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|World Cub can bring people of different ethics, color and language together
3 - ... pretty good introduction.... the only thing that is missing out is your opinion on the issue. It...
Writing Feedbackbatais - Dec 1, 2013 / dumi - Dec 2, 2013
|'Making money first' - IELTS- task 2 cause and effect writing
4 - Than you for your advises. I found that I focus on causes too much then make my solutions weak....
Writing FeedbackOlivia Han - Nov 30, 2013 / Olivia Han - Dec 1, 2013
|Do you agree that every organization has a right to set age maximum for the candidates ?
6 - Hey...don't worry, with practice you'll get over it :D You need a good hook to start with. This hook...
Writing Feedbackalex90 - Nov 30, 2013 / dumi - Dec 4, 2013
|IELTS: The wealth gap between 1st world countries and 3rd world countries
4 - .... let's take this hook statement. I find this has a powerful idea, but it is not presented...
Writing FeedbackGulala - Nov 30, 2013 / dumi - Dec 1, 2013
|'Teaching children and goals' - IELTS essay
4 - .... this sentence has many issues.... most importantly clarity and redundancy of words :( There is no denying...
Writing Feedbackqazzas - Nov 30, 2013 / dumi - Dec 1, 2013
|Work or travel before university; very difficult to resume after discontinuation
4 - .... since you mentioned countries, you should have included at least one more country. Again the word "perspective"...
Writing Feedbacknidhishaw - Nov 30, 2013 / dumi - Dec 9, 2013
|IELTS; Freedom, economics and education in China
5 - Economic success is considered to be one of the most important factors in the classification of the countries. ...
Writing Feedbackqusay_75 - Nov 30, 2013 / dumi - Dec 1, 2013
|School violence is one of the social issues that is demanding corrective attention
Writing Feedbackhaodiep7640 - Nov 30, 2013 / haodiep7640 - Dec 4, 2013
|'The Laws' - Academic essay on the death penalty, pros and cons
Writing Feedbackalexabutts - Nov 29, 2013 / alexabutts - Nov 29, 2013
|Museums - Why People Visit Museums?
5 - yes, the topic suggests so :D What dumi says is that you should have kept the introduction in...
Writing FeedbackOguzhan - Nov 29, 2013 / Pahan - Dec 1, 2013
|IELTS: 5% unemployed in 1999; rates of unemployment between the US and Japan
Writing Feedbackelenathaopham - Nov 29, 2013 / dumi - Nov 29, 2013
|Toefl Essay- How do movies and TV Influence our behavior?
Writing FeedbackAlice123 - Nov 29, 2013 / sanzhar - Dec 4, 2013
|IELTS (Academic)Task 2- Responsibility to pay for the cost of road development
Writing FeedbackRachel26HJ - Nov 28, 2013 / JethroJosh - Dec 5, 2013
|IELTS Academic Writing Task 2 - Purpose of prison
Writing FeedbackRachel26HJ - Nov 28, 2013 / Rachel26HJ - Nov 28, 2013
|hometown clean - if you could change one important thing about your hometown?
3 - Ok.... First, I have a few admin requests for you - Include the purpose of writing (e.g. TOEFL, IELTS)...
Writing Feedbackkhodekhodam - Nov 28, 2013 / dumi - Dec 9, 2013
|IELTS task 1 (Cambridge 1) a survey of adult education. (two charts)
5 - Oh, thank you Dumi! You are always in proper time! I noticed that pie-chart is small. But I tried...
Writing Feedbackladyjoy - Nov 28, 2013 / ladyjoy - Nov 30, 2013
|IELTS academic - increase petrol price to reduce traffic and pollution
6 - Generally, it is easier for you to take one side of the argument and then give reasons to support...
Writing Feedbacksri_1 - Nov 28, 2013 / dumi - Dec 2, 2013
|IELTS academic - teaching good manners by parents or teachers
4 - This is a very good essay. Your grammar and vocabulary are also good as well. But I think you...
Writing Feedbacksri_1 - Nov 28, 2013 / haodiep7640 - Nov 30, 2013
|IELTS-Line graph ( The rate of smoking in Someland - men and women)
Writing Feedbackbloodkid - Nov 28, 2013 / bloodkid - Dec 1, 2013
|No field of study can advance significantly unless it incorporates outside knowledge.
2 - What is the purpose of this writing? Is it for GRE? It's always better you include this purpose in...
Writing FeedbackPriGo - Nov 28, 2013 / dumi - Dec 6, 2013
|IELTS- parents give children TV/PC game to make them quiet,Give your solutions and reason~
7 - thanks dumi!!...
Writing Feedbackduo008 - Nov 28, 2013 / duo008 - Nov 30, 2013
|You should not believe everything that you read in the newspaper.
3 - Thank you for your helping. I was wondering if you kindly let me know about the supposed mark that...
Writing Feedbacknava toloi - Nov 28, 2013 / nava toloi - Nov 28, 2013
|The high sales of popular consumer goods - Power of advertising Vs Real needs
Writing Feedbackazharkhanfsd - Nov 27, 2013 / — -
|"book smarts" and "street smarts" ; The Intellectual Aspect of Nursing essay
Writing FeedbackDonnanicole - Nov 27, 2013 / dumi - Nov 30, 2013
|IELTS: Development of a country Vs pollution and environmental damage
Writing FeedbackAltaa - Nov 27, 2013 / Pahan - Nov 28, 2013
|TOEFL - Why some like to engage in dangerous activities? 'joy and happiness'
Writing Feedbackggalaxy - Nov 27, 2013 / ggalaxy - Nov 28, 2013
|IELTS-Mobile phones & the Internet are very useful
5 - You're trying to cramp too much information in a single sentence. Trying to write such sentences increases chances...
Writing FeedbackAUSTINCLUB - Nov 27, 2013 / ieltsp - Nov 28, 2013
|The 2nd Holocaust - Argumentative essay about Death Penalty.
Writing Feedbackjorgearmando18 - Nov 27, 2013 / batais - Dec 1, 2013
|IELTS academic - Rules on loan and credit card
Writing Feedbacksri_1 - Nov 27, 2013 / joythblessy - Nov 30, 2013
|'Women less appreciated in society?' - an IELTS exam
Writing Feedbackalex90 - Nov 27, 2013 / Pahan - Nov 28, 2013
|Toefl - Should teenagers have paid jobs while they are students? be independent
4 - Thanks, dumi This is my first essay on this forum. Definitely I will switch over to writing feedback forum....
Writing FeedbackAlice123 - Nov 27, 2013 / Alice123 - Nov 28, 2013
|Building a large factory in our community - Advantageous or disadvantageous?
4 - really a good essay... try using more synonyms instead of repeating words.. it would look great :)...
Writing Feedbackkhodekhodam - Nov 27, 2013 / sri_1 - Nov 28, 2013
|IELTS essay - Teaching children at home or put them in school- pls review n comment
6 - nice vocabulary range and ideas... Maybe a little structuring is needed for the introduction and conclusion paragraphs. ...
Writing FeedbackSreeSam - Nov 27, 2013 / ieltsp - Nov 28, 2013
|CBEST Technology is out of control or has improved the quality of life?
3 - ...."Some" sounds better than "Many"; Some people believe that technology has gone out of control. What...
Writing Feedbackiwtny - Nov 26, 2013 / dumi - Dec 29, 2013
|The effects of technology on children - NEGATIVE/ POSITIVE
2 - I don't find this an interesting hook statement. You can do better with your opening sentence :) ...
Writing FeedbackHOL2040366 - Nov 26, 2013 / dumi - Nov 27, 2013
|Ielts: cement and concrete production graph
4 - Thanks for your comments, Altaa and Dumi. :) For introduction, can i use the sentence Altaa suggested. It...
Writing Feedbacklongngo - Nov 26, 2013 / longngo - Nov 28, 2013
|TOEFL IBT - altruistic behavior (Integrated Writing)
Writing Feedbackggalaxy - Nov 26, 2013 / ggalaxy - Nov 27, 2013
|Telling truth has been a debatable issue among people from the past till now
Writing Feedback600score - Nov 26, 2013 / vangiespen - Sep 11, 2014
|IELTS Academic- stringent age rules to reduce the road accidents.
2 - Here you assume the reader knows the argument. However, you are supposed to introduce the argument to the...
Writing Feedbacksri_1 - Nov 26, 2013 / dumi - Nov 26, 2013
|toefl essay, face-to-face communication, seeing the other person eye to eye
2 - Well structured essay. Please take a note on the punctuation. Use comma in appropriate place. Especially after connectives...
Writing FeedbackArinadeer - Nov 26, 2013 / sri_1 - Nov 26, 2013
|"Every coin has two sides"; Effects of globalization - discuss
7 - at first i guess some words need to be replaced. also you had better talk about other effects of...
Writing FeedbackSreeSam - Nov 26, 2013 / mika1998 - Nov 28, 2013
|Why do we need music? 'effect on the infants'
8 - you said that which music was more important.This sentence can be true but you have to say that which...
Writing FeedbackHelpmepassIELTS - Nov 26, 2013 / okaert - Dec 23, 2013
|IELTS- opinion about languages dying out
Writing Feedbackmingming - Nov 26, 2013 / SreeSam - Nov 27, 2013
|[IELTS] - Problems caused by Traffic and its Solutions
Writing Feedbackieltsp - Nov 25, 2013 / asmy - Nov 25, 2013
|IELTS Academic essay:Some people think that music brings benefits to individuals
3 - First, I have a small admin request for you; Please open all IELTS essays in Writing Feedback forum :)...
Writing FeedbackDuva - Nov 25, 2013 / dumi - Nov 26, 2013
|IELTS Essay - Money spent on parties is waste or for betterment.
3 - Partying is considered as a great way to socialize.... I think this provides a better hook statement for...
Writing Feedbacksri_1 - Nov 25, 2013 / Pahan - Nov 25, 2013
|Journalism article for Final Paper on the Berley brothers
Writing Feedbackariulloa - Nov 25, 2013 / ivylaw - Nov 29, 2013
|IELTS; Universities should not provide so much theoretical knowledge
2 - It is generally accepted that universities are the very places where students can obtain profound knowledge ofin the fields...
Writing Feedbackhaodiep7640 - Nov 25, 2013 / dumi - Nov 25, 2013
|Sports & Social Activities are just as important as Classes- Equal financial support!
Writing Feedback600score - Nov 24, 2013 / 600score - Nov 25, 2013
|'Why don't we use laughing gas in wars?'
3 - Sir thank you very much for some real grammar check.I believe these valuable suggestions of yours would help improve...
Writing FeedbackRavi Vj - Nov 24, 2013 / Ravi Vj - Nov 27, 2013
|Financing artists from tax payer's money - Ielts
Writing FeedbackBobbypark - Nov 24, 2013 / dumi - Nov 27, 2013
|'Education and social disharmony' - IELTS
5 - Nice essay with good ideas. However as this is an argument essay i would suggest you to state your...
Writing Feedbacknidhishaw - Nov 24, 2013 / ieltsp - Nov 29, 2013
|IELTS: Improving careers or spend time with family and friends more important
3 - It is often believed that money and success are directly correlated with each other. Therefore, some...
Writing Feedbackasmy - Nov 24, 2013 / dumi - Nov 26, 2013
|'Radio and Television users' - IELTS - Line Graph
Writing FeedbackLifeBringer - Nov 24, 2013 / LifeBringer - Dec 1, 2013
|some people prefer to eat at food stands. other people prefer to eat food at home.
Writing Feedbacksaadati - Nov 24, 2013 / saadati - Dec 3, 2013
|iELTS: Is ambition is a positive or negative characteristic? Is it necessary for success?
5 - ... I fixed the grammar error. However, technogical marvels and change in living standards are not the outcomes...
Writing Feedbackgtamani - Nov 24, 2013 / Pahan - Nov 25, 2013
|IELTS - Some business prohibits smoking in any of their offices
4 - to gtamani:Thanks so much for your time. It helped me a lot to locate my common mistakes tiyuok :...
Writing Feedbackkumkap - Nov 24, 2013 / kumkap - Nov 24, 2013
|Nowadays traffic in major cities is worsening. What problems does it create? Solutions?
7 - You should use more data or statistics to help display how traffic is worsening, some of the major problems,...
Writing Feedbackgtamani - Nov 23, 2013 / desaik111 - Nov 26, 2013
|IELTS- competition and cooperation , which one is important for children?
Writing Feedbackduo008 - Nov 23, 2013 / duo008 - Nov 24, 2013
|IELTS ESSAY: People in the past used to be more dependent on one another
4 - This sounds pretty vague :( What sort of transformation it undergoes? Remember, this is your hook statement that...
Writing Feedbackgtamani - Nov 23, 2013 / dumi - Nov 26, 2013
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