awake "like a cucumber" - From Russia with love

I want to be done tomorrow so please comment what you think! Thank you in advance!

Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better. (100 to 250 words)

Hey Roomie,

The time came to make a step of a boat of high school and break the water surface, discovering a vast world beyond. This is always exiting and a little nerve-racking, that I can tell you as a diver.

Hailing from Moscow, I may seem to be a person whose life is governed by schedules. Well, let me dispel that notion for you right here and now. While my Jewish mother did instill in me the importance of academics and getting things done in advance, my Ukrainian father balanced out the seriousness of my life by teaching me how to have fun. I'm a prof in organizing all sorts of activities from vareniki party to Maslenitza celebration. "What's that?" you ask. You'll find out as soon as I start organizing crazy parties and adventures for us that are sure to serve as bonding moments with everyone in our student complex. Our room will be known as the no-boredom zone for sure.

I don't intend to send you into a culture shock tailspin. Just know that there is never going to be a dull moment when I am around. Either we exchange cultural stories and learn about each other, or we study through the night together, our room will remain a peaceful harbor for both of us. I have a lot to share with you both philosophical and satirical and I look forward to discovering all that is unique about you.

Roomie, in a few months we'll lounge into exploring the unknown together, as real dive buddies, breathing in the same air from our gas tanks - the Stanford air.

See you soon,
Alina

I simply love you essay from beginning to end. It describes a lot about you and your culture and it makes me wonder all those traditions and make me want to look them up on the internet. Very good and good luck!

Alina, you need to explain what you mean by your being "like a cucumber", not everyone knows what that means :-) You need to double check for spelling errors. I caught a number of those (e.g. farther for FATHER) in the essay. You also mean to say "Roomie" not "Romie" which is American slang for roommate. Overall, good work on introducing yourself to your future roommate though. You sound like a bundle of nervous fun :-)

I wanted to keep the diving part because it seems unique and interesting to my essay. I really loved your version, vangiespen! Changed several sentenses though. It became 275 words... Let me know what you think about the upgrade.

Alina there are a number of required corrections in the paper. Also, you need to reword your first sentence if you want to keep it. Right now, it is pretty obvious that there are two writing styles in this letter so all we have to do is make it sound as one. Here is my idea for the first sentence:


As a an experienced diver, I can tell you that it is nerve wracking to jump out of the boat into the unknown bottom of the water beneath me. That is pretty much how I feel about graduating from high school and then heading straight to college. There is a vast world underneath the sea known as college, just as the waters that I dive into. I am hoping that you will be my dive partner during this trek, learning and growing together as roommates, colleagues, and schoolmates.


- ... vareiki parties to...


- Whether we exchange...


- we'll launch into exploring...
- lounge means to rest while launch means to fire off to an exciting start.

I hope my suggestions work for you :-)