Unanswered [12] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate [26,496] - page 389 of 442

Undergraduate

Writing college admission, application, and scholarship essays (page 389)

Threads | Replies
Lafayette College SHORT ANSWER (drawing Chinese paintings)

6 - Ummmm...There's a mistake, I meant to type 7......

Undergraduateayida365 - Oct 16, 2009 / ayida365 - Oct 18, 2009
'headmistress in modern China / Power of Knowledge' - Smith College Supplement

6 - Great! Tell about what kind of psychology you want to specialize in! It will make you more distinguished and...

Undergraduatezouztingt - Oct 16, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Oct 30, 2009
I'm from China - common app personal statement

10 - lmy125 Yeah, I'm from PRC. Ummm...for example..."A writer who keeps diary since elementary school and strives to capture...

Undergraduatelmy125 - Oct 16, 2009 / ayida365 - Oct 17, 2009
common app essay- first topic- "The Palpitation"

2 - Ow. The experience you describe, while it must have been terrifying, was not in fact a matter of...

UndergraduateBasker - Oct 16, 2009 / EF_Sean - Oct 16, 2009
First Cut / Sister's eating disorder - U of M Essay

13 - You choose a good topic, you have some good descriptions, I just think you could work a little bit...

Undergraduateworldbound10 - Oct 16, 2009 / srandhawa - Oct 30, 2009
I still don't know, what who I want to become

6 - I completely agree with Tsunami! For one, just take out "type of" in the first line. It makes it...

Undergraduatesnow153 - Oct 15, 2009 / gongan - Oct 19, 2009
"Crash" - Tranfer essay for common app

4 - i think you need to focus more on the transfering part...

Undergraduatesoapman - Oct 15, 2009 / anniebiotic - Oct 17, 2009
"I saw a baby die." - Common App Essay - Significant Experience

4 - Alright, thanks a lot. I'll think about how to incorporate the parents and their feelings. The essay is already...

Undergraduatemuffinman8380 - Oct 15, 2009 / muffinman8380 - Oct 15, 2009
Area of my choice-- Medicine

4 - Hi Viraj, While my interest in Pre-Medicine provided a foundation of my future, it was the surrounding that...

UndergraduateViraj Patel - Oct 15, 2009 / qyuiosilent - Oct 15, 2009
Writing about either philosophy or political parties, NEED HELP

2 - This is just my own personal idea, but it fits with what you are trying to do. The...

Undergraduatechocoholic_jo - Oct 15, 2009 / EF_Stephen - Oct 15, 2009
Adult returning to school... review/critique this very ROUGH draft?

7 - Start by researching your topic. Then, brainstorm to think of things you want to say about your topic that...

Undergraduateboosted_347 - Oct 15, 2009 / EF_Sean - Oct 17, 2009
Common App Short Answer - Playing piano at retirement homes

2 - First sentence can be "The opening chord was flawless, but" That cuts one word. Third sentence, you can...

UndergraduateWoolachee - Oct 15, 2009 / EF_Stephen - Oct 15, 2009
Michigan Engineering Short Essay

3 - Very good essay. I think it is focused and good for a U of M short answer. The only...

Undergraduateqyuiosilent - Oct 15, 2009 / worldbound10 - Oct 15, 2009
'my sister is bulimic' - University of Michigan essay topic

2 - Hey. First, I think writing about how you resolve the difficult relationship with your bulimia sister is a good...

Undergraduateworldbound10 - Oct 15, 2009 / brucexu - Oct 15, 2009
Bridging two worlds: UC Personal Statement #1

3 - sentence #2 in intro is rather awkward. doesn't show yourself in a good light. sentence #3 in body1 is...

Undergraduatechhhristine - Oct 15, 2009 / meisj0n - Nov 22, 2009
In five or six sentences, tell us how you first became interested in BU

10 - Well~your answer is much more compelling than mine since I live far away from US~Good luck~...

Undergraduateyolaynyciriaco - Oct 14, 2009 / ying7686 - Nov 1, 2009
"every single sport and after school activity" - college application essay.

3 - I just wanted to say thank you SOOO much Jeannie for helping me out on this, becaus i want...

Undergraduatecma29 - Oct 14, 2009 / cma29 - Oct 17, 2009
"privileged with several years of study" - FSU college essay

4 - Yes. Well, then, good luck....

UndergraduateWuskin - Oct 14, 2009 / EF_Sean - Oct 15, 2009
Looking for advice on one sentence of admission essay

7 - The top reviewer's revision makes the sentence much more concise and less confusing/wordy. I started to edit it, and...

UndergraduateJason51224 - Oct 14, 2009 / worldbound10 - Oct 16, 2009
UIUC Essay Help?-Psychology

3 - its very generic to say you wanna help beter lives. i think you should be specific abt what you...

Undergraduateheyimbecca - Oct 14, 2009 / senioryear - Oct 15, 2009
Undergrade Advice (contribute to diversity + meaningful event)

2 - Be honest, but do it in a tactful way. never put anything that will detract from the admissions office...

UndergraduateCollegeBoundKid - Oct 14, 2009 / Mariam892 - Oct 14, 2009
"just go back in the cage..." - An extracurricular activity essay

6 - Your new version is better, but still falls short. What you need to do is to elaborate on this:...

Undergraduatebythe_Secoast - Oct 14, 2009 / EF_Sean - Oct 15, 2009
"Bump in the road", Hide and Seek - for Central Florida Application

4 - thanks for the advice, im working on the essay now=]...

Undergraduatedkinny23 - Oct 14, 2009 / dkinny23 - Oct 15, 2009
"Last summer" - Common Application Short Answer

2 - Why is functional cure in quotation marks? When I see something in quotation marks like that, I see it...

Undergraduatenpirwa4 - Oct 14, 2009 / Kev - Oct 14, 2009
UPenn Essay Prompt - Common App - "Writing has always been a therapy"

4 - Maybe I'm not understanding the last few sentences correctly. I really like the "the chance to be part... for...

Undergraduatesupermodella - Oct 14, 2009 / A Sizzle - Oct 14, 2009
How films have influenced my life :)- fsu essay

2 - You can cut your first paragraph completely. It says nothing of interest. Your second paragraph can go too....

Undergraduateacat6332 - Oct 14, 2009 / EF_Sean - Oct 14, 2009
elaborate on one of your activites in 150 words or less (football)

6 - okay im handing this in tonight so any other comments would be greatly appreciated....

Undergraduatemetrostars25 - Oct 14, 2009 / metrostars25 - Oct 16, 2009
Why essay ----- why Hamilton ---- thanks!

3 - harzel ok thanks...I think you are right. I haven't understood the school spirit enough...It's more than teach writing. I...

Undergraduatezealzou - Oct 14, 2009 / zealzou - Oct 14, 2009
Personal statement describing the applicant's objective, aspiration.

2 - At first, thanks for reviewing my essay!... Wow...you have a unique angle telling the story...but I think you...

Undergraduateeternal flame - Oct 14, 2009 / zealzou - Oct 14, 2009
"I want to study in the multicultural environment" - APU admission essay

5 - oohh, basic mistake :) . thank you for ur help Damon1570 :)...

UndergraduateRavie - Oct 13, 2009 / Ravie - Oct 18, 2009
Common App essay - a new approach to an old prompt

4 - Um. You are aware that the point of this essay is to show what a *good* candidate you are,...

UndergraduateA Sizzle - Oct 13, 2009 / EF_Sean - Oct 15, 2009
FSU "Vires, Artes, Mores".. artistic pursuits.

3 - You can just write another draft and post the new one below. Let me give my ieas for this...

Undergraduatebpyk - Oct 13, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Oct 14, 2009
Florida State Essay - Latin terms used correctly?

2 - This is great! The poem is great, and the inspiration you draw from your brother is, too. I think...

Undergraduatedatagirl - Oct 13, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Oct 14, 2009
I am Vampire Slayer (not Dracula or the coven of the Twilight series type)

4 - No problem. Yeah the length is hard, especially when the piece you have written is already very concise....

Undergraduatedramacratic - Oct 13, 2009 / samcguff - Oct 14, 2009
Maria and father - FSU Essay.

3 - I think you are off to a good start and this a great paragraph. However, I do not think...

UndergraduateAGilberti1 - Oct 13, 2009 / mikesperry79 - Oct 13, 2009
"living more and more" - FSU ESSAY i need help

4 - Suspended for ignoring the thread title rules. EF...

Undergraduatehellomello15 - Oct 13, 2009 / EF_Team - Oct 13, 2009
'Doing something meaningful in life' - Peace Corp Essay

2 - This is very good. Your transitions are smooth, and your flow is logical. I always think these things...

Undergraduatempassal - Oct 13, 2009 / EF_Stephen - Oct 13, 2009
"my strength in mind, body and soul" - FSU app, vires.

NEW - As I unravel the events and thoughts that I've had in past and present the philosophy "Vires, Artes, Mores"...

Undergraduatedanceislife_e - Oct 13, 2009 / — -
"Pacing and pacing" - Fsu Admission Essay Vires

3 - You make the change sound so sudden, without explanation. You say you became "quiet" and "to yourself" but you...

Undergraduatetravisto - Oct 13, 2009 / Mariam892 - Oct 14, 2009
FSU essay [Latin ViRES and more]

3 - "I signify.. I strive... I gather... I consider.. I work.. I must.. I also use.." Change this up and...

Undergraduatecrystal6 - Oct 13, 2009 / bpyk - Oct 13, 2009
Non sibi sed partiae - background / interest

5 - Thank you so much, I know I have alot of work to do. I will work on it some...

Undergraduatestedschris - Oct 13, 2009 / stedschris - Oct 14, 2009
"to get a good education" - University of Florida: Amission Essay

4 - yes its very rough. i wasnt sure if it was on topic or not. thanks...

Undergraduatemarinaaddario - Oct 13, 2009 / marinaaddario - Oct 14, 2009
Slower runners - FSU essay -vires, needs to be looked over

2 - When you refer to a word, put it in " " marks: The ideals within the Latin word "Vires"...

Undergraduateblakjackk - Oct 13, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Oct 14, 2009
FSU Essay, my father, my family, vires artes mores

2 - Religion and my family, especially my grandfather, have provided my guiding prrinciples throughout my life. I think you...

Undergraduateluiscabiya - Oct 13, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Oct 14, 2009
Curry; Significant person essay - It may seem cliché to say that it's my mother

3 - The comment above is pretty much on the spot. You're going to have to think of some really unique...

Undergraduatejustinnorman - Oct 13, 2009 / EF_Stephen - Oct 13, 2009
'The whole world is one big stage' - Admission Essay- Vires, Artes, Mores

2 - Use a comma to separate the 2 halves of a compound sentence: I open my eyes, and I...

Undergraduateaustnpd - Oct 13, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Oct 14, 2009
UF Essay- How I can contribute to the campus as a Gator

4 - 'Strict' is much better. I think it's good to go. Just please make separate paragraphs....

UndergraduateJGhiya25 - Oct 13, 2009 / EF_Stephen - Oct 15, 2009
Six-Minute Eternity - Common Application Main Essay, The Hand In Darkness

9 - I like the original one"the hand in the darkness". Your hook is already very impressive to me~...

Undergraduatezouztingt - Oct 13, 2009 / ying7686 - Oct 25, 2009
Melody of life ------- A story about music and movies

7 - samcguff I am sorry that I have so many grammer mistake...that's a severe problem. I will revise it carefully...

Undergraduatezealzou - Oct 13, 2009 / zealzou - Oct 14, 2009
'Speech-Language Pathology' - academic interests and goals - UIUC Essay #1

4 - thank you so much. i will revise it again and post the new one....

Undergraduatesenioryear - Oct 13, 2009 / senioryear - Oct 14, 2009
(Biology) Rice Transfer Short Essay- Why did you choose your major/degree plan

3 - Thank you I have already used the maxiumum word count but I will put more focus into that area...

Undergraduateapotter16 - Oct 13, 2009 / apotter16 - Oct 13, 2009
How my trip aborad helped me relized shelteredness - Common app short answer

2 - Interesting experience. Your last sentence represents quite a jump. I'm sure it wasn't that essay. It would be...

Undergraduateholaamigo - Oct 12, 2009 / EF_Stephen - Oct 13, 2009
"to expand my experiences and knowledge" - University of Florida Essay

2 - Sinister courses? Tedious? Sounds like you're great at pushing yourself, not so good at enjoying the ride. If...

UndergraduateMaximos - Oct 12, 2009 / EF_Stephen - Oct 13, 2009
"i was covered in blood" - florida state university

3 - This sounds like it could be so interesting -- expand. What did you do to show you were stronger...

Undergraduatepatchell5107 - Oct 12, 2009 / ls8709 - Oct 14, 2009
"My Father" UCF ESSAY

2 - That story is too big for the writing you gave it. Lots of stuff there, good emotional stuff. I...

Undergraduatekaydubbb - Oct 12, 2009 / EF_Stephen - Oct 13, 2009
Rice University Tranfer Essay; 'Wendy the axe murderer'

2 - The first sentence needs quotation marks. This is very well done. You've done a lot in your life....

Undergraduateapotter16 - Oct 12, 2009 / EF_Stephen - Oct 12, 2009
"The real man smiles in trouble..." college transfer essay (want to go to UMASS)

3 - I agree with harzel. This essay would be great for an SAT but there is not enough passion behind...

Undergraduaterafina - Oct 12, 2009 / apotter16 - Oct 13, 2009
'Being the oldest of three offspring' - UF essay... critque

3 - thank you...

Undergraduateaustin13 - Oct 12, 2009 / austin13 - Oct 12, 2009
'Being a product of my environment' - Florida State essay VIRES

4 - EFKevin and muffinman both make really good points. Here's the issue for me: I'm not sure...

Undergraduateaustin13 - Oct 12, 2009 / EF_Stephen - Oct 15, 2009
'life is unpredictable' - meaningful event in life

3 - not quite sure, but maybe put quotations marks or italicize where you have written your thoughts. Other people may...

Undergraduateriley23 - Oct 12, 2009 / Aristae - Oct 15, 2009

Home / Undergraduate

Writing
Editing Help?
✖
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳