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A letter to a British friend in 180-120 words about an important festival in your country


mika1998 4 / 13 3  
Nov 28, 2013   #1
My darling Emma:
Hi, everything is OK? Are you still safe and sound? Did you keep on studying for exams? Well, I was interested in your recent letter written about Henley Royal Regatta. Now I'd like to make you familiar with one of the well-kept festivals of my country.

We celebrate Bon festival in July which comes back to a story which seems to be about a disciple of Buddha using his power to release her mother suffering in hungry ghosts' realm and he becomes successful. Also Bon dance originates from the time he starts to dance for his joy.

The festival lasts for three days in summer, so we wear yukata or light cotton kimonos. It usually consists of a huge carnival and foods like watermelon. We lit up paper lanterns and float them down rivers, mixed with fireworks at the end.

Much more things to say, yet I'll be happy to see you next July in here to experience it yourself.
Anyway drop me a line soon.
Best wishes
Mina

SreeSam 12 / 38 7  
Nov 28, 2013   #2
1. Instead of the first line --

Hi, everything is OK? Are you still safe and sound? Did you keep on studying for exams? ---

can be changed like below -

Hi, how are you dear ?..Hope you are doing safe and sound. How is the exam preparation going on ?

2. Also I felt like the sentences are little complex .

Apart from these two, I feel your letter is good !
OP mika1998 4 / 13 3  
Nov 28, 2013   #3
thanks for your suggestion,I'll use them to improve it.thanks anyway :)
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Dec 1, 2013   #4
Well, this is an informal letter, so you have so much freedom in writing the way you like. However, if this is for a particular examination task, I wish you should not sound too slang. For exaple,

Hi, everything is OK?

This is fine when we talk, but sounds too slang for writing.
Hope everything is fine with you.

We celebrate Bon festival in July which comes back to a story which seems to be about a disciple of Buddha using his power to release her mother suffering in hungry ghosts' realm and he becomes successful.

.... the word "which" gets repeated too soon. Also this sentence is crowded with too many ideas.
We celebrate the Bon festival in July which originates from a story of a disciple of the Buddha, who used his supernatural powers to protect his deceased mother from hungry ghosts.
OP mika1998 4 / 13 3  
Dec 4, 2013   #5
thank u so much:D


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