Undergraduate / Volleyball and grandparents. REVIEWING MY COLLEGE ADMISSION ESSAY [4]

If you would not mind reading my admission essay and critique it. The good and bad. THIS IS JUST A ROUGH DRAFT! The prompt is

What was the environment in which you were raised? Describe your family, home, neighborhood, or community, and explain how it has shaped you as a person.

February 8th, 2015 is a day that I will forever remember. It was a busy weekend playing in a very big volleyball tournament. I was in a good mood all weekend, because my team was doing very well. I was having the best weekend. After we won our last game before the championships, I ran over to my dad with the biggest smile on my face. My dad didn't have his normal happy face, he looked rather concerned, and sad even which I thought was rather odd. He then informed me that my grandfather in Kansas had a heart attack and passed away during my game. That's when my smile immediately changed, and tears formed in my eyes. I have never experienced so much hurt in my life. So many questions were running through my brain. I was shocked, frozen. To this day, that moment still replays in my head all the time. The man that I respected, and loved the most was gone. This moment shaped who I am today.


I grew up in the care of my grandparents, so I was very close to them especially my grandpa. Me being first born made our bond even more unbreakable. His death was really hard on me. For a while I was upset and really depressed. I soon realized that me being depressed is not what he would want me to be doing. My grandfather was the best man to me, and my family. He taught me about myself and shaped the person I am today. He taught a lot of things that I have learned. He always taught me never to give up, and I can accomplish anything that I put my mind to. Not to let anyone tell me I cant do something, and if they do prove them wrong. He was my number one supporter. He pushed me to do my best and never to give up.

What my grandfather taught me back then I try to apply it to my everyday life. Everything I do is for him. His death motivates me to grind hard and don't let anyone stop me. Him telling me "never give up, you can achieve anything." Has really impacted me a lot. Him saying that influenced me to apply for the University of Texas. I am going to go to college and get my education. Proving everyone who doubted me wrong. I know I am making him proud of who I am today.