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Motivational letter for stipendum hungaricum scholarship, Bsc Biochemical Engineering

Ahmadjb225 1 / -  
Dec 9, 2019   #1

Biochemical Engineering at the University of Debrecen

Please I need a thorough and critical review on this essay.
Ever since I was a kid I really fancied been an engineer, maybe it was because my dad was related to the field. But at my high school I realized that my intellectual knowledge is life science. My academic advisor advised me to venture into Biotechnology because I would combine my knowledge and my dream to create better achievements.

After highschool I made many research on the Nigerian universities that Biotechnological courses, but because my country is a developing country there were only few expensive universities that offer only Biomedical Engineering. This rendered me to start looking for other courses and I finally decide to apply for MBBS in Ahmadu Bello University Zaria, but because of the great competition I was offered Human Anatomy instead.

Currently I am studying Human Anatomy but my desire to achieve my dreams forces me to start looking for alternatives and scholarship was the greatest idea. After a thorough research I came across this scholarship and I was delighted to apply.

When I read that the University of Debrecen offers Biochemical Engineering I was sure that it was the course that would aptly suite my appetite. Because Nigeria as a developing country lack much expertise in the field and the rise of the need of Biochemical products is widely increasing.

Studying Biochemical Engineering at the University of Debrecen would render me with the utmost ability to study in a developed community and under advanced lecturers and in advanced facility. Beside interacting with foreign students and professionals from different part of the world will give me experience I would need to be an expert Biochemical Engineer, hence fulfilling my dreams.

Furthermore, after my studies I will return to my country and offer my services by contributing to the development of Biotechnological facilities and joining the companies that are in need of Biochemical Engineer to share my experience and skills.

The only challenge I think I will face in Hungary is the languages barrier between me and the natives who do not speak English , I would try to start learning the language as soon as possible so as I will bring down the barrier.

Thanks for the consideration I will be optimistic to receive a positive response from you.
Maria - / 1,098 389  
Dec 12, 2019   #2
Welcome to the forum! I hope my feedback gives you a clearer idea on how you can improve this essay.

I first recommend that you keep the first parts of the essay more focused on expounding on the reason why you are writing this in the first place. Afterward, you will be able to integrate more specific information about your childhood that you find to be relevant (still, remember to be brief if you intend to do this as you don't want to overcrowd your essay with too much background data that do not really relate to the technical angles of the application).

Before you focus on the content of your writing, I highly suggest that you focus more on trying to be more dedicated towards ensuring that your writing is free from fundamental grammatical mistakes. This will also include technical angles of writing such as punctuation and flow of writing. Being organized will also go a long way, considering you were jumping from one concept to the other without necessarily giving out a clear-cut reason as to why you are writing in this manner. If you are able to give out more detailed and focused content, it will benefit you in the long-run.

Remember: be as specific as possible when writing these letters as this will determine to the evaluators how focused you truly are specifically about this program and university. This is one crucial thing that's missing from your writing.

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