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'I have sent you already our photos' - A letter to my father


Henie 2 / 3  
Jun 19, 2014   #1
Hello dad,

I have sent you already our photos. It's quite funny because after not using my phone for 3 days because I thought it was not working already but when I charged my phone, it was working and I think my phone was just hang and I don't know why. But thankfully I have not spent money for my phone. Actually this iPhone was just given to me by my cousin as a gift during my graduation in high school; she bought me this in Saudi Arabia because she is a nurse there. Even my parents cannot afford me to buy luxury things.

I am compiling my school requirements because I am planning to study in TESDA (Technical Education And Skills Development Authority) it is much cheaper and I can have OJT and training NCII as soon as possible. I want to study Commercial Cooking NC II, Food Processing NC II and Household Services NC II (vocational course) any of this choice. But still I am waiting for my mother's decision because she will be the one to take care off. And I don't know yet when I can enroll because I am still depending on her I don't want to disturb her yet Because I know she has many dept to pay first.

Anyway dad, I will jut email you what is happening us here in the Philippines. Please take care of yourself and be safe always.

Love
henie
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Jun 19, 2014   #2
Hi,
First, it is good for us to know the purpose of writing this letter to provide you with more meaningful and relevant comments. Is this for preparing for TOEFL, IELTS ? Or is this a personal letter you wrote to your dad to update him about your whereabouts? Anyway, since this is a letter to your dad, it falls into the informal category. But, as per the general norms, you start a letter by greeting the person for courtesy sake.
OP Henie 2 / 3  
Jun 19, 2014   #3
this is a personal letter. please help me revise this. thankyou

Letter to my father
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Jul 14, 2014   #4
Ok... anyways, generally you begin your essay by greeting the person and showing more courtesy. So I'd suggest to include a sentence or two like'

Hope you are keeping well / Hope you are keeping in good health

. It's quite funny because after not using my phone for 3 days because I thought it was not working already but when I charged my phone, it was working and I think my phone was just hang and I don't know why.

This sentence is too long and also not delivering a clear idea. Break it into a few lines to arrange a better flow for your ideas.

she bought me this in Saudi Arabia because she is a nurse there

Well.... your ideas are not logically linked. She bought you a phone as she had money and not because you had been a nurse :(


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