I am a Chinese high-school student and my English is not good. I have poor grammar and vocabulary. But I really want to improve my English so that I can meet the requirement of admission into university. I will currently post my writing in EF. Please comment on my writing, thank you.
4. You do volunteer work for the Cancer Foundation, which raises funds for cancer research and holds promotional activities to increase public awareness of the causes of cancer. Write a letter to the Editor of the South China Morning Post to persuade people to do volunteer work. Give at least three good reasons why they should do volunteer work. Sign your letter 'Chris Wong"
I had received some comments from my friend, and I rewrote it into another piece. Please feel free to point our my grammar mistakes, wrong uses of words, logic error, or any other errors, thank you! =]
Re: Let's do volunteer work
Dear Editor,
I am writing to express my view as a volunteer about the reasons to do volunteer work. There are really many reasons to do volunteer work. But not to list all, here are three of the reasons why we should become a volunteer. Volunteer works bring us joy, bring us a good future and bring the poor a cheer.
Happiness is one of the treasures that volunteer works bring us. It is always true that happiness comes from helping others. While volunteering, we try to bring colors into the sorrow lives of poor. While teaching them how to be optimistic, we are learning how to be optimistic as well. Upon the success of improving one's life, seeing one truly smiling, a tremendous joy is drawn to us. The joy from volunteer work can never be comparable with that from other entertainment, say computer games. The latter is only a spurt of virtual joy, which vanishes quickly when you leave your computer. The former, however, will last forever, as this joy is born deep from our merciful heart.
Equipments for tomorrow is another treasure volunteer works bring to us. To obtain a desirable job in the future, we have to equip ourselves well, and volunteer work can play a crucial role in this. While helping the poor, our passion and affection to others are developed. These personalities are especially important if we are taking a job to improve the society. While contacting with the poor, our communication skill is enhanced. Everyone needs this useful skill no matter what kind of job they are taking. And while listening to the poor elderly, their wise experiences would be brought to our mind, and these thoughtful ideas will probably be our fortune in the future.
Most importantly, volunteer works bring the most precious treasures to those who need help. Nowadays in Hong Kong, there is a wide gap of wealth between the riches and the poor. The poor are really living desperately that most of them have very low, or even no income. Adding the subsidies from the government, they may only have enough money to pay their living expenses, to pay for three bowls of rice every day. Even worse, some of these poor are elderly living alone, feeling lonely all the time . As a youngster, it can be seen as our obligation to help them. Volunteer works do not only bring physical help to the poor, but also the essences for living - love and care. As the poor feel they are being cared by others and by the society, they will be encouraged to endeavor for better lives.
Volunteer works both benefit the volunteers and the poor, producing a win-win situation. It is really worthwhile to do some volunteer works while we are still young, both for the poor and for our joy and future.
Yours sincerely, Chris Wong
You should have more confidence in your writing. As i read the first paragraph, I see that you have a unique style, like many bilingual people, but it is absolutely clear and impressive.
Volunteer works bring us joy, bring us a good future, and brings cheer to the poor.
It is always true that happiness comes from helping others. ---- indeed. I remember reading some very meaningful discussions of this concept in the beginning of C.S. Lewis's Mere Christianity. -- you should check it out!
:-)
Equipment for tomorrow is another treasure volunteer works bring to us. ------- You never have to put an s at the end of "equipment."
To obtain a desirable job in the future, we have to equip ourselves well, and volunteer work can play a crucial role in this.-- this is another very nice sentence!
Nowadays in Hong Kong, there is a wide gap of wealth between the rich and the poor.
