Dear Sir or Madam,
I appreciate this opportunity to provide further background information in support of my application for entrance to the Spatial, Transport and Environmental Economics (master) program (STREEM) at the University of Amsterdam for the year 2012-2013.
I was born on the Greek island of Crete. Growing up near the sea, I became fascinated with the boats that were essential to island life. The imperative needs of the island were met primarily by the shipping and transport industry. Driven by my childhood surroundings and that fact that shipping is my family's main preoccupation, I was determined at an early age to develop a career in the transport sector. I was intrigued by the challenging environment of the shipping and transport industry. In my opinion it is one of the few industries that is truly worldwide in geographical scope and in the nature of the business.
During the years that followed, I pursued a four year degree in Maritime Studies at the University of XXX . Having been exposed to the various facets of Maritime Economics, Transport Economics, and Logistics, I have found this theoretical knowledge most intellectually satisfying and stimulating. Courses like Maritime Economics, Transportation Systems Economics and Policy, Microeconomics, Quantitative Methods, and International Economics, have been my firm favorites. After the completion of my studies in 2007, I got the chance to work as an intern for a Greek Shipping Company. During my internship I obtained practical experience in maritime, transport and logistics. Furthermore, I had the opportunity to acquire a detailed knowledge and understanding of both the operations and strategies of shipping as a single transport mode within the context of international multimodal logistics. This step was a perfect start for me and allowed me to put my knowledge into practice. The daily life as a Shipping trainee was very informative, educational, and exciting. There was not one day identical to another. I believe that I was able to tackle basic transport and maritime problems. The problems in this field have a concrete basis, originating from practical problems in Transportation Science. This adds to their appeal. My skills as well as passions for critical thinking and problem solving sparked my interest in gaining more advanced knowledge in solving transport and maritime problems.
Globalizations of trade and economies have led to a situation where multinationals have taken on global sourcing and marketing strategies. I undertook master studies in Business Administration from the University of Pieaus in order to enhance my knowledge base in management. By doing this, I hoped to be more properly equipped to engage with the ever-growing trade world today. I earn my MBA in 2011 and I accumulated knowledge and abilities to make decisions, and face changes within the national and international context of modern enterprises.
My restless nature inspired me by reminding me that the target of my life is to be a significant asset of any business entity. But this dream can only be true if I combine your excellent education offered by you along with the knowledge I already possess. After obtaining my MBA I realized that in order to pursue a career in an international environment I have to live and study in an environment outside the context of my country. In a country with an international reputation and a remarkable educational system and professional teaching staff. What better choice than the Netherlands which is one of the most developed countries of the world? The biggest world's companies are based in the Netherlands. A country where services account for more than half of the national income and are primarily in transportation, distribution, and logistics.
My choice of the specific postgraduate programme was based on the validity of the University and the accordance between the courses offered and my professional goals. My aim is to work in an international field related to organizations in economic subjects and transportation. With a solid foundation in academic theory on transport economics, the strong background in quantitative methods, combined with a setting of professors and students from all over the world, I am confident that I will have the skills, knowledge and contacts which will enable me to pursue a career as a policy economist in public or private businesses on an international level.
The University is at the top of the list as one of the best universities in the world. I strongly believe that the Master Programme provides an excellent course schedule from a well established academic faculty. The course of "Advanced Methods for Applied Spatial Economic Research, which is taught in the first semester, is of very high interest to me. I believe that it equips fellow students not only in theoretical but also in practical level as the software package STATA is used. My intention is to attend courses that are taught through a case study approach. Many of the modules, this master programme provides, are taught in this particular way. My keen interest of these courses is based on my fair belief that advanced knowledge can be reached at the highest level only by its impartation in a practical manner. I firmly believe that this programme is fully suited to my goals . In addition, the opportunity of an intership combined with my thesis will endow me with the desirable knowledge, skills and practice to pursue my dream. I think that by having an Msc in Transport and Environmental Economics from this University would really be an added advantage. So for me Msc is a ladder to be at a position where I can display my vision and contribute at the level of my satisfaction.
I consider that you will find, I exhibit intelligence, common sense, initiative, maturity, and stability, and that I am eager to make a positive contribution to your university. I want to enhance my skills and polish my abilities by joining the friendly environment and getting a bright vision from the most cultured and knowledgeable faculty of your university.
In conclusion, I am eager to gain new experiences and in my opinion this program is the best way to achieve that. I am positive that attending the University would be an excellent step for an ambitious business career.
Yours Sincerely,
Hi!
In second paragraph, I would suggest that you mention the specific area that you grew up in. I think it would help the reader feel more connected to you on a personal level.
In the third paragraph, where you say "During the years that followed, I pursued a four years degree in..." I would change "years" to "year", as I'm pretty sure that usage is more conventional.
In the third paragraph, you mentioned how you "obtained modern theoretical knowledge and practical experience in maritime, transport and logistics." It seems confusing on whether you're saying you obtained those things from your schoolwork, or from something you did after your schooling. I would try to clarify that. Also I think this information you included is very good to include, but I think you should provide background on exactly what means allowed you to obtain that knowledge and practical experience you mention. For example if you had a job, did research, did a project, spent time observing maritime transport and logistics in person: I would make sure to mention those things with enough detail to give them a general idea about it, but not too much so that it seems overwhelming. I think this would strengthen your persuasion a lot.
In the third paragraph, you say "I believe that I am able to approach and solve basic transport and maritime problems." I think it is good to provide background on your experience and expertise, but I think it's important to put it in context of what is motivating you to attend their graduate program. So you might include after your statement, that you now have a passion to gain more advanced knowledge in solving transport and maritime problems.
In the Fourth Paragraph, you said "This was the reason for me to follow master studies in Business Administration to further enhance my knowledge in management." This sentence doesnt seem to link smoothly and clearly with the first sentence where you talked about globalization. I can see what you're trying to say though. I might choose to reword it as something similar to. " I undertook master studies in Business Administration in order to enhance my knowledge base in management. By doing this, I hoped to be more properly equipped to engage with the ever-growing trade world today."
The fifth and sixth paragraphs that start with "My restless nature.." and "My choice of .." are excellent. Great job with providing information about why you are specifically interested in their university. I think these paragraphs will be appealing.
The seventh paragraph does not seem as strong as the fifth and sixth paragraphs. It seems generic. You talked about their excellent course schedule. Maybe talk more about what specific course(s) you are interested in, and why. You also talked about how they will give you experience on not only a theoretical level, but a practical level. Maybe talk about what specific area(s) of practical teaching that they offer that you are most interested in, and why. I put (s) in front of course and area because I'm not sure if they would actually like it if you went too much in depth. My prediction though is that they would prefer you to be more concise and mention only one or a few courses and areas you are interested in.
In the ninth paragraph I think you should something similar to "attending," in front of "the University of Amsterdam..."
I would delete the last statement where you say you look forward to their positive response. I think this sounds too confident and cocky, so it makes you seem disrespectful towards them.
Overall, I think it's a pretty strong essay. I hope my advice is helpful!
Great job with applying the advice I gave you! I think it you did it well, and it made your essay stronger. I'm glad you found my advice helpful =)
I would change some words of the second sentence to " I was exposed to the...", and "and I found this theoretical..." I think these will make more logical sense.
The main points of the second paragraph seem to be that you received theoretical knowledge from University of XXX, that you were excited to apply the theoretical knowledge as intern, but now your excitement and passion are driving you to want to learn more.
I would delete the sentence where you talk about what courses were your favorites. It doesn't seem like it adds much to the main points.
I would also change the sentence "I believe that I was able to tackle basic transport and maritime problems," to "I enjoyed the opportunity to be able to tackle transport and maritime problems," because I think it makes more sense when you're thinking about the logical progression of the main points. Putting "I believe" makes it seem like you're trying to prove to them that you deserve to be placed into their program, based on the fact that you were able to solve problems. It should rather be, that you're focusing on your motivation to be put into their program. Putting "I enjoyed the opportunity," sounds more like you're supporting the fact that you have a passion for the subject, and then later on you'll make a link to the fact that you're passion is now motivating you to want to learn more.
I think the sentences where you say" The problems in this field have a concrete basis, originating from practical problems in Transportation Science. This adds to their appeal," do not clearly add to the main points. If you think this following statement is true, then maybe you can reword it as, "The problems in this field do not originate from only theoretical nature, but from a practical nature as well. My passions for critical thinking and problem solving have sparked my interest in gaining more advanced knowledge In solving transport and maritime problems, especially those which require more expertise deriving from a more practical knowledge base rather than one that is primarily theoretically based. I believe I can gain this advanced knowledge from attending your program." I believe this would support your main points better.
In the third paragraph, change "I earn," to "I earned."
In fourth paragraph that starts with "My restless nature...," I would not say that your dream can "only" be obtained from attending their university. I think this seems like you're putting too much pressure on them to accept you, like you're almost begging them to put you in their program in a way. I would take out "But," and "only."
(I firmly believe that this programme is fully suited to my goals . In addition, the opportunity of an intership combined with my thesis will endow me with the desirable knowledge, skills and practice to pursue my dream. I think that by having an Msc in Transport and Environmental Economics from this University would really be an added advantage. So for me Msc is a ladder to be at a position where I can display my vision and contribute at the level of my satisfaction. )
I think the above section is too wordy. I would make it more concise by saying something like "I firmly believe that this program is fully suited to my goals. Receiving the knowledge, skills and practice it provides would be an important step to allow me reach my dream of fully displaying my vision and contributing to a level that matches my strong passion."
Nice introduction...
...Driven by my childhood surroundings and thatthe fact that shipping is my family's main preoccupation,occupation or livlihood(would be more suitable in my opinion)
I was determined at an early age to develop a career in the transport sector. I was intrigued by the challenging environment of the shipping and transport industry. In my opinion it is one of the few industries that is truly worldwide in geographical scope and in the nature of the business. ...not only in geographical terms, but in the nature of business as a whole.
Globalizations of trade and economy have led to a situation where multinationals have taken on global sourcing and marketing strategies.
But this dream may only come true if I am able to combine your excellent education offered by you the quality education your university has to offer with the knowledge I already possess...
Well done. I hope you find my revisions helpful:) Good Luck!!
