I wrote a rather lengthy readmission letter as a draft so far. It IS LENGTHY, so if you just want to read a few of the first paragraphs
and then comment about them, please do!
*** I'm mostly concerned with readability, wordiness, and ease of understandability! Any help at all is totally welcome, thanks!
- I DID follow the structuring of a few readmission essays out there..that's because I really had no idea where to start and how I wanted the essay to flow at first.
- Reading a few other readmission essays that were already revised a ton and edited to perfection really helped. So PLEASE do not say "this is a copy" or that I plagarized.
- Again, thank you for even just reading this and saying whether it was readable and easy to understand or not!
Here is the prompt:
Write a statement of explaining why you feel you would be successful upon your return to UCSC.
and,
Here is the draft:
To Whom This May Concern:
It was this past Spring Quarter of 2012 that caused me to become Subject to
Disqualification for the second time, and I am writing this letter as part of the
readmission process in order to explain what will be done differently this time
around and why I feel that I am ready to seriously finish pursuing a bachelor degree
in Business Management Economics B.A. at U.C. Santa Cruz.
I had already declared my major to be B.M.E. prior to this past Spring quarter,
but I did not really have the clarity in mind of which classes I should take and
what is really an acceptable workload for me personally in any one quarter. I
had previously always taken General Education classes to be a joke because many
students often are forced to enroll in G.E.'s in order to satisfy a requirement even
though they may have zero interest in the class. I took to that mentality and that
resulted in me subconsciously neglecting the severity of important steps such as
listening to each music file uploaded by my professor for what should have been
a much lengthier time in order for me to fully be ready in the course. Hearing
about the study habits of others, I never fully accepted the one unit to three hours
of studying ratio recommended by the school. With the help of my parents, I
experienced and saw for myself how 5 to 8 hours poured into studying just one
subject, scrutinizing every topic, at the library and not in my apartment is how the
absolute bare minimum of my time should be spent. Fully realizing the weight
of any class this way by adding more time spent with coursework and also any
applicable MSI sections will certainly keep my grades from waning ever again.
I do not dare scapegoat my apartment's roommates to be the sole reason
contributing to the downfall of my academic standing, but at least I now understand
myself well enough after renting with two other people who are seemingly content
with varying balances of extremely social quarters and getting by with classes,
witnessing their extensive cramming nights prior to an exam, to know that I can
no longer allow myself to abide their attitude and conduct while living under the
same roof and still successfully segregate our differing standards towards academia
in such a way that my current situation with poor academic standing would
significantly improve.
Another part of my spring quarter that severely impacted my time management
was my aspiration and eagerness to involve myself with extra-curricular activities,
something I haven't done since junior high, and I know now that this isn't a feat
which I can simply rise up without many challenges. As much as I would love to be
involved with multiple organizations and focus on a "bigger picture" instead of just
school, I am fully aware now that the remaining time of eligibility that I have is more
precious than any side project, work, or organization's altruistic efforts given my
circumstances. Sticking with my renewed, effective study habits, time management
skills, and sleep habits, I am dedicated and eager to prove to myself and the
University that I am doing all I can now to finish my major's course requirements
in a grueling but not self-deceiving manner that will once more bring myself into
academic difficulty.
My shift in attitude and mentality is what I know will give myself the edge to come
back to the classroom as a different person who is confident yet prepared for the
challenges that all upper-division B.M.E., since those are the classes that I have yet
to finish, bring and sensibly enroll in courses that both my department counselor
and I believe I will be successful in. Meeting with advisors already over the course
of Summer 2012 has already given me a renewed sense of purpose towards my
goal of achieving a bachelor degree in the Economics department because I've been
duly reminded again that what is better for me right now is to not mull over my past
failures and mistakes but to fully realize them, learn from them, and see to it that I
do not repeat my past.
I seriously wish to find myself in a position comfortably speaking with a
representative from any prospective firms such as Deloitte, KPMG, PwC, and Ernst
& Young even with an unfavorable academic track record while knowing that I have
given my best, which now is and should be apparent also to others is better than
before, in these major-related classes that I must have completed upon graduation.
I plan to make use of every summer session from here on out, and therefore
balancing my coursework throughout the regular academic year, not fooling myself
into thinking that I can suddenly take on more than before, but to be more efficient
with the time I have remaining at U.C. Santa Cruz.
I expect a lengthy academic career to be ahead of me, and I sincerely believe that
I am better prepared for it from this point on. It is my biggest hope to show to
everyone with the end result of my summer class I am currently enrolled in that I
am already prepared to further undertake coursework from the University sooner
than Winter quarter 2013. Honestly, it will be very disappointing if it is found to
be not enough to have taken this summer class and received high marks, but the
fault certainly goes to no one but myself for being in this situation already. Time
away from University would be spent setting into stone all of the better study
methods and habits that I have formed over summer which will ensure success in
the classroom for me.
I wish once again to return to U.C. Santa Cruz to not only prove to myself but to my
school as well that I am more than ready to earn a degree here and continue to be
successful even after graduation. I am ecstatic about the rest of my stay at U.C. Santa
Cruz, and about what the future holds for me past graduation. If I am permitted
to immediately return to the University, I will at once do everything in my power
to excel as a student and prove day in and day out that I am worthy of this second
chance offered to me. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to express myself.
Shinwera,
First off, very strong opening with your admission of disqualification and declaring right off that you are now well prepared to move forward and your previous obstacles will not phase you. I do believe each paragraph should have smoother transitions (i.e; Representing time: afterward, at last, immediately, subsequently... Representing similarity: likewise, also, just as, similarly... Representing contrast: however, in spite of, nonetheless... Representing cause and effect: according, consequently, hence, therefore...) Very good job with including past mistakes and what your not going to continue doing, however, I feel it would be to your benefit to include what you are going to do not to make these mistakes again, and instead show eagerness of growth and potential within a learning environment. In the end, it would also be beneficial to include why returning will not only benefit you, but your school as well (with having an ambitious student among your peers and what not-).
