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Writing college admission, application, and scholarship essays (page 434)

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"awakened to Lonnie Liston Smith's 'A Gift of Love'" - UF Entrance Essay

4 - You're welcome. That is tough, but if you've cut out that much I'm sure you can trim a...

Undergraduatehazardouz10 - Oct 19, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 20, 2008
A visit back home: UF essay- Help is greatly appreciated!

2 - You've got a good illustration here and you do a good job of describing your experience and how it...

Undergraduategiscard_elie - Oct 19, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 20, 2008
I have wanted to attend The University of C Florida - Personal statement.

3 - Thank you so much for your time and suggestions! I will work on expanding the areas you mentioned and...

Undergraduatebjervis - Oct 19, 2008 / bjervis - Oct 20, 2008
Evaluate a significant experience and its impact on you- China Earthquakes

5 - I remember the strain of being separated from best friends, and I remember how it all changed every aspect...

UndergraduateJSFlash - Oct 19, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Dec 31, 2008
'Accountant dream' - How has The Macaulay Honors College changed you?

NEW - I had a dream that I would go to college, become an accountant and have my own firm. That...

Undergraduatenikokoskinas - Oct 19, 2008 / — -
"The art of living is more like wrestling than dancing"- need help UF essay

NEW - I need as much help as i can get I am not a very good writer Describe a...

Undergraduatedentine - Oct 19, 2008 / — -
"Music has become big impact on my life" - FSU NEW ESSAY

NEW - The connection between Vires, Artes, Mores exemplifies not only the morals, values and intelligence a well rounded person has,...

Undergraduategeri2009 - Oct 19, 2008 / — -
a voyage to a hill tribe village - on Comm App short essay.

3 - Thanks for your feedback! Have a good day :)....

UndergraduateRno - Oct 19, 2008 / Rno - Oct 20, 2008
personal essay about me, MELANIE ROSE ZUNIGA

2 - Good morning. As the prompt and/or instructions for this essay were not included in the posting, I can...

Undergraduatemelybaby1 - Oct 18, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 19, 2008
'I have flat feet'. Elaborate on activities (extratricculars, work activities..etc)

3 - I was finally able to get over my "special feet" and work with them to win soccer games. ...

Undergraduatenyczxgemii - Oct 18, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 19, 2008
Personal statement...how i became an adult in the past 2 years.

NEW - I am very proud that I will be the first in my family to pursue a college degree. During...

Undergraduatelakai84 - Oct 18, 2008 / — -
My strengths, talents, and interest - why do I wish to attend UHart?

2 - "I am hoping to garner higher..." In regards to the content, I think you're on to something here....

Undergraduatebeingryanjude - Oct 18, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 18, 2008
Diligent and perseverance are the most important qualities - my statement

NEW - Diligent and perseverance are the most important qualities that are necessary for me as a student. For the past...

Undergraduateawakenlion - Oct 18, 2008 / — -
"favorite quotation from an essay or book" - Princetone University (needs revision)

4 - Thank you. Now it makes a more complete picture for me as well as others on this site, and...

UndergraduateTLaw88 - Oct 18, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 26, 2008
It's Not All About the Sticks - extracurricular essay

3 - Much better; you tie up the title to your content making the whole piece fluid. Nice work....

UndergraduateBeast53 - Oct 17, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 20, 2008
how has your family influenced who you are? UCF admission essay

NEW - Please, tell me all i'm doing wrong in my paper. I have to submit my application for xfer today....

Undergraduatefernaj13 - Oct 17, 2008 / — -
"College was the best time of my life." -UCF APPLICATION ESSAY

3 - thanks!!...

Undergraduatevivalavida - Oct 17, 2008 / vivalavida - Oct 17, 2008
this paper significantly transformed me - pls edit this common app essay

2 - "...freshman ..." "...editor-in-chief ..." In regards to content, you are very concise and organized. Your piece is...

Undergraduateds816 - Oct 17, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 17, 2008
my summer trip to Trinidad & Tobago - UF Essay Evaluation

2 - Good morning. Please note your other posting for mechanical and grammatical suggestions, as they still apply to this...

Undergraduateking723 - Oct 16, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 17, 2008
GED Practice: Discuss the influence of rock music on young people

2 - "Because rock music is good entertainment for everyone, especially young people, it influences good physical condition, improvement of exercise...

Undergraduatefisherman - Oct 16, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 16, 2008
CORNELL COMMON APP ESSAY; To feel desired is a primary biological need in life

2 - Good afternoon. My only suggestion is to make sure you are only capitalizing proper nouns and the first...

Undergraduateakhan11 - Oct 16, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 16, 2008
"struggling to comprehend my nemesis" - a significant experience

2 - Good afternoon. This is an excellent essay! Mechanically and grammatically clean, organized, fluid, with a great story for...

Undergraduatecaliforniagirl - Oct 16, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 16, 2008
The Art Institute Essays..

2 - Can you look over this and tell me what you think? Thank you Section removed, as I have...

Undergraduateseven321 - Oct 15, 2008 / seven321 - Oct 19, 2008
"Congratulations! You are going to be a mother!"

9 - OK, I'm assuming the above is the new conclusion. One suggestion: "...talented, a natural leader, and overall...

Undergraduateccn7 - Oct 15, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 18, 2008
'true inner being' - MY UF admission essay

2 - Good afternoon. One mechanical suggestion: "...including soccer, which I had never played before. By my senior...

UndergraduateHelena - Oct 15, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 16, 2008
IT achievement - University of Miami Admission Essay

2 - Good morning. My mechanical suggestions are as follows: First, make sure that you are capitalizing only proper...

Undergraduatelfmasieri - Oct 15, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 18, 2008
"I manage all of this", I would love to be a part of this place - FSU Essay - critique and ideas...

2 - "...say I have not, nor plan to, give in when these times occur." "...problems, and depend only on...

Undergraduatemoochykk33 - Oct 15, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 16, 2008
'My determined and independent grandfather' - person who had a significant influence

2 - Good afternoon. Just a couple of suggestions. First, "Grandfather" should not be capitalized, unless it is the first...

Undergraduatelist00 - Oct 15, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 16, 2008
'Being a pharmacist will help me help others' - Why I chose UCF?

6 - okay! thank you so much!...

Undergraduatexoxoheartx3 - Oct 15, 2008 / xoxoheartx3 - Oct 20, 2008
Doctor of Pharmacy Degree in less than three years; Why University of the Pacific?

2 - Why is this program better than all of the others? What is it specifically about this institution that is...

Undergraduatewendywu - Oct 15, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 15, 2008
'the beauty of mathematics' - California exchange student

4 - Thank you very much for your suggestions!~...

Undergraduatemickeygirl - Oct 15, 2008 / mickeygirl - Oct 15, 2008
Need advice on essay question- "Unique characteristics and experiences"

3 - Hey, thanks alot. I think you are doing a great job on this boarding helping everyone out. I think...

UndergraduateGuruKid - Oct 15, 2008 / GuruKid - Oct 17, 2008
Super Powers Hero - FSU Essay

NEW - "Vires represents strength in its many forms. Whether it is physical, emotional, or intellectual, it is something that can...

UndergraduateLimaEm - Oct 15, 2008 / — -
UF Essay - "Ready for My Unpredictable Future"

4 - And... I want to delete this thread. How do I do that? I am going to post up another...

Undergraduateesthie_ - Oct 14, 2008 / esthie_ - Oct 16, 2008
'Teachers and student relations' - Common App - elaborate on one of your activity

2 - Good afternoon. In regards to flow, at the end of the first section you could put in a...

Undergraduategbtl - Oct 14, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 15, 2008
"my strong moral and intellectual ability" - Last Minute Essay. (FSU)

NEW - Throughout my entire life the Latin word Vires has been my guiding philosophy. Vires embodies my moral and intellectual...

UndergraduateAnthony - Oct 14, 2008 / — -
'difficulty learning' - UCF ESSAY - BUMPS IN THE ROAD

2 - Good evening. You've got a fine piece here, but I'm not sure how it fulfills the prompt. The...

Undergraduatelecokr - Oct 14, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 14, 2008
"I am well prepared and primed" - FSU essay

3 - I like the new addition. I suggest changing the middle of the first sentence to be a little less...

Undergraduatecnwilliams - Oct 14, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 17, 2008
FSU admissions essay- worthy enough to attend Florida State University?

4 - Good evening. Opening with a question here is fine; you kind of just have to take the tone...

Undergraduatebethany_shphrd - Oct 14, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 17, 2008
teleporting mentally to a different world

4 - That would work as well. Generally, whatever tense is more natural and comes easier to you will reflect itself...

Undergraduatemickeygirl - Oct 14, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 17, 2008
Obstacles or 'bumps in the road in your academic or personal life

4 - Sure! "...and I'm confident that..." "...economical crisis don't help..." "...center and I've noticed..." I...

Undergraduatefernaj13 - Oct 14, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 17, 2008
COMMON APP - the importance of diversity to you

3 - Good evening. Your response does answer the prompt, with well thought out examples and good description. It flows...

Undergraduatecalend4r - Oct 14, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 14, 2008
I am passionate about each activity which I am apart of - Elaborate on one of your activities...

2 - Good afternoon. I am not involved in every club, b ut I am passionate about each ... As...

Undergraduatebeingryanjude - Oct 14, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 14, 2008
'Better grades' - Common Application - Significant Achievement

3 - I agree with calend4r's comments about the last paragraph; it is important to make sure that you are relating...

Undergraduategbtl - Oct 14, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 14, 2008
'giving up my time to help my uncle' - personal statement

NEW - TELL US A PERSONAL QUALITY,TALENT,ACCOMPLISHMENT, CONTRIBUTION OR EXPERIENCE THAT IS IMPORTANT TO YOU. WHAT ABOUT THSI QUALITY OR ACCOMPLISHMENT...

Undergraduatenickymicky - Oct 14, 2008 / — -
how does Penn make a perfect match for you?

4 - I don't think so; you've done a very thorough job as it is. I think you've covered all of...

Undergraduategbtl - Oct 13, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 17, 2008
Name a professor with whom you would like to study or conduct research with

5 - Good evening. Let's see... I suggest taking out some of the ex tenuous detail and condensing your...

Undergraduategbtl - Oct 13, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 17, 2008
About my youth and my first visit to the USA - some suggestion pls

NEW - Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how...

Undergraduateawakenlion - Oct 13, 2008 / — -
a multitude of unforgettable memories - common application essay

NEW - Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on...

Undergraduatethebobert - Oct 13, 2008 / — -
UF ESSAY: "meaningful event" - Upward Bound

3 - thank you For your much needed corrections....

Undergraduatecollegeicntwait - Oct 13, 2008 / collegeicntwait - Oct 18, 2008
'I have no body, I'm stuck' - Why do you want to attend Pratt?

3 - I agree that the pieces definitely need more expansion. "Intro I have been interested in all sorts of arts...

Undergraduatekobedatnext - Oct 13, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 14, 2008
"I am a fencer." -Common App essay: is it any good?

4 - You could add more analysis on how deeply these skills have effected you a bit more; other than that,...

Undergraduatelexlavender - Oct 13, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 16, 2008
Common Application; Help with "Elaborate on one of your activities"

2 - Good afternoon. My first concern is capitalization; make sure that you are capitalizing proper nouns and words at...

Undergraduatecubs72191 - Oct 13, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 13, 2008
They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their streng - FSU essay help

4 - Yes; elaboration and specifics will save these essays, because as they are here they are still a bit vague....

UndergraduateCydiona - Oct 12, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 13, 2008
"I am an artist." FSU essay...I need help...Is it too out of the box?

2 - Good evening. As the prompt for this essay was not included in this posting, I can give suggestions...

Undergraduatejane6272 - Oct 12, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 12, 2008
CARE program essay. The palm of my hand sweats as he holds my hand.

4 - I can give you an example of what I see, but it is up to you to make your...

UndergraduateChrisloveT - Oct 12, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 12, 2008
"What values are reflected in my life" -FSU Essay

5 - Thank you so much...

Undergraduatekait - Oct 12, 2008 / kait - Nov 11, 2008
Thank you Ms. Steward =) fsu essay

3 - Ohkay Thank you...

UndergraduateChrisloveT - Oct 12, 2008 / ChrisloveT - Oct 12, 2008
the "Golden Knight" Palace - need to add some details in my ucf essay

NEW - Why do i want to apply to ucf 3.The moment I stepped onto the "Golden Knight" Palace, I...

Undergraduateronald12345 - Oct 12, 2008 / — -
"motivation, fashion, and compassion"; Florida State University philosophy

3 - Good evening. I have a few concerns for this piece. You have a good essay but I am...

Undergraduatemandy - Oct 12, 2008 / EF_Team5 - Oct 12, 2008

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