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Hard work and persistent efforts will pay off

4 - My parents always tell me that hard work and persistent efforts will pay off and that I should keep...

Undergraduatephhusm2000 - Nov 12, 2009dark horse - Nov 13, 2009
"the Spanish classes" - Law School Admission Essay, BC BU NorthEastern etc.

4 - Yes, it is great that you are practicing too write in a way that soothes the reader with a...

Graduatesayruss11 - Nov 13, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 14, 2009
Need Reviews and comment on my SOP - Industrial Engineering

3 - EF_Susan Yup.. Thank yu so much @ EF_Susan I have added that stuff is to explain my backlog in...

Graduatethanigaiparam - Nov 13, 2009thanigaiparam - Nov 14, 2009
"Go to bed" - UC transfer essay prompt 1

4 - How does the anecdote in the beginning tie into you choosing your major? It s a bit unclear, try...

Undergraduatenatsuken - Nov 13, 2009guffaa88 - Nov 14, 2009
Need to strengthen my SOP for bio PhD program

2 - Prevent is a better word here: would prevent me from doing well in America, Hearing about their efforts...

Graduatetinkywinky - Nov 13, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 14, 2009
TOEFL essay What are some important qualities of a good supervisor

2 - What does this mean? ----> good perception on the man. Do you mean to say this instead? ---->...

Writing Feedbackrmli - Nov 13, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 14, 2009
UC PROMPT #1 - "Average? Maybe not"

7 - This essay is short and sweet and simple and plain, but it's all very well done- there's a good...

Undergraduated54739106184219 - Nov 13, 2009Vulpix - Nov 20, 2009
Art of mind; Nine types of intelligences

4 - Ha ha! You did so well! I like the beginning...where you found out you were not challenged after all....

Undergraduatepcvrz34g - Nov 13, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 14, 2009
How my environment shape my career aspirations

3 - i really like your piece of writing . Your writing surly reflects your love for environment but i think...

Undergraduatejohn7777 - Nov 12, 2009dark horse - Nov 13, 2009
"Something is wrong," I told myself; U Pitt's , experience

5 - It is great, actually. The reason it seems like you stray off topic is because you did not establish...

Undergraduatetan1800 - Nov 12, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 14, 2009
UT essay - person of impact on you and importance of that person

9 - Well, what I mean is that it will be useful if the influence this person had on you strengthened...

UndergraduateJaeL - Nov 12, 2009EF_Kevin - Dec 6, 2009
'The soccer ball game' - MIT short answer: something you like to do.

6 - I really like that you added an active voice to this essay. Top colleges are always looking for students...

Undergraduatecalderon - Nov 12, 2009sozin817 - Nov 16, 2009
Writing Music Reviews (Common App Short Response)

10 - It wasn't until sixth grade that when my English teacher ... Hey, maybe you should use some voice...

Undergraduateomarxcore - Nov 12, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 18, 2009
"Prom" - Creativity Essay

4 - thanks linmark, I'm actually on the fence with this essay, so your criticism made it clearer that I shouldn't...

Undergraduatemacca - Nov 12, 2009macca - Nov 13, 2009
Statement of purpose on Asian Studies

6 - Wow! What I would really like to see is a combination of both. I love the beginning of this...

Graduatefhy8883 - Nov 12, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 16, 2009
"Rachel's Challenge" - Common App: significant experience, achievement, risk...

4 - One more sentence at the end of that first para could make it more meaningful... give one more sentence...

Undergraduateneil098 - Nov 12, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 18, 2009
Creative Essay "The Truth" about Poland

2 - These fields contain the utmost beautiful flowers, and the weather is out of this world. It only snows delicious...

Writing Feedbackevildanny2009 - Nov 12, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 13, 2009
"My Family"- UC Prompt

5 - Thank You :) Any other corrections? Is my essay too childish or are the sentence structures way too simple...

Undergraduateqaz419 - Nov 12, 2009qaz419 - Nov 14, 2009
UC-'The World I came from' (South-Korean) essay

5 - I really like it! I love the fact that you had such a great experience in each of those...

Undergraduaterobkim320 - Nov 12, 2009Haderdaraide - Nov 14, 2009
CBEST - 'Working abroad'; Making Important Decision

3 - thanks a lot for all the feedback. I'll keep in mind all the corrections. I hope to practice...

Writing Feedbackelainedlcruz - Nov 12, 2009elainedlcruz - Nov 13, 2009
SUNY Application (Karate, my life)

6 - Google: embryonic breathing. Read what Dr. Yang has to say. It has applications for martial arts, meditation, health, and...

UndergraduateLordHoseph - Nov 12, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 15, 2009
"To make others happy", have to shorten by 400 letters/characters. pennstate p.s

15 - I volunteered at Camp R.O.B.I.N over the summer, a facility for developmentally challenged children. Onmy the first time day...

Undergraduatemetrostars25 - Nov 12, 2009Jd87rh - Nov 25, 2009
Not a Love Story - UT Person of Influence

6 - "but I lacked the confidence to do so because I had no idea how to dance like everyone else...

Undergraduatepatorooni - Nov 12, 2009glorfs - Nov 15, 2009
Volunteering Experience: The cold and more challenges - Contributing to the community

3 - thanxs for the advice!...

Undergraduatehawraa - Nov 12, 2009hawraa - Nov 12, 2009
"I also dreamed to help someone if I could" - Best I Ever Had

3 - We really had so much fun with those people . They were also just like...

Undergraduatealina967 - Nov 12, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 13, 2009
From Black and White to San Francisco

3 - Cantaloupe has more nutritional value than many other fruits. You should try to enjoy it. :-) opportunity...

Undergraduatemle2010 - Nov 12, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 13, 2009
Shocked into rethinking taking things for granted- UC Prompt

4 - ...but promised the little boy was safe. (right here, do a paragraph break) Start a new paragraph with:...

Undergraduatemle2010 - Nov 12, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 13, 2009
Essay about my life - Common app essay

7 - thanks kevin, I have been trying my best to eliminate all vagueness. It going in layers!...

Undergraduatezeem - Nov 12, 2009zeem - Nov 13, 2009
An artist's hands - UC Essay

17 - Hey guys, thanks for all the edits!! It really helped a lot, and I've already submitted it for UCs,...

Undergraduategumdrop41 - Nov 12, 2009gumdrop41 - Dec 21, 2009
Actuary - ctive person, sport - Statement of purpose (why they must choose me)

3 - Adjectives weaken sentences: Many people all over the world dream of heavenly love, incredible richness or gorgeous glory. ...

UndergraduateSteven Gerrard - Nov 12, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 13, 2009
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