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Writing college admission, application, and scholarship essays (page 6)

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The Importance of Staying Active - UBC What is important to you

2 - There is a disconnection between mental health, physical health, cross country, and your stressors in life. It is all...

Undergraduatevanvanvan - Nov 29, 2021 / Holt - Nov 30, 2021
Balance - UBC Tell us about who you are.

3 - @Holt Thank you for the response! This is my first time using this website so I am...

UndergraduateChroma - Nov 28, 2021 / Chroma - Nov 29, 2021
Overcoming setbacks. UBC personal profile essay : TELL US ABOUT WHO YOU ARE

2 - The problem is that YOU HAVE TO REWRITE THIS ESSAY FROM SCRATCH. Read the prompt and then review your...

Undergraduatelin003 - Nov 28, 2021 / Holt - Nov 29, 2021
An emerging young adult - UBC Essay Application: Tell us about yourself

2 - Why is that so? Offer an example of your "adulting" skills in terms of being a responsible and...

UndergraduateJaydenzhang0928 - Nov 28, 2021 / Holt - Nov 28, 2021
WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO YOU? WHY? Knowing my limits

2 - Knowing your limits refers to actually finding out what your limitations are and how you got around it. It...

Undergraduatemo6562 - Nov 27, 2021 / Holt - Nov 28, 2021
Taking Initiative - UBC Personal Profile Admissions - What is important to you and why?

2 - There is a problem with your claim. While you did take the initiative to make your voice heard and...

Undergraduatekarenxmx - Nov 25, 2021 / Holt - Nov 26, 2021
The unlimited possibilities of engineering. Accomplishment that sparked a period of personal growth.

3 - @Holt ok, thank you, i will take a look....

Undergraduatematemrtnez - Nov 21, 2021 / matemrtnez - Nov 22, 2021
Describe an experience which talks a lot about you

2 - The essay that you wrote best suits the personal topic prompt. The events as you relate it do not...

Undergraduatebriannah16 - Nov 15, 2021 / Holt - Nov 16, 2021
Applying for nursing school and would like others to read my short answer response.

2 - Please clarify, are you already working as a nurse or in a related field ? This statement could...

Undergraduatebbarkey30 - Nov 8, 2021 / Holt - Nov 9, 2021
Common App 5th prompt- College deciding period has been a soul-searching for me

NEW - an accomplishment, event, or realization essay Prompt: Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of...

Undergraduatejaehyunpeaches - Nov 5, 2021 / — -
Reason for choosing your program and Waterloo- AIF form Math (Financial Analysis/Risk Management)

3 - In my opinion you should start the essay by briefly mentioning the reasons why you are interested on FARM...

UndergraduateASG - Nov 3, 2021 / vanehers - Nov 9, 2021
"I see life flowing through wires"- My common app personal statement

NEW - the prompt: Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you've already written, one...

Undergraduatehmed satour - Nov 1, 2021 / — -
My desires became my fuel. Common App essay (Any topic)

NEW - the topic of your choice My desires became my fuel. The summer before ninth grade, my parents sold...

Undergraduatemzou335 - Nov 1, 2021 / — -
College essay review - learning to love what i hated

NEW - Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself...

Undergraduateplutoz - Oct 30, 2021 / — -
Personal Statement about suitability of being part of Glocal:Erasmus Mundus Global Political Economy

2 - Before discussing your career path, consider your academic background first. There is no connection between your Social Work...

UndergraduateMahle - Oct 28, 2021 / Holt - Oct 29, 2021
I chose Information Engg Course at Ritsumeikan because.. of opportunities

2 - The discussion paragraphs are disconnected. Logical development and connection between paragraph ideas are necessary to properly answer the question....

Undergraduatefeminjo - Oct 26, 2021 / Holt - Oct 27, 2021
Debating challenge - How did it affect you (COMMONAPP)

2 - The discussion should represent both sides of the story. Surely you were told the reason why you were being...

Undergraduatedezade - Oct 26, 2021 / Holt - Oct 27, 2021
ADHD, Dyslexia - UBC Sauder School of Business - Personal Profile Essay

3 - @Holt Thank you soo much for your review. I sadly reached the world limit hence I couldn't reflect more...

UndergraduateAiza05 - Oct 25, 2021 / Aiza05 - Oct 26, 2021
My friends and family hold great trust in me and would describe me as ...

3 - Hii! This is not professional advice, just a peer-to-peer review based on what I've learned from past applicants &...

Undergraduatebhavye - Oct 25, 2021 / Aiza05 - Oct 26, 2021
My foundation for the future. International Relations Personal Statement

2 - A personal statement should help the reviewer understand the basis of your interest in International Relations. It should not...

Undergraduatevankhanh - Oct 25, 2021 / Holt - Oct 25, 2021
Playing squash - UBC Personal profile - WHAT ARE U PROUD OF AND WHY?

2 - The essay is too busy in terms of telling the reviewer who you are and what you are proud...

Undergraduatehypermonk - Oct 21, 2021 / Holt - Oct 23, 2021
Computer Science, Biology, and Psychology - Why Northwestern? for ED

2 - Unnecessary references.The current discussion is casually relaxed as it is. Don't overdo it. Stay mindful of...

UndergraduateBackwardsPi - Oct 20, 2021 / Holt - Oct 21, 2021
My college essay - Describe the most important thing in my life and explain why - My persistence

3 - @Holt Thank you so much for your help, but can you tell me if my essay was on-point or...

Undergraduatedavid2004 - Oct 20, 2021 / david2004 - Oct 20, 2021
My 16-inch World. Personal Statement - HKUST - Undergraduate Program in Computer Science

2 - Do not confuse the personal statement with your autobiography. The reference to your parents are out of place and...

Undergraduatetechsavvy576 - Oct 18, 2021 / Holt - Oct 19, 2021
My creativity - How would people in your community describe you, what are you proud of yourself

2 - There is no "I" reference in this essay. Disassociate yourself from the presentation. Use a 3rd person reference since...

Undergraduatedavid2004 - Oct 18, 2021 / Holt - Oct 19, 2021
My gap year essay - Pandemic, work, struggles and social service.

2 - The essay is very wordy and definitely set out to impress. . The problem is, beyond bragging eights, you...

UndergraduateThe_Adam - Oct 17, 2021 / Holt - Oct 18, 2021
Solving puzzles in my life - Personal Narrative essay on an accomplishment, event, or realization

2 - The actual discussion focus does not match the prompt. since you have placed so much effort into the development...

Undergraduatekevpink11 - Oct 14, 2021 / Holt - Oct 14, 2021
Hardworking - My UBC Personal profile- Tell us about who you are.

2 - I believe that this section should be the main focus of the section because it implies a type...

UndergraduateLilDavy - Oct 11, 2021 / Holt - Oct 12, 2021
Your activities (up to three) to which you attached meaning and devoted yourself in high school

2 - The response to this prompt should focus an activity that challenged the applicant's skills or, helped develop character through...

UndergraduateMiha - Oct 2, 2021 / Holt - Oct 5, 2021
In 250-300 words, tell us more about you and why you are considering VCU (Transfer Essay)

2 - The reviewer will be looking for reasons why you will bea good fit for the VCU student community and...

UndergraduateMadisonM99 - Oct 2, 2021 / Holt - Oct 8, 2021
MIT Essay: I am a BLEND. Cultural Identity short essay. Evaluate my essay.

4 - To add on to the comments above, I believe you need to tell us how your culture makes you...

Undergraduateasm525 - Sep 30, 2021 / Janyanwu03 - Oct 7, 2021
My background and identity - I'm from Morocco - country with people attached to their traditions

4 - I believe that your essay is too short and not detailed enough to describe yourself. You literally spent almost...

Undergraduatemessilyass - Sep 29, 2021 / mirajanesherry - Oct 3, 2021
Business is the blood of the nation's economy. GKS personal statement - business administration

2 - This sentence is mether a motivation nora family background reference. Aat let's down the reviewer who is expecting...

Undergraduateprincevince - Sep 27, 2021 / Holt - Oct 10, 2021
Cite cases in which you thought/attemped in ways different from others & how it affected you.

3 - Thank you for the feedback, I'll start working on the points you mentioned....

Undergraduateashes1 - Sep 25, 2021 / ashes1 - Sep 26, 2021
Tell us about any hobby you are passionate about and why you think it's important. UWC essay.

4 - I started as a that hobby This gave me immense .. playing among with the best players I...

Undergraduateaanya_05 - Sep 25, 2021 / Huongmie - Oct 2, 2021
GKS 2022 undergraduate major in film. "Being a part of something special makes you special, right?"

2 - The language discussion does not belong in this statement. heate a far more intricate language study history in the...

Undergraduatemay4 - Sep 20, 2021 / Holt - Sep 22, 2021
PERSONAL STATEMENT / Global Korea Scholarships (GKS-U) 2022 / Media & Communication

3 - you can try to be more clear and concise in your accomplishments, and don't belittle yourself at any time,...

Undergraduatedearzhongli - Sep 19, 2021 / may4 - Sep 23, 2021
SCHOLARSHIP PERSONAL STATEMENT // GKS 2022 Undergraduate Architecture

3 - Thank you for the helpful feedback, I will improve this essay @Holt...

Undergraduatecmdk - Sep 19, 2021 / cmdk - Sep 20, 2021
Personal Statement/ GKS Undergraduate Scholarship/ Economics and finances

NEW - PERSONAL STATEMENT - Motivations with which you apply for this program - Family and Education background - Significant experiences...

Undergraduatealaniscarvalho - Sep 17, 2021 / — -
Finance and accounting - Personal Statement for NUS/NTU/SMU undergrad

2 - The essay needs to focus on one particular aspect of interest and its development on your part. For this...

UndergraduateVidushi - Sep 16, 2021 / Holt - Sep 17, 2021
Personal Statement/ GKS Undergraduate Scholarship/ Communication and Media Major

2 - The writer maybe 21 years old at present but he has not been in realization of his dreams...

UndergraduateEssie Kim - Sep 16, 2021 / Holt - Sep 17, 2021
[KGPP] PERSONAL STATEMENT FOR UNDERGRATUATED SCHOLARSHIP - BUSINESS ADMINISTRATION

2 - There is a disconnection between gender discrimination and your ambition. Mostly because, for all the national significance of your...

Undergraduatekaitlyn280123 - Sep 15, 2021 / Holt - Sep 16, 2021
PERSONAL STATEMENT FOR KGSP/GKS undergraduate Scholarship/ Mass Communication Major

2 - The applicant is applying for the wrong undergraduate course. Rather than Mass communications, he should be applying as a...

Undergraduatehaving100issues - Sep 13, 2021 / Holt - Sep 14, 2021
What is an effective life?

2 - The essay does not make its intention clear to the reader. Is the point to define an effective life...

Undergraduatesinojisak02 - Sep 11, 2021 / Holt - Sep 13, 2021
Study plans to learn something new everyday by learning Korean and also about the country

6 - In the language plan, you need to mention what you did or will do before going to Korea and...

UndergraduateJessica05 - Sep 3, 2021 / nb19 - Sep 24, 2021
GKS Personal Statement-Korean Language and Literature Major

2 - A desire to learn Hangul in Korea is not a very good reason to apply for the scholarship. In...

Undergraduateayutian - Aug 25, 2021 / Holt - Aug 28, 2021
Global Korea Scholarship 2022 PERSONAL STATEMENT - Communication major

3 - You've explain all the must included information, but your essay is still lack in the relationships between the paragraphs....

Undergraduateadeliatiara365 - Aug 23, 2021 / ayutian - Aug 25, 2021
I am applying for GKS Undergraduate 2022 and this is my Personal Statement (Electrical Engineering)

3 - @Holt Thank you for comment. I have one more question, Do you think the first paragraph is attractive...

Undergraduatemysp2001 - Aug 22, 2021 / mysp2001 - Aug 23, 2021
Any academic interests that excite you, and how you might use the Open Curriculum to pursue them

2 - Quirky is good. It made an interesting hook. The Betty Crocker reference is a bit overkill though. More attention...

Undergraduatemidnight_storm - Aug 22, 2021 / Holt - Aug 23, 2021
Global Scientists and Engineers Program Application Essay pt.1

2 - The first paragraph fails to make a clear point. It needs to be better thought out and organized since...

Undergraduatede_doctor - Aug 22, 2021 / Holt - Aug 23, 2021
KGSP/GKS-U 2022 PERSONAL STATEMENT - Communication major; Motivations, family, experiences, etc.

5 - @hahaleesunwoo Try to make it shorter and remove hangul words because they clearly said that write it in Korean...

Undergraduatehahaleesunwoo - Aug 20, 2021 / shreyasrivastava - Aug 30, 2021
Global Korean Scholarship Undergraduate - Food and Nutrition Department

2 - The essay is easy to read but lacking in notable substance. There are no academic achievements of note and...

Undergraduateasnwflks - Jul 24, 2021 / Holt - Jul 25, 2021
Winning a Competition and Getting Involved in Organizations; NUS Achievements Personal Statement

3 - If your intended major is computer science, why would you throw it off by mentioning other subjects that you're...

Undergraduatefredkh - Jul 9, 2021 / peachyfrenchfry - Jul 16, 2021
Farm work - MIT undergrad application essay

NEW - Prompt: We know you lead a busy life, full of activities, many of which are required of you. Tell...

Undergraduatetechmind20 - Jul 8, 2021 / — -
Critical Thinking is the key to success

3 - There are a lot of grammatical errors in this essay. It almost feels as if you haven't been bothered...

Undergraduatengocngoc1234 - Jul 8, 2021 / peachyfrenchfry - Jul 16, 2021
Education from Poverty - PERSONAL STATEMENT FOR GLOBAL KOREA SCHOLARSHIP (GKS), BBA

3 - I can literally see your great efforts.Great work!! I would suggest you to follow up the above mentioned suggestions....

Undergraduateshazia112 - Jul 7, 2021 / simranmavi03 - Jul 18, 2021
GKS PERSONAL STATEMENT FOR BUSINESS ADMINISTRATION

NEW - After spending 18 years of my life in poverty, I realized that how much important is the money to...

UndergraduateAzra123 - Jul 5, 2021 / — -
"Is he going to be a theater major?" - Common App Personal Essay

3 - In my opinion, this makes a great essay. However, the quick cut-off to the point that you don't want...

UndergraduateDexterity - Jun 28, 2021 / techmind20 - Jun 29, 2021
Life in Poverty - Personal statement for BBA GKS.

2 - There is too much focus on the family background and parental information. The essay limits its personal motivation in...

UndergraduateSyra - Jun 26, 2021 / Holt - Jun 27, 2021
"A discussion that has meant the most to me" Undergrad college application essay

3 - The prompt implies that the experience has to be intellectual. You mentioning that it was an academic discussion cuts...

Undergraduatepeachyfrenchfry - Jun 24, 2021 / techmind20 - Jun 29, 2021

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