I am applying for an intern position of a data analyst. Could you please give your comments on my cover letter? Thank you very much in advance!
Dear Mr. xxx,
according to the announcement at xxx, you are currently seeking an intern for the office in xxx for the period of three months in summer. As a Master student of Political and Social Sciences in the University xxx, I am highly interested in this placement. In this semester I am expected to take an internship in the field I am interested in. Because I am going to build my career in the area of research and analysis, I would like to develop my skills in working with data. Thus, I am highly motivated to secure an internship position in the area of data management, especially in such an innovative company like xxx. I believe that in xxx I could apply my current skills and experience and, on the other hand, to expand them to assist the company in being successful.
Majoring in Political and Social Sciences has equipped me with the ability to think analytically and critically and provided me with solid knowledge of research and analysis techniques. Though I do not have a degree in Information Technology, I have always been curious about the opportunities provided by a PC. Thus, Excel proved to be indispensible for sociological analysis which I have conducted many times during my studies. I have developed my Excel skills during my professional experience working as a Junior Information Manager in a publishing company issuing regional Yellow Pages in xxx. There I gained first experience in working with software for Customer Relationship Management and developed skills in organising data for comparison from different sources. There was a CRM software program in use created specially for the needs of the Advertising Department. Additionally, I have a decent experience with Microsoft Office Access gained when working for a large jewellery producer in Russia. Being a quick learner, I believe that I will cope with the xxx database used in xxx in a short time.
Thanks to the heavy workload at the University, I have learned to manage my time effectively and to be efficient when multitasking is required. The minimal supervision at the University encouraged me to be initiative and make independent decisions. Since I have studied in multinational environment, I have developed my communication skills in English and German. I believe that knowledge of these languages, as well as my native Russian will facilitate my work at xxx.
Enclosed with this letter is my updated Curriculum Vitae. It shall be my pleasure to provide you with any additional information should you require. I am easily contactable at (tel number) and per e-mail. I really appreciate an interview opportunity with xxx. I am looking forward to hearing from you in the near future.
Thank you for considering my application.
Condense and intensify:
according to the announcement at xxx, you are currently seeking an intern for the office in xxx for the period of three months in summer. As a graduate student of Political and Social Sciences at the University xxx, I am highly interested in the three-month summer internship position.
But even this is sort of weak. It is a long statement of the obvious. It would be nice to add something meaningful to it. I challenge you to add to that first paragraph three comments about current events at this company that make it intriguing to you... events and activities that make it a place that excites you intellectually.
Here are two sentences that I think you should not include in the essay:
In this semester I am expected to take an internship in the field I am interested in. not necessary or helpful
Though I do not have a degree in Information Technology,
I have always been curious about the opportunities provided by a PC. (replace with something more specific, related to your intended specialization in this field)
Those experiences in the middle paragraph are so impressive!!!