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"Old Pride" - 500 words personnal statement.

9 - I don't really see how you were prideful in the situation. I see how you showed preseverance... Also, pride...

UndergraduateMonsieurWise - Nov 14, 2009twizzlestraw - Nov 26, 2009
waterskiing, UC Prompt 2: Personal Experience.

4 - good subject and connection to ur grades. make more variences in ur sentence structure and use more sophistocated, but...

Undergraduatejohn7777 - Nov 14, 2009kyleroland - Nov 15, 2009
Growing up a Muslim American, a world of justice and equality

3 - It was not until recently that I discovered that my mother not only accomplished everything for us as a...

UndergraduateHaderdaraide - Nov 14, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 15, 2009
Water is the most common element for ordinary people; A paragraph about water

4 - thanks for helping me!...

Writing Feedbackapi - Nov 13, 2009api - Nov 15, 2009
the mountain lion UC prompt 1; the world you come from

8 - You are talking about a love of nature but there is no nature in this. Take advantage of your...

Undergraduatecaslyn1 - Nov 13, 2009purl81 - Nov 19, 2009
My enthusiasm and commitment help me to make a great contribution to research field

3 - The boundless possibilities for innovation and the sudden revelations that stimulate one for further analysis of a rationale in...

Graduatemahdi1984 - Nov 13, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 15, 2009
"Studying Spanish" - U of M Diversity Essay Question

12 - purl81 is right. You have 2 different essays going on. Focus on the second half; it discusses a specific...

Undergraduateaguafria22 - Nov 13, 2009rohi92 - Nov 27, 2009
What are the three things you want the Bucknell faculty to know?

2 - really liked all three. make sure you read through and make sure you add your own personal touch rather...

Undergraduatedark horse - Nov 13, 2009tjbeyer6 - Nov 29, 2009
Advertisement Analysis Essay Help - A $385 Billion Dollar Image

2 - Thanks for posting, long-time lurker! your last para needs help: As we have analyze these advertisements, we...

Writing FeedbackMCafOcc - Nov 13, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 15, 2009
The Global Connections Committee -elaborating on your activity

2 - Well, this is a great choice of activity. To get rid of those five words, scratch out what does...

Undergraduatetdbeckham - Nov 13, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 15, 2009
A Different Spin on The Diversity Essay

8 - Dr. Suess also said: Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is toing to get better....

Undergraduatechaotic_kiddo - Nov 13, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 15, 2009
"I flourish in large classes" - Rutgers admissions essay so far..

4 - ...lifetime have enabled me to ascertain a plethora of morals... Wow, lots of big words... be careful not...

Undergraduateairrudra - Nov 13, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 15, 2009
Common App Main Essay- "Dancing Through The Days"

4 - Back in the dorms, my roommate Melissa and I professed our excitement for the next day, when we...

Undergraduateutooley - Nov 13, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 15, 2009
"a liberal arts experience" - Bowdoin Supplemental Essay

2 - I'm applying to Bowdoin, too! My fingers are crossed! Some small suggestions: "Taking part in interesting subjects...

Undergraduateccanning10 - Nov 13, 2009RhonWeasley - Nov 14, 2009
Tulane personal statement - swimming

2 - allowed me to take part in... It was not surprising, t hen, that my coach... Wow, you...

Undergraduateicecreamcat - Nov 13, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 14, 2009
"Economics chose me" - UC Personal Statement Prompt #1 on Economics

5 - "I began purchasing bulks of high demand electronics for half of their retail price and selling them trough craigslist."...

Undergraduateagsabeh - Nov 13, 2009aleggz - Nov 17, 2009
CC supplement question. why do you wish to attend?

3 - I think the idea of splitting the reasons into different categories is a good idea. But it seems to...

Undergraduatezeem - Nov 13, 2009jindu85 - Nov 14, 2009
Experience That Helpmed Me Learn What Was Important - CommonApp Emotional Essay

4 - Beautiful. I think you write better than you think you do. All of her memories have now vanished...

UndergraduateAwesomeness - Nov 13, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 14, 2009
What makes me do something is/are A and B

3 - It is a grammar which is easy to understand. Noun phrase is singular noun, so it begins with...

Grammar, Usagemasood_mj - Nov 13, 2009Keng - Dec 3, 2009
A Person With Significant Influence on You--Common App Personal Statement

4 - You an eliminate some of the times you wrote the words "Growing up." I think you should eliminate...

Undergraduatecaisson22 - Nov 13, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 14, 2009
Personal Statement - MFA in Digital Media/Teaching Credential

4 - Yeah, i don't think I've ever been compelled to tell someone, yes! send it in! But something about...

Graduatealejandramax - Nov 13, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 19, 2009
Contribution Essay (Rice's academic life)

3 - It was late on a school night, and even though the day had been tough, I could do nothing...

Undergraduatesv6554 - Nov 13, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 14, 2009
Hard work and persistent efforts will pay off

4 - My parents always tell me that hard work and persistent efforts will pay off and that I should keep...

Undergraduatephhusm2000 - Nov 12, 2009dark horse - Nov 13, 2009
"the Spanish classes" - Law School Admission Essay, BC BU NorthEastern etc.

4 - Yes, it is great that you are practicing too write in a way that soothes the reader with a...

Graduatesayruss11 - Nov 13, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 14, 2009
Need Reviews and comment on my SOP - Industrial Engineering

3 - EF_Susan Yup.. Thank yu so much @ EF_Susan I have added that stuff is to explain my backlog in...

Graduatethanigaiparam - Nov 13, 2009thanigaiparam - Nov 14, 2009
"Go to bed" - UC transfer essay prompt 1

4 - How does the anecdote in the beginning tie into you choosing your major? It s a bit unclear, try...

Undergraduatenatsuken - Nov 13, 2009guffaa88 - Nov 14, 2009
Need to strengthen my SOP for bio PhD program

2 - Prevent is a better word here: would prevent me from doing well in America, Hearing about their efforts...

Graduatetinkywinky - Nov 13, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 14, 2009
TOEFL essay What are some important qualities of a good supervisor

2 - What does this mean? ----> good perception on the man. Do you mean to say this instead? ---->...

Writing Feedbackrmli - Nov 13, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 14, 2009
UC PROMPT #1 - "Average? Maybe not"

7 - This essay is short and sweet and simple and plain, but it's all very well done- there's a good...

Undergraduated54739106184219 - Nov 13, 2009Vulpix - Nov 20, 2009
Art of mind; Nine types of intelligences

4 - Ha ha! You did so well! I like the beginning...where you found out you were not challenged after all....

Undergraduatepcvrz34g - Nov 13, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 14, 2009
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