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Letter to friends about suggesting a birthday party

tcl1120 9 / 27  
Apr 5, 2019   #1

party proposition - birthday occasion

Your friend is about to celebrate a landmark birthday and has asked for suggestions as to how it shall be celebrate.

In the letter:
1. thank you for the invitation and say that you have some ideas about how to celebrate
2. suggest what type of party your frd could have
3. suggest a good place to have the party

Deaf Jeff,

How have you been? Thank you very much for inviting me to your special 30th birthday party next month. I would love to join the party and to share the merriment all together. In fact, I have some ideas about the party in order to make the event more remarkable and joyful.

Since our old basketball team would be invited to the party, I would produce a video to refresh the memories of obtaining the overall champion in inter-school basketball tournament. I believe that all of us including your wife would love to watch that video. After that, we might arrange a hot pot dinner at Tom's restaurant, and I will contact him to prepare your favorite food including beef and poke in advance. It would be a wonderful evening.

After the dinner, you can come to visit my place for playing some boardgame, I would introduce you to my daughter as she is now play the basketball team at school. Most importantly, we should have a delicious birthday cake for the celebration which is our tradition since we were 13 years old.

Please let me know if you like the idea of your party and I will organize all the necessary works in advance. Best wishes to you and your family.

Best wishes

Day999 4 / 15 3  
Apr 5, 2019   #2
Hi TCL. I have a few words to say abou this essay.

First paragraph.
1. I think it is a little exaggerating to say special 30th. Well, it's just my opinion.
2. Are you sure what you wanted to say was "all together" instead of "altogether"?

Second paragraph.
1. Replace "produce" with "make". The former doesn't seem to fit in well in this sentence.
2. I would suggest rephrase "... the memories of obtaining the overall champion..." to something else, or try to make it even simpler. For example, "... the memories when we won the overall champion...". The word obtain also sounds a little unfitting in the sentence you provided.

3. Add a comma before the word "including" and after "wife". Although the phrase sounds a bit redundant.
3. Add a comma before the word "including" and after "poke"

Third paragraph.
1. Always use a full stop when you start a new sentence. Replace the comma after boardgame with full stop.
2. Rephrase "as she is now play the basketball team" to something simpler. It is quite difficult to understand.
3. The last sentence sounds a bit weird to me. Don't we all have cakes at birthday parties? Unless what you are trying to say is that the cake will be a different one from the one Jeff buys.

Fourth paragraph.
1. Remove "best wishes to you...". It is weird and repetitive since you have already said that in the closing.

I hope that helps. See ya.
OP tcl1120 9 / 27  
Apr 5, 2019   #3
Dear Sir,

Thank you very much for your suggestion. It is extremely useful. Appreciated!~

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