contribute to my prospective career.
Good motivation on a personal scale. However, you should try to add an intrinational motivation since you are applying for admission to a global masters program. How does the international market future motivate this decision?
European culture and the educational system.
Expand this based on an international network motivation.
My interest in finance began
Delete this part. The background is not needed here. However motivation based on professional observations anda desire to improve the profession based on existing problems would help define your motivation.
Having looked through the website
Bad idea. This shows superficial research rather than careful program consideration. Better assessment factors are required.
Considering the profile and the content of the master's degree
This statement lacks proper justification in the previous paragraph.
This draft has potential. Revising the content should improve the weak and problem areas.