I am applying for a master course in Computer Science in Europe and I have to write a letter of motivation. I would be thankful if someone can help me proofread and give me comments. Looking forward to your replies.
Dear Sir or Madam,
I was early introduced to computers and soon realized that human could "talk" to computers through programming languages. Later in my school days, when I connected two computers with a serial cable, executed my application and watched the files being transferred, I was fascinated to learn that computers could also "talk" to each other. That first interest in computer networks grew gradually through my undergraduate years and fuelled my lifelong goal of becoming a network expert, which motivates me to apply for your (programme).
My educational background equipped me with the qualities required to meet the rigor of your demanding programme. During five years studying at (university), I obtained a broad and solid base in networking and programming fields through textbook knowledge and practical training. I did a lot of research on network communications in which the Smart Home system was one typical project. Not only did the project consolidate my understanding of circuit design, network protocols, socket programming, web building and databases, it also developed my analytical abilities, problem-solving mindset, teamwork and technical communication skills.
To enrich my experience, I joined a research team at my professor's laboratory and focused heavily on security as I noticed its critical importance to network integrity and stability. Through the project of setting up a VPN to securely handle SIP sessions and call traffic for a small VoIP system, I learned a lot about cryptography and its applications in communications systems. Later, I won the first prize in the Student's Research Contest for successfully building a secure RFID readers network, which was an evidence for my skills to manage, lead and collaborate effectively with people.
Keen on exploring the networking field, I passed the rigorous selection rounds to be an intern at (company). During the internship, I was involved in many projects with service providers, giving me valuable insights into large scale networks. Particularly, the project of deploying IP core and access networks for Vinaphone, a large mobile carrier in Vietnam, taught me about application layer vulnerabilities, wireless network security weaknesses, and also the protection against various kinds of attacks using firewalls, IDS/IPS and other Cisco's solutions. Since hackers keep looking for new flaws in systems and vary the forms of their attacks, network security has always been a growing concern and I feel excited about the potential for new researches in this area.
The (programme), with its advanced courses that focus networking and security areas, perfectly fits my interest and career path. Upon completion of the master programme, I plan to pursuit a PhD. degree and work as a network expert in a R&D corporation. Studying at your programme's esteemed universities and accessing first-rate facilities will provide me with essential knowledge and research skills to achieve my goal. Moreover, living in (country) and experiencing a multicultural environment will be a precious opportunity for me to develop both socially and technically. Therefore, I consider your master program a vital step towards my career success.
Lastly, I am convinced that with my motivation and experience I gained from my academic study and working experience, I will contribute strongly to the excellence and diversity of your programme. I know that I will not only study about network security but I will also immerse myself in another network - a network of inspirational scholars and excellent students from all over the world.
Thank you for your consideration. I am looking forward to your positive reply.
No need to capitalize first in "first prize." Sometimes you would, but not the way you are using it here. You would capitalize it if you were referring to the proper noun, the name of the prize.
Working on the various projects...
I think this is okay:
I feel excited about the potential for new research in this area...
This is just about as good as they get. I think you will be among those whose essays are most impressive to the AO. The ending is very clever!
Thank you all for your corrections and comments. I've just written my version 2 of the Letter of motivation to further describe my qualities and interest. Hope somebody can give their corrections for this one. The application period is about to open, and I need your help.
Thank you very much.
The (programme), with its advanced courses that focus on networking and security areas, perfectly fits my interest and career path. Upon completion of the master programme, I plan to
pursuit pursue a PhD. degree and work ...
Therefore, I consider your masters program a vital step towards my career success.
Lastly, I am convinced that with
my motivation and experience I gained from my academic study and working experience, I will contribute...
Great ending, great, succinct expression of ideas, great topic sentences. This is a very impressiv essay. I see no mistakes other than the ones I corrected above.