Hi, I am looking for some feedback on my motivation letter for the Bachelor's program in Biomedical Sciences. I hope to receive general feedback on this essay and what I can do to make it better. Thanks in advance!
MOTIVATION LETTER FOR BACHELOR'S PROGRAM IN BIOMEDICAL SCIENCES
(+/- 1 A4 PAGE)
To whom it may concern,
My name is Nguyen Ngoc Hieu, I am currently a student at Le Quy Don High School for the Gifted in Vietnam and I am writing this letter to express my interest in the Bachelor's program in Biomedical Sciences (Bachelor in de Biomedische Wetenschappen) in the Faculty of Medicine at KU Leuven.
Being in a family with both parents as doctors made it possible for me to have a deeper look into healthcare. As a developing nation, Vietnam lacks the technology needed for cancer treatment and identification. Only a few who have enough money could manage to send their cell samples abroad to identify the type of mutations in order to indicate the specific drugs needed for their type of cancer, while the majority cannot do so. I knew about these thanks to my dad and the case of my friend's mother, who had to send her biopsy to a lab in Singapore for cancer genome sequencing. Thanks to this technology, she received targeted therapy and achieved remarkable results. On the other hand, I also developed an interest in the mRNA vaccine technology during the COVID-19 pandemic, as it was the best solution for creating a vaccine for humankind in the shortest time span possible. Vietnam failed to create a vaccine of its own, and I still remembered how our prime minister went around the world, asking for vaccines and for help from the international community. My desire to help the majority of people get access to advanced treatments for cancer, as well as the urge to further improve the vaccine technology in Vietnam resulted in the crystallization of my desire to pursue a career in Biomedical Science.
Stemming from this passion for Biomedicine, I dedicated my time to Chemistry and Biology, which translated into my academic achievement as I have always got a Grade Point Average (GPA) of 8.5 or over in the two aforementioned subjects in the last three semesters. I also maintained a good GPA for all other subjects and achieved the title of "Excellent" student for all five semesters. At the same time, I participated in extracurricular activities when possible. My team-working, public speaking, and research skills were enhanced by my participation in the founding and running of the 3M2 project, which aimed to raise funds for the Save Vietnam Wildlife (SVW) organization during the pandemic by setting up a stall during recess. Along with my friends, I managed the organization of the stall, conducted class talks to attract more customers, and took part in sales. Additionally, compiling and creating questions for a knowledge game show allowed me to showcase my research and writing skills, while participating in the New Zealand Global Competence Certificate Program also enabled me to learn more about embracing multiculturalism, critical thinking, and becoming a global citizen.
I believe KU Leuven is the best place to kick-start my academic career because the university puts a great stress on innovation and research. KU Leuven's title as the most innovative university in Europe and the numerous research papers published by professors and lecturers inspired me to follow in the footsteps of generations of researchers and scientists; many of whom were a part of landmarks such as the development of Tenofovir. Moreover, the curriculum of Bachelor's study in Biomedical Sciences is very much concentrated on human health. The program boasts many internships or exchange opportunities and enables students to get hands-on experience at the UZ Leuven Hospital. The university's high position in international ranking leagues, its affordable tuition rates, its rich history dating back to the 15th century, its embrace of diversity and multilingualism with 21% of the students being international, and the numerous student networks and clubs contributed to my decision to choose KU Leuven. KU Leuven's location in Belgium, a small yet multicultural and multilingual country, widely regarded as the center of Europe, with three regions and three different languages, also fascinates me.
After graduation, I plan to continue postgraduate studies and eventually become a Ph.D. candidate in the field of cancer biology or virology. Receiving an education at KU Leuven will open new doors for me as I will be able to get involved in research early on and expand my network with professors willing to help me achieve my goal of improving human life. I am beyond eager to learn what is out there for me to explore. I believe I will be a valuable addition to the cohort considering my competencies, academic performance, and passion for the university and the program.
Thank you for considering my application.
Kind regards,
Nguyen Ngoc Hieu.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 If you are using font size 12 and single spacing, you need to shorten this essay. You can only fit 500 words on the page. That is at 1.5 single spacing. At true single spacing, you can only do 400 words. Regardless, major content editing is necessary for this paper. You can contact me privately if you want or need my help with that.
In reality, your essay would be a perfect motivational letter if you simply use paragraphs 1, 2, and 4. Those are the paragraphs that contain the most relevant information for a motivational letter. The parts I omitted tend to fall mostly under a personal statement, study plan, or post study plan. The focus should not deviate from the motivating factors which can be found in the aforementioned paragraphs.
You need to develop a better reason for your university choice though. This sounds thoroughly researched and imparts commonly known information. The reviewer is looking for a personal motivation for you to believe that this is the right university for your course choice. You cannot use publicly known reasons in this case. The reviewer will not appreciate the commercial reasons for your choice. There needs to be an impressive learning reason for this choice. It is sorely missing at the moment.
@Holt
Hi, sorry to bother
I have just taken a closer look at the requirements of the Motivation Letter, and it states that I must clarify my motivation for program and also shows that I am a suitable fit for it. In this case, do I still need to include paragraph 3?
Thanks in advance.
