Hello guys,
could you please check my letter of motivation in terms of grammar and spelling? The application deadline for the master's programme is 15 June 2016.
Thanks in advance for the efforts :).
Kind regards
Motivated
Motivation letter for the Master's programme in International Business & Consulting with major in International Strategic Management at __ university
Dear Sir/Madam,
I am writing regarding my application for the Master's Degree programme in "International Business & Consulting with specialization in International Strategic Management" at __ university for the winter term 2016.
I successfully completed my first university degree in Economics at __ university in 2015, primarily focused on the teaching of economic-related processes using theoretical approaches but also imparted basic principles of business administration. Additionally, I took a study module in project management with the aim of expanding my skills in this area obtained by various international company representatives discussing the key roles of project managers and supplemental case studies concentrating on their responsibilities during project management processes. By composing a bachelor thesis with the title "Strategic Alliances as a cooperative strategy", especially using a real example of a global strategic cooperation in the automotive industry - the Renault-Nissan Alliance - I extended my know-how researching management literatures and, in particular, I had the opportunity to apply an important management tool, the SWOT analysis, identifying the strengths and weaknesses of the Ford Motor Company in order to determine its potentials to cooperate with the other strategic partners Renault and Nissan.
Concerning work experiences, I gained my first international expertise during a three-month internship as a travel agent at _ company. In this time period, I developed my English language skills by advising customers of different countries in terms of flight reservations and ticket prices leading to an increase in communication skills. Furthermore, I completed a work placement in a nonprofit organisation (at the day care center _ company). My main responsibilities included administrative tasks, but I also supported the team in managing daily operations which reinforced my interest working with people from different cultural backgrounds and pursuing management tasks.
Additionally, I posses the C1 language level in English, categorized in the level group "Proficient User", allowing me to communicate easily with any English native speaker.
In order to get my desired profession as a business consultant in a leading global corporation and to extend my academic skills, your course of study "International Business & Consulting with major in International Strategic Management" provides the optimal basis for that due to the conveyance of specific theoretical know-how acquired by internationally competent lecturers - especially through the concentration on consulting and strategic management courses - the inclusion of international students groups accompanied by interactive seminars discussing contemporary management issues and company projects to gain practical knowledge and, ultimately, further expansion of competence created by interconnection of theoretical knowledge and practical experiences during an integrated internship. As a result, I will be ideally prepared for the profession as a successful self-employed business consultant working with an international team.
In conclusion, I am confident that my academic educational background combined with my practical experiences will meet your high quality standards and, moreover, I will enrich your university through my motivational skills and high commitment. I hope that I convinced you and look forward to your positive response.
Yours faithfully,
Motivated
Hi Yunus, my feedback below is my contribution towards your essay. I hope you find it helpful.
1st paragraph:
- I successfully completed my first universitybachelor / undergraduate degree in Economics.. (when you mention first, there should be second, third, and so on)
- I extended my knowknowledgeon how... (did you mean I extended my knowledge or understanding?)
- By composing a bachelor ........................... Renault and Nissan.(too long sentence often leads to inaccuracies, ambiguity, and unclear meaning. try to revise this one)
2nd paragraph:
- Furthermore, I completed a work placement in a non-profitorganisation (at the day care centercentre ___ company) (if you have decided to use one type of English (British English), try to be consistent in what you are writing)
- Even though my main responsibilities includedmostly related to administrative tasks, but I also supported the team...
- AdditionallyMoreover , I posseshave acquiredthe C1 language level in English from IELTS/TOEFL test, which categorized in the level groupas "Proficient User", allowing me to communicate easily with... (I switched the use of 'additionally', it seems repetitive from your previous paragraph)
My suggestion for the last paragraph:
- In conclusion, I am confident that my academic ..................my motivational skills and high commitment.(Making a complex sentence is not necessarily to be that long and complicated. 2 or 3 clauses for each will be adequately informative to the reader.)
Cheers
:)
Hi Yunus, first of all, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family, it's great to welcome yet another member of this incredible website, we hope to be able to support you in all your writing projects as well as be your backbone in submitting a well formatted and valuable essay.
Now, as I read your Motivation letter, first of all, it is a very challenging course to take on and KUDOS to you for having that courage and willingness to encourage others to keep dreaming and working towards the fulfillment of your goals. Overall, it is a fairly written essay, however, I believe your conclusion can still be strengthened, so below is my suggestion;
- that my academic educational background - academic and education has the same meaning, so to put them together is redundant.
- combinedcoupled ( I believe this word is more appropriate )
- with my practical experiences I will meet
- yourthe high quality standards of your institution,
- and, moreover, I will
- be able to contribute in enriching - I hope that I convinced you and look forward to your positive responseam able to showcase my capabilities and worth to be part of your institution .
There you have it Yunus, I hope my insights helped and do let us know should you need further assistance.
Thank you both for your contributions and suggestions. I revised the text passages and updated my motivation letter.
Thank you once again for your efforts, I really appreciate it :).
Hi Yunus, you can always count on us in providing you with the most accurate and credible feedback that is geared towards the betterment of your essays.
While you're revising this essay, make sure that you mind the following;
- the sentence construction is very crucial, this is the body of your essay, so make sure that they are highly organized and you have the right format for the sentences you have in the essay.
- also, mind the simple details that you have in your essay, this are the punctuation marks, the linking verbs and review the language properly before digging into your thoughts and write
- as soon as you finish your writing, proof read yourself and read it aloud, this will let you listen to your words and to your essay as a whole and eventually be able to see where you need the enhancement.
There you have it Yunus, I can't wait to review your final essay and be able to share a few insights to bring better judgement to your essay.
