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Research advice on TOEFL, SAT, IELTS, GRE and other academic essays (page 467)

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Aboriginal Rights in the Twentieth Century-My term essay for History

7 - Great question! Fluidity comes from having a central theme for the whole essay, and then having a mini theme...

Writing Feedbackmacawtopia - Apr 25, 2009 / EF_Kevin - May 5, 2009
Spend more time working hard on jobs or stay with families?

10 - When family is in conflict with working， which one will you will pay more attention to and spend more...

Writing Feedbackflorazhou - Apr 25, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 27, 2009
Critique my current event paper (English Critical Thinking class)

5 - I am going to tackle your first paragraph. I think that it could read a little better with some...

Writing Feedbackbluek7 - Apr 24, 2009 / Notoman - Apr 25, 2009
English Comp. CLEP - practice essay "Impossible Goals"

9 - Well, they are testing for English competency, and so presumably have backgrounds in language rather than in computer science....

Writing FeedbackSairaTasartir - Apr 24, 2009 / EF_Sean - May 6, 2009
Locke and Rousseau

3 - He was a philosopher who had a lot of influence on ... He asserted that common sense should...

Writing Feedbackgacesaa - Apr 24, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 24, 2009
Austen's satire of society; Pride and Prejudice essay - Check

3 - Citizens--Criticizes... That's the kind of weird mistake that comes from over-zealous word processing program auto-correct functions. I hate those...

Writing Feedbackxeidus - Apr 24, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 24, 2009
NASA Spinoff Technology

5 - Thanks Kevin. I added the sentences, corrected a few word errors (powered/powdered, premiere/premier, subcommitteE), and I am calling it...

Writing FeedbackNotoman - Apr 24, 2009 / Notoman - Apr 26, 2009
What discovery in the last century has been most beneficial for your country?

4 - In the last century, My country, Romania, had passed through many changes and regimes that influence its history in...

Writing Feedbackadalumi - Apr 23, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 24, 2009
[Essay]The Best and Worst aspects of being a Teenager.

3 - Give some more help to other members -- thoughtful, substantial help, like you might give to a younger sibling...

Writing Feedbackceberus - Apr 23, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 24, 2009
University students should be required to take history classes - essay

6 - Some points to consider: When summarizing the case against learning history in your first body paragraph, you might...

Writing Feedbackflorazhou - Apr 23, 2009 / EF_Sean - Apr 25, 2009
A mistake i learned from - narrative essay

2 - The pleasant man from the phone call was actually the head coach of the basketball team. He told me...

Writing Feedbackgacesaa - Apr 23, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 24, 2009
Personal Objectivity of James Joyce- research paper

3 - This is going to be a great paper! You weave together the information very well. I only found two...

Writing Feedbackhevyhomie - Apr 22, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 23, 2009
English Comp. CLEP- literary decline

3 - Your grammar and style are solid as usual. The content is okay. I suspect for this sort of essay,...

Writing FeedbackSairaTasartir - Apr 22, 2009 / EF_Sean - Apr 25, 2009
Religion is good for the people - does it touch on the line of poetry?

4 - There is always a certain amount of fun in engaging with a new language. What's your first one? English...

Writing FeedbackProt - Apr 22, 2009 / EF_Sean - Apr 23, 2009
Growing housing bubble ignored by ecomomists

3 - Why are we<<Avoid the use of editorial we, us, or our in academic writing when referring to general humanity....

Writing Feedbackmichaelfrye1970 - Apr 22, 2009 / twilocity - Apr 22, 2009
English Comp. CLEP essay - "guns outnumber the population"

4 - Therefore , his proposal is an adept way of limiting the damage done to society through.. (Above) Technically,...

Writing FeedbackSairaTasartir - Apr 22, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 23, 2009
English Comp. CLEP - "Discontent is vital to growth and development"

7 - Thanks for your help! LOL... seems to be a popular topic! (either that, or we are both studying from...

Writing FeedbackSairaTasartir - Apr 22, 2009 / SairaTasartir - Apr 23, 2009
'Some empires refused to learn from history' - English Comp. CLEP - practice essay

3 - In the first paragraph, you'll start out stronger if you write, "can be taken to mean" instead of: It...

Writing FeedbackSairaTasartir - Apr 22, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 23, 2009
What essential skills young people should have in our complex society?

14 - These days, I am busy preparing... Awesome, see you when you get here! :)...

Writing Feedbackflorazhou - Apr 22, 2009 / EF_Kevin - May 6, 2009
narrative essay- giving birth, its not graphic

2 - Hyphens: It was two-thirty in the afternoon on a gorgeous sunny, fall, Tuesday. My favorite day of the week....

Writing Feedbackpurfec8gel - Apr 21, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 22, 2009
Outline-- Responses in relation to the attacks of September 11

5 - Man that must be a big essay, for the general idea, try to include things about how the planes...

Writing Feedbackttc1234 - Apr 21, 2009 / saichicka39 - Oct 5, 2012
The Concept of Courage as Illustrated by Different Characters

3 - According to Atticus Finch, an honest lawyer in Harper Lee's novel "To Kill a Mockingbird", teaching the children that...

Writing Feedbacktak7171 - Apr 20, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 21, 2009
The Death Penalty is more costly than imprisoning someone for life

4 - Also, if you are going to make the case that the death penalty does not deter crime, you are...

Writing Feedbacktapsghost - Apr 20, 2009 / EF_Sean - Apr 21, 2009
" Rising divorce rate"- Cause and effect essay

9 - Hi Kevin and Sean, I appreciate ur valuable help! ^^ I learn a lot from you. Thanks again for...

Writing FeedbackThuong - Apr 20, 2009 / Thuong - Apr 24, 2009
We can know something about a person by the way he dresses.

18 - Thanks all for your great advice....

Writing Feedbackbinu - Apr 20, 2009 / binu - Apr 26, 2009
Description Essay: The Rider

7 - You deserve it! Congratulations....

Writing Feedbackalexxis - Apr 20, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 30, 2009
TOEFL essay - PR: from-books knowledge and experiential knowledge

6 - This is quite correct, as far as it goes. "In conclusion" is a lazy way of introducing the...

Writing FeedbackMonkeyDDragon - Apr 20, 2009 / EF_Sean - Apr 27, 2009
Descriptive Essay: Joffrey's is My First Distance

5 - You might want to elaborate a bit on the descriptions, given that this is supposed to be a descriptive...

Writing Feedback3looy - Apr 20, 2009 / EF_Sean - May 2, 2009
Problem Solving Essay:Contradicting Characteristics-Correct my essay

5 - Well, it should be something that resonates with ou. Think of what you feel strongly about; what problems are...

Writing Feedbackmilkee_0923 - Apr 19, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Jan 18, 2010
GED Practice essay: Do you think stronger laws should be enacted to...

4 - Thanks both of you for your input. I'm leaving for my exam as I type this. Wish me...

Writing Feedbackspczmb - Apr 19, 2009 / spczmb - Apr 20, 2009
Essay about war and religoion during 1990s in Europe-Balkan

4 - ...especially when war is going on toward you all around me . In Serbia, people who were living...

Writing Feedbackgacesaa - Apr 19, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 20, 2009
What is the right stuff essay

5 - Instead of "arrogance," you could just say that they needed a robust ego, and let the reader decide for...

Writing Feedbackmichaelfrye1970 - Apr 18, 2009 / EF_Sean - Apr 21, 2009
Does Success Come from Luck or Work?

7 - You still need a clear thesis. You can side with hard work, or with luck, or you can argue...

Writing Feedbackadalumi - Apr 16, 2009 / EF_Sean - Apr 20, 2009
The Effects of Violent Movies

9 - i have to do a similar essay...i think you should write out an outline intro-thesis main body- write...

Writing Feedbacksilentheart - Apr 17, 2009 / ttc1234 - Apr 28, 2009
What is the major benefit of an international cooperation? Correct my essay

4 - Well, you could start off by creating a thesis. Like instead of going too broad, you use four different...

Writing Feedbackkirin - Apr 17, 2009 / ryoga - Apr 7, 2013
Essay: Are exams necessary? Yes ... they are!

5 - It's a good idea to find a couple of examples where exams aren't used and compare them to examples...

Writing Feedbackyemenja - Apr 16, 2009 / SairaTasartir - Apr 23, 2009
"Is racism becoming an obstacle in today`s world?" - correct my essay

4 - In our diverse society, racism is facing proving to be one of humankind's major tensions in this day...

Writing Feedbackstudent001 - Apr 16, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 17, 2009
TOEFL Essay - Convenience food can not improve the way we live.

15 - Perhaps it is a good idea to make time to be healthy? For that matter, while some people have...

Writing FeedbackMonkeyDDragon - Apr 15, 2009 / EF_Sean - May 5, 2009
Career, exploration, travel, home - check these paragaphs

11 - Here is what to do: Read some articles and see what special ideas they contribute to the topic....

Writing FeedbackThuong - Apr 15, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 20, 2009
Aphorism essay - "A Better Tomorrow"

5 - Thanks...

Writing FeedbackNinja Fox - Apr 14, 2009 / Ninja Fox - Apr 21, 2009
"King of the Jungle - story feedback

5 - thank you for looking over my short story...

Writing Feedbackmeshaal - Apr 14, 2009 / meshaal - Apr 16, 2009
GED Practice essay: Do you think people learn from their mistakes?

7 - Your concluding paragraph could use some beefing up. And I think if you gave some examples of people learning...

Writing Feedbackspczmb - Apr 14, 2009 / SairaTasartir - Apr 23, 2009
Early human development is strongly influenced by nature

6 - Is this supposed to be a five paragraph essay, or a 4? For a standard, five paragraph essay, this...

Writing FeedbackAlshebah - Apr 14, 2009 / SairaTasartir - Apr 22, 2009
500 word image essay (Black Hair Report)

4 - You seem to be on the right track. Now go into more detail. Why were they "jumping" through the...

Writing Feedbackteelyons - Apr 14, 2009 / EF_Sean - Apr 16, 2009
Art Paper - Elizabeth Murray

4 - Like Kevin said, I would strengthen the first paragraph. One way of doing that is by quoting Murray near...

Writing FeedbackLink42 - Apr 14, 2009 / silverystars - Apr 18, 2009
We can't negative wholly benefit from nuclear technology

5 - Of course, the mod's are spot on, but I'd like to add that while reading your essay, I was...

Writing Feedbacksecret1302 - Apr 14, 2009 / SairaTasartir - Apr 23, 2009
TOEFL Essay - Parents are the best teachers (Devotion and penetration)

8 - You might want to "exhort" parents to spend more one-on-one time with their children. That is one way to...

Writing FeedbackMonkeyDDragon - Apr 14, 2009 / SairaTasartir - Apr 23, 2009
Suxanne - a story about one of my dreams

3 - Wow, your opening imagery is graphic and gripping. Great job. If you want to make your story even stronger,...

Writing Feedbacknizarnasir - Apr 14, 2009 / EF_Sean - Apr 18, 2009
"the chase" story

4 - thank you guys, ur really helpful. but Sean can u suggest some better verbs. im really bad at this....

Writing Feedbacknewsha31 - Apr 13, 2009 / newsha31 - Apr 14, 2009
Essay to Compare and Contrast Two members of Your Family

5 - Ahhh!! That is harsh. Parents are people, too. How would you like to have your mom say she...

Writing FeedbackQueenie31 - Apr 13, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 14, 2009
Psychology Concepts applied to the real world

5 - ...taught them to sew their clothes... She stayed very close to her sister and brought her along so...

Writing Feedbackteelyons - Apr 13, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 14, 2009
"Who Swims with the Tuna" by Quammen and "Riches of the Sea" by Scully

3 - I think it was David Brin who first pointed out that environmentalists are always only really concerned with creatures...

Writing FeedbackCodyB - Apr 13, 2009 / EF_Sean - Apr 14, 2009
TOEFL Essay -Why go to university (career preparation, self-actualization)

7 - Well, i think in TOEFL essay, it is important to use conjunctions. May be instead of saying 'in conlcusion',...

Writing FeedbackMonkeyDDragon - Apr 13, 2009 / Abby002 - Apr 26, 2009
counselling essay

2 - I would often judge people on assumptions I had been brought up with. Since starting college, I have...

Writing Feedbackkazzy31 - Apr 12, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 13, 2009
Education Playground -- letters after your name

3 - I got confused when I read this. I realize now that you mean to say "a part of"...

Writing Feedbackzoomdots - Apr 11, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 12, 2009
Holocaust Essay (genocide subject)

5 - I'm not an expert just to let you know ahead of time but I am also taking an Ap...

Writing Feedbackahausermun - Apr 11, 2009 / Melanie Rose - Apr 20, 2009
Many people regret that they had not attended a university, but none regret that have a degree

4 - Hi adalumi, your topic and mine are the same thing :D essayforum.com/writing/university-career-preparation-self-6375/ I think your essay is...

Writing Feedbackadalumi - Apr 10, 2009 / MonkeyDDragon - Apr 13, 2009
Apprenticeship Program Aplication

5 - I have been searching for the right program, one that enables me to apply... Don't say 5....

Writing Feedbackangelfight - Apr 9, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 10, 2009
SAT essay: Are people's lives the result of the choices they make?

4 - Thanks ^ ^...

Writing Feedbackkitty Freud - Apr 9, 2009 / kitty Freud - Apr 10, 2009
Definition Essay: Building the Blocks, Becoming Successful (The Climb)

3 - "Success" is derived from the Latin word "successus"... You can follow Sean's advice by using a new topic...

Writing Feedbackbhoptl - Apr 8, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 9, 2009

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