Doctoral Program in Business Administration- General Cover letter for PhD application

Dear all,

I am applying for a PhD program in Business Administration. Despite it requires a statement of purpose in separate file, I still want to make a cover letter to summarize who I am, what I apply for, and all supplemental materials enclosed with the application package. Could you please review it and let me know how to improve it?

Thank you very much for your kindness,
hiddengibbon
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Subject: Application for the Doctoral Program in the College of Business

Dear Graduate Admission Office,
I would like to present myself as a candidate for the Doctoral Program in Business Administration (concentrate in Information Systems) at the University of XXX.

I graduated with a Master's degree in Business Administration from University of YYY in 2011 and a Bachelor's degree in Computer Engineering from University of ZZZ in 2006. For professional experience, I have six years of experience in Information Security industry in both hands-on and managerial positions and possess several professional certificates such as CompTIA Security+ and Certified Information System Security Professional (CISSP).

I have a strong academic background, excellent problem-solving abilities along with good verbal and written communicational skill. Applying for a Ph.D. program is an important step of my determination to become an influential educator, and I find that the Doctoral Program in Business Administration at a College of Business, University of XXX is a perfect match for me.

I would enjoy the privilege of putting my skills, energy, and enthusiasm in pursuing my Ph.D. After reviewing my application, I hope that you realize that I am well qualified for this position and will be a positive contribution to your University.

Thank you very much for considering my application. Should there be additional inquire; please do not hesitate to let me know.

Best Regards,
hiddengibbon

I graduated with a Master's degree in Business Administration from University of YYY and a Bachelor's degree in Computer Engineering from University of ZZZ. I have six years of experience in Information Security in both hands-on and managerial position. I also possess several professional certificates such as CompTIA Security+ and Certified Information System Security Professional (CISSP).

I think the first paragraph is incomplete. In addition to stating your intention, you should give a sentence that expressed the main idea of the essay. The essay needs to have one unique idea, a theme that distinguishes it from the rest. This is not easy if you have not put enough thought into your plan for the future, but anyone who develops their plan will have a theme that is very unique, because you'll have a niche plan, a detailed plan, that reflects your unique interests and talents.

The whole essay does nothing but mention the experience that is already evident in your resume or transcript. The essay is not unique enough. In addition to this experience, you need a detailed plan, a specific plan. Think about what you want to do, and tell the reader why this program is better for you than other, similar programs. You should dig deep and really appeal to the reader on a personal level. Think about how you would talk to your mom or your friend about the school. What really makes this school best? Be a little personal, and you'll win the reader's heart.