Dear Sir or Madam :
With this letter, I would like to express my interested in studying at one of the government university in Malaysia.
First of all, my name is Salam, from Syria, born in 1997. I graduated from high school last year and now I'd like to study human medicine in Malaysia. I was planning to do my bachelor's study in my country Syria, but the development of the events of the war, faced me to find my hope in achieve my dream .However, as known the medicine is very expensive to study it in private universities in majority of the places in the world. Furthermore, I can't study in private due to I have 5 siblings younger than me , that if I study in a private then it will be hard to them to complete their study.
I always had an interest and passion for study , and therefore it is not surprising that I have got 100% average in high school last year . I know study medicine not a piece of cake ,but I have strong desire to push ahead and I plan to invest a lot in my education to build my career.
I find an interesting when I study chemistry and biology and I'm very interested in how the organs work in the body. The medicine helped me to find answers for several questions about the fascinating human body. Also, greatest thing in the life is helping someone to get rid of the pain, especially when I saw the people in my country Syria, everyday there is feeling pain. Medicine's profession is greatest holy profession in the exist.
I chose studying in Malaysia, because of it developed study, sophisticated society and superb country. Moreover, it has long experience in teaching that , Malaysia is consider have the best universities in the world , that I believe in say" If you want to be the best ,you have to learn from the best ".
I now require a place that can provide me with the best resources and education tools available. Your universities can rightly provide me those and I hope that I will be given an opportunity to not only study I one of your university but also to become fully absorbed in your planning community.
Finally, " what if the cure for cancer is trapped inside the mind of someone who can't afford an education? " .
With regards
Salam Alhilal
Dear Salam, I hope you first achieve your dream and May Allah make life easy for you and all Syrian people.
I'm Eman from Jordan, I'm not a native speaker but still can help you a little bit
1_ faced me to find my hope in achieve my dream :: you can say forced me to find another place where I can achieve my dream.
2_ and therefore ( put therefore only) it is not surprising that I have ...
I know study ( studying )medicine not a piece (...) invest a lot in my education (myself) to make a great doctor.
3_ salam there are many other editions that I prefer not to tell cause I'm not very sure. let's wait for the responses.
Salam please do not hesitate to contact me via my email if you still need any help . eman1993_bm@hotmail.com
Hi Salam, I would like to add additional insights to your essay.
- I find anit interesting
- TheStudying medicine
- helped me to find answers
- forto several questions
- Also,the greatest thing
- in the life is helping someone
- my country Syria,
- Taking Medicine'sas a profession is greatestand a holy profession
- in thethat ever existed .
- I chose studying in Malaysia,
- because of itthe developed study,
- Malaysia is considered to have the
- the world ,and that I believe
- in the saying
There you have it Salam, I left the last two sentences for you to be able to practice editing your essay and I hope the above remarks help and is useful to your revision.
Hi Salam, thank you for appreciating our work here on EF, there's definitely nothing more than to read feedbacks form our review that YES, we are able to help out and our remarks matter.
Now, with regards to the last few sentences that I left for your practice editing, it is entirely up to you if you think that there is only two modifications to be done, at the end of the day, you will be the one to judge if your essay will keep the suggested insights from us or not.
Moreover, a lot of contributors may find your essay, well written, some may not, so this is the same with you, you can choose on what to keep from the original essay and create a better and stronger one, that is the end result and that is what we want you to come up with.
Overall, you have a good start, the courage and the will to do better at this craft is always the best way to go and the best thing to do, so keep writing.
