. In fact, society feel they are in competition to get happiness. At present, people argue that happiness is wealth. They hold that they feel happy when they can buy luxury goods, the newest car, or go on abroad vacation. All of their happiness, they linked to material. It is the reason why people sometimes think it is so hard to find happiness. Whereas, we can create our own happiness regardless of wealth. Quite thankful with simple things that we have is the most easy way to get happiness such as family, friends, or our beloved person.

A psychiatrist in Harvard University, Robbert Waldinger that discovered study about people happiness. The research holds for 75 years and resulted surprising fact. There are three reasons of people happiness, first is have an intimate relationship. Having a beautiful relationship, warm family or social community prevent people from being lonely. Since close relationship effect to people health both mental and physical. The second is increasing of relationship quality. Make a lot of friends sounds good, but as fine goes many people agree that quality of their relationship give a bigger impact than have many friends. Due to humans are social being, we need to help each other and we feel better if we ask to our close friends or family than the far one. The last is have a stable wedding and supporting each other. Study shows people who have healthy physics and mental when they have a great wedding life, such as never divorce, separate, and got big problem.

All in all, happiness is something that presence in our life which affect to all of aspects in our life. We do not need to search it everywhere as we can form it by ourselves from simple things in our surrounding.
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / Leisure and education became the least expenditure that people spent on in 2002. [3]

The table above gives information on consumer spending on different items in five different countries in 2002. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table elucidates information about the percentage of people's expenditure for several things in five different countries, including Ireland, Italy, Sweden, and Turkey in the year 2002. As is presented in the table, most of people in those countries spent their income for their diet such as in food, beverages, and tobacco. The lowest was for their leisure or study necessary.

To begin with, the highest outlay was spent in food stuff such as meal, drink, and tobacco. In Turkey and Ireland, the percentage in diet spent almost a third nearly five times higher than expenditure in clothing and footwear. On the other hand, Spain and Sweden spent their income in dress about three times less in diet. Meanwhile, in Italy people spent 16.36 percent of their income for their foodstuff almost twice than clothing.

Leisure and education became the least expenditure that people spent in 2002. Only 4.35 percent of Turkey people's income spent on pastime and education. The result was nearly same for others countries, which was no more than 5 percent. 



  • Consumer spending on different items in five different countries in 2002
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / The amount of materials transported based on four vary modes of transport in the UK [6]

Hello Bada!
Allow me to give you a suggestion.

You have a lot of problem with tense here.
Since the time signal in the task is clearly mention, you have to use appropriate tenses.

... transported in the UK between 1974 and 2002 by four different modes of transport

In this case you should use past tense.

The unit of data was measured in million tonnes
... highest of number of goods was road, which was started at 65 in
The least was pipeline which was just under 10 in the first year

Hope it helps you :)
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / The proportion of consumer spending based on sort of item and several countries in Europe [4]

Hello Pram!
Allow me to give you some suggestion :)

... based on sort of item in several countries in Europe, including Ireland , Italy, Spain, Sweden, and Turkey over the year 2002 is provided by table

... study and relax showed the lowest proportion on all items. Besides, three of countries have percentage just under 7 present.

I think you have wrong data here, as I have seen in the table, the percentage is no more than 5 percent for all countries.
However, persons spent their time for study and relax showed the lowest proportion on all items by under 5 percent for all countries.

Hope it helps you :)
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 7, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 2 : Young people; work or travel vs starting university studies [2]

In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

Taking a holiday or get a job is become younger people choose after finish their study. They usually choose to explore or get travel to some places or make up a work for gain some experience before countinue their study. Both of them have drawbacks and merits, it depends on what priority that people have.

Sometimes young people feel dilemma or confused about what major that they want to pick after graduation. In this time take a break for go travelling or find work is the best solution. For example, when they have a break, they can do some voluntary programs based on their predilection. By this way, they can realize what kind of major that they interest based on the relevent experienced which is gained. At the same time, it also can help our financially independet before taking course. Money that is earned by part-time job can help our profit which can be used for university necessary later. Some experience in work after finishing study can help us in university as well. When we got a exercise, we can relate it with our real life when we do our work.

However, a break after graduation also have drawbacks. It will happen when people feel enjoyable with their work. Young people that can earn money by themself will feel comfortable with the status. They think, they can produce money, buy what they want even they do not need take university. It might make them continue doing the same job and would not never join university back. This is quite risky for developing countries, because their hope is in educated young generation that hopely could bring changes.

All in all, take a gap after graduation have good and bad points as well. All of them hinge on priority that young people have at that time. It will better to take university after graduation, but take a rest also not a mistake.
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 7, 2016
Writing Feedback / Each mode of transport reveals an upward trend - the demand for carrying goods is rising [2]

The graph above shows the quantities of goods transported in the UK between 1974 and 2002 by four different modes of transport. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph compares the amount of four distinct types of transport that is used for goods transported in the UK from 1974 to 2002. As a general trend, it can be seen that each modes of transport reveals upward trends even though it had a stead rose and some fluctuation over those years.

Look at the details, from the largest transportation mode which was taken by Road mode. There was a gradual rose in the number of transported. It was started at 70 million tonnes in 1974 and hit a high point at 100 million tonnes in 2002. The smallest was shown by Pipeline. It was started from under 10 million tonnes but increased gradually until reached peak at over 20 million tonnes in 1994 and then showed steady trend from 1994 to 2002.

Water and rail transport stood at same point almost 40 million tonnes in the beginning of survey but it showed different trend for the following years. Water mode increased sharply in 1978 until reached 60 million tonnes, and then showed stable style in the next 12 years. In 1998, water transport rose and reaches over 60 million tonnes. Meanwhile for rail mode, there was a fluctuated trend from 1978 until dipped at almost 20 million tonnes then jumped to over 40 million tonnes in 2002.



  • The quantities of goods transported in the UK between 1974 and 2002
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / Both cement and concrete need different raw materials in production process. [2]

Hellooo ibe13!
Kindly check my suggestions below.

Eventhough production of cement (...), its manufacturing need uneasier machineries and more complex steps than concrete production. [/i]

Turning to the other diagram, to make concrete ...

So simple description, I think you need more clear explanation here. At least, you paragraph should consists of three sentences.
Look at example below:
Turning to the other diagram, it interprets the manufacturing of concrete. Material of concrete is dominated by small stones which is called gravel. This material makes up 50 percent of the ingredients. After that, it is blended in a mixer with 15 percent of cement and 25 percent of sand. Finally, it is added by 10 percent water for completing the process to make the pasta of concrete.

Hope it helps you :)
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / Punishments based on the types of crime without considering any circumstances of such crime [3]

Hello Reski!
Allow me to give you some suggestion.

1. Typo

... like their ages, especially kids ...

2. Subject verb agreement

In the present, crimes happen in every...
crime happens

For example, [b]one year[/b] ago, there ...

3. Appropriate word
especially [b]kids[/b] who doing crime ...
Kids -> informal
Children -> Formal


Hope it helps you :)
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / The way the cement is made and how it is used for produce concrete in construction processes [3]

The diagrams show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.

Both pictures illustrate the way of cement is made and how the cement is used for produce concrete in construction processes. Manufacturing of cement involves some complex procedures which use clay and limestone as the main material. Meanwhile, for making concrete only use blending method to mix cement, water, sand, and grave in favour.

Look at details in the first picture, cement production is begun with crushing of limestone and clay. This process will produce powder that blending in a mixer. Through a pipe the mixture will be heated by using rotating heater which spinning all the time to make perfect blend. Then, it flows to grinder for smoother cement. The last step is packing the cement in the bags.

In the second picture, it interprets the manufacturing of concrete. Material of concrete is dominated by small stones which is called gravel. This material makes up 50 percent of the ingredients. Next, it is blended in a mixer with 15 percent of cement and 25 percent of sand. Finally, it is added by 10 percent water for completing the process to make a pasta of concrete.
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / Learn from the past history, ancient people have doubtless law for each crime. Fixed punishments [3]

Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, ...

At present, blaming someone who involves in a crime can guise a controversy. Some people argue that certain penalty have to be fixed by the parliament for each type of vice. However, others believe that nobody wants to do a crime, they always have hard situation that should be consider by people when deciding the punishment. I personally approve with the second motion due to some of criminal is not really guilty.

Learn from the past history, ancient people have doubtless law for each crime. Everyone has to be punished no matter how big or small the case is. Reason behind the violence never be permitted. It is done since those people believe that punishment can reduce crime level in their community. For example, in United Arab Emirates, imposing law that appropriate with the criminal grade, like people who is discovered for thievery, their hand will be cut no matter what things that they steal. Even for people who kill other person, capital punishment will be delivered for them. So, people will fear from doing violence activity.

On the other hand, others people argue investigation and deep study have to be done before determining criminals' sentence. Reasons why people do the crime have to be clear so that appropriate punishment can be received by them. Due to some of crime happen because of the criminals are in desperate situation. For instance, in involuntary homicide, the criminals who slay other person might be the victim as they have to protect their selves in that time or people that do stealing because of they need money for their family feed. Thus, the parliament has considered why the crime could happen to decide a wise judgment.

All in all, truly assessment and consideration have to done before the punishment is decided. Due to not all of the violent is really responsible.
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / Cement is made by limestone and clay, besides, concrete is from cement, sand, gravel, and water [4]

Hello Bada!
Allow me to give you some suggestion :)

... information about cement-producing process and how.../font]

The equipment that is used for making cement are mixer...

... limestone and clay while concrete is made by cement...

Kindly check your task again, and be concern with your sentences structure.

Just few correction and suggestion for your better task.
Hope it helps you :)
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / The public issue states that it should be decided to fix the punishment level in each crime. [2]

Hello Bada!
Kindly check my suggestions below.

These days, there are many crimes from light ...

I do not find the sentence's explanation in your body paragraph. If you want to add this sentence, it will better if you add some information that related with the promp.

There are statement that in deciding ...

Subject verb agreement
There are statements that in deciding the punishment it

So, it must be different for its committing.

It will be better if you use "Therefore" than "So"
Therefore, it must be different for its committing

For note:
1. Sentence structure
2. Appropriate word
3. Tenses


Just few correction and suggestion for your better task.
Hope it helps you :)
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / The information about several goods and steps to produce cement, and how to make concrete by cement. [4]

Hello Willy!
Kindly check my suggestion below.

... of equipment each and there [b]are mixed by each tools[/b] with simple way.

Mixed -> showing a mixture of different feelings or opinions (Cambridge)
Look at example below:

Overall, it can be seen that to produce both of cement and concrete are needed more than one of equipment for each and there are used many tools with simple way.

After cement is produced, it is used to produce concrete.

Cement that is produced use for concrete manufacturing

Just few correction and suggestion for your better task.
Hope it helps you :)

nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / Making cement from limestone and clay while the concrete requires cement, sand, water and gravel [4]

Hello Beauty!
Kindly check my suggestion below.

...how cement and concrete produce by some steps and...
Use appropriate conjunction.

...the stage for cement production is many more than making concrete...
Lost word.

Then, that powder is blended in mixer and ...

Lastly, the cement is packaged into cement bags.

Just few correction and suggestion for your better task.
Hope it helps you :)
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / Some literature state that the most factor of air pollution influenced by fuels. [5]

Hello Bada!
Allow me to give you some suggestion.

Solving air pollution can be done by many ways. Some literatures state that the most factor of air ...

There is uncoherence between the first and the second sentence.
Then, in sentence "... most factor of air pollution influenced by fuels" may you mean the amount of fuels not the fuels exactly.

Look at example below:
Solving air pollution can be done by many ways. Increasing of fuels cost might be the one. People argue that the government has to make an policy which the price of fuels would be increase. Since some literatures state that the most factor of air pollution influenced by the amount of fuels. Improving of fuels price have possibility to make people thinking twice to buy it.

You delivered good idea in your body paragraphs, only concern to the sentence structure and tenses.

Hope it helps you :)
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / Decreasing of vehicle's number is a good news for the pollution's problem [3]

Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
What other measures do you think might be effective?


Development of traffic and pollution have become two major concerns worldwide lately. A plenty of solutions have been offered by people to deal with these problems. One of them is improving petrol's price. Personally, I believe that submitting a higher cost can reduce traffic and pollution based on some views.

To start with, a classic economy theory that states higher product affect to the lower demanding of the product and reversely. Using this theory, can be stated, when the price of petrol increase, the consumer will be lesser due to people may be more conscious to use vehicle since they have to pay more for fuels. Surely, it affects to pollution levels and reducing traffic in the city. By increasing petrol's price, it is declining possibilities of people who want to use private vehicle as they need more money for the fuels. They will think twice before buy the vehicle. Decreasing of vehicle's number is good news for pollution's problem since both of them related to each other. Pollution is resulted from vehicle, the reduction will lead decreasing a great deal of pollution.

Meanwhile, other solution which might be effective is improvement of public transportation. In my country, Indonesia, a wide range of private vehicle has increased every year by ten percent. A survey has been done to investigate what factors that make the improvement. Most of inhabitants argue that they have not felt comfortable, unsafe, and cannot adapt with the high cost. A clearly solution that government or other responsibility party have to take for solving this problem. Since public transport is addressed to society, it has to be comfortable enough for them. So, people will choose to use public transport than their own vehicle. This idea absolutely can reduce the amount of traffic and pollution as well.

To sum up, there are many ways to reduce traffic and pollution and certainly have a good impact. Increasing fuel cost is true as proposed solutions.
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / A glance at the three given graphs reveal some differences among the expenditures at an UK school [2]

This three pie charts show the changes in annual spending by a particular UK school in 1981,1991, and 2001.

A glance at the three given pie graphs reveal some differences among the expenditures at a certain UK school in three different years with 10 years interval starting from 1981 to 2001. As a general trend, the proportion of educators' salaries was accounted for the highest percentage in school expenditures. Meanwhile, school's insurance had the smallest percentage of annual school spending over the times observed.

Looking at the details, the figure of educators' pay check stood at 40 percent in 1981. There was a dropped in the number of school spending by 5 percent in the next ten years. Then, reached a peak at 50 percent in 2001. Other school expenditures for employees' salaries spent 28 percent in 1981. It then rose gradually to 50 percent after one decade but drop to 45 percent in 2001.

Others two aspects shared same trend were resources for school and investment on furniture and equipment. Both graphs showed fluctuation trend and stood at same point which at 15 percent but showed different point in the next two decades. Some resources like books increased rapidly to 20 percent in 1991 then dipped in 2001 at 9 percent. Meanwhile, for investment on furniture and equipment, there was a plunged to 5 percent in 2001. Then, it hit a high point at 23 percent. The last, school insurance, showed upward trend that remained fairly stable over twenty years and enrolment peak in 2001 at 23 percent.



  • The changes in annual spending by a particular UK school
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / The process of air circulation which goes in and out in through several ventilation holes in house [4]

Hello Sarlinda!
Allow me to give you some suggestion.

1. Paragraphing
Your task will get better if you make the parts is clear
For example:
Paragraph 1 -> Introduction+ Overview
Paragraph 2 -> Body 1
Paragraph 3 -> Body 2


2. Please kindly check my suggestion below for your sentence
..., we can show that the house had (...) of air ventilations which have been placed on ...

Hope it helps you :)
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / The Relationships of Employees with Their Manager and Co-Workers [6]

Hello Sarlinda!
Allow me to give you some suggestion.

managers and colleagues in workplace after five yearsgap in 2005 and 2009.

This sentence will make people confused about this word, I guess. "After five years" sounds like the survey only done in 2009.
It will be better if you say "managers and colleagues in workplace over 2005 and 2009 years.


Consider with tenses.

there were less 10 % of employees who gave answers "fair"

after had increased by 4 %

which had been steadily above 60 % since

In this task, you have to use past tense since the time signal is clear.

Hope it helps you :)
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / The People Perspectives to Others by Their Clothes Wear [3]

Hellooooo Sarlinda!
Allow me to give you some suggestion.

Nowadays, the innovations of fashion styles have rapidly changed,

Nowadays, the innovations of fashion styles have changed rapidly.
Change -> verb
Rapidly -> Adverb
Verb+adverb


Nowadays, the innovations of fashion styles have rapidly changed, Every people ...

I guess that it is not clear introduction paragraph sarlinda :)
Look at the prompt below:

Some people say that the clothes people wear are the most important indication of what they are like. Others, however, say that people should not be judged by the clothes they wear.

Those are three keyword which you should put in your introduction. At least, you have to mention them.
It will better to put your statement here. It helps you to answer the prompt about your own opinion.
Please kindly to check example that I have put below.

At present, the way people look and their dress become an identity for them. Some people argue the fabrics that people wear is the most important indication of what they are like. Due to people who use a suit cloth is seen as an executive while people who use casual clothes is judged as less education people. Others say that it is not fair to judge people by the way they look. Personally, I believe that people clothing is one way to predict how people do like but it is not the best

I found a good flow in your body paragraph. Keep practice.

Hope it helps you, keep writing honey :)
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / Children Have to Eat Healthy Food at School [8]

Hello Anna!
Allow me to give you a suggestion.
I have found that you did not put one keyword in your body paragraphs. Look at the prompt below.

To learn effectively, children need to eat healthy meal at school. How true is this statement? Whose responsibility is it to provide food for school children?

Those are three keywords that should you put in your body paragraph.
1. What the relation between learn effectively and ealthy meal?
2. are children need to eat healthy meal at school?
3. What your opinion about this prompt?
4. Whose responsibility to provide food for school children? parents, school, or other people?

At least, you have to answer the question above.

Hope it helps you :)
nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / Results in airlines customer satisfaction levels and comfort for specifics of the flying experience. [3]

The chart and table below show customer satisfaction levels in the US with airlines and aspects of air travel in 1999, 2000 and 2007.

Both pictures give information about survey results in airlines customer satisfaction levels and passengers' satisfaction for specific of the flying experience. This survey covered United States in 1999, 2000, and 2007. Overall, customers had a high satisfaction for the job the nation's major airlines were doing which was over these years more than a half of all costumers were satisfied. The highest satisfaction aspects were came from courtesy of flight attendants.

The bar chart illustrates passengers who enjoy the airlines and others that feeling bad. From 1999 to 2007, the number of satisfied costumer increased gradually. It was started from 65 percent then grew by 4 percent in 2000 and reached a peak at 72 percent in 2007. Meanwhile, costumers who dissatisfied showed downward trend. There was a slight decreased over those years until in 2007 dropped to 24 percent.

The table shows specific aspects of air travel experience. The biggest percentage satisfaction came from courtesy of flight attendant which hit a high on 92 percent in 2007. The lowest came from comfort of seats, which was just started in 2007 and got 47 percent of passengers' satisfaction. The next aspects are courtesy of check in/gate agent, price of tickets, and schedules which did not have significant improvement between 1999 and 2007.






nurainiyusuf16   
Nov 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / Courtesy of flight attendants became a greater factor of air travel than courtesy of check- in/ gate [6]

Hello Willy!
Allow me to give you some suggestions.

The chart gives information about [...] flying experience caused satisfaction.

It is a good introduction, but it will be better if you make it in one sentence to make it more effective.

Courtesy of flight attendants became bigger factor of air ...

I think what you mean in this sentence is "the biggest".
Courtesy of flight attendants became the biggest factor in air travels than courtesy of check-in/gate agents over three-years period

Hope it helps you :)

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