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Study plan for my Canada study permit - to Global Business Management PGC.


Before you reading this letter, allow me to introduce the background.
My study permit is rejected twice and this will be my third attempt, and i changed my offer from Interior Decorating Diploma to Global Business Management PGC.

Here is my GCMS NOTE of my first rejection, so you guys can know the real reason the visa officer refused me:
File reviewed. PA is single, 26 years old. Travel to Japan only in 2015. Applying to attend Humber for 2 year
diploma in Interior Decorating. Last formal studies completed Bachelor of Management Science at Zhejiang
University of Media and Communications in 2013. Worked as video editor, product manager and since 2014 as
Planner at Socialab. No satisfactory explanation as to how proposed studies in Canada would benefit PA. Does
not appear to be logical progress from previous studies and work experience. I am not satisfied that PA is a
bona fide student and would leave CDA at the end of any authorized stay. Application refused


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So what I want to know is, is this study plan convcing enough?
Thank you!!!!

==================================================================================
Dear Visa Officer,
Thank you for taking your time to read this study plan in support of my student permit application.

After completing my Bachelor in Management Sciences from Zhejiang University Of Media and Communications, I started my career as a project manager in an IT company named Kanjian Music in 2013. My role was usually to generate product functions and plan roadmap based on market demands, gradually I found I was more interested in and good at market analysis. I switched my job to an advertising planner in 2014 as my first step move into strategic planning since market analysis is the key part of it, and now I opt for this Global Business Management course in Mohawk College to further deepen and refine my expertise in global business structure and management aiming at to be a strategic planner.

Strategic planning is a process of achieving business goal based on marketing, strategic thinking, data analysis, project managing, finance model building, etc., besides these important skills an eligible strategic planner should fulfill, the ability to see the big picture from an international perspective under this age of globalization is a particularly necessary. I have the right experienced since I live in Shanghai, one of the most international cities in China, and most of my clients are multinational corporations.

My last three years' work experience has improved my analytical, researching and communication skills, as well as my understanding of domestic marketplace, also I become more flexible and adaptable to deal with various problems. But to evolve in this competitive business world and to progress further in my career I have to gain more knowledge and brush up my skills, I want to work on business strategic plans in future, not just on brand promotion. That's why I choose this post graduate certificate in Global Business Management, it will not only keep me informed about the global business structure, but also improve my understanding on strategy implementation, as well as my skills such as strategic thinking, decision making, financial analysis, team management, and communication via courses like Global Business Environment, International marketing, E-commerce, Communicating Across Cultures and Project Management. I believe after this program I will be able to provide an analysis of the existing practices of my clients, help them reform their operations, and support their business by making recommendations for improvements. I am certain that this course would ensure me better employment opportunities and a successful career back at home not only is it something that inspired me, but it is something that I have relevant experience in.

I choose Canada because it is a friendly country with a top-ranking education quality and diverse culture, it would be very rewarding to develop an international network, exchange thoughts with teachers and other students from different nationalities who may be my future influencers and partners. The cost and tuition fees are also more reasonable when compared to other countries own the same great education system. Besides, it has built a highly-developed business system and always attach importance to the international business. For example, EU and Canada signed the Comprehensive Economic and Trade Agreement last month, which will see an increase international business trade volumes between them and as a would-be business student, I would have more practical chances which can upgrade my understanding on global business and foreign economic model; any domestic classes or online courses will not bring me such benefits.

This Global Business Management program in Mohawk college only lasts 16 months, it is perfect for someone like me who has an experience in the job world and wants to upgrade skills in specific specialization, moreover, it covers all important theoretical courses I want to learn, especially Intro To Small Business And Entrepreneurship and Managing The Small Business which are set at Semester 3 and 4, I can refine the major aspects of skills in this two courses, like dealing with people, time management, making business plan, presenting arguments and researching small business market. Besides, considering my age and economic pressure, choosing a short term is a much viable choice.

Furthermore, as one of the largest, most diversified and highly respected colleges in Canada, Mohawk has built a partner business relationship with 15 varied companies in Southern Ontario, so I would have the opportunity to enroll in a local company while studying. I treat practice seriously and I think it is the best way to enhance what I've learned, for example, once I knew how to edit video, I practiced it by working as an intern video editor at my junior year.

After graduated, I'll go back to China to seek my future career. I am more familiar with Chinese market and customers, so I won't have a problem dealing with foreign clients who want to know Chinese marketplace, or domestic clients who need overseas expansion plans, my former planning experience and my business knowledge gained from this theory-practice integration course can create more opportunities to apply my skills to future clients' problems. In addition, I have built my own network here from my previous jobs and social life, so go back to China is more advantageous to my personal and career development.

Therefore, I hope you would kindly give my application a positive consideration.

Yours Sincerely,
XXX

Nov 22, 2016   #2
Cxl, the most important question you should be answering in your appeal letter is this: "Why do you want to study in Canada when you can manage to study either in a China based university or through online classes?" What is the appeal of studying in Canada as far as you are concerned? More importantly, what are the experiences that you hope to bring back to your country immediately after graduation? You are not convincing enough in that aspect.

You speak of your previous work experience and business knowledge towards the end of the letter. What you should be presenting, is the information as to how you plan to go back to China and why it is important that you share this knowledge with the Chinese business community. You should also explain, in a summarized manner, why you first applied to study interior decorating. Since you are presenting an appeal, you should not forget to mention the reason why you were first rejected, why you originally thought of applying to that course and why you decided to change your application slant this time around.

Hi, Holt, thank you for your advice!

About my first rejection, one friend who had work experience on Canada study visa paperwork, he said I'd better not mention it because it's not that necessary and will bring too much information, he suggested I only need to convince visa officer of my study plan.

Also, I'm a little concerned about this letter may has too many words....
Nov 22, 2016   #4
You have to bring up the explanation about your first rejection because your file will be pulled out for additional reference once you submit your documentation for consideration. The visa officer will definitely know about it then. Therefore, you have to consider that the questions regarding your first rejection will come up and you will have to deal with it in the interview (if you get that far). It will be in your best interest to be preemptive at this point so that your preliminary screening will have all of the relevant information and pertinent points for consideration covered. Now, if you feel that you would rather not bring it up and take your chances, then the choice is yours.

It definitely runs too long because you formatted this as an academic application essay instead of a visa application. Basically, you don't need to be so detailed about your desire to study at Mowhawk since that doesn't concern the visa officer. What you have to do, is make sure that your desire to return to your country is just as evident as your desire to study in Canada. Leave the school out of it. If you have a current business existing in China, give the name, location, and form of proprietorship (sole would be best in this case) as part of the evidence that you MUST go back because of the legal existence of your business. Include your documentation for your business in your new application to support your claims.
@Holt
Thank you, I actually hesitated about whether to mention my first rejection or not.

And I don't have any business existing here lol, and i explained how this school and this program will help me to be a better planner in future is to make the officer believe my study purpose.

Thank you again, I will modify it as you suggested.
Nov 22, 2016   #6
Then you should make sure to name the company of your current employer, your current employer's name (or supervisor), and your existing position at the company. Indicate that you will be taking a year off from work, known as a sabbatical, in order to study. This will explain to the visa officer that you are going to be currently employed as a student, but on leave from work. This will also give you the opportunity to be more specific about when your return will be because your employer will expect you to be back at your desk and working one year from the approved date of your leave. All of these employer related information should help because the officer can call the office and confirm your employment and other information. Approval of your leave and confirmation of your return to work date often helps to convince the visa officer that you will be leaving Canada on your own and will not need to be forced to leave.
@Holt
I know your point, and I am currently unemployed, one of the reasons I quit because what I will learn is not that relevant to my previous job status. And of course I hate working at that time lol.

So I shall work on my future plan after I go back to China. Like I would find a job as a strategic planner in a consulting firm, start to work on the whole business plan blahblah.

For me, the only problem is to explain the Interior Decorating thing, crap I really dont know what I was thinking when I was applying for this program.
@Holt
Here is my fist draft explaining about the Interior Decorating program:
At first, I chose to work on offline events planning since I mainly worked on social media promotion, and I need to learn how to plan offline activities because they provide a more direct way for customers to take part in brand campaigns, and they are always the indispensable part of sales promotion, so I applied for Interior Decorating, because this course meets my career goal and my hobby, and it will help me become an event decorator as a start being an offline event planner. For example, I will learn computer drawing and decorating, so I can build and plan a whole online-offline event from the outline drawing, stage decorating, activities planning to social media promotion all by myself.

Unfortunately, my study permit was refused. After a long time thinking and researching, I decided to lose no time and choose Global Business Management with my strong learning desire and my career goal. The reasons as followed blahblahblah
Nov 22, 2016   #9
Your main problem here will be that there was no change in your circumstances since the last time you applied. You are still unemployed and hence, a risk of becoming an illegal resident in Canada when the time comes. These embassies and consuls are weary of unemployed people using student visas to get into their country and then becoming illegal aliens. You need to provide something solid in terms of employment, assets, and finances in order to prove that you will go back to China.

Talking solely about the school and your educational plans will not convince them that you will go back to China. You see, it isn't just the intention to go back that you need to prove, it is that you need to prove ties to your country which will compel you to go back to China after. Explaining all about your previous rejection, your current plans, and promise to return to China need to be supported by actual solid evidence of ties to your country. That is what you should be presenting in your essay at this point. The visa officer is not as concerned with the reasons for you desire to study in Canada as he is with the possibility that you may not go back to China after because of lack ties to your home country.

By proving ties, such as owning property, having a bank account, and other assets, presented in your essay along with your desire to study in Canada, you can prove that you will be going back home immediately after graduating. Like I said, the visa officer is not the university reviewer so he doesn't care so much for your academics. If you have been admitted to the university already, then mention that you have been accepted and imply that the university itself will make sure that you leave the country at the appropriate time.
@Holt
I think the most convincing evidence is my family tie in China.
I drafted another reason about why I will go back to China, please give me some advice:
Another important reason is I want to take care of my mom. My biological father died of a car accident when I was five, my mom supported the whole family by herself until she was married to my step-father. She has already done so much for me and still supports me to study overseas to see the world, I really love her and appreciate her. This program will also lead me to a higher career level and salary, I shall make my mom feel pride and I will make more money to support her with my filial piety.
Nov 22, 2016   #11
Great start! This is the kind of information that may help push your application forward. Consider highlighting this in your essay by placing it in the topmost paragraph. Discuss how you hope to study abroad, in this new field specifically because your family needs you to come back and start a better life for them. Then concentrate a specific paragraph regarding your mother's illness and that you will only take time off from caring for her because you wish to fulfill her dream of achieving higher studies while she still lives. Explain that your siblings will also be relying on your return to help care for your mother and defray her treatment and medical expenses. From that point, you can create a logical path towards the career that you have chosen and why. BTW, don't mention anything about looking for work, even if it is part time or part of the curriculum. It makes the letter sound like working in the country is one of the main reasons you want to study in Canada. If it is part of the course opportunities, let them find out about it later on. Let's see if we can make this letter focus on a heartwarming backstory instead of calling attention to your lack of significant ties to China.
@Holt
Thank you for your encouragement but dude...my mom isn't ill okay? I just want to do my duty, and I really don't want to leave her as her only biological child. Yeah I do have a step brother, he is also pursuing his career in Shanghai now.

Okay then, heartwarming mode on.
@Holt
Hi, I didn't mention my family in the topmost paragraph because my family is not that bad and I also don't want visa officer thinking like :"okay you're not rich and you still want to spend a lot of money for an uncertain future?"

And I add some financial state to prove I won't be an illegal worker.
But I'm still not sure if I explain my rejection well
please give me some suggestions!!!
=============================================
Dear Visa Officer,
Thank you for taking your time to read this letter in support of my student permit application.

Aiming at refining my expertise in global business management, gaining ...
@Holt
pardon my tons of grammar mistakes. Plz help!

Dear Visa Officer,
Thank you for taking your time to read this letter in support of my student permit application.

First of all, let me clarify the factor your concerned about "purpose of visit" followed by my last rejection. Since I learned re-enrolling in college is a great way to ...
Nov 23, 2016   #15
CXL in order to better focus your essay, you should merge the first and second paragraphs. The reason for your rejection and the reason why you changed your educational focus can actually be presented in one paragraph. The format would become:

First of all, let me clarify the factor ... Interior Decorating program was one of my choices. After consulting with my seniors and checking program outcome thoroughly

You can also delete the whole paragraph that starts with:
Since this program is about global business, study overseas and enroll in...
This is not really relevant to the discussion and doesn't really add to the necessary information the visa officer needs.

You should instead, bring up the letter of acceptance to the place of the previously mentioned paragraph. That way it directly ties into the fact that you will be going home as soon as you graduate.

Would you mind reformatting the essay in this manner so that we can see if it flows better and sounds more believable if the visa officer should decide to read your letter?
@Holt
Your suggestions are very helpful!
But I don't understand why bring up the financial proof to the place of the deleted paragraph??
And why deleted the reason I want to learn Interior Decorating???
So I actually don't have to make examples to support my "argument"?

I mean, you can see my writing thought is: explain rejection - > why I change my program - > what will benefit from it -> why I have to study abroad -> why canada -> why this school -> go back home reason -> financial proof

I don't mind reformatting the letter at all BTW.
Nov 23, 2016   #17
In order to understand why you have to do the editing in the first half of the essay, we need to address the fact that it was a failed application attempt on your part. So, we have to mention it, because it will come up when your files are checked. However, by glossing over it and saying that you considered other options due to the advice of friends, family, and co-workers, you acknowledge that you were mistaken when you applied for a visa using that course as your reason for study. You don't need to explain why you wanted to study interior design because the reason if insignificant in this essay. So you just mention it, acknowledge the mistake, then move on. That way the visa officer knows you have carefully considered your options up to this point. You don't need to offer a detailed explanation of the rejection because your file will tell him everything he needs to know about. Quite possibly, he will know some things about your rejection that even you are not privy to. So all you have to do is offer a simple mention and then offer evidence that you are seeking more relevant career opportunities at this point. I suggest that you try the revision then read your essay. I am going to hope that you see the improvement in the argument that I saw when I reformatted your essay in Word.
@Holt
I know your meaning and I think you're right.
I made a little change based on your advice:

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Dear Visa Officer,
Thank you for taking your time to read this letter in support of my student permit application.

First of all, let me clarify the factor you're concerned about - "purpose of visit". Re-enrolling in an overseas college is a great way to improve my knowledge, and enhance marketability in a competitive job market, and Interior Decorating program was one of my choices. After consulting with my seniors and checking program outcomes, I am convinced that it would a thoughtful choice to start a higher career level when I go back to China than changing to a new area. So I intend to study Global Business Management post graduate certificate program in Mohawk College, which is also my another major option.

I have worked in different positions, as a product manager and an advertising planner, and every position has worked to equip me with the right knowledge and experience in the planning field, such as marketing study, analytical, researching and communication skills. This program will be more of a refresher course for me, it will enhance my abilities on global business analysis, heighten my understanding of global marketplace and ability to see the big picture from an international perspective, which are the key skills a would-be strategic planner should fulfill under this age of globalization. I have personally experienced it since I live in Shanghai, one of the most international cities and the fastest growing economies in China, so I could feel increasing demands for versatile business talents here, and I want to be of value to future clients as well as the Chinese business community.

I want to study in Canada because it is a friendly country with a top-ranking education quality and diverse culture, it has built a highly-developed business system and always attach importance to the international business, like EU and Canada just signed the Comprehensive Economic and Trade Agreement last month. Besides, the cost and tuition fees are also more reasonable when compared to other countries own the same great education system.

This program in Mohawk college only lasts 16 months, the length is appropriate for working professionals like me re-enrolling in school to upgrade skills in specific specialization within a short time. Furthermore, it is a theory-practice integrated course so I can exercise my presentation skills and practical abilities through simulation cases, like "Managing The Small Business". Furthermore, Mohawk has built a partner business relationship with 15 varied companies in Southern Ontario, which also means the business school has a great reputation and excellent education quality. I am certain that this course would ensure me better employment opportunities and a successful career back at home not only it is something that inspired me, but something that I have relevant experience in.

According to the Letter of Acceptance, all 16 months' fees including living expenses are approximate $48,000, with the attached documents you can see I've already paid my first semester tuition, also I've opened an $10,000 GIC account, and a bank certificate with enough money to support me to finish my academic program.

I'll go back to China immediately after graduation, I want to take care of my parents since they're getting older, especially my mom. My biological father died in a car accident when I was five, my mother shouldered the burdens of the family all by herself until she was married to my step-father, she is a great woman and has already done so much for me, I really love her and want to make her happier. I'm confident that this program will bring me a pathway to a higher level in a bigger firm, I will earn more money to start a better life for us. And I'll be a strategic planner working on business plans in a consulting firm, I am more familiar with Chinese market and customers, and my former experience and my global business knowledge would help me to apply my skills to future clients' problems. I won't have a problem dealing with foreign clients who want to know Chinese marketplace or domestic clients who need overseas expansion plans.

Therefore, I hope you would kindly give my application a positive consideration.

Yours Sincerely,
XXX
Nov 24, 2016   #19
Your opening statement is a bit confusing to the reader. What exactly are you trying to say here? The message of the opening statement should be short and blunt. Something along these lines:

When I first applied for a student visa to study Interior Design in Canada, I thought that I was following the right path of higher education because I was interested in shifting my career to this field. My subsequent visa denial and consultations with friends and family members, along with co-workers have shown me that I was mistaken in my assumption regarding re-education at this point in my life and my career. That is why I have decided to instead, pursue higher studies in the more career relevant Global Business Management, which is the logical progression for my current career path and will allow me to pursue a more fulfilling and lucrative career once I return to China. I made that decision based upon considerations I will be presenting below. I ask that you keep an open mind about the information I am presenting.

That is all that you have to point out in your opening statement. You deliver solid explanations regarding your visa rejection, change of study path, and request for reconsideration. All in one paragraph. Short, concise, and coherent.

Now, the rest of the essay really works, except, you hit another snag when it comes to your conclusion presentation. I suggest that you consider saying something along these lines in order to improve the presentation and content:

Due to my professional obligations and the fact that I do not have any family members living in Canada, I believe that I am an excellent candidate for graduate studies in your country. My country has a strong desire to improve itself through the education of its citizens. I am looking forward to returning to my country in order to share what I have learned and also, begin my work as a strategic planner at one of China's biggest consulting firms. I actually look forward to dealing with Canadians, in particular, who wish to enter the Chinese market place as well Chinese looking to expand their overseas business expansion plans.

Upon reviewing your current version, I felt that the story about your mother and your family was not compelling enough to use as part of your supporting evidence in the visa. So I tried to come up with a statement for you that could help your application end on a stronger and more professional tone. I suggest that you consider using the opening and statements that I developed for your use. I won't mind having you do so. The revision will allow you to finally have a usable application letter.

Good luck with your application!


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