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Writing college admission, application, and scholarship essays (page 382)

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I want to push the submit button tonight (Stanford)

19 - VERY NICE! however, nitpicking: My Hard work, sweat, and perseverance all climaxed to that point. - this...

Undergraduateekfoong - Oct 31, 2009 / twizzlestraw - Nov 25, 2009
Putting my thoughts on paper; UT austin Statement of Purpose

7 - I think this will be my final, before my submission. Thank you Kevin for the editing that you done...

Undergraduatenuncio900 - Oct 31, 2009 / nuncio900 - Nov 18, 2009
Common App #4 - Fictional Influence (Free Thinking)

4 - Thanks for the suggestions Vulpix. My English teacher told me the same thing about the abstractness, but what I...

UndergraduateSesmo - Oct 31, 2009 / Sesmo - Nov 1, 2009
UF essay- "New perspective from a close experience"

5 - Yes, delete "the" and keep "swung on swings." Sorry I'm late! Yes it makes sense, no you...

Undergraduateapa6177 - Oct 31, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 2, 2009
unfamiliar teenagers - BROWN SUPP. Best Advice

5 - It will be great if, at the end, you reflect on the advice and talk about it, using the...

Undergraduatesammiepuddle - Oct 31, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 2, 2009
Rutgers Essay about benefiting from and contributing to its community

3 - I think you should write seventeen instead of 17. In academics, I've always been talented with subjects that...

Undergraduatebyflash - Oct 31, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 2, 2009
Page 271 of my autobiography "This bus ride is about remembering"

8 - Love this essay. One quick little grammatical correction (and this is just my opinion, feel free to leave it...

Undergraduatetofued - Oct 31, 2009 / abutler5 - Nov 5, 2009
"I will not conform" - UF essay

4 - I understand the "overall message" of this essay and I'm not suggesting it be changed. I think langa makes...

Undergraduatelanga - Oct 31, 2009 / jean253 - Oct 31, 2009
MY DREAM TO BECOME A BALLERINA AND OVERCOME BEING SHY UCLA PROMPT 2

4 - (Response to introversion suggestion). Well actually I didn't prefer to be alone I was just to shy to interact,...

Undergraduateshadejade - Oct 31, 2009 / shadejade - Nov 5, 2009
UF Admissions Essay - Meaningful Event - Left by Dad

2 - Great job! I found some corrections to make here: I didn't realize it at that time that I...

Undergraduatejlooser09 - Oct 31, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 2, 2009
"Making a change for the better, a photo at a time."-UF adm. essay

6 - "My experience in my photo class has been a brilliant experience so far, and has already made a change...

UndergraduateBrickwiggles - Oct 31, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 2, 2009
leadership and team working skills, why they must choose me?

3 - Thank you very much Sammiepuddle and Kevin!!!...

UndergraduateLightman - Oct 31, 2009 / Lightman - Nov 5, 2009
How my life has shaped me towards a career in robotics- UC application essay.

5 - Some people think "over" is not quite right: Being one of more than 1.5 billion Indians in the world,...

Undergraduatecaffino54 - Oct 31, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 2, 2009
UF Admissions Essay -- Boarding School

5 - ...was not only challenging but also turned out to be rewarding. It was a little awkward. You can...

Undergraduatechewyy123 - Oct 31, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 2, 2009
University of Texas- Transfer to Comp Sci Statement of Purpose

4 - The answer to that question comes from looking at topic sentences. When people read the essay, they will either...

Undergraduatedruciferfree - Oct 31, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 6, 2009
"Surviving from Depression" UF prompt

3 - Thank you so much for the feedback. It is definitely more fluent....

Undergraduatekayyao - Oct 31, 2009 / kayyao - Nov 5, 2009
Strange admission essay questions (University of Victoria - social work program)

3 - The first one says they want to make sure the applicants really do have aspirations that are consistent with...

Undergraduatejbonnell - Oct 31, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 2, 2009
Common App essay - bicycling the country

2 - I'm really sorry I didn't get to this in time! I hope you do well. If you still have...

Undergraduatesickziphere - Oct 31, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 2, 2009
Northwestern- my kind of soup

2 - Great use of colons and semi-colons in that first paragraph. Take out the word "underlying" if you want, because...

Undergraduateangie127 - Oct 31, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 2, 2009
150 word essay common application. Talent used to it's full potential

2 - Hello, I suggest that you may consider to pick up a particular activity and describe it? Now it is...

Undergraduatejaimeealexis - Oct 31, 2009 / lichun2644 - Oct 31, 2009
'nursing and medical encyclopedias' - personal statement for USF Nursing Program

2 - I AM SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR SON In the first paragraphy I think you should just state...

Undergraduatejaimeealexis - Oct 31, 2009 / shadejade - Oct 31, 2009
"Teaching Kids, Who Ended Up, Teaching Me"

4 - A few misspellings but that's about it. You have a strong introduction but I don't see how the kids...

Undergraduatethickieg - Oct 31, 2009 / fendij3 - Nov 2, 2009
personal essay. uc. a move changed everything or almost.

15 - It's a great one!!! I really like it... but just one more thing, I feel the ending is not...

Undergraduatemeisj0n - Oct 31, 2009 / Laurazhu - Nov 30, 2009
CommonApp - Personal Essay - Topic of Your Choice - "Believing is Achieving"

3 - That's a little harsh. Parallelism can sometimes be subtly sidestepped, as contrast and rhythm also have importance. The...

Undergraduateago1130 - Oct 31, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 2, 2009
our legal justice system is faulty!!

13 - I think you are asking if this essay works for a prompt that asks you to write about something...

Undergraduatepcvrz34g - Oct 31, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 27, 2009
GLBT issue involvement stems from minor assault - UF essay

3 - It was a One morning in the fall of my 8th grade year that forever changed my outlook on...

UndergraduateLP2010 - Oct 31, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 2, 2009
UMich Setback: Freshman year grades

4 - pprajoth, You started a new thread on the same subject (you should have continued in the original subject)....

Undergraduatepprajoth - Oct 31, 2009 / EF_Team - Oct 31, 2009
Duke Supplemental (the stimulants of mind)

4 - My 1st post! gotta work on my own essays, but since im here... As I sat in the...

Undergraduatesrandhawa - Oct 31, 2009 / meisj0n - Oct 31, 2009
'little delicate bells ringing' - Stanford - the Intellectual Engaging essay

6 - Click on the Username to find all threads strated by user X :)...

Undergraduatechoi_minho - Oct 31, 2009 / EF_Team - Nov 1, 2009
I can remember song lyrics, quote megabytes of baseball statistics but forget basic math formulae

2 - How am I able to remember the song lyrics and quote megabytes of baseball statistics while struggling to...

Undergraduatepprajoth - Oct 30, 2009 / pcvrz34g - Oct 31, 2009
Common App Essay: "Why I Shouldn't Go To College"

10 - Hi there, I liked your essay and thanks for sharing it! I do have some thoughts for you....

Undergraduatepennhopefull - Oct 30, 2009 / ivyeyesediting - Nov 1, 2009
Infinities of Chess, 150 word common application short answer.

10 - EF_Kevin thank you very much. As a thinker, I've always enjoyed games with the potential to exercise the...

Undergraduateqomoco - Oct 30, 2009 / qomoco - Nov 3, 2009
Essay on my own novel, creativity, and physics

5 - I'm very sorry I didn't get to help before the deadline had passed. Luckily, though, this is some kind...

UndergraduateAwreccan - Oct 30, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 2, 2009
"I plan to excel in the field of nursing" - My response to the UCLA prompt 1

14 - Well, this is an opportunity to show how driven you are and show your intentions. It is nice...

Undergraduateshadejade - Oct 30, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Sep 8, 2010
Academic Community at UPenn

4 - thank you for your reply. I applied to UPenn however, this was my essay to them. If i dont...

Undergraduatepennhopefull - Oct 30, 2009 / pennhopefull - Nov 9, 2009
Leadership & Service; UIUC EC Prompt - Student Council/Extracurricular activity

3 - "The move from middle school to high school was rough and I struggled to find my niche-back then" ...

Undergraduateflipflap88 - Oct 30, 2009 / bmachado - Oct 30, 2009
Common App Essay-- A Train Ride In Japan

3 - Over the summer I went to Japan and I was staying with a Japanese host family. I had to...

Undergraduatepekingduck - Oct 30, 2009 / pekingduck - Oct 31, 2009
UF admissions essay my dads death and the experience

3 - Thanks i like the suggestions and i am going to follow them, grammar has never been my forte, However...

Undergraduatemichaelrulaz - Oct 30, 2009 / michaelrulaz - Oct 31, 2009
Common App Essay - A Fatal Mistake

3 - I remember first meeting Turjoh in my brother's sixth grade class. I was fourteen years old, and... I...

Undergraduaterafeeki92 - Oct 30, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 1, 2009
u of i essay on engineering....academic interests/professional goals

3 - I think you might want to take out the "The College of Engineering at the University of Illinois is...

Undergraduaterbwmn1 - Oct 30, 2009 / anuj1450 - Nov 1, 2009
The Lifetime Challenge within Me - Common App Main Essay

7 - What were you doing when you wrote this? I feel like you were sitting at your computer fiddling with...

Undergraduatehope123 - Oct 30, 2009 / ekfoong - Nov 1, 2009
obstacle and family history, culture - UCF personal statement essay

3 - I think you should revise the sentences: The loss of my cousin brought my whole family together as a...

Undergraduateluckyplayer777 - Oct 30, 2009 / masood_mj - Nov 3, 2009
COMMON APP SHORT ANSWER ~ Hospital volunteer

4 - Hey, I think this is really good especially for a short answer. From what I have read colleges like...

Undergraduatesbdaiquiri - Oct 30, 2009 / lexmonti - Nov 1, 2009
"Moving on" - impact on my life UF essay :)

3 - I think you should use " " marks and reword like this: "Moving on" is a term that...

Undergraduateacat6332 - Oct 30, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 1, 2009
UF Application Essay-8th gradefailure turns into high school academic excellence

8 - "First Honors! I finally have First Honors!" This statement of what you said seems kinda unnatural. To me...

UndergraduateLyss - Oct 30, 2009 / kvon99 - Oct 31, 2009
Weightlifting at American Open - UF addmissions essay

4 - alright. thanks!...

Undergraduateluckyplayer777 - Oct 30, 2009 / luckyplayer777 - Oct 31, 2009
First family rescue- University of Florida Essay

4 - Thank you guys lysss i read your essay and responded :)...

Undergraduatekvon99 - Oct 30, 2009 / kvon99 - Oct 31, 2009
Common Application: influential figure

3 - Great, great essay. Nothing is as important in admission essay writing than to offer the reader some relief from...

Undergraduatestevieg - Oct 30, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 1, 2009
"My mother's drug use" - determination and knowledge

9 - My determination and the knowledge I have gained throughout my life have helped... This is so well-written, the...

Undergraduatebmachado - Oct 30, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 29, 2010
"flight 931!" - UF ESSAY draft can someone revise it

3 - Brandy, that is a great contribution, thanks! Hi Maritza, I think you did a great job of explaining...

Undergraduatemimi911 - Oct 30, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 1, 2009
How do I write this essay on education definition properly?

3 - Don't use sentence fragments in this kind of essay; we don't want them to think you don't know the...

Undergraduateessayman123 - Oct 30, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Oct 30, 2009
Essay about how my interests and experiences influenced my major selection

2 - Bad first sentence. Scrap the whole first paragraph, but tell about your mother and sister in paragraph 2. ...

Undergraduategiants410 - Oct 30, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Oct 30, 2009
"English Corner" Extracurricular Activity UIUC-prompt

4 - What made everyone feel uneasy? Was it that they did not know each other and spoke different languages? ...

Undergraduatekayyao - Oct 30, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 2, 2009
"first-impressions are important" - Stanford Roomate Supplement Essay

5 - Your essay is great. I love it, but I actually missed the "doors open" part in your revised essay....

Undergraduateanisem - Oct 30, 2009 / sherbert - Oct 31, 2009
'To be influential' commonapp essay

5 - wow, it feels sooooo great to see your reply, THX!!! I was thinking about reiterating the question at the...

Undergraduatejwbx2yl - Oct 30, 2009 / jwbx2yl - Nov 3, 2009
Macaulay Honors-Internet is a boon to Intellectual Development

2 - One way to make it shorter and also better is to eliminate unnecessary words: At 4:00 PM on...

Undergraduatevladr72492 - Oct 30, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 1, 2009
Story didn't stop here; experience- tour of college

5 - thanks！ that really help :p and i wrote my 4th draft... please read and give some advice.....

Undergraduatecissylewel - Oct 30, 2009 / cissylewel - Oct 31, 2009
"It's a Sign" + " Artistic Interpretation"

4 - Well, about the feedback, I saw some great feedback you gave, too. I am just in the habit of...

UndergraduateNinja - Oct 29, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 4, 2009
University of Michigan (Issue of Local Concern)

5 - Thank you so much for the great advice Kevin! I will edit this and post a revised one soon....

UndergraduateFiddysin - Oct 29, 2009 / Fiddysin - Nov 1, 2009
Why Columbia? stunning level of involvement around the campus

4 - it's really short and to the point. I like it :) yet you could have elaborated a bit more...

Undergraduatejohcha - Oct 29, 2009 / hbrad8002 - Nov 26, 2009

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