Hello guys, I will apply for scholarship in China, And the motivation letter it's the important thing that I should write it carefully, Please I want your help to correct it for me, And If you have any idea or anything I should change it in this letter, tell me that please ,and thank you
scholarship application essay
ACADEMIC BACKGROUND
My name is xx a 26-year-old man from xx, I received two diplomas. The First one received was on 2015, in Adjustment and Assembling of Aircraft Cells at the "Specialised Institute of Aeronautics and Airport Logistics Profession". And the second one was in 2017, in Maintenance of Machine Tools at the"Specialized Institute of Inter-company Applied Technology". During this course of study, I learned aerodynamics, aircraft mechanics, electronics, quality, and stock management. All this knowledge was reinforced by internships with different companies in various fields, including aeronautics, agriculture and mechanical manufacturing; making me a versatile person. And to develop my technical course with Management and Problem-solving skills, I decided to study Industrial Engineering in Bachelor degree at the University xx, Sciences and technologies Faculty. And I will graduate in July 2019.
WHY INDUSTRIAL ENGINEERING
My interest in IEM has blossomed further during my undergraduate course and in particular towards subjects like Simulation, Operations Research, Operations Management, and Supply Chain Management. This has motivated me to opt to study further and develop my knowledge and skills in this field as I believe my undergraduate programme is only a good foundation for these subjects. Industrial Engineering can be used to optimize all spheres of life and my aim is to acquire knowledge that can then be applied to develop innovations in the industrial sector.
WHY SCHOLARSHIP IN YOUR UNIVERSITY
My personal situation and financial resources do not allow me to study in China. This scholarship will allow me to continue my studies in better conditions and thus to be able to concentrate as much as possible on my final goal, that why the MSc Industrial Engineering course at your university is ideal for my purpose and relevant to my interest. Your course offers the right blend of technology and management along with an excellent study environment for the same.
AFTER MASTER DEGREE
I want to be an operation manager in a manufacturing company, and will be my primarily responsible for the systems and procedures that make employees more effective, individually and as a unit. That why I decided to study the industry from the technical level, So now I have the ability to know exactly the needs of production systems and the workers.
Industrial engineering studies at your outstanding university will enable me to achieve my ambition and my goal to make my due contributions to my motherland, where the industry is an urgent need for development.
REASONS TO STUDY IN CHINA
In my youth, I was influenced by the story of the Moroccan travelerIbn Battuta, who visited China during his famous journey, and He was influenced by China's ancient civilization. He said, "China is the safest and most agreeable country in the world for the traveler. You can travel all alone across the land for nine months without fear, even if you are carrying much wealth."Moreover, China's rapid economic growth and diverse technological advancements are internationally recognized and are the main reasons for people to study in China. On top of that, education standards and the global ranking of Chinese universities are great reasons for choosing China as the base for my continuing education. I have a few friends studying in China and they are full of admiration for China and its universities, which is very encouraging.
And As the saying goes "Seek knowledge, even if you must go to China".Now I want to follow Ibn Battuta's steps not just for the visit. But to seek knowledge there. All these reasons put together to make China an ideal place for me to do my Masters degree.
I hope this application will receive your favorable consideration and I will be happy to meet you at your convenience and provide any additional information you may need. I look forward to receiving your reply.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,801 
4780 Driss, you cannot present your responses to the prompt requirements in an outline form. You must present the responses in a smooth transitional paragraph format that inter-relates or integrates the content of one paragraph to the next. That said, your current writing is choppy and, due to the lack of transition paragraphs, creates a confusing informational presentation. You must revise the whole essay into a cohesive and coherent paragraph format for this essay to properly work for the purposes you require it. Once this in proper essay form, I will get a better idea of how to improve the content presentation.
The reasons that you require the scholarship are too simple. There is only a personal reference to financial need which is not going to convince the reviewer that you deserve to be considered for this essay. If you can relate the financial need with a specific professional goal that you hope to achieve by completing this masters course, then you might be able to convince the reviewer to recommend you for a sponsorship. Sell the reviewer on what you have to offer, not what you want to gain from the scholarship.
The ancient story is not a good reason for wanting to study in China. The reference point for your desire to study there has to come from what you hope to learn from China in the field of IEM. It is not about university rankings, it is not about ancient stories, it is not about sayings about learning from Chinese. The reason needs to have a specific current application that can convince the reviewer that you will definitely be better off studying in China through a sponsorship as opposed to simply not giving yout he scholarship because your reasons for studying abroad could very easily be met by the offerings of your country's universities that offer the same masters programs.
