Response to the advertisement; SCHOLARSHIP (MSc in Public Health)

I am writing in response to your advertisement in the web for your scholarship awards. After reading your requirements, I am confident that a scholarship in an MSc in Public health will help increase my knowledge base and research development skills as a community oriented medical doctor with improved excellent training and management to deliver best practice service in underscored areas in my country.

As the health coordinator in the NGO where I currently work, we are involved in free public health mission responsible in counselling on health issues and environment (e.g immunization, teenage pregnancy, scarification, ante natal and post natal care, HIV/AIDS, malarial prevention etc), issuing of mosquito treated nets to pregnant women and under five children, diagnosing and treatment, collection of data of various categories of disease, research on possible cause of disease and follow up with innovative solution towards community sustainable development programmes to alleviate identified problems.

Obtaining a degree in Public Health via your scholarship awards will go a long way in boosting my career as a community health care provider and make a cut difference not only in terms of skills and career enhancement, but in ensuring that appropriate standards of patients are not compromised.

Thank you in advance for considering me.

You tend to write introductory clauses that do not match the main clause of the sentence:


You needed to read their requirements to learn that a degree in public health would help you in those ways? No! You already knew that. Instead you should say:After reading your requirements, I am confident that I meet your criteria.Ascholarship in an MSc in Public health will help increase my knowledge base and research development skills as a community oriented medical doctor with improved excellent training and management to deliver best practice service in underscored areas in my country.


Are you more than one person? No! Then you cannot say, "As the ..., we..." Instead:
As the health coordinator of the NGO where I currently work, I manage all of our health-related activities. W e are involved ina free public health mission responsible forcounseling on health issues and environment (e.g immunization, teenage pregnancy, scarification, ante natal and post natal care, HIV/AIDS, malarial prevention etc); issuing of mosquito treated nets to pregnant women and under- five children;diagnosis and treatment; collection of data of various categories of disease; research on possible cause of disease; and follow up with innovative solution towards community sustainable development programmes to alleviate identified problems.

Thank You so much. I really do appreciate.