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Letter of intent "Master's Degree in Communications and Multimedia Engineering" need to correction


Hala 1 / -  
Apr 30, 2016   #1
Graduate Admissions Committee

As a student who is ambitious, a team player and has a future outlook. I aspire to pursue the Master's Degree in Communications and Multimedia Engineering at (uni) University.

My enthusiasm towards communications geared my attention when a first base transceiver station (BTS) for Mobile Communications, had installed in my city Mosul-Iraq in 2003. I asked myself. How do antennas and transmitters work? How do voice signals travel through the air? How do not interfere with the other signals? At this point of time, curiosity prompting me to discover more about the communication field

My undergraduate study of communication and computer engineering had provided me with the knowledge and experience in classes and laboratories. I became a more exciting in this area. Especially, through a conference attending and the summer training that I did in one of the giant telecom operators in Iraq that helped me to learn the basics of cellular principle, mobile networks components, transmission, and RF planning and optimization. Besides, the bachelor thesis that I made entitled "Simulation and Performance Measurement of Digital Communication System using Matlab" discussed in-depth the digital communication system, effects of the channel, protocols, noise, bit error rate vs. bit rate, intersymbol interference, eye diagram, equalization, and channel codding. Moreover, it obtained a certificate of appreciation in the fourth annual students scientific conference of Djla University. After graduation, I had terminated a Cisco CCNA course. While the horrific situation in Mosul because of ISIS, I moved to Germany and thus applied for asylum in Nov-2015. Therefore, I completed a German language course in (xxx) Academy. So then I have been commenced German integration courses in Smart Academy which will finish in Sep-2016

I chose (place) to put my foot on the first stair because here located one of Germany's leading research universities with outstanding performance in research and an international orientation in research and teaching that handle high-level programs with the department's Full Professors All of them have international experience, most of them are IEEE fellows. As I considered my options for postgraduate study, the CME program has stood out for some reasons. The interdisciplinary nature of the program is especially attractive to me, as this will give me a much broader, more understanding of all aspects of communication and multimedia. Moreover, CME based on engineering mathematics, Fourier transform, Laplace transform, Z-transform, Communication Systems, Stochastic Signals, C/C++, and Matlab.

Overall, I believe that my previous studies and work experience have prepared me for the demands of the CME program at (uni). I have shown that I strive under the pressures of advanced coursework. I strongly desire to continue my further education and look forward to producing quality research that reflects (uni)'s high standards. I believe that program will help me to achieve my goals for pursuing a doctoral degree as well as prepare me for an appropriate career among global companies especially at (place) that has many big players in this field, and this program will be a real chance to achieve what I could not achieve in my country. Finally, thank you very much for the opportunity to introduce myself.

justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
May 2, 2016   #2
HI Hala, first of all, WELCOME to the essay forum family, I hope that you will find this website helpful in your writing pieces, more so, be useful in honing your talent in this craft. At a glance, I must say that your writing techniques and approach toward the purpose of your essay is lacking the right placement of ideas, it needs a lot of help, with the focus on your sentence construction.

Below are my suggestions for the first 3 paragraphs of your essay.
- future outlook., I aspire to
- pursue the Master's Degree in

- hadwas installed
- in my city, Mosul-Iraq in 2003.
- I asked myself. How, how do
- How do notDoes it interfere
- promptinged me to discover

- weattendingattended and the
- in Iraq, thisthat helped me to learn the basics
- of a cellular principle,
- coddingcoding .
- course. Whiledue to the
- Therefore,Then I completed
- So then I have been commencedFollowing this commitment to my chosen field, I joined the German integration courses in Smart Academy which will finish in Sep-2016

There you have it Hala, I hope this initial remarks help you with your revision, I do suggest that you follow through and edit the rest of the paragraphs. I wish to review your revised essay soon.
JuanSebastianR 23 / 63 37  
May 3, 2016   #3
Dear Halal,

It is a pleasure to be working with you.

Here are my insights for your essay:

... As a student who is ambitious, a team player and who has a future outlook, I aspire to pursue a Master's ...

... station (BTS) for Mobile Communications was installed in my city, Mosul-Iraq in 2003. I was wonderingwondered , " how do antennas and transmitters work? How do voice signals travel through the air? Does it interfere with the other signals?" At this point ofin time, curiosity prompted me to discover more about the communications field. ... Always end your sentences with a period.

... My undergraduate study ofin communications and computer engineering had provided me with the knowledge and experience in both classes and laboratories. ... Watch for consistency. In some areas of the essay you write "communication." In other areas, you write "communications." Watch out for this common mistake.

... In this area, I became a more exciting, especially, through a conference attended ... What conference? This is vague. You can either expand the thought by adding details or simply delete this part.

... and the summer training that I did in one of the giant telecom operators in Iraq, this amelioratewhich inspired me learn the basics of a cellular principle, mobile network components, transmission, and RF planning and optimization. ..

... inIn addition, the bachelor thesis that I made entitled "Simulation and Performance (...) by Matlab, " discussed in-depth the digital communication ...
Moreover, itI obtained a certificate of ...
After graduation, I had terminated a Cisco CCNA course.
Then, I completed a German language ...

... Freiburg was my selection to put my foot on because here ...

Watch for run-on sentences. You have a very long sentence here. When editing your work, read the essay out loud to yourself. If you have to catch a breath, it means you have too long of a sentence. Please revise this sentence.

The interdisciplinary nature of the program is attractive to me,and will provide me with a substantial, broader, and more understanding of all aspects of communications and multimedia. Moreover, I had studied all the based of ...

Halal, although you have an impressive essay, I did not get to know you as a person. You show a lot of expertise in the field and provide substantial amounts of experiences to prove your point. And you spend little time discussing your plans for the future. I would like to know what you INTEND to do once you finish your Master's degree. Be aware that is what letters of intent ask you to do. Please see this website below, which I found on google and read the person's essay. Watch how she is very personal in her writing. You want to create an essay that is easy to read and follow, but also, you want to write an essay that portrays your passion for your work and what you plan to do with it, not just listing things you mastered. Here is the site:

gradschools.com/get-informed/applying-graduate-school/essay-writing/how-to-write-a-letter-of-intent-for-graduate-school


I am here to help. Please let us see more into what you really want to do with this degree and what are you really passionate about. What will you make out of this? Do you want to invent something? What is the meaning behind all this rigorous course work? Show us inside.
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
May 5, 2016   #4
Hi Hala, thank you for appreciating our work here on EF, I make it a personal routine to check on any feedback as soon as I log in to the EF website and you know what, it is a good way to start our day and make things a little brighter everyday.

Moreover, I believe that a short written appreciation is what fuels us to be here for you all the time and be of service for greater good.

Now, when it comes to your revision, I must say that the words are absolutely great, you choose words that are strong, words that depicts the ideas and thoughts you have in your mind in order to create a well written essay. Even more so, you were able to create a smooth sequence of the essay, you made sure that the ideas follow the previous one and the logic is very evident in the essay.

Your conclusion, however, can be further enhanced by changing the word "deem" to "I believe", or "Armed with ", "deem", just have a negative connotation and this will not support a strong essay. I hope my insights help and I wish to review more of your essays soon.


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