I'm applying to a research apprenticeship position for a study that uses advanced imaging techniques to examine musculoskeletal structure and function. The study also investigates the structure and composition of bone in the human knee.
This is what I have so far. It is the intro paragraph addressing the question: Why are you interested?
I am very interested in being a part of this project. The subject of the study is highly appealing to me for several reasons. I'm curious about the intricacies of bone structure and composition especially in relation to calcium homeostasis. My fascination with bone comes from, in part, an introduction to human nutrition course, where I learned about the importance of the flow of calcium ions into and out of bone and the vital hormones that maintain blood calcium. Having a general understanding of the processes of bone formation and resorption and the functions of bone cells, I would like to explore through images the complexities of bone in the human knee. Environmental factors that influence musculoskeletal disorders, such as nutrition, are of interest to me as well. As a premed student, I am drawn to the opportunity of working with orthopedic surgeons. I also find this study to be personally relevant being someone with a high risk of developing metabolic bone disease later on in life.
Is my opening sentence too weak? I wasn't sure how else to begin the paragraph. Any other suggestions are welcomed!
I'm curious about the intricacies of bone structure and composition, especially in relation to calcium homeostasis.
My fascination with bone comes from, in part, an introduction to human nutrition course, where I learned about the importance of the flow of calcium ions into and out of bone and the vital hormones that maintain blood calcium. ---This sentence is so long that it is hard to understand. If you change it around a little, and perhaps make two sentences out of it, it'll sound better. For example; It was during a Human Nutrition course, that I first became fascinated with bone structure. In this class, I learned about the importance...
Having a general understanding of the processes of bone formation and resorption and the functions of bone cells, I would like to explore through images, the complexities of bone in the human knee.
I also find this study to be personally relevant, being someone with a high risk of developing metabolic bone disease later on in life.
I think you should begin with the second sentence! Sometimes I tell people to scrap the whole first paragraph, but here, the first sentence is enough. Good luck with school and have fun!
:)
Thanks for the feedback Susan!
I added two more paragraphs. I would really appreciate it if you can look over it. :) These paragraphs addresses the questions:
Why are you qualified?
What skills can you bring to the project?
What do you hope to get out of this research experience?
Although I do not have experience in research, I have the dedication, responsibility, and strong work ethic needed for this position. This past summer I worked at a jam production kitchen. Many tasks required attention to detail. I found that I enjoyed detailed-oriented work and that I could endure working prolonged hours with my hands. I do realize that hulling strawberries and inspecting jars and lids is not the same as preparing bone specimens and operating imaging systems; however, I am ready to take on that challenge. I have the initiative to take part in this project. Additionally, I am willing to commit to this position 9-12 hours weekly and to commute to the UCSF Mission Bay campus. When I make a commitment, I can be counted on to follow through. My work as a tutor and a hospital volunteer for more than three years is a testament to my strong sense of duty.
From this position, I hope to not only gain research experience, but also to collaborate with others from different fields. As I am considering medical school, I would like to gain insight into the medical profession. I feel that interacting with orthopedic surgeons would help me immensely with that goal. I am very willing to learn from others and on my own. I will be taking human physiology and organic chemistry this upcoming semester, which will guide me in studying musculoskeletal issues. Overall, I feel that this is definitely a project I can fully immerse myself into.
