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Write a letter to the students in your school.


Hafsa257 7 / 21  
May 1, 2020   #1

join the After School Sports Club



Write a letter a letter to the students in your school, encouraging them to join the After School Sports Club. Start your letter with 'Dear Students'. Your letter should be about 150-200 words long.

Essay:-

Dear Students,

The After School Sports Club is holding a new registration ceremony. The club will be held in the new school building from 2:30 pm to 5:30 pm respectively.

The club consists of different sports all fun and interesting both for girls and boys. For boys, there is swimming, football, baseball, hockey, etc. For girls, there is dodgeball, volleyball, basketball, badminton, etc. There will be one to one battle games and boys vs girls combat battles.

You will enjoy being part of this club because it is all free and this is the best way to spend your free time. There is no stress because the After School Sports Club will take it all away so that you can enjoy every single minute. There will be no limitations, except for the time limit, which you already know.

If you are interested visit the student council's room to fill a form.
For more information; visit our club's office in the old school building, 2nd floor, Hallway-3, Room No-4.

Best Regards,
Hafsa Javed,
1st April, 2020.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,767 4770  
May 2, 2020   #2
Are you sure that you gave the complete instructions for the writing of this essay? You cannot give the wrong or incomplete instructions and then imply that my advise is incorrect. If you do not give the complete and correct instructions, do not expect to get proper, usable, and valid advise from any user here, not just from a contributor.

Remember, the advice you get is only as good as the instructions and work you provide. So do not tell me that you did not include something in your instructions, I will not advise you again if you continue to give incomplete instructions that make me look incompetent as an adviser when it the student's inability to provide the complete instructions that caused the error in advice. I require complete and valid instructions along with your essay. Otherwise, do not complain about the advice that you will be receiving from me.

You did not include the discussion points as included in the instructions for this essay so do not say that you forgot to give the information or "I did not include it but..." you do not have any excuse for not giving the complete information in relation to the review of your essay, or when you review any other student's essay. You cannot expect to receive correct and useful advice when you are not providing the complete requirements for the review of your work.

Use a hyphen when writing the name of the club: After-School Sports Club

Your grammar is incorrect:

The club meeting will be held...

The club consists of different sports, all fun...

Since you are referring to a series of sports activities, the plural reference point "are" instead of the singular "is" should be used. Do not use "etc." when writing a formal letter enticing people to join the club. That word means "and so on and so forth", used only in creative or draft writing.

There is no "respectively" in this sentence. You only gave one time meeting duration for the club meeting (2:30 to 5:30 pm) In this presentation, "respectively" indicates 2 different meeting times for the same club. You only provided one meeting time.

Use a connecting word:

... being A part of this club

You advised a student here to learn how to use commas but you failed to do that in this essay. Aside from citations, commas are used to place a pause before the chang of connected ideas in a sentence presentation.

... because it is all free, and this is ...

... will take it all away , so that you can ...

You cannot say there is no limitations but there is a time limit. Do not refer to that in the letter because it is clear that there is a time limitation on the activity based on the meeting time. You will confuse the reader.


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