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A competitive person - Scholarship Motivational letter

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Jan 13, 2021   #1

applying the Stipendium scholarship

Dear Administrative Committee,
At a young age, Computers fascinated me. Since my mom bought that old laptop for her work, My mind was never at ease. I wanted to know what that new piece of electronic was. It began with me watching her using it then trying to touch it or even open it if I had the courage when she wasn't around. Until I got caught and faced my mom with many questions, She immediately knew I was very interested that she took me the next day to meet with her friend, a middle school informatics teacher to answer all questions. It was on that day that I realized studying computers and technology, in general, would be one of my goals in life. And I firmly believe that the Scholarship program can help me achieve this goal.

I am a competitive person, in the last three years, I participated in many national and international competitions and Hackathons. Had the chance to win two and rank second in one. The first one was in a FinTech Hackathons. And two of my best mates had the idea of developing an application that will help the users tack and their expenses and pay their loans, we developed also a bot that can chat with the customers and answers some of their questions. The second one was trying to solve a personal problem and ended up winning the whole competition! I have a member in my family that is visually impaired but was so eager to learn. He always came to me or my sister to read the journal or a piece of paper for him because he couldn't see. Then I thought to myself "What can I do to help him?". After Technology came to solve people's problems. So, I tried to make a model that can recognize and read out loud the Arabic letters. After that, I decided to make it in a small device that every impaired people can carry around. I decided to develop the project and established my first start-up named XXX (translation for sight). The third and the last one is the YYYY space app challenge which I participated in with some of my friends. The project was analyzing the Data provided by Nasa Satellites and translating them into graphs showing the energy's usage and the green spaces.

All those experiences made me believe that we're living in an era where technology is a game-changer. Most of the developed countries (which XXX is one of) rely on technology for their everyday tasks. I hope that my homeland will someday be at that level too. This program will push me forward, to seek discomfort, and to learn more. I am willing to go the extra mile and become one of the game-changer in my society.

Apart from having technical skills, my meaningful experience in collaborative projects distinguishes me as a suitable candidate. Therefore, I am prepared to live in Hungary. Stipendium would bring me closer to the latest technology out there and sharpen my soft and hard skills. I am not the perfect Student. I do have flaws. But I trust the confidence that I'm one of the right candidates.

I would highly appreciate receiving the Stipendium scholarship since I know It will put me on the right path to my goals.
Thank you for your consideration,
Sxx Zxx

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,132 3268  
Jan 14, 2021   #2
I am not clear on whether you are applying as a full time undergraduate student or as a masters degree student. You forgot to inform me of which scholarship type you are applying for. There is a difference in the review pattern for these two scholarships. I'll assume this is for an undergraduate course since you did not mention any undergrad courses and focused on your participation in competitions instead.

In the first paragraph, I do not like the connotation of your saying that your mind was not at ease. I makes it seem like you feared the computer. If you had said, My mind was filled with awe and wonder, that would have better connected with the way that your mom put you in touch with an IT teacher. Kindly remember that academic essays must never have paragraphs or sentences that begin with connecting words like "and, but, and because". Revise references that start with those words.

Kindly remember that only names of person's places, things, or proper titles require word capitalization. Technology need not be capitalized in the middle of a sentence / paragraph. You have to be more specific about your winner placement in the competitions you joined. Since you gave a general presentation for the wins and placements, you need to be specific when you discuss the competitions. Tell the reviewer what position you won and what the prizes were. These will help establish your ability as a notable scholarship applicant.
OP ZacksCodes 1 / 1  
Jan 14, 2021   #3
Dear Holt,
I would like to thank you so much for your quick response and for taking the time to write me back.
I'm applying for Hungarian Stipendium Programm for a Master's degree, I'm in the final year of my bachelor's degree.
What do you think about my essay overall?

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